My son turned 3 last month. He has become a different kid. He's an only child. He doesn't get what he wants all the time. I'm happily married. Nick has become more defiant. He was jumping on his bed, I told him nicely he had to stop. He tells me to get out of his room. Its been hard to punish him because he's not phased by it. He will sit in the naughty chair. Everything is a joke to him. I don't know if he's trying to see how far he can push my buttons.
I don't know where I went wrong. He was such a sweetheart. Now I feel like I have a 14 year old.
Hes quiet in the naughty chair. The tv is off, i don't talk to him, he knows not to talk to me.
The other day at publix, an older lady told him he was being a good boy in the shopping cart. He tells her to shut up.
Stop being nice, use a hard voice and let him know who is boss. There should be an IMMEDIATE consequence for his actions. He needs to know before what they are. Good luck.
Why are you ASKING him nicely to stop? TELL him, in no uncertain terms, to stop.
some kids are naturally more compliant. others try to push the boundaries. Maybe 123 magic is a good fit for you and your family.
Best,
F. B.
i agree somewhat with Fuzzy. You don't ask him. you tell him. we do NOT jump on the bed. period. if he does not stop, he is physically put in time out. he doesn't have to get upset or be "hurt" by it. he just has to do what you say, and if he doesn't, he has to sit in time out. He will try to get up and pretend he doesn't have to. you put him back. until it gets through his head that YOU are in charge, not him. I would not rise to his challenge of "get out of my room". YOU are in charge, you shouldn't have to argue with him about it. He's small enough you can physically force him to obey. (not meanly or violently, just firmly. as in, he keeps jumping on the bed, you pick him up and place him in time out, after telling him what you're doing. however many times it takes for him to get it. yes, it can take hours. yes, it can even take days. you have to stay firm.)
Why are you worried about telling him nicely?
You tell him "Get off that bed! That's for sleeping!" and if he doesn't do it right away you haul him off the bed.
You don't worry about 'nice' when he's doing anything that could harm himself/others/pets or break something.
First visit to the emergency room will get you right over that.
Our son skipped the terrible twos but the terrible threes more than made up for it.
At least he wasn't defiant - but he had his worst tantrums at that age!
I can remember hauling him off to his room and just holding him on my lap in the rocking chair while he just SCREAMED.
(I didn't think of ear plugs back then but I sure could have used them!)
Once he was exhausted, he'd turn around, snuggle up and want rocky baby time.
It's like he was almost afraid of how out of control he got and needed time to be reassured by me that we were still good when it was all over.
By 4 he was over it and back to being his sweet self.
It's the age. You hear about the terrible 2's. You get through the two's and think "I have this parenting thing down. My child is so well behaved. What terrible twos". And then the 3's hit. My god, the 3's are awful. So, your child is right on track.
As far as managing the 3's. Quick, constant consequences. Figure out his currency. The time out chair is not doing it. No dessert? No TV? No bedtime story? No cuddle time? You have to find what he responds to.
Some kids are more challenging. Some aren't fazed much by punishments. You didn't go "wrong" anywhere, it's his personality. Kids also go through phases and try out different techniques for pushing your buttons.
That's all I wanted to point out; the other ladies on this site can give you some suggestions as to how to curtail his behavior.
It's quite common for kids turning 3 to have a personality change. They are preschoolers now and they start wanting independence and other stuff. If your boy was my child I'd swat his hiney every time he mouthed off like that. Being disrespectful is not allowed in this house.
It's the age. He is starting to differentiate. It just gets worse over the course of the next two-three years. But it's a good thing!?
So, talk about respectful, nice words. If he wants privacy, tell him to ask for privacy. When someone says something you don't like, you ignore it. It's time to TEACH manners-otherwise, they just remain like all Id.
I like ahha parenting, dr Laura markham. Her website has tons of great advice.
My 3 yo granddaughter is the sweetest, most laid back little girl. Never a problem. Then she got to be 3. She is testing the waters. So it is normal. Just keep talking to him about good behavior etc.
The way I approach this no matter what the age is that you don't get to participate in what we were are doing unless you behave. Respect people and things.
So if my child was rude to a person on an outing, he wouldn't get to come to the next outing - until he can be kind and considerate to people. I'd make him apologize, and I'd say "you're not coming next time if you can't be well mannered" and then make a point of not letting him come. I would probably do it same day, go somewhere he'd like to go (ice cream trip worked well for my kids) and he has to stay home with dad while me and other kids went off.
They get the point very quickly. If they want to be included, they have to act nicely.
If he did this at playgroup or school later on, the consequences would be that kids wouldn't want to play with him. So that's how I approach it - the family doesn't really need you involved until you can be respectful of us.
A chair ... has never worked for us. I know it does for some people, but I find not being included is far more upsetting to them. And it only takes once or twice and that's it.
He's testing you - it's completely normal, but deal with it quickly and firmly if you want it to stop.
I had a friend who removed her child's mattress when he jumped on the bed. She said you don't get a mattress until you can be a big boy and take care of it. It was a little harsh but it was the last time he jumped on the bed. (just one night on the floor on a comforter).
Good luck :)
Perhaps he laughs to get your attention. Completely ignore the laughing. Act as if you don't hear him. Don't mention it to him.
Nicely isn't effective with discipline. Use a firm, no nonsense tone of voice. As others have said, if he doesn't stop, physically remove him and give a consequence. As to him telling you to get out of his room, consider it side tracks you from the issue of jumping on the bed. I'd ignore the order to leave. Ignoring such comments is a natural consequence.
In circumstances that don't involve discipline for another act, I often ignore the request. I may say, I'll leave once we finish. Or I say, "yes, this is your room. Since you asked me nicely, I'll leave." My focus is on teaching a polite way to ask for what he wants. If you argue with him, this becomes a power struggle
stop asking. stop telling him 'nicely.' stop permitting his sassy mouth. stop putting him in a time-out chair (they work beautifully for some but not all kids.)
stern voice, unsmiling countenance, and immediate unpleasant consequences. don't allow yourself to be fazed if he laughs at the consequences. he's pushing boundaries, which is natural and desirable at his age. help him out by making those boundaries clear and non-negotiable.
telling a kind stranger to shut up might require being yoinked out of the shopping cart and driven straight home for some time spent in the corner. not always possible, i know, but if he's in full-on defiant mode you might need to take fairly drastic measures to get over the hump.
it's a trying age, for sure.
khairete
S.
