Need Help Putting Child in Her Own BED

I need that help too, but I have a 15 month old daughter, a 5 year old daughter and 7 year old son who insist on staying in my room. They kicked their dad out so they can stay with me. My 8 year old finally started staying in his room only because my husband is on the bottom bunk. Good luck...

Hello D.,I am the oldest of 9 children and I have 2 children of my own so I totally understand!When I had my first child I felt bad putting him in his own bed/room,but then it became a hassle.I knew I had to break him of this bad habit that I created,so I started off by making him take his naps in his room and if he needed quite time or if I needed a break I would make him hang out in his room.I made it so he would want to go in his room by decorating it with his favorite characters and putting all the things he liked to play with in his room.Give those few things a try!Good Luck!

My daughter slept with us until she was around 2 and a half. We decided to put her into her own bed and made a huge deal about it. We let her pick out her own big girl bed including the sheets and comforter. We also let her help pick out the mattress. By the time we got everything delivered, we had her so excited she could not wait to sleep in her own bed. She is now almost 4 and only rarely comes and gets into bed with us. We do still make a big deal about her sleeping by herself in her big girl bed and how big she is for doing it.

To give you light at the end of the tunnel, both of my kids slept with us and occasionally still do (husband travels, a lot) but they both transitioned in to their rooms at around 3 for my first and 2.5ish with my second) Both transitioned without any tears at all. We started with a mattress on the floor of our room and then moved them in to their room. This took some time but in the end I have two kids that never fight going to sleep and sleep all night (my almost 3yo still wakes on occasion, but not much). At 4, you can talk to your daughter and she'll understand. She may be a little upset, my 5 year old will say how much she loves sleeping with us but she also loves sleeping in her room. With both of our kids we just said, Mommy and Daddy are falling off of the bed, Daddy isn't getting enough sleep to go to work, etc.. and the kids accepted that. Another thing I did, just to ensure success was the "night fairy" would visit their rooms on occasion and leave something under their pillow. They never expected it and I don't think they actually needed it. I just wanted to do a little something extra to make waking up in their own bed special. Mind you this would be something very small, a sticker, fancy pen, mini notepad. Whatever, it didn't matter, they were just so excited that a fairy came in to their room and gave them something for sleeping in their bed.

You may feel now that your daughter will never be able to sleep on her own but trust me, she will. I have two great independent sleepers and have many friends who also co-slept and can say the same. For us, since birth, bedtime always had a routine and has always been a positive experience. I think this has helped give them the great sleep habits they now have.
M.

Why is it bad that your daughter sleeps with you? Because everyone else says so? If it is the right decision for you and your family (not everyone else) then it is not a bad thing. Have you ever heard of Dr. Sears? I suggest you get and read his books. He is a pediatrition that promotes "attachment parenting." He encourages a "family bed." My kids are 2 1/2 and 8 months and we all happily sleep (all through the night) in one king size bed. It makes me, my children and my husband feel safe and secure. It makes the bond stronger between the family. Believe it or not your daughter will be even more independent when she gets older because you've allowed her the comfort and security of letting her be a naturally dependent child.
I wouldn't force her into anything until she is ready. Maybe get her a very special bed that she gets to pick out herself for doing something really good. Then put her bed next to yours and slowly transtion, that way, she gets used to sleeping in her own bed then you can slowly move the bed away from yours and eventually into her own room. It is going to take a while, but what doesn't. Just put your self in her shoes. Good luck!

Hi D.,
My husband and I have let our 4 year old little girl sleep with us her whole life also. We have progressed to laying with her in her bed until she falls asleep. She usually ends up between us by morning. We have tried everything. But honestly, I think we need her just as much as she thinks she needs us! Here's the thing to think about, do you know of any 25 year olds that still sleep with Mom and Dad? Eventually, they must all grow out of it. Until then, I am just going to enjoy her wanting to be so close!

Hi ! I have an idea : why not make the new bed and sleeping in it - a ceremony ...for a special little " Mama " , placing her favorite doll or dolls in it aswell . Make it so inviting and cute that she'll love it and the special own bed ceremony will give her pride and ....
may be paint the bed ....get little curtains ... nest , tent - fit for a future Queen ?!! decorate it together , create a beautiful oasis , where Mom can lay down aswell sometimes .....
wishing you happy nights and days !

I found a lovie- soft textured blanket or favorite stuffed animal/baby as a transitional object helped my 4 kids. I introduced earlier but you could anytime if you dont already have....I'd talk to my daughter about how she is such a big girl and ready to sleep in her own bed with her special baby, etc. I also gave mine water in a bottle or sippy cup to have in their beds to drink whenever they got thirsty or to help comfort themselves.. Ive found it just gets harder to teach them to sleep the older they get....You can give her the skills to sooth herself and go to sleep on her own which are invaluabe skills she will need for life. Even when it is hard I think it is so important to teach our kids....If you are having too much trouble letting go there are many wonderful therapists who can help you grow yourself if open to this...I have found really helpful with life struggles for my own life and dealing with changes/stages my children go through. :) Good luck! You can do it!

I'm a mom of 4 and understand the problem with putting kids in bed! My 3 year old, especially after the birth of my last baby, would refuse to go to his bed! Now, it's a lot easier, and he loves his bed!
I would suggest starting with a toddler bed, and maybe start by putting it in your room, near your bed. Of course, you'll have to get the super cute princess sheets, pillows, and extra soft blankie! That's what I did with my son. He loves Diego (from Dora), so I got the Walmart sheets, blankie, and "special" big boy, fluffy pillow. It was a big deal in our home that day because we all were so "jealous" of how he was lucky enough to be the only one who got to use the stuff.
If you're having withdrawals, you can't let your litle one know! They are so perceptive and if you don't want her to sleep in her own bed, she's gonna know it! :)
After a couple of weeks, you can pretty up the spot where her bed is going to be moved to. Maybe a poster or 2, kids LOVE feeling special, and they love when we make a big deal of making them feel special! Just remember to always reinforce the fact that you're only a short distance away. Make sure you remind her that you're watching over her, and celebrate each morning she successfully sleeps in her bed! It will be so much fun!!

Good luck and happy parenting!!!

Hi, D..

I think it's GREAT that you co-sleep! Your daughter must feel so secure. My husband and I unofficially co-slept with each of our kids -- until a new baby was imminent. We never planned it that way; in fact, we actively proclaimed we would not co-sleep -- but we kind of liked the little boogers (and hey, there's no better way to wake up than to have a tiny hand smooshed across your cheek). I have so many fond memories of each one drifting off to sleep. It always strikes me as such an honor to see my babies drift off; maybe that's corny.

That said, my kids are too darn long-legged to sleep with me anymore -- they're assertive sleepers, I end up on the floor! Here's what we did:

- prepared them mentally for what was going to happen.
- let them make personal choices (bedding, color scheme, night light, etc).
- started by shifiting them to the bed after falling asleep in our bed,
- each knew she would awaken in her own bed,
- each knew she was expected to make it her own space and use it,
- each knew she was treasured and welcome, we were just smooshed and sleepy.
- the first few times they migrated back, we'd let them fall asleep with us, then move them.
- later each knew she'd be taken back to her own bed every time she migrated.
- if late at night, we took them back to bed wordlessly but kindly.
- soon they were each sleeping through till morning.
- sometimes they crawled into bed with each other instead -- cool. As long as they all fit.
- I made a habit of waking up early to give each one cuddles on my lap out in the living room. We'd chat about dreams, the sunrise, or say nothing at all and just wake up slowly ... it filled the cuddle gap. Each kid gets a turn to this day. Funny how it's still important to them.

White noise and night lights also help a LOT. Sweet dreams, you wonderful mommy!

:-)

Have you tried putting a crib mattress or some other small mattress by the side of your bed. That way she can still see you and hear you but she isn't right there with you. Maybe if you do it gradually it will be better for her. When my oldest was 4 she went through a phase of wanting to sleep in our room, probably because daddy had just come home from Iraq. I put a mattress beside our bed and for a few nights I actually held her hand while she fell asleep. It didn't take long for her to feel safe again in her own room.

Hi D.,
My first daughter was with us for awhile too and what worked for her was this - we bought one of those cute beds (that fit the crib mattress - they also have a nice variety of small beds at IKEA) and put it at the foot of our own bed. I put her to bed in there and if she woke up at night she would just crawl up to us in our bed. Eventually she joined us less and less and soon after I just moved the same bed to her own bedroom. Voila! Good luck.

Both of my children at one point or another liked to sleep with us. The move into their own beds started quickly, but the process was slow. We always started by placing their bed in our room where they could see us. Once they became accustomed to their own bed we moved them into their own room. Yes, we always let them pick the decor for their own rooms. We also let them decide where they wanted their beds placed in their room. We made sure the children knew their rooms were where they could get their own space (their little world, away from everyone else). Once the children made the move into their own rooms and beds, we no longer aloud them to sleep with us. We still snuggle with them all the time, just not when they are suppose to be sleeping.....

Hope this helps!

I wonder if this thought of not letting our children sleep with us is a cultural issue. There are many cultures around the world where the children sleep in the same bed/room as the parents. I've often thought of putting two kind-sized beds together in our room and that is the Sleeping room. I personally love it when my kids come climbing in to cuddle.

My 6 year old sleeps in his own bed - he is a very heavy sleeper, nothing wakes that little man. My 4 year old crawls in bed almost every night. We let him because we know one day he'll not do that anymore and we'll miss the little munchkin snuggling up to us.

Put her to bed and sit with her until she falls asleep

Hello,
I am a mother of a 2 year old. I had the sam eproblem. My son would not go to bed on his own. I had to ask my doctor what to do!! What I found was that I had to put him to sleep till his eyes were opeing and shutting then put him in the crib. Then you wait 15 minutes. If the baby is still crying then you go in there and rub her back. Please avoid making eye contact and talking. Let her cry it out! It's a habit that has to be broken. It's hard because motherly instinct is to pick up your child and baby him/her when they cry. Then wait another 30 min. Same thing. Eventually she will fall asleep on her own! She wants the re-assurance that's all. Try this for a week or so.. However, you must be ready to detach your instinct just a little. If you really want her to sleep in her crib you can't give in too easy, babies are smart!!!
Best Wishes
N. Shane

You need to not be scared and once that happens, then the transition will be easier for you both. Our oldest was in our bed for 3+ years and we transitioned him to a mattress on our floor at the end of our bed, so when he woke up, we were right there. We started that when he was 2 years...then we got him into his own bed, but always ended up in our bed. At 3, we explained that another baby was coming and that baby needed the same time with us that he go - that is was FAIR. At that age, fairness is something they are figuring out. He agreed and that was the last night he spent in our bed.

We had him go with us to pick out a car quilt and sheets of his choice. He was so excited.

Now that baby #3 is on the way, we are transitioning #2 who is 21 months...but he's different and younger. We fall alseep with him in our bed and then transfer him. Most nights he sleeps through the entire night in his own bed.

YOU are the one that needs to be ready...and when you are, then the transition will go great. And co-sleeping is not bad. My kids are so dran self-assured. When the other kids are screaming and holding on to their parent's legs when they are being dropped off at pre-school, my son looked at them confused and simply told me at 3.5 years old, "Mom, don't forget to pick me up." I laughed and told him that I could never forget to pick him up.

Good for you...go with your gut.

Co-sleeping is the most natural thing in the world. Good job letting her sleep with you for so long. Only start the move if co-sleeping is no longer working for your family. I would agree with most other responses, but don't let your child cry. If they end up in your bed, try again the next night. Your child will be more independent as an adult if you let her be dependent now, when she is little. A really good book is 'Good Nights' by Dr. Jay Gordon. You actually only need the last half of the book, but it is a really nice book to read. Good luck.
R.

My son slept with me, as a single parent, for many years. At three I would lay with him until he fell asleep in his own bed and in the middle of the night he would wake and come to sleep with me. When I began a relationship with my boyfriend I had to do something about my son coming to bed with me when my boyfriend spent the night. I told my son, at 5 years old, that if he came to my bed again I would take his bicycle away from him until he could sleep in his own bed ALL NIGHT. I still layed with him to go to sleep so I wasn't depriving him of our time together or his security of falling asleep. It worked. He never came to my bed in the night again. It may sound harsh and mean but he never cried or pitched a fit he just slept in his own bed all night. Good Luck.

You didn't do a bad thing. I think co-sleeping is one of the best things to do for young children if you can swing it. I co-slept w/ my son till he was 2 and my daughter till she was 1. That's when they went into their own bedrooms/bed. BUT... I stayed with my son till he fell asleep, then left for my room then went back if he got up and I stayed there. Why? Well, I wanted to sleep too. I didn't want to wait up for them. My son (now 8) stopped needing me to lie with him around age 5. My daughter is 3.5 and I still lie with her till she conks out. She sleeps thru the night and around 5 am walks to my room and I quietly walk her back and lie with her and we both fall immediately asleep. No screaming, no begging, no arguing in the middle of the night. She gets her cuddles and security at night and we all get our sleep. My children sleep in the same room BTW. She is on the twin mattress that pulls out from under my son's bed.

We let our 11 year-old daughter sleep with us whenever she wants (and she often does). I don't see anything wrong with it. I try to look at it from her eyes. I wouldn't want to sleep alone either. I'd rather be cuddled up with my family in warm secure comfort.

I enjoy giving and receiving the comfort while I can before she's grown. She'll be off on her own soon enough.

A sweet picture book about the family bed is The Cuddlers (I think that's the name).

Good luck whatever you decide!
M.

What if you took her shopping and let her pick a great blanket or new pillow case or sheets and help her realize its her own space - make sure she naps or reads or plays alone on her bed to start to make it her own? My girls put their bears and dolls to bed in their own beds - maybe add that to the routine, too - she puts her baby to bed, and you put your girl to bed. Maybe start by going to bed later than her so she falls asleep alone in your bed, and then she does not associates being with you, with going to sleep.

My daughter is 3-1/2 and she slept in our room her whole life, either in her crib, or in our bed. It would go in spurts but there was a lot of in our bed, for sure. She's had her own room for the past 8 months but for one reason or another we could never start putting her to bed there. Finally, we stopped making excuses, bought the safety gate for the stairs, bought the hallway nightlight and just made the move. It's been absolutely fine, and she sleeps there all night, almost every night.

Here's what we did:
First, we made a big deal about how she was a big girl now, and she could start sleeping in HER own room, in HER own bed. We bought her a "sleeping buddy", a big pink horse, that now lives on the floor in the play room because he was too big for the bed. We bought a few new cute things for her walls and got her excited about those and about putting them in HER room. Then, I bought a Storytime Theater projector and every story cartridge I could find. Every night, we pick out a story to watch, cuddle in her bed, and watch a story. She usually wants to watch them more than once, and is usually asleep by the time the second run is over. When she falls asleep, I put a big body pillow in the bed next to her, and cover her up. Done. She usually doesn't come get in our bed until around 5am, which is fine. We do the early morning cuddle and we're all up and about by 6am anyway.

Let her be involved in picking out her new routine and then be consistent. If she comes to your bed in the middle of the night, as hard as it is, you have to take her back to her bed, and then get up and leave when she's asleep again.

Good Luck!

yes, it may take a while but eventually she will be in her own bed. Be patient. Life is long and you didn't do anything to harm your child. OUr kids grow up so fast. You are a good mom.

D.,

Here's an article that might help.

http://gagazine.com/improve-your-romance-get-your-child-o...
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Lullaby CD Giveaway. http://gagazine.com/one-dozen-baby-lullabies/

Take her to the store and let her pick out her sheets and/or pillow case. Have a big girl ceremony of some kind. If she has a sleeping bag, perhaps you can place it on the floor in your room. Tell her that if she has to leave her bed, she can sleep on the sleeping bag. Each night, move the sleeping bag further away from your bed (if even necessary) until it's closer to her room and/or not necessary. Be consistent and don't say things you aren't going to stick with. Kids test their boundaries.

Good luck...hey do the dogs get to sleep with you too? :)

J.
www.AisForAutism.net

Tell her you love her, explain that she is a big girl now and that it is time for her to sleep on her own bed. She probably will cry for a few nights or even a week or two but you just have to hang in there and not give in....your heart might heart but...... hang in there! Our kids did it. It took crying and trying soooo hard not to give in and they are all in their own beds! We have 4 who had to go through this process! :)

Hi D.,
My youngest child is 12 years old. He slept in our bed until he was almost 6. Before his 6th birthday, I just asked him how old does he have to be before he sleeps in his own bed - do your friends still sleep with their parents? He thought about it and decided that he needed to sleep in his own bed because he didn't want people to think he was a baby. He's slept in his own bed since. Cherish the time that they still want you - I miss my children needing me all the time. They grow up so fast. Believe me - they won't be wanting to sleep with their mommies for long.

Don't know if this will work, but you might give it a try. My 4 year old doesn't like staying in her bed either and can often stay up late "playing games" with me. What I've found can work for her is to tuck her in and tell her I'll be back in 5 minutes to "check on her". In 3 - 5 minutes, I do - I don't say anything, but I rub her back 10 times and then whisper that I'll be back to check on her in 10 minutes. Then I do. It usually on takes 3 or 4 checks before she's asleep. This still hasn't stopped her from coming in in the night...but one problem at a time! :-)