Need Encouragement

I have some friends who tried to conceive for ten years and then gave up. They bough a sporty car and a new house and then immediately got pregnant. Their daughter is absolutely beautiful and charming. Miracles do happen.

Dear Katherine,
Oh, how my heart goes out to you. I know how it feels to want to have a child so badly. My husband and I have been married for 12 years and tried to have kids for 10 of those. We tried "Relaxing" but that didn't work because there really was something wrong with my health. I had several surgeries trying to correct the problem, but it was never corrected. I finally had to have a complete hysterectomy in Sept. '07. That was one of the hardest desicions I've ever had to make. Anyway, in Dec. '06 we were able to adopt our little boy. Dimitri is such a blessing in our lives and we are so very grateful to have him. God has truly blessed us with him. I truly believe that Heavenly Father blessed us by the trial of not being able to have biological children. We had to learn to work together and we had to learn how to rely on Him. I am so proud of you for being so faithful. In 2001 I remember having the distinct impression that we were going to need to adopt. It was so hard for me when I talked to my husband about it and he wasn't ready. I think he thought I was giving up, but I wasn't. No way. I was just following the feeling that I had. Anyway, five years later we adopted Dimitri. A lot of things took place for us to get to that point. I won't go into all of it. Anyway, I do know that there were times when I had to ask God for strength beyond my own. He blessed me with strength beyond my own and them some. It's amazing what we can endure with His help. I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. If I could give you any advice it would be to keep doing what you are doing. And to remind your husband that you love him. Remind him what a special man he is and why he means so much to you. You sound like a WONDERFUL person, and I'm sure your husband feels so blessed to have you as his wife. I think that infertility at any level has the potential to be challenging to any marriage. I think a big trick is just to be a strength to each other and realize that it is in God's hands. Oh, Katherine, God bless you and your family. I noticed that a lot of comments to you were telling you to just relax. I heard that soooooooooooooooo many times when we were trying to have children. I used to get so upset by that, but then I realized that the people that were telling me that were just trying to be helpful. I think that people in general really do want to help even though they have comments that can seem hurtful or insensitive. Hang in there and remember that God loves you.

Try to be patient. I know that advice is much easier to give than it is to take but... Let me share my story. I wanted very badly to have a child. We waited until I had finished college and then started trying. After a few months it became apparent something was wrong, I had Graves disease (it's a thyroid condition), so we had to stop trying until I got well. That was year one. Year two, I figured I was all set, finally not sick any more, and ready to have a baby. But year two brought 2 miscarriages. I was completely devastated. The doctors do some testing and find that my husband has a genetic condition called balance translocation; and while it is not impossible for us to have children it greatly reduces our chance of having a viable pregnancy. So we decide to make other plans in life and not worry so much about having kids, maybe it's just not in our cards. Almost another entire year goes by and....I get pregnant; had a healthy little boy. I know it's so hard, but try to be patient, and not stress too much.

Whenever I hear of godly women experiencing issues with fertility, I am always reminded of the story of Hannah in 1Samuel. I've studied this passage in addition to the story of Sarah and Elizabeth and all I can tell you is that all these stories are about God's perfect timing. Often God uses our "waiting" times to draw us closer to and deeper in Him. He is using this time to teach you, and prepare you for His purpose and plan for your life. Hannah was not ready until her heart was right...until she was ready to give back what she wanted most to God. And in her prayer of exaltation to God...you see the fullness of what she learned BECAUSE she waited on God. In Isaiah 40:31 it says that those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. The word "wait" is not a picture of idleness of twiddling one's thumbs...it is of doing the tasks God has for you daily and being ready for what He has next for you. Taking care of your daughter and husband, showering them with love and giving all you have to the people in your care presently is part of that daily living He has for you now. Pining for a child that is not yet here will only send negative shockwaves to those around you...I know this from personal experience while "waiting" for my daughter.

I encourage you to love God with all your heart, mind and strength and LIVE. Lord willing, you will have another child and frankly, see another day. It is He who is in control and rather than holding on with white knuckles or trying to grab the wheel, try to relax and enjoy the ride. He will lead you to green pastures. I recently did a study in James Chapter 4 on "Lord Willing" and what I found was simply profound. I can share some of what I found with you if you would like.

One more thing...perhaps the waiting isn't just about you. You said your husband has given it to God...you think. Perhaps God is waiting on his heart and that is something you can not control or manipulate...just pray for him. I know a little about this...my wait for my daughter began with a wait for my husband that was very much between him and God.

God's blessings and go forth with Jesus!

Girl, I feel your pain. Quite literally. I am just coming out of this very dark tunnel myself. For years, I couldn't look at a pregnant woman without crying. Please allow yourself to grieve. Infertility is a loss, so treat it as such, and don't feel guilty about it.

First of all, know that you are not alone. 1 in 10 couples experience fertility troubles. Just remember that this fertility journey is just that - a journey with a beginning and an end. You will get through this. My journey is leading to adoption, but yours may have a different ending.

Have you seen a fertility specialist yet? If you have known issues, please go asap. I'm not sure where you live, but I can highly recommend NW Center for Reproductive Medicine in Kirkland http://www.nwreprosci.com. There are some amazing things that medicine/alternative medicine can do to help you. There are also a few reproductive doctors in the Seattle area.

Also, join a support group. Many of the reproductive clinics have some, but you can also find them online. The ones that helped me the most were Stepping Stones http://www.bethany.org/A55798/bethanyWWW.nsf/0/ABABCF75B8... and Baby Center http://www.babycenter.com/getting-pregnant?intcmp=Nav_Glo... Baby Center has some online community groups with ladies in all different stages of the fertility process. The ladies will answer questions, celebrate each other's victories, and grieve together over yet another period.

Personally, I found comfort in an old Chinese belief that there is a red thread connecting us to all those we meet along life's way. The thread can be twisted, stretched, and thread bare in spots, but it can never be broken. Follow your thread, and Keep Moving Forward. Your baby will find you along the way.

I'm so glad you are aware of the extraordinary blessings in your life, including a loving daughter and caring husband. Whether or not you are able to get pregnant again, please take care not to let your family think they are somehow not enough for you. That can sour your marriage, and give your sweet child a painful burden to bear that she's too innocent to understand.

My heart aches for your longing – it's such a part of the human condition – and for your family. I have known so many children (I am one) who believe either that they didn't satisfy their parents or that they were not wanted in the first place, and both conditions can be crushing to a child's spirit.

While you are giving the matter to God, if you can throw yourself heartfully into being thankful for what you have been gifted already, you may find it transforming. My prayers are with you.

Katherine,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Infertility is so hard. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have been off of all birth control for over 12 of those years. We have never gotten pregnant, despite "just relaxing", wearing boxers and not briefs, staying out of hot tubs, changing our diets, and even seeking medical intervention. And through it all, God has been so good to us. He is not punishing us - he loves us. We have adopted two wonderful children that we adore. If we had gotten pregnant, we would not have our precious children. And so I am so thankful to the Lord! People will say many things to you, all with good intentions... but if you haven't been through it yourself, there is no way that you can relate. What works for one couple won't work for another. And people will say dumb things to you as a result. My advice to you is to keep trying to get pregnant, but try not to make it the focus of everything. Try not to obsess over it. And I know it's so hard, especially when others around you keep getting pregnant. Enjoy your husband, enjoy your little girl, and don't get mad at God. If you ever need a listening ear or someone to cry with, feel free to e-mail me!!

Yes, you need to relax. How many stories you have heard about people trying for years and than they will adopt a baby and right after that will have a baby of their own? So, relax and start making love, not a baby. In between see how the doctors can help and just wait for your own miracle. When I was 20 after a big surgery the doctors told me that I won't have kids. Well, when I was nearly 40 I found that I was 4 months pregnant and now I'm a mom of a wonderful 4 year old boy. We never know what God had planned for us. Good luck!

I know it's hard to relax about conceiving when everywhere you look, people are pregnant and having babies, but relax! God's time is not our time. Try and put it all in the back of your mind. Enjoy the "practice" with your husband and reassure him your love is unconditional. Enjoy the time you have with your daughter and savor the one-on-one time you are able to give her. That being said, I don't know if you've consulted a doctor, but sex every other day, rather than every day is more effective, to help him build a stronger supply. You'll also be more fertile the week following your period, but it could happen anytime so don't limit yourself. :) But mostly, relax. Find comfort in prayer and ask for peace. If He wants it to happen, it will when He's ready. Our prayers and love go out to you.

You have gotten so many kind words and encouragement already, but I just wanted to add to it. You are in my thoughts!

Also, please do check out the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." It is an amazing book!!

Just relax and let nature take it's course. Don't fret the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff. I had a friend who tried and tried for over 3 years - they were both healthy, they were getting ready to start other processes to get pregnant...then....IT Happened. She got pregnant. Let your hair down have a beer and watch a movie with hubby and let it go naturally. It will happen when you both aren't stressed.

Katherine,

Stress is a major inhibitor to conception. Take a deep breath and try to relax. Enjoy the activity, not just a way to make another baby. Find a babysitter for the night and the two of you plan a super romantic, relaxing evening.

My son, almost 5, was not planned, but my daughter, 17 months, was to a degree. When we stopped trying to get me pregnant, and just let it happen as it would I got pregnant almost immediately.

Best of luck and heaps of blessings,
Melissa

As a mom who struggled six years to have the little one we now adore, hang in there. Whether you give it the natural try or go with doctors to conceive, you are obviously a very caring person who deserves and will be very concientious of your child. We can't know the way that God meant us to conceive. Remember, please, that God has a lot to look after and sometimes we love what we worked hard for all the more.

I think you are right in trusting your God to provide what will you will need to make you whole in your life. Then you need to let go. I think you need to stop trying. Get rid of all of your birth control. And if anything happens it will be a blessing. Tell your husband what you are doing and ask him to do the same.

Many blessing to you and your family.

Katherine,
I really feel for you, my husband and I have been married 23 years this Sunday and have never used birth control, we have 6 kids (2 whom have passed) 3 m/c's but 4 healthy kids
21, 18, 10 & 6 and not for lack of trying giving it up to God is the only way to walk this journey, it will happen doors will open.
Do you temp? or have you seen a ob that specalizes in fertility? (a way to get around insurance) most docs want at least 6 mos of temping to do anything...
good luck and I will be praying for you!

Relax and do as you mentioned in your letter have faith, it will work out. When you stress it won't happen, but when you relax and declare that today you will give it to God, do just that. God knows what is in your heart, he just waiting on you to give it to him. Rememeber sarah was old in age so was her husband and look what happen. If it can happen for them it can happen to you. You will be in my prays. Have you heard of a book call "Prays that avail much", purcahse it there are many prays in there, and there is one for couples praying for a child. check it out, we use all the time for many our things.