Need Some Advise

Updated on April 17, 2008
M.B. asks from Yonkers, NY
17 answers

I can't get my three-year-old son potty trained. He just turned three in March. I have tried everything and I can't get him to use the potty. So I’m asking for new ideas

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So What Happened?

thanks for all the advise. i'll keep you up dated right now we are taking a break. he a little sick so i'm not trying to stress him out right now. Once again thanks

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D.

answers from New York on

This worked for me and a couple other mom's I know. Let him run around bottomless. No pants no diaper no pull-up. That is how he finally got it. Also give him "targets" in the potty. Let him stand up and "take aim" at a piece of TP or cheerio's (they should really advertise that on the box). It makes it more fun.

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C.C.

answers from Albany on

Hi, my grandson was about 3 - 3 1/2 and he wouldn't use the potty either. One day my dughter ran out of papmers and told him she just didn't have any more. She actually had to prove to him that she didn't have any in the diaper bag. So with that he used the bathroom, and she never bought anymore. He has never so much as wet the bed from that day forward. So maybe if he thinks you don't have any diapers, he'll just use the bathroom.

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K.S.

answers from Utica on

Hi M.,
I used a fisher price potty that can sit alone on the floor. My guys could use it without any help from me this way. I put it where they play. Tell Ethan that if he can make pee or poop in the potty he will get a reward...I used m7ms for pee and a small lego or other cheap toy as the poop prize. Thisnk what will motivate him? How can you reward his big boy behavior. He may be afraid of the regular tolite.
My husband also showed them how to stand and go. It wa not a stresser anymore it was a game to be rewarded. You win when you decide to go. Put him in charge and stop focusing on it...you will see the magic happen.
K.

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M.K.

answers from New York on

Hi M.,

I have 3 boys, and they are much more difficult than girls,
i suggest just take off the diaper,
NO pull ups,
NO diaper.
Buy some rubber pants,at walmart 3 for 3 dollars, and
some thick training underwear for 10 bucks,
Rubber pants first then the underwear on top.

stay home all day, and when he pees he will try and take off the pee pants, which is a good sign,
When he does that make him sit on the potty for a few minutes and tell him to pee, and push out the poo, ( nothing might come out,or maybe a dribble) make him wash him hands.
And put on some new rubber pants, and underwear.

Again repeat the steps,

the next day, as soon as he wakes up, take off his diaper.
and put him on the potty, put NO bottoms on him no underwear and no rubber pants.
make your breakfast and coffee,
and offer him a sip of coffee, ( cream and plenty of sugar)
Let him stay naked.from the bottom down

feed him and set the timer on the microwave for 2o minutes
show him and tell him when it beeps its time to go potty,
and when you hear it beep, you RACE to the potty, like a couple of mad men, giggling, sit him really fast on the potty, like your in a hurry, and say C'MON baby, push out that pee pee, and make grunting sounds, like your pushing out a poo, and PSSSSSS like a pee. wait a minute or 2 and don't look him in the eyes, if he pees ( GO CRAZY) and then tell him where is the poo? Ask him to push it out, run the water in the sink on low, and sit there,read him a story, offer him some chocolate, play cars, sing songs, itsy bitsy spider, where is thumbkin, here is the church here is the steepol open the doors and see all the people, the wheels on the bus,
if you have a portable dvd PLAYER, OR A GAME BOYS OR PSP.

all THE WHILE OFFERING SIPS OF COFFEE,
TO MAKE THE POO COME.its a stimulant.

I know most moms don't like giving coffee to kids, but I drink coffee everyday, and my kids always want a taste, I usually don't so when its offered they are happy to sip it,
and they already KNOW its for big people, and since they are trying to uses the potty like big boys, it helps,

Eventually he will go,
and you get all excited and everything,( NOTE THE TIME)

Then put his under pants on him, ( no rubber pants,)
and set the timer for every 45 minutes,
And make him pee on the potty,

the rubber pants are for the mornings before poo
and if you go out some where,

it works best wehen they wet themselves, because they don't like it and will remove their pants, and tell you,

NOTE THE TIME, and this will help you plan better as to when to put him on the potty,

POO in my family is the hardest,
( My 3.5 year old doesn't like to poo, but will pee.we still have accidents tho, but usually its if i am distracted,)

POO I am working on, but he is stubborn and holds it in, he is also a poor eater, and doesn't like coffee, prune juice,Aloe juice raisins, or oatmeal.

Some kids are great with poo, and not so great with pee.

We watch the potty video every few days,

And we are now at the point where we can go out without a diaper. I just make sure to pee when we leave the house, and pee as soon as we get to where we are going, and again when we leave.

The last thing now for us is the POO, LOL

My oldest was trained very easily, his granny told me to let him run naked in the yard, in the summer, and that was that,
he learned to shoot his pee, on trees. and poo like clock work in the morning. because he knew after he POO'd he could play outside. But he was also a good eater.

I hope this helps you, Good luck

M

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J.C.

answers from Syracuse on

Hi M.,
My three year old was very stubborn about using the potty too. This sounds crazy but this is what I did and it worked! When I was home during a vacation, I put a long T-shirt on her and no panties. It was warm and we stayed inside. She would not wet herself without her pull-up or panties on and eventually told me she needed to use the bathroom. It only took a few days for her to figure out what she had to do!!
Good luck!!
J.

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J.A.

answers from New York on

When I potty-trained my daughter, I found that I could not go back and forth between pull-ups & underwear. I literally had to stick it out with accidents for about 3 or 4 days. I used pull-ups at night only and called them night-time underwear. By day 5, I felt confident to leave the house. Day 1 & 2 were the worst of all. What worked for her was a big sticker chart. Because it is very visual, after putting on a couple of stickers, she looked forward to putting on more. By week 2, the chart was "old news" and she didn't need it. My daughter was just turning 3 yrs. during training and my friend trained her son at the exact same time (exact same age) and both kids trained equally as fast.

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J.M.

answers from Albany on

Our doctor said potty training is not a developmental milestone. Kids learn to go on the potty in time. He has seen more problems with kids that were forced to potty train too early rather than when they are ready.

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J.H.

answers from Syracuse on

Hi M.,
I'd leave your son alone. When he's ready, he'll do it.
Pushing isn't a good idea, IMO. I was so concerened about my son and he trained quicker than my daughter, but later than her. I also bought a "Peter Potty" on a friend's recommendation...it was awesome...it's a small plastic urinal they can stand and pee in ("just like daddy"!), much easier for boys to pee in, rather than sitting down on a potty and pushing "it" down. Look into one, it's a great investment. Night time training was a breeze for him also...he wore a "good night" for 3 nights I think, then started waking up dry.
He'll get there!
J.

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C.R.

answers from Syracuse on

stop trying so hard...give it a rest for about a month or so and see what happens...(both of you can be unstressed about it)then when the weather get better plan a trip(to the zoo, build a bear where ever)and put it on a calander and cross off the days until the trip...tell him you can only go if he is potty trained/a big boy...odds are in your favor that he will train himself if it's something he wants...also keep track of when you change him, that way you know when to ask him or tell him when to go(prevent the accident)my son pees without fail by 1030 everymorning...so sending him in there at 10/1015 worked perfectly cause he always could go...and helped build his confidence...don't stress about it, he'll go when he's ready...and in the summer you can always just announce that we are all done with diapers(throw out an empty package in front of him)and put him in underwear and shorts and he will get tired of pee running down his leg and start to control it...you can also take him on a special shopping trip to pick out his new underwear(or let daddy if that would be even more special)and my last sugestion is make a special place for him to put the toy he is playing with down...my older son never wanted to take the time out and pee cause his little brothers would take his toys...we put them on a shelf while he went and he got them back...no toy drama.goodluck and don't worry, he will train, he won't be in a diaper forever!

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A.C.

answers from New York on

Have you tried having him aim at some Cheerios in the toilet? This usually works as they see it as a game at first and then realize it is better to have fun peeing in the toilet and staying dry. Of course any time he does anything in the toilet praise hime alot.

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E.P.

answers from New York on

I use a couple of different things. Running a daycare I come across potty training quite a bit :)

I have a "Potty Friend" named Billy, the kids named him. He's just a doll that is always potty training. When we start to introduce potty training we start by bringing Billy to the little potty throughout the day. This takes the pressure off the kid training. I tell them that it would be so great if Billy was on the little potty and they were on the big potty to show Billy how it works.

I also use incentive charts. Stickers for pee and poo. Then when they are almost there but still have some accidents we go to a sticker for a day without accidents. Then when they are pretty much fully trained we finish out the month and they get a certificate.

This has worked for girls and boys ages 2 to 4. The one thing I know is stay on top of it!

I also use a timer for the every 2 hour potty trip. Sometimes it's shorter, depends on the liquid intake.

I also know that the more pressure you put on the child the harder it will be for you and the child. It can also cause issues with bathroom use.

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A.S.

answers from Albany on

I have been a Family Educator for 8 years:) Don't try so hard, boys are much harder then girls. Does he go to any programs, sometimes seeing other children helps? Can dad help as well. Make it fun and take a break for a bit and see if he brings it up, then go with it. Take care and best of luck. Alison

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P.K.

answers from New York on

Throw out the diapers, pull up etc. and when he tells you
he needs to be changed, have him look for the diapers.When
he cannot find them, just tell him "we ran out" put on
big boy pants. Worked for me. We had 45 minutes of
hysterics, then the BBP went on and that was the end of it.
At 3 they are more than ready. Good luck.

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D.M.

answers from New York on

He probably just isn't ready yet. My son also turned 3 in March, and has no idea that he has a poopy pullup. Every child is different. A friend of mine gave some good advice when I was potty training my first(a daughter)- just plan on them being potty trained by the time they are 4 years old. It may be before they turn 2, or after they turn 3, but will be by the time they are 4. (at least daytime). I think it's good advice. good luck!

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S.D.

answers from Syracuse on

M.

I have a almost 3 year old boy who seems to almost have the same problem. He does go to daycare where he ses the other little boys going to the bathroom regularly. He doesn't seem to want to pee in the potty, but has no problem with going poop in the potty.

I was concerned about how long it seemed to be taking him, but the daycare providers said that first, boys are a lot harder to train than girls, and second that the boys are usually 3-3 1/2 before they become potty trained. Relax and have fun with him. We have started a sticker system with our son Rowen. He goes potty he gets a sticker. We even play games when he goes. This way it is a reward for good behavior, and don't condemn him for not going. I also take him into the bathroom when I go and so does my husband. The training seems to be going easier than it had before. Hope this helps.

S. D.

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L.K.

answers from New York on

M.,

My son was the same, he just didn't get it, so one warm summer day, I kept him in the back yard with only a shirt on so he could see what actually happens. He was amazed! Then we talked about the potty and I took him in and got him to use it! He had accidents, but did not ignore it any more! Hope this helps.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

My M.. My son and daughter were the same age at toilet training. When it was time for my son, about a month before he turned 3, we switched from disposable diapers to thick cloth training pants with waterproof outer layer (plastic pants like you'd use with cloth diapers would work fine too). I took him to the bathroom about every hour and a half. The first 2-3 weeks, he'd go through every pair of training pants, 8 in a day. Then the lightbulb clicked. Feeling wet and dirty is yucky. So he'd wait to go til I took him to the bathroom. It still took a month after that before he started asking to use the bathroom or going by himself rather than just waiting for me to take him, but that is often the last step and I didn't care as long as he was not wetting or soiling himself.

Good luck.

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