The father of my DD is always bringing her home a day late, (sometimes she missed school) or very late at night around 11 or 12.
This time I ask him in the best way possible to bring her early, and as always he didn't answer back , is 7 pm and I still don't know nothing from them, to bring her home he has to drive 14 hours, my husband and I been disputing about we need to do something , well I'm on the nice side, I really don't care all the things he does to upset me , but my husband is done with it, (4years of custody fight ) said that if he come home that late again , we shouldn't open the door and just let him know that he need to take her to school next day, I think is like a game we are the adults and the mature ones , we don't suppose to act the same, but is been 4 years I mean he's not going to change unless ..we make him change... What do you think about it? Maybe. I didn't explain good, I was thinking on letting him know that I wasn't at home because he didn't call I wasn't sure they will be there, not just open the door and say "go to a hotel" jajajaja ,
She's 8 , and she went for the entire winter break, yes she hate the driving and we been asking for flys, but the father thinks is cheaper that way ( I thinks so ..I'm not sure why, ) we had a mediation 6 months ago, he's asking full custody ( I was a single mom) just because I move from Georgia to Oklahoma .....the judge is tired of him but still he make us go to a mediator instead of finishing the case, the mediador told me that is nothing we can do, he has the entire day to bring her home unless he doesnt bring her at all. He just text , they will be here between 9 and 9:30 pm......I'm sorry for my girl, he want Christmas break with her, just to give her $100 for a present.:(. Well she 's going to enjoy open all her presents that are waiting here....l
About the $100 bill is not about the amount of money is the emotions of opening presents and all that, thank you for the driving hint I never tough about it that way, maybe he wants to expend time with her, and about the driving I try to get the fair fot both I mean the 3 of us but no he's an ass, if I look to the other side he kick me on the back, thank you for your comments like I said I tough it was a bad idea to do that,
NEVER shut the door on your child. Even if you're doing it to punish your ex, you are also sending a message to your child that you don't want her. 14 hour drives for a kid is not cool. Not at all. You guys need to re-think things, this is nuts. Poor kid. You and your ex need to really work together for a better solution.
wait...did you move? Why are you not meeting him halfway if anything. that is a long drive for someone to make willingly to see their child if the other parent is the one who chose to move. I would suggest helping your daughter out and pay to fly her out...at least one way...you are the one who moved away after-all.
I sure wouldn't be too motivated to drive 14 hours that's insane, 14 hours there and then back.. poor guy!
Are you documenting all of this and telling your Attorney and the courts???
If not, you should.
Your child missing school because of this, is very bad as well.
I would call it "negligence" of that parent.
Tell your Attorney and the courts, this.
Call the cops.
She is "missing."
And he is not answering your calls.
What if something happened to her???
Call.the.cops.
14 hour drive?
You have to be more proactive and protect your child.
Do you have a written custody arrangement saying what time he needs to have her home? If so, try calling him and asking where they are. If he doesn't answer, call the police (non-emergency) and ask what you can do. Ask if you can file a report. Then keep copies of the report.
Under no circumstances would I not open the door and tell him to take her to school. Chances are he has to work tomorrow and to him it's probably more important to go to work then to worry about getting her to school. He may take her back to his house and worry about getting her home later.
Make sure you're documenting everything for the courts.
Wow... if it's an actual 14 hour drive (including bathroom breaks, food breaks, time to stretch) that's a reeeeeally long drive. They'd have to leave at 5 in the morning to be there by 7. Getting in by 9pm, they're still leaving at 7 in the morning.
If it's 14 hours straight and ADDING a bare minimum of 3 hours for potty breaks, food breaks, etc... they'd have to leave at 2am!
I would suggest in mediation that that needs to be addressed. That she needs to be brought back 24 hours in advance of school (aka Saturday night).
Ditto... once she's a day late... that's time to call the police. Not bringing her back at all doesn't start at some arbitary time a week or month or 6 in the future. If she's supposed to be back on Sunday, and he doesn't bring her back until Monday night... you call the police and get it documented.
Don't tell him to go to a hotel or not answer the door...that only punishes your daughter and she didn't put herself in this situation.
You open the door, smile, put your arms around her and love on her. You haven't seen her in week and she may need to just come home to her happy to see her, stable mom.
No, don't shut the door in their face. Can you imagine how that would make your daughter feel?
Maybe it's time to decide to pay for an airline ticket instead, so she can get back at a reasonable hour, if it's a 14 hour drive. Kids her age fly alone all the time, or you can decide with your ex if one of you will fly as well and who will pay for what. We moved 13 hours from where we lived before, away from DH's sons from his first marriage - and we pay for their airline tickets ourselves when they want to come out for a visit. If your ex thinks it's cheaper to drive, be the bigger person, pay for the plane ticket yourself, and then it costs him nothing. You can research trying to get a cheap flight and it may be more than the cost of gas driving, but it would still be worth it to me.
NO!!!! You can't not open the door and take your daughter in. That would hurt your daughter more than him.
Well you don't state her age, but from previous questions, I assume she is about 9? And you live in different states--a 14 hr drive for 2 day visits?
Thinking about this logically, how would he (home 14 hrs away) possibly logistically work out getting a place for him & her to stay, and getting her to school properly (dressed, school books, backpacks, lunch, etc.) the next day? That alone makes me thing that the don't "open the door & let him know he needs to get her to school next day" pretty irresponsible, doesn't it? (Not that he's acting responsibly to begin with but why punish your daughter?)
I would be more likely to get this done through the courts.
Are you documenting everything?
Maybe school year weekend visits need to be out of the question in exchange for a full week or two throughout the school year....my son has a friend with a father in a different state and this is what they do. He takes his week's worth of work with him when he goes & Dad is responsible for him getting it done while he's there.....he also visits fro a few weeks in the summer.
I don't know what the answer is--but I don't think 2 day visits in a state 14 hours away is a very feasible visitation arrangement....
Good luck!
How often does he have visitation with her? It's totally unreasonable to drive 14 hours for a week end visit. I'm guessing you're talking about infrequent several day visits. Your post isn't clear on this.
If you're the one who moved away, then you need to be more understanding of the difficulty he has in spending time with his daughter. I suggest that he's asking for custody because the visits with 14 hour drives are so difficult. On top of which you're being unreasonable about when he should have her back. I understand why he's late getting her home. Geeeez! Driving 14 hours in one day is a killer. As someone else said, they'd have to leave at 3 am to arrive at your house by 5 pm. Your really need to cut him some slack, especially in light of his asking for custody.
I understand why the judge keeps sending you to mediation. The alternative to his having visitation rights is to change custody. The judge wants you to work this out. Again, I suggest that if you don't bend it's possible for you to lose custody.
It is extremely important for your daughter to spend time with her father. That relationship will be a large part of who she grows up to be. I urge you to stop with the custody battle and find a way to work out a more reasonable way for him to have her with him.
I would specify in the court order that she is home by Xpm from her visits with dad. He could come a day or two early and do stuff there. It's not like it is Podunk, it's Norman for goodness sake. He could even stay at Motel 6 in OKC and take her to the Zoo, Omniplex, museums, etc...there is also the Martin Nature Park, the Rocktown Climbing Gym downtown, the river stuff, all kinds of things he could do with her for even just a few hours if he just got there earlier.
I would also do the visitation calendar each year in September, that way the school calendars are out and the visits can be scheduled from this date at 6pm until this day at 6pm, which I would make the day before the break is over. She needs at least one day to acclimatize back to home life and getting settled.
So, for Christmas Break he would have picked her up on Thursday December 22 at X pm and she is to be back home by 6pm on January 2. That way there is no confusion, not room for error, no accidents, if he is not there he is in violation if he is then he is on time. If he was broke down or in an accident that would be his only excuse. He would need to plan his time accordingly and travel when it was time to travel.
He would need to spend the night in a hotel anyway along the way so he would not be out extra money. There are plenty of free things to do too, there are parks, the duck pond at OU is one of my favorites. He can fix this issue if he really wanted to.
