Need Ideas for Quality Bonding Time with Stepdaughter.

I let my step daughter help me cook and she loves it. I bought her a cookbook for christmas and each time she comes I let her pick out a recipe for us to make together. She doesn't get to do that with her mom so its a special thing that just she and I can share :)

How about cooking together? You can take a cooking class together or just go to the library and choose a unique cookbook together and create some of the recipes for the whole family to enjoy for dinner. When the season is right you could plant a garden together.

Is her room in need of a makeover? You can go together to choose new wall color, bedding, etc and work together on the painting.

How about learning a new sport or hobby together? Tennis is an inexpensive sport to get started in. Go for walks together, ride bikes, etc. I think Michaels and Hobby Lobby used to offer classes on different crafts...maybe you could take a class together.

Good Luck,
K.

One daughter loves to walk in her heely's, so we take a walk in the evening and walk a few times around the block. I also love to take my daughters for ice cream, deserts, etc and talk about their school friends or teachers.

Maybe go to starbucks since its pretty cool if your a kid because its so adult like. Let her get some hot chocolate or a tea, I often hear the older girls at our daycare say that they are going to starbucks like its the coolest thing in the world. Then maybe take her shopping to pick something out, I am not talking about anything pricey a new notebook, some clips for her hair, or a nail polish color and you could paint her nails at home. Its always the little things you remember. Good luck, its great that you are trying, I hope her dad gets onto her too that way your not always the 'bad' one. Walmart has those bouquet of flowers for like $4 dollars, they are really pretty, maybe buy her one of those and put it in her room while she is sleeping so she wakes up to them. You can say they are from dad or both of you or the three of you(baby) on a little note and tell her she is special. Kinda corny but promise she will remember it.

What about looking for a local beauty college and getting a pedicure. That or going to a matinée movie and lunch at a fast food place. I know that beauty colleges charge about 8 dollars, my mom and I still do that every 3 weeks and I am 30!! It is really nice to just sit and talk and get your feet done!!

I have had similar issues with my own step daughter (she's now 12), and our quality time together doesn't cost anything! We go into her room, close the door to keep Daddy out, and trade pedicures, manicures, all kinds of "big girls only" activities. Pretty much an hour or so of "beauty shop". I've never been one to be super girly and fussy about things like that, but my stepdaughter is extremely girly, so suff like that works for us. Maybe it could we worth a shot for you too. Maybe have Daddy watch the little one while you do, so that he gets plenty of baby time too. We call ours "Girls Night In". During this time she feels more open to tell me things that she wants to let me know, like what her & her friends are up to at school, and ask me questions about what's up with her body(hello puberty). All in all is just an easygoing time to pamper each other and spend some time just the 2 of us.

How thoughtful of you. Instead of "getting on her" maybe you could take those incidences turn them around--children rise to the level we verbally give. Have you tried letting her help you with the baby--doing small chores? Your right she does need to feel special and with the new baby there could be some jealousy. Perhaps you could get a sitter for you baby and your and her spend an afternoon together. Now that may sound like--OK well, it is all in the way your present it that make the difference not the money you spend. Present it in a loving manor putting her as the center of the event. Say something like "I want us to do something special together--you are such a blessing in my life and I want you to know it--so I have planned a special "girls afternoon" just the two of us" Put the spotlight on her. A $1.00 movie-if there is one near and let her pick--then ice cream. An afternoon at a pool with burgers & drink. A trip to the mall and come home and do pedicures. It really is not about where you go as much it is about how she feels.

I wish you blessings because at their ages it is important she have someone she can feel comfortable with who loves her in spite of what she does.

I just had to add that all your efforts will be worth it. My stepdaughter just got married and I am so happy I maintained a good relationship with her. I was so happy for her and I saw myself in your situation - I came in to her life about 15 years ago and now she is a married woman. This is a hard age and it will get harder but don't give up and try your best. Time goes by SOOOOOOO fast!

Good luck.

Hi A.

To bond with a 10 yr old girl. I suggest give her a $20-$30 spending limit, and take her to the mall.
Bring her into every store that you think will remotely interest her. Don't buy anything big 'till the end of the trip. While your shopping talk with her about the bigger thing she is going to buy. Talk about your next trip. Get her mind thinking about your relationship in a future sense, it should give her a the feeling of stability, and that forms a bond.

Lots of good ideas to chose from. I have another outing suggestion I don't think I saw mentioned here. There are a few places around depending if you are near any, but I have seen like a little tea cafe and take your daughter to have a little tea party but in a grown up atmosphere. It's great that you are involved and care about her. Keep up the great work.
M.

Go get your nails and/or toes done on a regular basis.

I haven't read the others but kinda glanced so I'm sure you got some good answers, I noticed the suggestion of one on one as I was going to suggest so I just wanted to add that you just need to asure her that she isn't being replaced and make sure she feels special to you both. Plus I can't tell if she actually lives with you or her mom so sometimes you never know what the mom may be telling her about the new addition. Sad people don't understand that they are actually hurting their kids by being like that but you may want to take that into consideration also. Have a girls night and also suggest that her and her father go do some time together on their own also.

Movie night with just the two of you may do the trick. If your husband is willing to watch the baby for a couple of hours, then you and your step daughter can watch a rented movie that you both choose together. Add some microwave popcorn and you have an inexpensive treat that you both can enjoy every week. However, at no point do you want your step daughter so chummy with you that she thinks of you as her peer (thereby licensing her to talk to you as if you were another child). You are a responsible adult who cares deeply for her, so you may have to draw the line between being friends and being her parent, protector, and guide.

how about a few hours at Libby Lu? I have a 10 yr old daughter also and the smart mouth is the pre-puberty stage. My daughter has never been a big discipline problem until recently (and it's not even that bad now) The important thing is letting her know you love her even if you get onto her daily. Good Luck!

Hello.
My cousin just took her neice for quality time together to go get their nails done, and they talked and talked.
They are going to do this often, they both really enjoyed it. I think she told me it was about $10 each, You might be able to call around a check prices, and what comes along with each price.
I have a 10 year old that loves getting her nails done, and of course my older girls really enjoy it also.
You will never out grow it!!!!
This is something she will never forget.
Hope this helps,

T. M.
New Braunfels, TX
A mommy of 4 girls and 3 boys.

Kudos to you for recognizing she needs positive interaction. I would mainly focus on all positive interaction you can get your hands on, as well as extra hugs. You know your stepdaughter best. Hone in on what her interests are. Maybe take you and her to get a manicure or whatever really floats her boat. I think it's the time spent with you that's the main thing. Love doesn't have to cost money, it just comes from the heart.

You're a great stepmother. Good luck!

Find a special restaurant and go antiquing, volunteer at the local pound together, have manicures together, go to the movies....anytime you show a special interest in doing something fun with her she will take notice. Just make sure you leave baby with daddy or someone so your attention won't be divided. What others said about cooking with her is a great idea. she might even enjoy making something for the baby...like a tie off fleece blanket. she could make one for her and a little one for the baby. :)

S., mom to four girls

Maybe you could take her to get a pedicure with you, or a manicure. These are things that girls like to do. Does she have any hobbies? Maybe you could do something with her that she likes to do. Just plan a day once or twice a month for just the 2 of you, or once a month with you and once a month with her father. Hope this is somewhat a help! Goodluck!

I saw a few craft ideas. My neice that age loves crafting, most stores have great kits to get started with tote bags, altering jeans or shirts. You could start doing some of those together and if she likes it, it might help occupy her time when you are caring for the baby.

My daughter is 10 and one of her favorite things to do together is to take some pictures and make scrapbook pages for each of you to put in your own book. You don't have to spend a lot of money, you can create graphics on the computer to go along with your photos, get some ribbon or buttons for embellishments and go for it. You can start before you even have a scrapbook...make the pages and maybe get a nice book for birthday or Christmas and then you have another "together" event, loading the pages you've already made.

Hi A.,
A couple of ideas.....my girls at that age enjoyed going to a tearoom for a special lunch together....also scrapbooking is a fun thing...you can even get some materials at DollarTree...one last idea...at home spa treatment....get some pedicure supplies and cool polish colors...top off with foot massage! I think the best thing is to "listen" until they open up and really talk.... Hope these help...Blessings D.

WELL A., I THINK @ HER AGE I WOULD SUGGEST A MOVIE NIGHT, WHILE HUBBY WATCHES LITTLE 1. I'M SURE THEY HAVE A MATINEE NIGHT CLOSE TO YOU. SHOPPING IS ALWAYS FUN FOR GIRLS. & ANOTHER THING I FIND MY GRAND DAUGHTERS ARE INTO NOW IS SCRAPBOOKS. DOING THAT TOGETHER WOULD PROBABLY BE GREATLY ENJOYED BY YOU BOTH.
START OUT WITH PICTURES OF HER FRIENDS, BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENT OF BABY SISTER WITH FIRST PICTURES. JUST AN IDEA.
NANNY OF 3 GRAND DAUGHTERS,
D.

Hi A.,
You've already got some great ideas! I thought Momma S had a really sweet idea with the flowers. On the note you could say that you are going to have a "big girl's" day & get someone to watch the baby & do a variety of the things suggested. If you decide to cook together, let her pick out her favorite breakfast or dinner & make it.
You could go to the video store & let her pick out movies & you could pick out one of your favorites from when you were her age & get pillows, blankets & popcorn & snuggle & watch them together. I love the mani/ pedi idea too.
One thing I thought of is starting a book club. Go to the library or bookstore & get a book (1 copy for each of you), then have your book club meet once a week for 30 minutes. You could make little snacks & make it your weekly special time together.
Best of luck to you. I think it's so sweet that you are making sure to nurture your relationship with her.

My step-daughter and I use to have a "girl's only day." We would get dressed up and go to eat at a nice restaurant. I don't think she really cared where we went, just as long as it was just the two of us. I also taught her how to properly change a diaper, etc. for her little brothers. Best wishes!

Have you asked her? I'm willing to bet that if you told her you wanted to have just some mommy time with her she would be thrilled and just bursting with ideas. Aside from that, there's always baking brownies, going to the playground, or just playing with her toys without baby sister. Sometimes it's nice for baby sister to play with her, too, though, so she knows that you don't all dislike playing with her and that what she wants is important. Put sister in a high chair and have a royal tea party in the dining room with everyone. Make it a big deal. These are the things she'll remember - not spending a lot of money on her.

10 year old girls love doing crafts of all kinds. Check out your local Michaels or Hobby Lobby. They have fun starter kits from trying everything from jewelery making to sun catchers. Once you find something she really enjoys and holds her attention you can move on to something more difficult. My niece chose suncatchers as her first project. She took her time and made sure she painted in the lines. She was so proud of them that I think she made a hundred and gave one to everyone she knows. Good luck!

I'm taking a sewing class at Creative Sewing and we make cool bags and pillows and things. You could do that.
You could go to a beading store and pick out beads for a necklace.
You could do a gardening project together and let her choose what to plant.

You can take a knitting class together. You can take a dancerize class together. (there are fun exercise classes at the JCC) I think the JCC also has Family Personal Training available.

You could check out the renovated Witte Museum together.
You could do a pottery class together, join a book club together...
Just some ideas. Hope this helps . Hang in there

Perhaps some crafting projects - such as making jewelry and then wearing what she makes for you to make her proud. Is she interested in cooking, maybe making cookies or cakes and decorating them together. Maybe playing some board games together, just one on one time, while the baby is napping or if a family member can babysit for you and let you and the step daughter have a special time at least once a week or so.

Usually bead stores have neckless making classes geared for older children and adults. Check out some of the bead shops to see what kind of classes they offer.

I've been right where you are only I had two step daughters and I'd been married to their father for almost 5 years when the baby came along. My step daughter's were 7 & 9 when I got pregnant. I knew it would be a jealousy issue for them if we didn't handle it right. So we made them a part of it from the very beginning. They even went with me to a doctors visit and got to hear the heart beating.

Once the baby arrived the youngest had just turned 8 and the oldest was just a few months from turning 10. For the youngest there was a lot of jealousy because she had been the "baby" and now she wasn't. Again, we made them a part of things. They got to "help" with the baby. We really didn't have a lot of extra money during that time because I quit my job and became a SAHM which dropped our income by $30,000 plus a year. So I couldn't take them to do a lot of things but we could do a lot of things together at home.

We did a lot of craft projects. We just tried to include them in everything with the baby so that they wouldn't feel as much like all our attention was on the baby. When we made them a part of it, they forgot the attention was still about baby. They suddenly felt a part of it.

The biggest thing to making things work is communication. We talk(ed) about EVERYTHING. And not just about the baby. Everything in general. We talk to the kids all the time about things so that they understand. If you keep in mind that discipline is to teach not simply punish then explaining to her why talking back isn't appropriate along with whatever punishment she gets she might well ease up on it. It worked in our case at least. And we dealt with a difficult ex wife. The girls and I have a great relationship though. Good luck... this step life is definitely not easy!

Hi A.,

I like the suggestions of cooking because it is a very active thing to do and has a nearly instant payoff of great food.

I recommend doing something crafty like painting, sewing, crochet, knitting, beading jewelry, belly dance or hula classes (good exercise and way of exploring her blooming sensuality), hiking/biking/tennis/swimming, explore her spiritual needs and go about satisfying some of them, throw potluck party with your girlfriends and invite your stepdaughter, tell everyone else to help you look cool.

Say grace together over every dinner or breakfast, sculpt or paint together, play chess or write a story together. Find examples of prominent mother-daughter teams. Heck, even the Bush women wrote a book together. Hilary and Chelse campaigned together.

Anything physical will help reduce strain and stress.
If she has a strong interest in hair, makeup, perfume,or jewelry; then consider starting an at home business together like selling Avon or Mary Kay cosmetics. Do a pie-baking business during the holidays. Do something to combine or develop your joint interests or indulge in one of hers. Learn a musical instrument and become a duet or create a band.

Start a movie or crafters club TOGETHER. Teaching her stuff she wants to learn will help to turn her around. You and your girlfriends can start a Mother-Daughter Club doing fun stuff with your daughters, and teach them useful and important stuff about life.

In Amazon sisterhood,
B.
P.S. Whatever you do, don't wait; start immediately.

Saturday morning kids crafts at Micheals. You just pay for the materials, which are usually fairly cheap, and get instruction on how to make the project of the day. I always stayed with my two when I took them. It was fun!
Maybe you could drive to a neighborhood park that has a walking trail and just talk while you take a leisurely walk.
Used to, we'd take them for a drive in the country (hard to escape a moving vehicle) and just keep asking questions until I got a response but gas is way too high for that now!

It is the simple things that make an older child happy. What I try to do is when the baby is down for the night I either sit with my older daughter and watch TV with her. We talk about what we are watching or we do a project like make a bracelet from her jewerly kit. Her favorite thing is just playing a game with me. Just put aside one hour for just her every day. Go over photo albums, get involved with what she is involved with. The possibilites are endless and doesn't cost a thing.

Go bike riding, fishing or take her camping without the new child. Read books to her at night before she goes to bed. Play a board game with her after the baby is gone to bed. Having the baby should not take away time from her but it will make you spend more time with the kids and less time on you and your husband. Time for you and him is after they go to bed or later in life.