I have a 9 yr old daughter who is smart and beautiful. she has always been a good kid and never had problems in school. however, recently she has started to get influenced by friends and has gotten an attitude. she has also become extremely fascinated with boys!!! she had started neglecting her studies until i grounded her and made her pick up her grades. however, she is getting a terrible attitude. she's cruel to her 2 brothers.(1 is 5 and the other is 2 1/2) she calls them names, hits them, and ridicules them. sometimes she will take what they have and throw it clear across the room almost making them fetch. i try to stay away from spanking but sometimes she gets so out of hand that it is necessary. there have been times i cry myself to sleep because i do not understand why she is being this way. i have sat and talked to her and asked what the problem is. she just breaks down and cries and says she doesnt know. i've thought about getting her counseling but just havent gone through with it. any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!!
Yes to the counseling. I have worked with at-risk youth for over 10 years, it is great you are recognizing the situation and dealing with it.
But don't forget to have some one-on-one time. Make sure you really know her and can help her when the counselor brings the problem to light. She may need you as a mom and a friend, soon.
I would suggest talking to her school counselor. My mom said I started having problems around the same age related to my parents divorce (they seperated when I was 3). She had me see the school counselor and said it made a world of difference. The counselor was also able to give her suggestions and advice on how to work through things with me. Good luck
go through with the counciling. have there been any major changes before the behavior started?
If your daughter is in public school, then she has access to a free school counselor. It might be very beneficial for her to sit down with someone else and talk, and these counselors are trained to deal with kids and their issues. It certainly can't hurt, and they use a lot of discretion in setting up meeting times. My son (10yrs old) saw his school counselor when he was going through a stressful time with lots of unexplained feelings and crying. It helped. It also helps to get her to start a journal or something to write her feelings down, help get her emotions out. Or paint or whatever.
Good luck.
Counseling - and the sooner the better. My daughter is now 14 and goes to regular sessions on her own, but we went together off and on for a couple years as times demanded it. No child changes drastically overnight with no reason. She may not be able to verbalize it to you right now, but there are trained professionals that work with pre-teens and teens all the time. It's OK to invite help when you're at your wit's end. It made all the difference in the world in our house. Good luck!
