Need Help with a Sleep Method or Book to Purchase for My Son

Hi S.,

I recommend this book. Two nights, and my son slept through the night, and I am so thankful.

http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp...

I hope this helps! I am glad he is well on the road to recovery.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

I wish I had read this book sooner. Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Baby by Dr. Weisbluth. Great book, extremely helpful. The best part about the book, is he explains about sleep patterns and how it affects children. Then he explains different methods to help your child get the sleep that he needs. Good Luck and be consistant. It will get better.

M.

I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth.

hands down, "healthy sleep habits happy child" it gives you the freedom to parent how you want with the science to know what your child needs!

Hi S.,
I also recommend Health Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. But I can imagine that letting your little one cry it out when he's had surgery is really hard. I really feel for you!
I know one thing that REALLY helped is dialoging with other moms about sleep training. I think once you find a method you want to use... and like another mom said, BE CONSISTENT! Then find other mom's who've done it or are going through it and talk with them. I decided I was going to used Dr. Weissbluth and had other mom friends around me doing it... and we talked . THis helped so much since you can forget so much of what the book says and talking it over together helps.

If you choose to do Dr. Weissbluth... feel free to message me!

Hi S.-
You should read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. There will be some crying but once he learns how to sleep on his own and fall back to sleep on his own (the real key) you'll be the envy of every other parent you know. I used it on all of three of my kids and they are champion sleepers. And they weren't born that way either. My oldest was a colicky maniac who didn't stop crying for months. And all of them were 'monkey babies' that insisted on sleeping on me (not just with me but literally on my body!). Anyway, if you're not too sleep deprived to make sense of his program the book will save your life!
- M.

ps- they may still wake up briefly to feed. I breastfed all my children until at least a year old and they would wake up quickly just to eat until about 9 or 10 months old. Your son might need that longer as his heart problems may play a role.

Another vote for "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." To me it is the sleep Bible!

I imagine that many of us will recommend the same book because it is indeed fabulous - Healthy sleep habits for a healthy baby by Dr. Mark Weisblut. He is at children's memorial. In your situation, you might like to actually go for a visit. He is a pediatrician and sleep researcher.

The book says the following in brief:
young children need regular sleep including naps. it is important to recognize the early signs of needing sleep/nap so as to not get overwired. A 5 month old might have up to 3 naps a day and they should each be over 30 mins. Naps with movement ie in stroller or car are not restorative and don't really count. A well rested baby sleeps well at night. For night time, establish a ritual winding down - lots of suggestions in the book (I have included massage and also lullabies by fisher price). It does take a few days to get a baby to transition into their own crib and a little cry it out may be needed but you don't have to let him cry long. I try to get my baby to sleep first by nursing her in my bed and then I lift her into her crib. She may fall straight to sleep or squawk for a few minutes and then fall asleep.

That book is fab and my little sweetie has become an angel with its assistance.

Another vote for "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". He'll be sleeping like an angel within days!

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, is a great book. Also in Fit Pregnancy magazine, the Dec/Jan issue has an article about What Parents want to know about baby's sleep(it's on page 110). They even break down 10 different sleep book by Expert/Book, sleep philosophy and who it is best suited for. Good luck.

Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep solution" is a gentle way to teach your child to sleep without using Ferber's cry it out method. It may take a bit longer and more patience on your part, but it works.

We used the modified Ferber's method, but remember, each sleep training method is different for each parent. Good luck!

S., try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

I am a working mom and I really need my sleep at night. Someone reccomended that I try Ezzo's book called Babywise. It really worked for my daughter. She is now 10 months and I used the techniques starting at 7 months and I have uninterrupted sleep almost every night after the initial two weeks it took to get her used to it. The only time you might have issues is if he is teething or sick.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It's based on over 30 years of infant/child sleep research and an easy read.

I used a combination of "The Secrets Of The Babywhisperer" and "The No Cry Sleep Solution".

I don't believe in letting the baby cry on their own. Especially after all that he's been through, if you suddenly put him in his crib and let him cry it out on his own, I believe you may break some valuable trust. Not that there will be no crying what so ever using these methods, but it's done in a loving way so that they know that you will always be there for them.

The Babywhisperer also has an awesome message board where you can get tons of support and questions answered. I'm sure you can find it through an internet search.

You do not have to let your child cry to help him sleep better. You can still be there to comfort him and encourage better sleep habits.

Check out "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. It has a lot of good suggestions regarding what may work better for different children. Her approach helped me night wean my son when he was 11 or 12 months (and yes, he was still waking in the night). 5 months may be a bit early as some kids still do need some nutrition at night at that age.

First of all--wow! Good for you! It must be such a fearful and trying first five months. I hope your boy heals miraculously and may the spirit of the season be in all of you for the wonder you see and feel in your hcild.

Dr. Sears is a good author and writes a helpful sleep book, if you can do the "tough love " thing. Which essentially, is cry it out. Allow him to cry ( and suck on a paci, if you don't mind) in his crib for 10 minutes ( you are teaching him to self soothe). If he is still cryiing, keep him in his crib, but tell him he's ok, Give him his paci, a soft blanket and cuddly stuffed animal, and then leave. Give it 20 minutes. And repeat. According to the book, it's ok to reassure him, but try to establish a routine. And it's hard the first few nights. Usually by the fourth, he has it. And if you set up a routine ritual every night, that helps too. For isntance, I play music, change them into pajamas and a new diaper, rock, and give warm milk while I read, and then turn off the lights, rock a little more, and then tell him he's going night-night. (I say a little prayer too.) It's the same routine for about 12 months now--and it works. My first born is very well adjusted, is 3 years old, and he now reads to himself before bed time--he even asks to go to bed so he can have a blankie and a book ( no kidding--but he's a rare breed)--and when I finsih with my youngest, I go back to him and we read some more. Caleb, the younger one ( now 16 months) is nothing like his brother and doesn't always read ( and has no need for warm milk at this time), but he loves his bed time and the rocking and the music and the dark--he also has an acquarium toy that plays music in his crib he really likes. And I love the routine. Day is filled with play, but I think there's nothing wrong with being a nap nazi for the first two years of a kid's life. You get really good kids.

Hang in there--I'm really touched by your story.

It's not forbidden to sleep with your child -- Cultures all over the world share sleep/co-sleep! :) I would recommend "The Sleep Book" by Dr. Sears or "Good Nights" by Dr. Jay Gordon. In fact, because of your son's health issues, cosleeping might be the better option for your family so a close eye can be kept on him in case there were any set-backs (hopefully not!).

HTH & good luck!

You and your baby are still recovering. It is OK to have him with you for a while. Your baby needs extra care and love even now, and I know how it is, about wanting your bed to yourselves. I have four children, and the baby, 10 mos. tommorrow, sleeps with us some/most of the night. They grow up fast and eventually the time will be yours, and sleep will be yours too. That's what I keep telling myself.
Keep up the good work.
P.S. My husband had major intestinal surgeries 6-28-07,
7-26-07, and 9-13-07, so I know how draining it can be.
gretchen

Hi, Mama. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sleeping with your child. He sounds like a gentle little soul in need of lots of love and care, at night and day. Check out this editorial. Best wishes.

http://www.mothering.com/guest_editors/quiet_place/141.html

I read both "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" and "Secrets of a Baby Wisperer." They are both helpful, but I liked the "Baby Wisperer's" method of teaching your child to put himself to sleep, better than the cry it out method suggested in "Healthy Sleep Habits." (Although, it requires patience and persistence.) Basically, the Baby Wisperer advocates putting your child down before he is asleep and then leaving the room. When he cries, go in his room and comfort him (ie: stand next to his crib, put your hand on his chest, rub his back, etc.) until he quiets down. Then leave the room. If he cries again, go in his room and reassure him again. It can get tedious, but it really worked for us. (Obviously, the book goes into more detail.)

As you probably know, babies are always changing and months after my son learned how to put himself to sleep at some point he started to "protest" cry (ie: he'd let out an indignant wail when I left the room) when we put him down for naps. (I am also a working mom and I chalked this up to the fact that he didn't want to sleep when my husband and I were home on the weekends) I let him cry it out at that point (which turned out to be for 15-20 minutes for a day or 2) because I could really tell by his cry that he was ok and that he was just fighting his nap.

I am happy to hear your son is doing well. It seems with any method that crying is a part of it which will probably be really scary for you. I purchased a bunch of books but actually never made it through any of them. "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD seems to be the Bible. It's a rough read but if you can make it through, his methods seem proven. With my twinkies, we simple did the same routine and let them cry it out. It was hard. If the crying wouldn't slow down after 20 minutes, we would go in and pat their back. If it still didn't slow down, we would go in and rock but I can honestly say, we didn't have to rock very much. They know when they go in their cribs that it's bedtime and can usually soothe themselves pretty fast. It takes time and is really hard. Once your little guy is a little older, you can put some toys in his crib to help him along. Good luck!

Hi S.,
This book is really fantastic (I've had a couple friends use it as well). You buy it online and it has help for babies from 0-3 months and 3-12 years, etc. It describes certain situtaions and what to do if the child "relapses" (testing you out, getting sick, etc).Good luck!
www.sleepsense.net

So happy for you that your son is better!
I agree with Bonnie A, Babywise was wonderful for us. We weren't super strict about the schedule by doing things at the exact minute but kept a rough schedule of their recommended pattern of Wake, Eat, Play and then Sleep. Our daughter was sleeping through the night by 7 weeks without having to cry it out more than a night, maybe two. She is a contented toddler today and everyone is complimentary of her disposition. I know some of that is due to us as parents but I strongly believe having a schedule and sticking to it EVERY DAY and having your sitters do the same makes a happier child. It's also nice for others that watch your baby. If he's crying, they will have a better idea if he's tired, wet or hungry just based on the pattern of his day. I could go on but as you can tell Babywise worked very well for us.
Good luck!

I do suggest to get a radio with cd's to play in his room for him. I know that is what I use for my now 6 and 3 year old and they love it. I use music and stories. Hope it works and I will keep your family in my prayers.

Hi S.,
I just got my baby to sleep through the night in his own room. I used a combo of the baby whispered and the happiest baby on the block.
I can tell you that you can do it w/o that much CIO.
It is up to you obviously but well, I have to say I did let him cry some a couple of times.
He will be 5 months this month.
I havne't let him fall asleep on his own too many times yet. I found with my daughter, if I waited until she was just a bit older to "understand" what was going on - she barely cried, this happened at 8 months.
With my son, I hold him to let him fall asleep, I put him down once he's asleep. My sister puts her down half awake, but you may have to wait since he has been used to nursing or eating prior to....
I started sleeping him in his room for naps. He would wake up crying and I'd pick him up and do it all over again.
Once he started recognizing his crib as his bed, I started just patting his butt when he woke up.
He would drift off again.
Now he sleeps all naps and night from 8 or 9 to 730 am.

My next step is letting him self-sooth.
I am not in a rush, my daughter is 16 months and I am lucky to be "allowed" to hold her for a little.
So.... taking that into perspective... enjoy the short time you have to treat him as a baby.

I am going to wait a few months and do it in phases.
In reality, I know you're tired and want your bed back, I can totally relate.
But if you do it slowly, I find they don't resist as much - I struggled a lot more with dd since I pushed it. She'd freak as soon as she felt me move.
Now, since 8 months of age, she goes to bed completely awak, no bottle, no sippy, no rocking, nothing, plays and goes to bed, this included middle of the night wakings.

I have friends who still "nurse" or "drive" their kids to sleep. At this age, they should be taught, I don't understand why they couldn't do it or if they abruptly tried it and the babies resisted and they gave up...

Anyway... those are the books I went by and do recommend them if you are completely overwhelmed but I think that it can be done with little crying if you let them "adjust" to the change.
Feel free to write me if you want to know in detail my nightime routine - you probably already have one.

And I am so glad to hear your baby recovered well from surgery. I can't imagine what you went through emotionally
Amy

PS. Must add that he is now also waking up without crying!!!! It's a true sign to me that he "understands" that he's safe, I'm near by, and he plays and I come get him cos I don't want him to relate crying to being acknowledged...

Just so you know it is not forbidden for your baby to sleep in your bed. Just make sure it is safe. Relax. Actually, the United States has a higher rate of SIDS than any other country and most other countries abide by the family bed and do not have cribs at all. The No Cry Sleep Solution is a great resource and produces a healthy night time sleep routine for the whole family.

K.

Open heart surgery before 5 mos. old?? Poor baby, poor parents! I hope that he is doing ok. Dear, love on him, spoil him. At this age IMO you can't hold them too much or love on them too much. Especially after what he has gone through it is ok to comfort him! I want you to hold to a thought...your baby isn't going to be a baby forever, be willing to be tired! Be willing to comfort HIM. Adjust a bit to his schedule and nudge him a bit to adjust to yours, it will happen. Enjoy the smell of his baby skin, his gurgle and his need to be close to you. Believe me, when he is 15 and smelling like wet dog, growling at you and pushing you away you will wonder where that sweet baby went. There is a time to wean kids away from certain things...in this? Dear heart SNUGGLE! Get a rocker and rock him, feed him well, sit by his crib until he falls asleep. At his age I used to pat my kids bottoms (pfft on the don't let them sleep face down thing, sheesh!), it is a great comfort. And when you can catnap and nudge your husband in the ribs to take a shift.
TRUST YOUR GUT. *HUG*

I'm a mother of 4 and have had my fair share of sleeping problems with them. I have spent 20 plus years raising sleeping problem children. One was colicy, one was injured while in his carseat from a careless driver and one has ADHD with night terrors and sleep walking. I know the" Mommy's Here Syndrome" Most of the books out there seem to teach one thing. Routine,distance from Mom and self soothing. Over the years I have created a method that worked wonders for me. I found that silence worked best for my children. Reading is good for them so do that as a pre bedtime event. You can let Dad do that while you get bottle ready and his bed set up or what ever. Thats free time for Mom. Bed time is the time to settle down and be quiet. So if it is quiet he will learn to associate the silence with sleep. I'm sure the physical contact is what he is missing by being in his own crib. Since he is use to your heat and sleeping noises you might try this. Try putting his crib next to your bedside so you can reach him from your pillow through the rails.(sitting on the bedside till he sleeps if your not ready to call it a night) This sounds crazy I know. When he cries you can reach through the rails and pat his body,butt, legs some part of him so he knows your there and you can also reach to prop his bottle till he falls back to sleep then remove it. What ever you do don't leave your arm in the crib after he falls asleep. Your wheening him not just changing positions of how you hold him. He will get use to having a pat and bottle till he falls asleep. This takes time though. This way you can still be laid down and not waking your total body by tending to him. You need this energy saving method for work. You can slowly change from patting him till he is asleep to a few pats then just a hand on him to a simple bottle and a wiggle of his matress to let him know your near. Once he has adapted to that ,work on moving his be away from your bed till he is eventually in his own space/room. Once he is in his own room I'm sure you will have a monitor on him since he was so sick. Try to remember this took 5 months to create this habit so it will not be undone in a month it is going to take time. You will find yourself responding to him in a manner that comforts him and also allows you to keep your body at rest. I worked with my last 3 kids and this worked for me. After all your wanting to sleep in silence yourself so you have to train him to do the same. For him he simply wants his Mommy. You just need to teach him he can only have you in ways you set down for him. This means you can't give in or you teach him cry long enough and I get held. He will learn, it just takes time. If he is sick cradle him before bedtime for the soothing effect but once in bed you may have to let him fuss a bit. These nights will be the hardest. Thats the only advise I can give you. I pray it works for you. Try to remember when he does sleep you should try to also. The dishes and laundry will always be there. If you need a house cleaning day incorperate family and friends. I'm sure they will help under the circumstances. You don't have to be super Mom and yes even your spouse can pitch in if you can talk him into it. lol. Good Luck S..

I used the aquarium on the side of the crib. When my son wakes up now, he rolls over, turns it on, and goes back to sleep. I have always had luck with a warm bath and warm cereal mixed with juice or formula right before bed. Good luck! Shannon

I don't know what I would have done without the book "Babywise" with my kids. They slept through the night within 2 - 3 months. This made them happy because they were so rested, and ME happy because I was well rested. I have tons of friends who used the same method and they have had GREAT success with it. Similar books are "Babywhisperer" - which seems more geered towards moms NOT nursing in my opinion. They are both FANTASTIC!

I HIGHLY recommend the book: The Sleep Easy Solution (The exhausted parents guide for getting you child to sleep-from birth- 5 yrs. old)...it's by Jennifer Waldbuger & Jill Spivack. Here's the website abou it: http://www.sleepyplanet.com/index.html

It's a fantastic book and best of all...it WORKS!!! Our first child was a piece of cake to get on a routine and get to sleep (naps/bedtime). Then came our second child (now 15 months) was very difficult. She was very dependent on mommy (I'm a breastfeeding mom)and was also in our room (not in our bed...but in our room). After months and months of sleep deprivation, total exhaustion, you name it....I was at my wits end (by this time she was 8 1/2 months old). I went to the local library and checked out 6 different books (several of the ones the other posters listed) on how to get her to sleep. After thumbing through each book and reading bits and pieces to see which of the authors approach I agreed with...I ended up with the Sleep Easy Solution book,in which I agreed with every approach the authors discuss. I read it front to back (with what applied to me...because they do have stuff in there for older kids) and followed exactly what it said. AND to my surprise my daughter was completely sleep trained (for night-time as well as naptime) AND completley weaned off the breast for night feedings, within 10 days. She was night-time trained and weaned in just 5 days and naptime trained in 10 days (if you read the book, you will see that naptime takes a bit longer...luckily for us, it was only 10 days total for all of it). So, I can honestly say from experience that the methods described in this book DO work! My daughter is now 15 months old and an EXCELLENT sleeper/napper.
If you don't want to go out and spend $ on a bunch of books that may or may not work for you, I would recommend first checking them out at the library. That's what I did...then I ended up loving the book so much and realized that it worked, that I wanted to have my own copy, so I bought it, that way I can pass it along to family and friends...and give them the same tool I had to get their sleep and lives back. :)

Best of luck to you.

My daughter,her husband,and 1year old live w/me.We were letting the baby sleep with us,just because,we finally realized this would become a problem,so,we let her fall asleep with us,put her in her crib,if she woke up back in bed with us,and back to the crib.You don't sleep well,however after a few nights she started sleeping longer in her crib,now she sleeps all night,it's worth the broken sleep.Good luck,and I hope your Son stays healthy and strong,God Bless.

We couldnt let our daughter cry either. But due to her vomiting. The "flap" in her esophagus doesnt work well and if she cried at all (really, her record was 20 seconds until the puking). It went everywhere, and it was the whole stomach full, so obviously we werent interested in cleaning that up ever, let alone at 2am. What we ended up doing was easing her into it the best we could. But she was 15mos old by the time things were good enough we could even try. By then, well, it was BAD! We combined the "tough love" sleep method (aka letting them cry it out) with the gentler ways. Took what we liked out of each system best. It took months, probably 2.

I would rock her until she was dozing, then put her to bed and sit in the rocking chair reading a book or something, right next to the crib. She could see me but I wasnt looking at her or interacting with her. It was tough because she was already talking a little bit (early talker with a huge vacabulary) so I had to listen to her pleading to pick her up. It was rough!!!! But it worked.

I would say read both schools of thoughts. Your son is young enough that the cry it out method might work for him just fine. But you know him best.

A book I hear about all the time is something like "Healthy Sleep Habits for a Happy Baby"? I think that's a tough love one. But I hear VERY good things.

My favorite book that we recommend to all of our friends and family, and that we used and it worked very well for us was "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD. My kids are almost 3 and 18 months, and both are fantastic sleepers and have been since they were about 3 months old. Even with the normal little blips in their sleep habits through the months, we were able within a couple days to get them back to sleeping beauties.

It really is fantastic.

I am happy your baby is recovering so well from his heart surgery!

I had a friend who "Ferberized" her 4 month old daughter with great success. She is still a great sleeper at 3 years old. I used the Ferber method on my first daughter at 18 months and it worked great. I tried it on my second daughter when she started fighting naps at a year old and it seemed to work better if we just let her "cry it out" vs. going in and checking at the timed intervals. 5 months old is still a little baby and I think I would have a hard time letting a child that young cry it out. I have read ALL the sleep books and Ferber seemed to work for us b/c our kids were a little older. If I were you, I would read about a couple different methods and try what makes you feel comfortable. But let me tell you, whatever you decide to do, be consistent. That is the key. You give in one time, only once, and you are back to sqaure one. Or worse! Kim West, the "sleep lady" has good advice too. I'm glad your little one is on the road to recovery and I wish you all the luck in the world. "Sleep training" can be incredibly stressful but the end result is well worth it. Good luck!!

Try cuddling him in. Try the u-shaped pillow forms to support him somewhat on his side. Also, you might want to try some lavendar oil. I think you can get it at a health food store. Rub a little in the corners of his crib on the sheets; this is supposed to be relaxing and sleep inducing. My SIL used it for my niece with success years ago.

Hi, S..

I used a combination of Dr. Weissbluth's book and The Baby Whisperer. I just could not let my 3 girls cry it out when they were under 1 year old. Put me in the "crying babies need to be held camp." Stick to your bedtime routine - always. Make your sitters, parents, husband adhere to it as well. I would say the key is to put the baby in bed when they are very sleepy, but not yet asleep. No sleeping on mom! Sleeping is done in the crib. Then leave the room. Let them fuss, but if full blown crying starts, then you can go back and start again. For as long as it takes.

I did this and people used to think I was crazy for being consistent with the routine. All three girls sleep very well now. They're 9, 6 & 5.