Need to Step up Potty Training but Have No Support

I agree with hubby and MIL - she's not quite ready yet. Give it a month or two and try again. Also, do try the Miralax if she starts holding her poop.

I think this is a perfect time! I potty-trained my 2 boys at 2y9m--and they both very quickly--1 day for my oldest and 2 days for my middle. My youngest will be 3 in July and I plan to start with him in March. Good Luck!!

Why does your opinion outweigh your husband's? MIL doesn't get a vote in my opinion... Why are you insisting on turning potty training into a battle? There's NOTHING to be gained by engaging a 2yo in this battle, she will win, and you will likely end up paying for medical care for an impaction. This will be MUCH less stressful with a willing participant, back off completely for a couple months, try again, repeat... and by try again, I mean no more than a day if she's resistant.

Oh, ES, you're going to have one unhappy household if you keep this up.

You are in charge of your daughter's clothes and baths and bedtime. Your daughter is in charge of her bowels and her bladder. You can lay down the law all you want, but what you will get is more constipation, wetting her pants over the long run, and not a very good relationship between the two of you.

If you hadn't said that she was going to be 3 in March, I would have thought you were freaking out over an almost 4 year old. She is still young. Many kids don't potty train until they are 3 (especially boys). Your family members know what they are talking about when they say that she will train when she is ready.

You know, only real problem children go on to kindergarten peeing and pooping in their pants. She controls SO LITTLE in her life that you should give her the control where her toileting is concerned. If you don't, she will just fight you over it.

Dawn

Preventing constipation definitely takes presidence over getting her to poop in the toilet. If her feces are OK when she poops in her diaper then I'd focus on making her comfortable with pooping in the toilet.

Many kids this age are upset by seeing their poop in the toilet. It feels like they're losing part of themselves. Find a book about pooping or make up your own story. Talk with her about how the poop isn't hers. Explain what it is (unused and unneeded food) and why it's important to get rid of it.

First talk with the other caretakers about how you are sympathetic to this issue. Admit that it's not healthy for her to with hold and become constipated. Then formulate a plan together on how to help her be more comfortable.

Perhaps take her to the doctor who can also have this talk with her and who may have more suggestions on how to handle this.

Potty training has to be relaxed. Laying down the law with the others will cause your daughter to also be tense. Tension always hinders potty training. Find a way to work on this that is acceptable to all involved.

At her age, her body may not be mature enough to handle pooping "on demand." I, too, suggest that you let it go for a month or two before trying again. If training has been a topic of conversation all along, back off for awhile and start out totally fresh.

My grandson had constipation difficulties and saw his pediatrician for it. S.H. is right. If you force her to continue to poop when she's not ready, both physically and emotionally, you will create a serious medical issue.

When my daughter was a Toddler we had to take her to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. Because, even though we did not force or push her or nag her about pottying, she was NOT ready for pooping in a toilet and had, stress/anxiety about even thinking about it. HENCE, she had constipation problems.

PER THE Specialist:
Kids this age, get constipated... when learning how to potty. Because, they are not ready. Once a child DOES get constipated... it can EASILY turn into a vicious cycle... and it is by then, a 2-pronged problem: it becomes a medical AND emotion based problem. Because- Constipation causes PAIN and internal blockage and hardness of their poop. Then because it causes pain internally and when it comes out, they "withhold" their poop and do not poop. Hence constipation ensues. And constipation is HARD to undo. In the worst cases, Constipation causes medical problems such as: Encopresis. And THIS is hard, to undo.

So, per the Specialist we saw, and he sees these problems every day in Toddlers, he said: when a child is ready to potty and poop in a toilet, they will. Let them use a diaper to poop, for now. Because, once they get medical problems and emotion based problems and battles about it... that is more harmful. Overall.

Again, we did not push our daughter about pooping in a toilet. But she was already peeing in a toilet. But pooping, was more stressful for her. Hence, she got Constipation.
And we then had to use, prescription based things for her PER the Doctor and other remedies, and it took about THREE months, for her body to normalize... AND for her emotions/stress/anxiety about it, to lessen. AND for the constipation to normalize.

Your Husband and MIL are right.

Your daughter is young, to have all of this fully mastered.
Then, there is night-time dryness. Night time dryness does not occur until even 7 years old, and this is normal.
Night time and daytime pottying, are 2 entirely different things, and according to different timelines. And, per night time, is has to do with the child's physiological development of their brain/bladder/myelin sheath development and nerves.

Constipation in a child, can be a very serious thing. It causes a host of internal problems. Medical problems. And a Doctor should be seen.

Is there a reason she has to be potty-trained right now? While on most things, I agree with "you're the parent, take control," potty training isn't one of them. Your job is to be ready when they are.

My son practically trained himself about 2 months after he turned 3. It was one of the things I had dreaded but turned out to be SO easy because it was on his schedule. He wanted to...and did! All I had to do was buy the undies and keep him company the first few times.

Please don't make this a big issue between you and your daughter or you and your husband. The time will come!

Your sister is dippy. Relax. Your daughter isn't quite ready, especially if she's constipated. You can't train around constipation. Let her go in sleep pants. Talk to your pediatrician about it to make sure you're on the right track with getting rid of the constipation.

My son didn't fully potty train till he was a bit older than 3. He learned at daycare, gradually over a month. Practiced pulling pants up and down with the pull ups. Then switched to undies when he had that under control. Seeing the other kids taking care of business and wearing real underwear helped. Let her follow you to the bathroom if you dont already.

Don't let your sister make the rest of you uncomfortable. It's your daughter's body so don't try to push some arbitrary timetable on her because YOU want it. I could be wrong, but at 2, your sister's kid probably couldn't go to the bathroom by herself. MOM was trained to help her kid - the kid may have known when to go, but she wasn't completely trained.

ADD: "window of opportunity" cracks me up - like if you don't train by "x" age, your kid will wear diapers in college - feel free to use that next time sis gets on her high horse.

I took a very laid back approach to it.
I let day care take the lead.
Once they turned 3, they'd take the whole class to use the potty every hour.
They had these tiny child sized toilets and the kids weren't afraid of them at all.
And since the whole class went, it was just what everyone else was doing.
After they did this for a few months, my son came home and showed me what he could do!
I began following up on weekends, and he was trained by 3 1/2.
We had no arguments, no constipation, no crying fits, he never ran and hid.
He had only a few accidents.
We just never had any power struggle over this.
And that was perfect for us.

I haven't read other responses, but I think that whole "window of opportunity" is a crock...ALL kids get potty trained eventually! My daughter was very stubborn and wouldn't do pee on the potty until she was 3 years 8 months - and it took me just tossing the diapers out, sticking her in underpants and making her figure it out! This was after the sticker charts, the rewards, etc. that had no impact on her at all. But then she pee-trained in 2 days and that was it!

Poop took a little longer, mostly because she would get scared, she would get constipated, and then it would hurt and she would get even more scared. Took some time to get her straightened out, with some set-backs here and there, but when she was 4.5, it was better, and now that she's almost 5.5, and in kindergarten, she's perfect - goes on her own, wipes herself, no help from anyone needed.

I am with your hubby and MIL - don't set her up where she might get constipated and even more afraid of pooping on the potty. That could set you back further than just letting her feel more ready.

You all need to be on the same page. Your daughter sounds like she is trying to control her poop, because she feels out of control with regards to potty training.

When she was little did you decide one weekend that it was time for her to walk? That you would be positive with her.... and she would walk? And you're going to tell the other caregivers not to hold her hand or let her push her walker around. Because YOU are ready for her to walk?
If she isn't ready to walk, then what she will do is fall. She will fall until she is ready to walk.

Potty training is like walking. Except there is also a mental component to potty training.

My daughter potty trained herself in a weekend, when she was about 2.5, because SHE was ready. I did virtually NOTHING except explain to her very clearly what was required for her to have the same princess underwear worn by Gabby at day care. I told her to let me know when she was ready to move to princess undies and we would get princess undies.

There are a couple ways to potty train. I would do what works for your daughter. Not what works for you. or your husband. Or his mother.

Funny but true story. My son was 3 when he was completely potty trained by his 9 year old cousin in one week between Christmas and New Year's Day. We never used a potty but straight on the toilet. My son was being watched by my sister who had 5 kids of her own at the time and was also watching my son and three more neighbor kids. My 9 year old neice was in charge of my son and had to change him if he had an accident or didn't go to the bathroom.

As for your little one and the constipation, I would slip her some Miralax to loosen her stool so she can't hold it and the rest will be history. Especially those days when MIL is watching her. Potty training isn't optional but mandatory.

Honestly it just seems traumatic to the little ones but in actuality no one really remembers the drama of potty training and we all have to use the toilet at some point.

My son was the oldest of the first six kids with the potty training. the other kids were using the toilet fully by age 2 both the boys and the girls. My son was such a tough customer and it was rough getting the consistancy in routine.

I know that diapers and expensive and gross, but I honestly have to agree with the other moms! You do not want to go down the road of constipation, it is a vicious cycle! I know kids that had to be/are still on Miralax for years, and although it's not harmful, it's a pain in the butt! (pun intended! ;)

Potty training is sort of one of those hot topics. I feel as mothers we are mostly lumped into two categories...those who say wait and don't stress and those who say they can absolutely be trained by 2 and go for it. Hmmm, well I think both schools of though are/can be correct, but it's my opinion that you should travel the road of least resistance.

I think you should wait until she's 3 or at least much, much, closer to 3. I think this b/c mostly it's my opinion that it's easier on everyone involved because they are more physically ready. Yes, kids develop at all ages and some kids are ready earlier, but by age 3 all (save developmentally disabled and possibly a few other exceptions) kids are physically ready to start training. But, I also think that b/c if you are already feuding with your husband and your caregiver over this it is only going to make it harder on everyone, including your daughter who will be sent mixed messages.

As far as your opinion mattering more than your husband's...well, listen if you spend the majority of time with her day in and day out, I do think that counts for something. I don't mean his opinion doesn't matter, but if you're the one doing the bulk of the work, then well, I guess it's on you, but in your case it seems that isn't the case. You have at least your MIL involved 2X/week and presumably your husband is involved on at least the weekends, so that only leaves 3 days that she is potentially totally under your control...that isn't enough to make it work.

I know you're ready, but if everyone else isn't on board, I suggest waiting at least little longer. Good luck.

My son has always had serious difficulty with his bowel movements. When we were potty training, I would put a diaper on him to poop, because I didn't want to increase his anxiety about it when it was already so difficult for him. He wore underwear all the time, but would start crying when he needed to poop. After a few weeks of this, he randomly pooped on the potty once, and has been doing it ever since. I think not pushing him gave him the freedom to do it at his own pace. The friends I consulted during this time all said, "No one ever went to college still wearing a diaper."

They are right...when she is ready she will be ready. My daughter was well over 3 when she was ready. My son's were ready just befroe 3. I had fun with training. When I thought they might be ready, I had them take either a doll or a teddy and train them on the potty. After a day or so of training them we usually had a party, cake, ice cream, made a huge deal of it. They loved it so much they wanted a party for pooping on the potty too! I made sure I made a deal of it every time a poopy or pp on the potty after that for a little while. Not cake everytime but clappijng and a treat, spending extra time to praise them never hurt anyone. It worked like a charm for me.

I can tell you now that it won't matter if you lay down the law to the caregivers or not. If your daughter doesn't want to do this NO ONE is going to be doing this with her.

I suggest you wait until warmer weather. I don't know why but when starting potty training during the cold months it is never successful. All my 13+ years in child care we always waiting until it was warmer and the kids would almost train themselves.

Ok I know you have filled in the "what happened" already but I had a few suggestions.. first all these women have great advice... and once she is having a BM again you could try getting her a potty watch... set the time in which you want her to go potty and when its time the watch will say "its time to go potty!" You can possibly find these at Once upon a child and Babies r us... also my daughter was scared of the potty at first... so we got her this book and it had a button on it thw made a flushing sound and everytime the word flush came up wed push the button.. she loved that. And when it came to pooping she was uncomfortable with doing it in the potty. We tried everything until someone else her on mamapedia told me thst she told her son a story about his poop through the pipes after the flush.. I tried that and literally she's been pooping ever since.. hah I know weird but it worked.. now I would love to say she's fully potty trained but she does have to wear pull ups at night because she absolutely cannot wake herself up to go.. she sleeps so hard but I know in time she will get it :)

I would introduce the potty, encourage her to use it, but not be too upset if at not yet 3 she's not trained. You can read stories, talk to her about other kid's potties, etc. Get her used to the idea, but not make it a power struggle. My DD really got the hang of it at 3.5 - later than some but not as late as others. Once she got it, she was trained quickly. I would revisit the idea after 3 yrs old and then tell DH and MIL that you are going full panties and scrub the floors and see how it goes. Ask them to encourage her to do this because she's capable (if you really think she's there) and that it will be a big step for her. I was the one that took the bull by the horns (or preschooler by the potty) because I'm with her the most. Everyone else fell in with me, though DH wasn't a hard sell b/c he didn't want her to not be able to attend preschool (had to be trained).

Good luck on all fronts.