Need Help Organizing Nine-Year Old Daughter

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Good luck!

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My daughter is alot younger but I was feeling the same with her room. I bought alot of huge rubber maid bins or totes. They are labeled. Barbies go in one. Polly pockets in another. You get the point you could do the same with your daughter's belongings. If she has a collection of stuff animals or purses or whatever it is nine year old's are interested in. It takes away all the clutter and mix matching things she'll never find again. I also have a trash can in my daughters room for all of her many pictures she draws and art projects scraps she does. I also go up there and sit and help or watch her clean her room every night before bed. That's my rule I have to see the floor or she doens't go to bed. I always make sure we leave extra time to do this. If I chit chat with my daughter or help it goes by 10x faster. If I go do my own thing in another room it never gets done. She get's distracted and just doensn't follow through.

As far as homework when I was a kid I had to come straight home and do my homework before going out to play. There was no waiting til after dinner.

Maybe when you get home from work make it a rule it better be done before mom gets home and make that a priority to check her work before you start dinner or whatnot and if it's not done she's in trouble. I would give leeway if she needs help with something.

Is your son on any kind of schedule with his homework? Perhaps the 2 of them doing their work at the same time would help, or pointing out what her brother does in order to have his work done so he can then go do fun, maybe it could help motivate her. Can you use anything as motivation? Such as making her favorite dinner and school work must be done before you eat? or school work after dinner, but ice cream/dessert has to wait until she's done? Maybe sit down with her at the table and while she's doing homework you can pay your bills, sort throuh the mail, plan upcoming activities. (I'm assuming that because your daughter is 9 that she doesn't have homework every day.)

My 8-year-old has to do his homework right when he gets home and no games or playing outside until he's done. He breaks for dinner and a shower if he's not done already, and if he's still not finished after dinner, then that's too bad. No games, outside, TV or anything. (He gets homework every Monday and it's due on Friday. He quickly realized that it may take him a whole night to do everything, but then he has all the other nights that week not to worry about school work.)

I had a similar problem with my 9 year old (3-3-07) and so we made a list of everything in order (detailed example for us is put mom papers on table, do all of homework, put in backpack {make sure they are in the order you want them done}) that needed to be done and she had to check them off as they were done and she would get a piece of candy or something from a reward bowl at the end of the night if everything was done and at the end of the week if everything was done everyday she got a bigger treat like we would go to the library just the two of us or to the coffe store for hot cocoa book store for a cheap under $5 book or even just an hour or so of her and me time painting our nails doing our hair playing a game etc... And now i don't have to nag her or get upset everynight and i know it is done. Plus we have gotten in some very good momy and madison time

I use the little clear bins with my kids and then have one of those round barrels for the dolls and stuffed animals. They have to have their rooms cleaned before eating dinner because then they go downstairs and play with their other toys.
As far as homework, I was always made to do it after supper. When kids get home from school the last thing they want to do is start all over with more school. This way she can have a full belly and also have you there to help when she has questions. You can also make her set her backpack on the counter and not touch it until you get home so she doesn't lose everything. My daughter is in preschool and they each have a folder in their backpack that the teacher puts their important notes in. Maybe that would work for your daughter so then she can just give you the folder.
Good luck,
J.

Hi K.,

I'm not sure if it would be an option for you, but I used to work for the school district and MSCR and directed the Safe Haven program, it was the afterschool program at the Elementary School I worked with. It sounds like it could help you out somewhat to help your daughter get all her homework done before you get home. The program isn't run out of all the elementary schools, but is at most. It is also very affordable for families (much more than other community afterschool programs) because it offers free or partial enrollment for your child AND transportation if she is in the bussing zone. Most sites also offer part time registration so if you wouldn't want her there everyday, you could sign her up for just a few days a week. The daily program includes snack, homework help from the staff and other kids and then fun activities (gym, arts/crafts, etc.). It was the first thing that came to mind that may help her after school time be more structured if she needs help to keep on track of things. Of course, this would only help you out if your middle schooler can be home alone of if he would attend the middle school afterschool program at his school (if there is one). Just thought it may be something to look into... :) Good Luck, J.

I just have a suggestion about the lack of homework communication between you and her. Why don't you explain your concerns to the teacher, and then get your daughter a simple planner that she can carry to and from school each day? That way, you and her father would know exactly what she is supposed to do for the day. I teach Study Skills at Sylvan Learning Center, and this is one tactic we use...even with 9 year olds. The teacher could help her to enter assignments, and the rule could be that either your or her father have to initial it everyday. It would help keep the lines of communication between home and school open. Just a suggestion!! :) Good luck.

i like Aimee V's response. (btw ADD is total BS! please don't buy into that!)

Your child is a Pisces Tiger with a moon in Taurus. All of these signs point to having intense and passionate emotions. She's daydreaming while she's working - that's the Pisces in her. Tigers also can go through more intense mood swings, but they also are magnetic & self-possessed.

I'm not going to detail these signs here. You can link to: http://www.astrology-online.com/pisces.htm, and http://chinese.astrology.com/tiger.html, and http://www.cafeastrology.com/print/moon_in_taurus.html for more info.

I think when we understand how someone "ticks" it's easier to figure out creative responses that work for them.

I think Aimee V's suggestions work since her child is nearly the same astrologically, and by offering these rewards - esp. the emotional ones, it's a good incentive.

I don't think your child cares too much about reaping material benefits, but really enjoys the social and esp. artistic benefits. Perhaps giving her constructive artistic possibilities that she can do BEFORE you get home, and show you when you get home, would get the "daydreaming" stuff out of the way, and let her focus on homework afterwards.

Obviously, up to you how to arrange this. Hope this helps. Peace!

Wow! I have VERY similar problems with my 8 year old daughter. First of all, don't listen to anyone who suggests ADD or ADHD. Sadly, so many parents accept this as a reason for certain behaviors and medicate their kids unnecessarily. If the problems are very severe, maybe consider it, but trust your gut and try tons of other options first!
My daughter is in girl scouts and gymnastics, both of which she is very passionate about. My husband and I use them as a reward. She writes her assignments in her notebook every day, it's part of the curriculum. When she gets home, after snack, she does her homework. She isn't allowed to do anything else until it's done. We have no TV or music on, it's quiet time. My younger kids color or play quietly. I constantly check on Kayla's progress and have to get her back on track. I help her out,too, which is good for both of us, cause I'm more familiar with her subjects. She finishes in a pretty timely fashion now, since she has realized that she can't do anything until it's done. I know too many kids whose parents just expect their homework is finished just on their kids word, and then the parents act all shocked when report cards come home. KEEP ON TOP OF IT! Even if you sound like a broken record! If we get any bad reports or Kayla misses an assignment, she isn't allowed to go to gymnastics. Period. If her room isn't cleaned up every weekend (she's a slob, too!) then she doesn't get computer time for the next week. When we really stick to the rewards, it gets done. She's not gonna let herself miss gymnastics! Well, this worked for my family, and I hope it helps you!

K.,
I have had trouble getting my daughter to stay on task while cleaning her room as well. This is what worked for me I would go in her room with her and just very calmly say "first pick up all the ponies" after she finished that "now pick up all the books" good job now the barbies and so on and so forth. It does take awhile for them to get used to this, but cleaning a room when it is a disaster is overwhelming even for adults, so by teaching her to start with one thing and complete it then move on I think is a very valuable lesson. It does take some work in the beginning, but after a few times of doing it this way my daughter realized this was easiest and adapted. Now i am not saying that I never have trouble anymore because I do every now and then, but now i set the timer and let her know when there is about five minutes left and whatever is still out and not put away gets taken for awhile. As far as the homework goes, I have not struggled with this (yet) but I think the after school program is something to look into, at least that may take away some of your busy schedule after work and then you would have more free time to spend with your kids.
Good luck and hang in there,
B.

Hi K.,
I think she might need to be tested for ADD. She sounds like my son. I write a "TO DO " list and put it on the refrigerator. It's a everyday everyone list. Like yours would say : Make Supper,Ask children about homework and whatever else you want to add. It's gonna be used as a "trigger" to ask you to ask them. And the kids will see it to. Like I have one on my kid's bathroom mirror. Get Dressed,eat,brush teeth, get book bag ready, make bed, etc.......it's a trigger to remind them. Try that. Notes, notes, notes......and after talking to your teacher and she thinks or has some concerns about ADD, get her checked out because you need to get a hold of this before Jr High and High School.

Your daughter sounds darling....start doing A LOT of praise when she brings her homework to you, or she remembers to do something without you reminding her....a lot of praise goes a long way!

Good Luck!
J. N