Need Help Sleeping

I have a daughter with fear/sleep issues. She is afraid of the dark and was overcoming it until she saw green faces at Halloween. Then she started waking up in the middle of the night with "green" dreams. We have moved from having a lamp on, to keeping the fish tank light on, and now we have a phone with a backlight on. The phone seems to work best because it is dim enough that she still goes to sleep, but we keep it on all the time. Maybe you could try bunk beds? That way, they aren't sleeping together, but she has a roommate. My sister uses a large teddy bear as a "roommate" for one of her daughters.

When I was a very little girl I was terrified of sleeping through the night in my room. I didn't find out until about 20 yrs. later that it was because when I was around four I switched rooms with my sister (who is 16 yrs. older) and someone snuck up to the window thinking it was her room. I didn't know who it was. I just saw a stranger trying to get into my room. Even though I didn't remember the incident the fear stayed with me. My mom let me stay in their room and what it told me subconsciously was that I should be afraid because my mom was protecting me from my room.

I would empower her. Walk through what she is specifically afraid of and let her help you come up with solutions to what she can do if those things happen. Tell her what she can do in case of an emergency. Make a fire escape plan, a sever weather plan and so on and practice them with her. Get her a whistle that she can blow if someone tries to come into her room. Go through all of the rooms of the house and have her blow her whistle from her room. Show her you can hear her no matter where you are. Give her some things that make her feel less vulnerable and more secure that she has ways to handle a crisis. It won't work to tell her that those thinks won't happen to her because she has seen them happen to someone and she knows better than that. She knows that those things happen.

If that doesn't work I would take her to talk to someone about her fear.

My kids all have rotating beds. they take turns sleeping with one another or on thier own pretty much every night. I look at it like this- if everybody is okay with it and every body is getting a good nights sleep who cares. They are learning to comfort one another and my (4) kids have a huge strong bond with one another that I am hoping will continue through out their lives. Dr Sears has a book dedicatedto attachment parenting and his kids slept with him some of them for years. What he stated was when they are ready, they will go back to their own beds and they will be comforted in that when they needed you, you (or sibs) were their for them. Just a totally different thought on this subject for you to consider.

Perhaps you could do some online research with her or talk to a police officer about things that would make her safe. Then go through a checklist to assure the house is secure such as locking doors and windows, knowing contacts for emergencies, knowing where to meet if there was a house fire, etc. Maybe you could turn it into a family meeting and talk about all kinds of natural disasters, how people recover, and how well they are doing now. Perhaps lead into stories of survivors and how happy they are in their new homes. Try to turn it into a good story at the end.

I guess she needs help learning how to cope with fear. It needs to be put in check to understand how to be safe. Often kidnappings happen by those we know. So... the best thing to do is not go with anyone who your parents haven't given you permission the same day. If she goes over to Suzie's house everyday, it may seem normal is Suzie's dad wants to give her a ride home or Edy's Ice Cream shop. However, if mom or dad hasn't given permission for her to go there with him, then it's not okay. Teach her about looking for red flags. If she has to think about her response and she isn't sure, then she should always say "no, I have to ask my mom". Listening to our gut feeling is often the best way to keep us safe.

Hi B.,
It seems to me that this isn't a sleep issue as much as it is a fear issue. Some people are very visually oriented and have great imaginations that can sometimes work against them. I am 31, but I can remember every bit and piece of horror movies that I have seen since I was in junior high. I used to be scared of things coming out of my closet. Or shadow people. Or basements. Whenever I would see a scary movie, it would seriously take me months and months to emotionally get over it. To this day, I cannot and will not watch thrillers. I have to be extremely careful what I see. So I was really happy to read that you are so careful about monitoring her TV use. It's too bad the news chose to break in at that moment with a kidnapping report! I think you've gotten some good suggestions about dealing with the fear. I like the suggestions to have her help in securing the house and the whistle in the room. I also think the sleeping bag under the bed in your room (as a back-up) is a good idea. Also, are you a religious person? Prayer before bed that includes asking God to protect you from danger will help as well. I think that with these precautions and a little more time, your girl will go back to normal. Oh, and one more thing: make sure you take the time to reassure your daughter about how much you love her. Tell her that if something ever happened to her (like a kidnapping), you would never ever stop looking for her. Make a plan together for what you would do. Make sure she has her address and phone number memorized and that she knows how to make a collect call. When she wakes up at night and is scared, she can go over these plans in her mind and imagine a less scary outcome than the one she imagines now.
God bless=
J.

Maybe she could help you "secure" the house at night. Let her go around & help you make sure the doors are locked, windows are shut, etc. Maybe let her have a night light on. Ask her what would make her feel safer in the house. My son would get scared from the movie previews & he would be afraid to go to bed at night. It is tough because you would think kids would feel safe in our homes, but we had a difficult time with the scary movie previews. Some kids like a radio playing softly, that might get rid of night "sounds" a house makes. Just keep talking to her & asking what would make her comfortable. The real place to be careful is out in public, that is really when most kidnappings happen. Good luck! I know it is tough. Maybe she & her brother could share a room for a while??

We had the EXACT same problem!!! My daughter is now 16 and doing fine, but for years she would not sleep. She would hear every car that drove down the road and think it could be someone who was going to stop and shoot in her window. I too tried to monitor tv, but she saw one thing that couldn't leave her mind. We tried everything but like you felt we were failing miserably. Looking back here's what I know: we put a sleeping bag on our floor, and she had to begin the evening in her bed. She could read or just lay there, but she could not come out. Once we were in bed and the house was silent, she was allowed to slip into our room if necessary, and she did most of the time. She learned to come in quietly and lay down, after many tears and our insistence that we needed our sleep too. Eventually she would fall asleep in her bed but wake up and come in, until after quite a long time, really long, she finally outgrew it. That's all. I think it is a phase that most kids go through, being afraid of strangers especially, but for some it is very real and scary. The reason that I write is to let you know that she is a very well-adjusted, intelligent responsible teenager who I expected to be really awful during adolescence. So just because she needed some extra tlc for a while, I think our patience and understanding helped her to feel secure and come away from that experience a better person. Hope some of that helps, if only to let you know that you are not alone and I really feel for you. That seemed like a really long period of time then, but now seems like a millions years ago.
Good luck and hang in there!

Have her walk through the house with you to lock doors, secure windows, etc. Make sure there are night lights. Do you have a nursery monitor that you could use to reassure her. WhatEVER you do, make sure you're available to answer her if she calls for you.

Does she have a night light in her room? Do you close the curtins or blinds for her at night? Do you have a dog or cat that could be in her room with her? I would imagine this is mostly a bad dream, nightmare type of thing. She will outgrow it eventually. Play soft soothing music in her room on a tape or CD player, leave her bedroom door open if it is currently closed or close it if it is currently open after making sure the window is tightly closed the curtins closed, etc. Make it an evening ritual at bedtime to secure first the house (have her come with you) to close and lock doors, windows, close curtins, lower blinds, then have her help you do the same in her room. Read her a fun story that is short, then turn on the music, make sure a pet (if you have one) is in the room with her, the nightlight on, and kiss her goodnight. If she gets up in the middle of the night and wakes you do the same thing, recheck all of the doors windows etc., put her back in her own room, read to her, put the music back on, etc.

I had a friend that went so far as to put a monitor in the child's room so the child when waking from a bad dream would call to them from the monitor and they could go to her room and show her everything was secure and she was safe.

P. R

She has started a bad habit. Lay down the rules and stick to it. Tell her, you sleep in your bed all night. If you wake up or cant sleep you may turn on a light and read books, but that is all you are allowed to do. If you try to get into anyone else's bed, you will spend the next day in your room from the time you get home until bedtime. Then stick to it. She will catch on after a couple of days.

my neice went through this and what they did was went through the house every night and locked it up tight together. then They bought a dog and let her sleep with the dog everynight. it kept her in her room, and gave her company where she felt safe. it took them almost 2 years b4 figuring out a right technique that worked for them.

We are going through similiar things with our almost 7 year old for about a year. He hears all kinds of noises or thinks bad things and can't sleep. Unfortunately we have not found a great solution for him, we keep trying.
We have talked with a Dr. about it and she has assured me they will grow out of it!
But an idea she gave was that the child is not allowed in bed but put a sleeping bag under the bed and she can pull that out and sleep in when she gets scared, preferably without waking mom or dad. Hopefully she will figure out the floor is not as comfortable as her own bed.

Maybe let her help lock up at night. Let her know that she is safe because no one can get in your house. Then give her some warm milk and tuck her into her own bed. Tell your son if she comes into his room at night, to walk her back to her bed. But he has to go back to his own bed. If you continue to make her go back to bed she should stop getting up.
Milk is supposed to make you sleep deeper. Maybe it could help her to sleep all night. Good luck.