Need Help Finding a Stay at Home Mom to Care for My Son

Ask about guns, smoking, pets, and age of ALL people in the house. Ask her for references and if you want you could pay to have a background check done on her. You could also do the random pop-in

I don't see how a SAHM would be the solution to avoiding germs. I think the doctor might not realize that SAHM doesn't literally mean 'staying at home' or that the kids of the SAHM are bringing home germs from school, playgroups or activities. Even homeschooled kids are out and about doing things with other people.

You need a nanny or nurse to care for your son in your own home. Alternately, if you have the option, you be a SAHM.

I have mostly used in home providers and i really think you just go with your gut. I talk about their daily schedule and just talk about them and their kids. I watch to see how she interacts (or doesn't) with my child. I watch how her kids act and behave (not judging just seeing if similar to mine), i watch to see how she disciplines. Im also pretty weird about the place. If its dirty or cluttered.... no thank you.

I like S.H.'s idea. I think and in-home nanny is the way to go for your situation. Look for a service and ask if they are insured, etc.

Good luck!

I suggest you're not getting responses because your title sounds like you're looking for an at home mom when what you're really asking is how can I be sure a stay at home mom is a good choice.

Look up questions to ask when choosing day care for ideas. And, yes, you can get a limited background check by going to the police station records section. There is a charge. You can also get information by googling the person's name online.

And, she may be state certified. That's a question to ask her first. You can go to the state site. In OR it's called Department of Human Services and search in home daycare. They'll have listed all in home daycare that is certified by them. This will give you more options.

Did you as the speech therapist how well she knows this person and why she's recommending her? How well do you know the therapist and do you trust her?

I found in-home daycare for my grandson from the state site.

To do this and per your son's medical issues, the SAHM, would NEED TO HAVE a license, and her home insured for "daycare" and she'd need to have medical background too, and CPR and First Aide, certification, AND she'd need to have consent forms and liability forms, signed by you, too etc.

IF the woman is not licensed and does not claim the income for babysitting, you CANNOT, claim it for your tax purposes. Either. Or she will get in trouble.

Maybe, instead, you should get a home health aide. Because then, this person would have... medical training and background.

You can do your own, background check and get references about her, etc.

And why did the Speech Therapist recommend this particular woman? Did you ask the Speech Therapist any questions about her? And, HOW does she even know this woman??? And why, is she recommending THIS woman???

If my child were medically fragile, I would not want him around other kids. Other kids DO get sick. You cannot prevent that.

Whoever you talk to to care for your son... you ALSO, in addition to asking them questions, is: TELLING THEM your "requirements" and expectations... of them, and how you want your son cared for.
And then, they can either accept or not.

If you just find an unlicensed SAHM "with max 3 kids to care for"... then, that person would not necessarily be insured or licensed, nor want to take on that responsibility. Because she will be liable, for anything. And per the other kids and her home. And she will not have medical background.

I suggest, you hire a Nanny, to care for your son at your home. That way, no other kids will be around.
But then you also need a back-up care provider too, because what if one day your Nanny is sick, or if the SAHM type care provider you have, is sick?

NO matter what, even if a SAHM to watch your child, there will be other kids around, and the SAHM HAS to also care for the other kids too. And some care providers, do allow... kids to still attend their care as along as they do not have a fever. But so they are sick maybe with a runny nose and sneezing and coughing.
Do you want that?
You cannot tell the babysitter, that the other kids under her care, cannot attend on any given day.

I would call the hospital in your area and see if they know of anything or anyone to recommend. And maybe google your son's issue and see if there are support groups that might have some ideas.

Daycare with a max of three kids? It sounds like you need someone to.come to your home. You do realize that even going to the grocery store
He can catch something. Does he get IGG infusions to boost his system. Someone to come to your house is the only way to protect him, but like I said you do need to live life.

Well, whatever works best for you is ideal. But, new studies suggest that daycare is very important is priming a child's immune system for later in life, and it's most beneficial the first months. Their future health has a lot to do with it, for the better, so illness from the early years (be it daycare, play places, etc.) really is not all "bad." Good luck!

Have you looked to see if there are any daycare centers for medically fragile children in your area?

I know I'm coming late to this, but I just want to say, the chances of this woman being crazy to the point of harming your child behind closed doors are infinitesimal. I know there are stories about things like this on the news, but have you ever heard the journalism thingy, "Dog bites man is not news; man bites dog is news." In other words, the news reports on things that almost never happen. Really, the likelihood of this woman being a crazy sadist is like the likelihood of a person randomly biting your dog.

If you've already gotten a referral from a trusted professional -- wow, you're way ahead of the game. I think your next step is to meet with this woman. See what her house is like and make super-sure nobody smokes. Have a conversation with her about all kinds of parenting things -- discipline, how she'd handle an emergency, diet, entertainment -- really, see if she shares your values. Ask for two referrals. (You've already gotten one.) If all that checks out and you personally feel comfortable with her, then honestly you should let your fears go and congratulate yourself on finding a smart way out of a hard situation.

I totally understand. I have a child with a heart defect, so daycare was never an option. I would check personal references and try to find somebody through a friend (like your speech therapist). Do you go to church? Maybe somebody through your church--maybe somebody that works in the nursery on Sunday?

P.S. My hubby went to West Point, so I've flown into Newburgh many times:)