Am I Doing Enough?

You have a child who can entertain herself and doesn't mind playing without you....rejoice woman!!! That is amazing and you should feel proud of her, she can use her imagination!!

Oh honey, don't mess with it. It is good that she likes to be independent. She knows you are there and are willing. That's the important thing.

She sounds like my daughter when she was 2. I was also a stay at home mom, but had another baby by the time she was 2 also. So I was glad that she was independent, but mostly that she enjoyed helping take care of her baby brother.

You have some great advice, but don't push her to play with you. If she does her own thing, that's great! Sounds like you do plenty with her too :).

No, I don't think you are doing enough...for YOURSELF :-)

What is your "point" of being a SAHM? Like....what are your objectives? You're not her playmate. In fact, even if she WANTED to play with you 24/7 I would say that wouldn't be the best use of your time.

I have been a SAHM, WAHM and WOHM...... Here is what I can offer you.

When I was a SAHM - my goal was to "be there for whatever my family needed". Being a SAHM made it easier to eat healthy, because I was focusing on meal plans and making things from scratch. It gave us the opportunity to ease stress from my (now) ex because we weren't juggling pickup and drop off schedules, who would stay home if she was sick, and when would we take vacation. We took vacation when my hubs could get off. I stayed home when she was sick. I went to the Dr appts. It distributed workload so that we weren't both constantly stressed about housework. I was at home when she was 3-4, so when she was 4 she went to pre-school and I was able to volunteer in her classroom and get to know other kids and her teachers much better than I have been able to since I went back to work. I also took time to shower every day and look (reasonably) put together. And I went to the gym 4x a week (they have free daycare).

If my focus had been on coloring and playing barbies every waking moment I wouldn't have been able to focus on the OVERALL *health* of my family.

If you're *bored*, then I think you should include more stuff that is about *you*. Read a book. do a scarpbook. learn to knit or build model trains. whatever it is that also makes you feel good about what you're contributing for YOU. Because at the end of the day one of your main goals is for your husband to have a happy, confident wife and your daughter to have a happy confident mom.

Get a Kindle or a Nook. Read.

Let her play independently. Don't try to force her to always play with someone else. It's okay. It's HEALTHY.

Children NEED to learn to be independent. Think about what it means if she doesn't learn this important skill: If she always "needs" you or someone to entertain her, she'll grow up needy and ALWAYS look to have that need met in others (eg: teenage girl who can't meet her own social needs, always lonely, insecure on her own...where will she meet those needs?).

You're doing a great job. Keep it up. Your child has a healthy sense of self and isn't insecure. :-)

It's called independent play, it's GREAT that your child is able to do that. Just let her be. I usually try to do some organized type of activity with my 2 and 4 year old everyday, yesterday we did watercolor painting and then read stories. After that, they just go to the toys and begin playing on their own. When they do that, I usually do laundry, cook, garden, read or work on a craft project of my own. I love to listen to them talk as they are playing, they're very imaginative. We also get out more then twice a week, but do whatever works for you and your little one.

The others hit it on the head! You are doing a great job. Some kids love to be independent and play....don't mess with that!!! My oldest was like that and we had a great time. My youngest was used to having older sister to help entertain her, so now that sissy is at school she is kinda up my butt. lol :)

Do your own thing and enjoy those playful conversations she has with objects, toys, and dolls. (I love listening to them play!)

Maybe you could find a place you could volunteer at....maybe find something you can do from your house? At a local school? Church? Daycare? I work on the school district's newsletter to parents every other month. (I also work a very part time job now...that keeps me busy.)

Enjoy this time while you can. I bet if you have a second child, it will not be the same! :)

You are dong great!!! Don't worry. The most important thing is that she is with the person who loves her most in the world all day and every day. This security is, right of the bat, proof that you are doing enough.

You will be able to do more as she gets a little older and her communication skills and attention span sharpen. The most fun year as a SAHM for me was 4 yo. but they were all pretty good though in their own way.

No need for you to be bored. Get some things done while she plays. DO a workout. Then establish a playgroup with moms that you would like to get to know. Being the one to initiate this is not easy but so worth it. WHen my kids were little we were in playgroups that set out elaborate brunchs complete with mimosas, playgroups that met for happy hour and run-of-the mill playgroups that had coffee for us and goldfish for the kids. Loved them all as a way to chat with other moms and for the kids to have fun. I also suggest joining a gym with childcare. This will give you a nice little break and a chance to take care of yourself. The right place will turn out to be a blast for your daughter.

She's fine, independance is great. You are not fine. You said you are bored. Get out more than twice a week. Find a hobby for at home. Do some stuff for yourself or you are going to go crazy. :)

This age is all about parallel play. That means you get to do your own thing, just do it next to her. It's great that she can entertain herself -- don't rock the boat! Do you like scrap booking? Reading? Writing? Find a hobby and do it next to her. When she decides to interact, interact.

Your daughter is succeeding, so how are you not effective as a mom? Your daughter is thriving, so how are you not doing enough? Because you're bored and she's happy when she's playing on her own?

You should go through the history of questions some time and you'd be surprised at the amount of questions and vents over the years regarding children who CAN'T play by themselves and spend time alone because they never learned that very important skill. They expect to be entertained by their parents constantly because that was instilled in them from birth.

What you've been doing is excellent. Just keep on doing what you've been doing.

Hi A.,
This is the third time you've asked this question and you've gotten a lot of great responses. I'm not sure what else you are looking for?
Yes, it would be boring sitting home watching a 2 year old play all day, but that's what they do, play. And they don't need you to do it :)
Do you have hobbies, do you exercise, read, work on home improvement/craft projects, garden, cook, anything? What else (besides housework) do you do all day? Have you found any other moms to socialize with during the week?
Find things to do that interest YOU while your daughter plays. That's the key to being a non bored SAHM, and make sure you get out of the house EVERY DAY. Even talking with other random moms at the park breaks the monotony.

We could all list reasons why we're inadequate, but that's not healthy. Know how I know you're a great Mom? Because you're asking this question.

If your daughter likes playing on her own, let her, and enjoy it!! Believe me, one of my daughters wouldn't entertain herself, and I'd have given an eyeball for a moment of peace!!

You're doing fine. Enjoy your time with her while she's so little. :)

Sounds to me like you're doing great! I'd be worried if she WASN'T able to play by herself or if she didn't want to play with you at all!! My son was like this; I used that time to get things done around the house. I would always ask if he wanted to play together and if he didn't that was fine. We still did lots of things together - read, Play-Doh, puzzles, color, go to the mall, parks, story time at Barnes & Noble or the library, etc. Plus, I would always get him involved with stuff around the house also - he would "help" with laundry, cooking, just about anything - I have a hilarious picture of him vacuuming at about five or six - the darn thing was bigger than him! Then I did the same thing three years later with my daughter. I didn't want them growing up not knowing how to do anything and/or always depending on me to entertain them.

Keep up the good work!!!

There are a range of personalities that your kid can have. I've often thought it should be imprinted on them somewhere when they are born! Luckily you are blessed! Enjoy! Most likely if you have another it will be compleatly different and you will wonder why you ask this question! Seriously, get an appreciation for her health and good nature and your place and qualities in this world. You are doing good!

Look at it this way: a child needs to learn both to play with others and to do things alone and independently, right? Your child is learning both right now.

When she needs/wants you, you're there. She actually needs you there all the time so she *can* do things by herself. She feels secure. She evidently likes doing some things with you and, as time goes by, she will want to interact with you and others more.

Meanwhile, you are doing the other work you need to do for your home, and even some projects that you like to do. That may not seem to have any connection to your daughter, but be aware that she's learning from you what big people do.

It sounds to me as if you're doing a quite effective job as a mama and that you have a healthy, happy little girl. Here's to you!

Please stop beating yourself up. As others note, it's good she plays independently. I want to add: She also will go through phases -- you haven't seen them yet but they are coming! -- when she will become clingy and want you to entertain her (often happens at 2.5-3.5 or so) and then you'll be wondering, "Am I doing enough to help her be independent? Why is she so clingy when she wasn't before?" And then a little later she may want nothing much to do with you, or may favor her dad, or may get super-sensitive and cry whenever you so much as say a gentle "No," and then you'll be wondering, "Am I doing enough to make her love me? Why isn't she interested in mom any more? Why is she so sensitive when she wasn't before?"

In other words, she's only two, barely out of babyhood, and you have a lot of stages coming up in which she will change. Hugely. Soon you'll find she needs more stimulation and you'll be doing more mom-and-me kids classes. Or you'll be stressing over choosing a preschool within about a year or so. Then you'll be worried about how she'll do in kindergarten. We ALL go through this so you are not alone; take heart! Please find a moms' group where you and she can go while she plays and you share with other moms; you can all support each other as the kids change, and they will indeed change. (And....in any such group, don't worry that she is not really playing "with" other kids...you get the idea! Look up some good books on child development that talk about stages and how kids change from 2-6.)

For right now, just enjoy her. This stage when they are toddlers and not yet in preschool is lovely, especially with a child like yours (who sounds a lot like mine at that age). If you're just watching her play, then get down and "play" or read your own book on your own next to her on the floor, and at some points she will come over and engage with you, while at other points she will play on her own (another person rightly posted that at her age kids are still doiing "parallel play" rather than playing "with" others). If she's very verbal, talk to her all the time even if it's reciting the grocery list -- you don't need to converse about her toys or favorite characters all the time; just talk.

And enjoy her!

Fostering independence is a key role for parents-the sooner it is done-the better-sounds to me like you've accomplished a lot! Millions of parents would like to be in your shoes

I would be out five times a week. There is a whole world out there for her to
Experience!

ENJOY IT!!! My firstborn wanted me to be his playmate 24/7. It was tough to get a shower!! m And believe me - it's more boring playing 2 year old games ALL day than hanging out by yourself with a book or something.

Get a membership to a local zoo, science center etc. Go to story time at the library or your local bookstore. Join or start a playgroup in your neighborhood. Go to a different park every week. Find a nature preserve. There are so many things to do!

My son was also very verbal and imaginative, had a long attention span and was great at playing alone at 2 years old, but he became super-clingy at 3! I NEVER in a million years would have expected it. The only reason I can wirte this before bedtime is that he has two mornings of preschool a week!
I'm so glad I took the time back then to do my "mommy" research and get ahead. Like others have said, I worked on finding really healthy, easy meals to make, even though a year ago he was a picky eater and didn't want them. I took the time to read product labels and find out which cereals, granola bars, string cheese, yogurts, and other prepackaged foods were the healthiest. I read ahead about potty training and had everything purchased and ready when my son declared out of the blue that he was done with diapers. I educated myself about early reading skills so I knew what kinds of things to point out while we were reading. I taught him his letters and sounds and his numbers. I made puppets from some patterns I found online and gave them to my son and neice and nephew for Christmas. I figured out what kinds of toys he'd like when he was older and which stores had the best prices.
It seemed a bit crazy dong all this at the time, but I'm so glad because I don't have a minute to spare now!
Also, don't be afraid to show your daughter that you read adult books, newspapers or magazines for your own pleasure. It's good to model that for her. She can see you cooking and doing housework, etc... It's not boring to her. It's something new in that great big world that she wants to learn about! Explain what you're doing and why. The other day I took my son grocery shopping and found myself explaining how it's healthiest to shop around the perimeter of the store where the fresh fruits, veggies, and dairy are. He couldn't have been more interested!

Sounds great to me! Use that time when she's playing to work on projects around the house like laundry, cleaning, etc. Also, don't be afraid to go out more. It sounds like she's verbal and curious and would love to learn more by experience too. Take her to the library, to story times, nature centers, etc. I would look up some on line parenting sites for your area. They usually list all kinds of free/cheap activities. Plus, this will help you maybe meet other moms and you can have play dates. At 2 a play date is mostly for the mom, but there is nothing wrong with that, and it does help your daughter socialize with other kids.

Use that time she plays by herself to get things & projects done around the house.

Maybe even do a workout video, read etc.

Then to for outings to:
-outdoor malls to walk around
-zoos
-libraries for reading time
-nearby parks that you haven't been to yet
-look at your local parks & rec for activities like (mom & tod indoor swim
lessons, toddler science class, finger painting class etc)
-go to parks with ponds to feed the ducks
-buy diff toy instruments for her to experiment with: drums, tamborine,
organ keyboard, guitar
-paint pottery at home
-sign her up for toddler gymnastics or toddler ballet
-get out & explore your area so you she gets exposure & you're not bored

Updated

Use that time she plays by herself to get things & projects done around the house.

Maybe even do a workout video, read etc.

Then to for outings to:
-outdoor malls to walk around
-zoos
-libraries for reading time
-nearby parks that you haven't been to yet
-look at your local parks & rec for activities like (mom & tod indoor swim
lessons, toddler science class, finger painting class etc)
-go to parks with ponds to feed the ducks
-buy diff toy instruments for her to experiment with: drums, tamborine,
organ keyboard, guitar
-paint pottery at home
-sign her up for toddler gymnastics or toddler ballet
-get out & explore your area so you she gets exposure & you're not bored

That sounds great. It is good that she plays independently. That means she feels secure. I would suggest you do try to get out every day for a while. Five days a week at home is a lot. Go to the playground (when my kids were little I timed our playground trips so we would be there when the local daycare was there so there would be lots of kids). Join a playgroup. Go to a childrens museum, or a gym with a child care. Anything that gives her a chance to socialize with other kids, even if that is still paralell play. Getting out every day will make your day less boring as well. It will give you a chance to talk to people, or at least people watch.