Need Ideas!!! - Danville,IN

Magic 1-2-3 if you do not start nnow then you will have to deal with angry and hatful children I have 1 myself that I am working on. I was told not to correct him he is too young i said ok now he is 9 years old and he is a problem I finally broke down and we are taking him to see a specialist. Remember always dicipline with love try not to use the word NO it getrs repeated back constantly.

GOOD LUCK

Hi! I started disciplining as soon as I needed to, just by saying "no" firmly. I never had a playpen. The only time I thought I wanted to use one was if we were outside or if it was naptime. I think that it keeps them from learning lessons on their boundaries. Just my opinion though. I never put anything up when my kids were crawling or walking. Of course if it was dangerous I had it up, but as far as knick knacks and such, they all stayed out. When my child went over to something and started to reach for it I would say "no touch" and if they chose to touch it anyway, I would go over, pick them up and look at them and say "no, Brayden" then I would put him over by his toys. I did this over and over and over and sometimes I felt like I shouldn't even sit down during the day, but after a short period of time, he learned what he was allowed to play with and what he wasn't allowed to play with. I could take him places and all I had to say was "no" when he would go near something he wasn't supposed to play with and he would leave it alone. Friends and family were always really impressed by how well behaved my children are at such young ages. I learned it from my mom though. She said that if you put things up, you're not teaching your children anything. She never put things up when I was young, so I chose to do the same and it worked great! My kids are both very well behaved and good listeners. When children are young, try to think of things as "free lessons". If you allow them to learn while they're at home with us, you're instilling values in them without having any major consequences in their lives. If you wait until they're closer to school age (3 or 4), their lessons have worse consequences like getting in trouble in front of the class, or as they get older, even worse consequences. When you can, let them learn at home, because before you know it, they're in preschool and you all of a sudden have to have faith in what you taught them when it comes to their behavior.

There isn't any real way to discipline a 17 month old, but you can start establishing boundaries. I have a 16 month old, and with the new language skills have come some attitude and temper! Firstly, I taught her the word please. It took about a month, but she uses it regularly when she asks for something, which has helped to end the constant whining and pointing. When she whines and points I can ask her how she asks nicely and then praise her when she says please. And, if I ask her for something, I always say please.

Redirection is the only real option I've found for when she wants something she can't have or is repeatedly doing something she shouldn't do. I'll just take her to another area or distract her with something new. Sometimes it doesn't work, but often, it does.

If she's doing something REALLY uncalled for, dangerous, or throwing a mini temper tantrum, I attempt to make eye contact with her as best I can down on her level, and tell her no in a calm firm voice with a short explanation of why. If she's hitting or pulling hair, (usually from excitement) and she's on my lap or in my arms, I'll put her down on the floor, and then ignore the tantrum. Once she's calmer or a minute later, whichever comes first, I'll give her a hug, explain what she did wrong again, and ask her for a kiss and tell her I love her. In public situations, I remove her immediately from the restaurant, room, or environment, and instead of putting her down I'll hold her making sure she's facing away from me and I'll be unresponsive, either for one minute or until she calms down.

It seems to be working so far. Generally speaking, she's a wonderfully behaved little girl who is happy and loving. I never raise my voice to her (yet!) but I also try to avoid getting lazy. Consistency is the only thing that works at this age. So, when you set a boundary, I think you have to be prepared to constantly redirect until that boundary is learned. It's exhausting, but you're laying the groundwork for a 2-5 year old who understands boundaries and rules. And, who understands that you mean business every day of the week. I believe that these first power struggles are vital to win. She can be stubborn, but I'll outlast her every time. I'm only this rigid about boundaries now because I don't want to have to scream at my child later. That's what I always remind myself when I'm making her sit on the couch instead of stand for the 500th time. This is the only way I can think of to gently establish my authority without breaking her spirit.

Get the book "The Discipline Book". It's part of the Dr. Sears series. It's great. However, under the age of about 2, there really is no way to discipline except to "redirect" their attention. They don't understand why you are hurting them (through smacking) or yelling at them yet. Just be vigilant and every time he does something that isn't safe for him, redirect his attention to something else, a toy, a book, etc...
Good Luck!

I believe the montessori system integrates time-out as a consequence at 18 months. Just to sit for the 18 seconds and then at 1 yr 1 minute... I have seen it work on some kids.
There are some more rebellious by nature or maybe they don't "grasp" the punishment factor and change the behavio ... Sorry I'm not more help I am very curious about what others have to say about this.
Amy

It is never to early to start. There is a free parenting class here at this website that I used and it has some really neat things on it. http://www.fight4kids.com/ If you just want to read the material without the class here is the link.http://www.ibr.tcu.edu/_private/confirmmanuals.asp#Parenting

You can start to discipline your child as so as they start doing things you don't want them to do. Just remember to pick your battles. I watch my 18 month nephew and he loves to push the off button on the t.v. (Which drives my kids nuts.) I just tell him no and distract him with a toy or something else he likes. A firm "No" and distraction usually work well at this age. What ever you do be consistant and you won't be a push over. EX. If they can't hit the dog today, they can't hit the dog tomarrow. I am sure you will do great!!

hummm fun age i remember that, try and figure out why hes acting out alot of time it comes from not being able to do something, not getting a toy to work simple things see if he will let you help him. talk to him about it say i know your upset lets see what we can do... somedays its easier than others lol good luck!

Hi M.!
I have a twenty two month old. She is really starting to test her limits with me and my husband. Genrally she is good, but she is at the point (and has been for a few months) that she cannot have everything she wants and sometimes mommy and daddy have to take things away! We take her away from whatever the issue is (ie: playing ith the dog's food) and sit her down. She will be crying....sometimes hysterically...but no moatter what cute tactics she trys, we do not acknowledge it. I tell her calmly that when she is ready to stop crying and play nicely, stop throwing her toys, stop playing with the dogs food (fill in the blank - you get the idea) she can get up. ususally she will want to come and sit with me. I hold her on my lap nd restate why she had to sit down. And then let it go! So far it has worked. I don't want to use the full time out thing, or punishment until I really need to.

A.

My daughter is almost 14 months old and we have been "disciplining" her since she has been able to do things she shouldn't. We like to use redirection. If she wants to play with something that she is not allowed to we redirect her to something that she can play with. She always wants to play with our cordless phone, so I gave her an old one to play with. Also, even though she doesn't have the ability to reason yet and won't for a few years, I give her a short explanation as to why she's being redirected. Even if I just say "here, honey, this one is yours." Sometimes she does throw a fit about it, but I keep in mind that most of the time a toddler is throwing a fit because they don't have any control over their emotions and sometimes that can overwhelm them. I try to soothe her, but not baby her, if I can and redirect her again by giving her a book or just acting silly to make her laugh.

I know it's a weird age. But we did start Kaylee on time out at very close to that same age. It was very hit and miss as to when we would impliment it. Sometimes it just seemed like it was her age and she was very emotional and we would try and talk to her. But when it was painfully obvious she was testing us we would put her in time out(anywhere there are no toys or objects in reach) for one minute. If she gets up you have to walk over to her, say nothing, and place back on the spot.(we used our ottoman. When time is up, walk over and sit down next to her. Ask if she knows why you placed her in time out and ask for an answer, if no answer, tell her why and ask her to say sorry and give you a hug. At this age, all of these things do not happen and you have to bypass a lot, but the effect of a concequence for an action is still there. Plus, she is very good at it now. She still dosen't like it, but she never tries to get up until you come over. She always knows the reason and is very good at apoligizing and giving hugs. Plus, when she is bad and you warn her that she will go to time out if she dosen't stop, she is really starting to say I don't want to go time out, and stop whatever she is doing wrong. (By the way, Kaylee just turned 2 two weeks ago, so not too much of an age difference.) Good luck! I hope it helps.

Distraction works best at this age. Time outs are generally for kids 3 and older. If he's climbing on the back of the couch just say "we climb over here" and take him by the hand to someplace where he can climb - like a Kangaroo Climber. We had one in our family room for 2 years while our son went through the 'climb everything in sight' stage. It was a good safe way to get it out of his system. If he's using crayons on the wall say "crayons are for paper" and lead him to the table with paper and crayons. If he's having a fit because he doesn't want to leave the park (and who can blame him?) just talk to him about the things to look forward to... "When we get home you can play with playdoh! What do you want to make?".

Another good way is to simply remove temptation. Have a couple rooms that are totally toddlerproof and where he can pretty much touch anything and not get into trouble. You want to minimize the number of times you say "no" and only use that word for when it counts -- like when he runs into the street. If you use it more than a handful of times a day, he'll just tune it out and not listen when it's really important.

Remember to pick your battles. Will it matter in 5 years? If not, let it slide. If it will, then do something (being disrespectful, biting, running off in a parking lot, etc). Make a list of 3-4 behaviors you want to work on and get those under control and then move on to the next items on the list.

Good luck. It's a frustrating age. I managed to get through it with my son and am now going through it with my daughter.

That's about the age we started sticking each of our kids in the corner. You wouldn't want to leave him for than one minute at that age. Our children are both major attention hogs, so it really hurt their feelings to not be able to see if anyone was looking at them. The time out chairs never have worked for us. They just get excited about having a little chair that's just their size.

The book Unconditional Parenting is a really great book about how to teach and discipline your child effectively and gently--even if your son is still a little young right now, it will give you lots to think about for the future.

I have read the numerous responses to your request and they are all great. As a grandmother now of 9 ranging in age from 20 to 2 months, I have seen lots of styles of discipline.
No matter the techniques you and your husband choose it is of vital importance for the greatest success to back each other up when one or the other does the discipline (the discipline chosen appropriate by the both of you). In this manner the child learns "right" from "wrong" in an environment that will teach them respect for those who in their life time will have authority over them. A quality that is not found in the world today. Perseverence does pay off! I know, I am one blessed Grandmother!!!
God bless you and your family.
Pastor S.