Need Help - Palmerton,PA

This is the "dark" side of being a SAHM, the part everyone glosses over with "oh just enjoy it, it goes so fast, it's so important to be there, blah, blah, blah."
The fact is it can be incredibly tedious, boring and lonely! Your child is perfectly normal, they don"t really "play" with you at that age anyway.

Staying at home has worked for me for all of these years because I actually enjoy being by myself. When my kids were little I was able to keep myself happily entertained and occupied while they played nearby. I did housework of course, but I also did exercise videos, projects around the house, I talked on the phone with family and friends and I read a LOT. I also made sure we got OUT every day, usually to a park or a friend's house. Fresh air and a change of scenery was REALLY important to me. I can't stand to be cooped up in the house all day!
Do you have other mom friends you can get together with during the day? If not maybe you can sign up for some kind of mommy and me group or activity so you can start meeting people.
And if it turns out you really DON'T enjoy being a SAHM, do not feel guilty! It's not for everyone and it doesn't make you any less of a mother if you want and/or need to go back to work. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise, you do what works best for you and your family :)

Hi L., all three of my kids were different with regards to this issue.

The oldest, for example, was pretty high maintenence in this area. He wanted my attention at all times. Never caught a break.

But the next kid was perfectly happy pushing a truck around in the dirt all by himself for hours.

So in all likelihood, she's just naturally independent. But I see you have had concerns in the past about her development.

So here's my take. I think if she's approaching 3, and you cannot engage her AT ALL, it may be time for an evaluation. Meanwhile, at less than two, I see no cause for concern.

So ENJOY it! It's WAY worse having a clingy kid!

:)

dude - you gotta chill. :)

You've asked 5 questions, and three of them are about activities to do with a toddler.

I got a toddler - they don't play "with" anyone.

They'll separate some blocks, while you sit close and also separate some blocks. Peek-a-boo and 'light switch time' are the only play activities our little man and I do "together". And I play next to him ALOT.

You're a new SAHM. Yes, it's a full time job - but just like any other job it has it's busy times of day and busy seasons. Ours are too young for busy seasons yet. So yes, you will have some downtime.

You will have downtime while she feeds herself (great MP time)
You'll have downtime during naps.
Downtime while she plays

That's ok. You're not shorting yourself any of the experience. The problem is...ya got a toddler. They haven't learned to play "with" anyone, yet. Isn't it awesome that they are self-entertaining!

:)

It's okay that she plays by herself right now. You can sit on the floor and play with her or watch her for little bits at a time while doing other things yourself. Independent play is common, and soon enough she will want you to do everything with her so enjoy the down moments for now.

Have her help you with stuff you are doing around the house. Like the laundry. My son loves to put the clothes in the dryer for me. I put them on the door and he pushes them into the dryer and then he loves to push the start button.

Try sitting down and coloring together or finger painting is always fun. A little messy but fun, just put some newspaper down.

Take her out to run at the park and chase her and play tag. Kids love to get chased at that age.

Lots of things you can do to play with her :)

Rather than independent play all day, plan some activities to do with her. Set up some sort of schedule where she gets her independent play at a particular time and then you have a baby/mommy activity to do. You can fingerpaint, go for a nature walk, paint small plant pots and then the next day when they are dry, plant some seeds or small flowers in them, play London Bridge is Falling Down with the water hose, etc.

It takes some imagination, but if you try you can fill your day!

Don't expect that you have to spend every minute with her. Have her toys out. and let her play while you do your own thing. If you spend every minute playing with "read entertaining her here" she wll grow to expect that and then you will have a 5 year old whining "theres nothing to dooooooooooooooo" be happy she can entertain herself so many can't lol. in the mean time get a good book to read, teach her how to fold the washclothes when you do laundry, let her dry the plastic plates when you do dishes, let her help wash the veggies for lunch.

Sounds like your focus is on her. I suggest that is not what a SAHM is all about. It's about balancing things in a way that is easier than if you're also working outside the home.

Be glad that she's independent. Pay attention to her but don't expect to interact with her all of the time. Do the housework. Involve her when it's appropriate but let your focus be on meeting your own goals too. Because she's independent you have time for yourself too. So many mothers would love to have your ability to focus on yourself part of the time.

Plan your day to include your daughter instead of making your daughter your main focus. It's not necessary to play with her. It is necessary for her to be a part of your life. As others have suggested, talk with her and have her help you as you do your chores. Fit her into your day.

In other posts you've asked questions about her development. Have you talked with her pediatrician about your concerns. It's best to find out if she needs services as early as possible.

When you say she doesn't look you in the eye much of the time and that she doesn't play with you, I would want to have a professional take a look to see if she needs some help with developing relationships.

Then you should do something that pleases you while she is busy. My son is simmilar in that manner and I have time to enjoy my own interests and sometimes he joins me and sometimes he asks me to join him. Right now she knows you are hanging on her whim, do not give her that - she will seek you out when she needs. Be glad you have a child that is confident enough in herself to explore her world solo, she will get you when she needs. I do suggest and encourage you discuss her day during meals or "down time," say things like "Oh sarah, I saw that you discovered the toilet, it flushes loudly doesn't it? You should not go into the bathroom alone next time ask mommy to join you." "Sarah, you look so pretty with your dress up hat on today, and I saw your block house, very tall." Things like that so she knows you have an eye on her but you are not hovering over her.

She's still young. I'd give it more time, soon you won't be able to play with her enough!

I used to play board games like memory, and perfection, etc. Don't spill the beans, Ants in the pants, are also great ones too. Oh and don't break the ice. My kids always LOVED to play games with me. :) I also enjoyed sitting and watching them play, and I would join in if they wanted me to. I always had them "help" me when I was cleaning, or cooking, (still do), and it was a great way to spend time together while also teaching them how to do things. My kids would "fold" the laundry, and I obviously would refold it at that age, when they finished, and we would pull weeds together, etc. There are always things that you are doing that you can include your child in. It is wonderful that your child is good at the whole independant play thing. You are very lucky! A lot of Moms complain because their kids can't occupy themselves at all, and have no idea how to play alone. :) Please be proud of the fact that your little one isn't clingy and needy at this age. It's a great skill for her to have. Enjoy the "free time" and when she does want or need your attention, you will be refreshed enough to want to give her your all. Trust me when I say that there will come a day and time when you will be longing for the days when she doesn't need you to be doing things for her or running her here and there all day. LOL! I hope that you and your DD enjoy your summer. <3