Need an Outside Perspective

Its difficult to gain trust back after something so devastating has happened. I also tried what you did and really had hoped it would work out but I wasn't able to trust him again and he was up to his old habits. He had left for another woman. I took him back hoping that things would work for my daugther's sake. I think I thought I could do it despite the odds that it wouldn't work out. One thing I wish I would have done before I ended it was to get really good counseling. I think its worth it to see a marriage counselor a few times before you really decide. If you "can't afford it" like I felt I couldn't at the time, think again. You have no idea how expensive lawyers fees can be so you may be saving money in the long run. This really isn't something you can just "get over" and get on with your life as if nothing happened. He broke your trust, he put you into a tailspin and you're supposed to pretend like nothing happened? This is really something a seasoned marriage therapist should help you with.

If you decide it just isn't working and you've tried everything then you can move forward with divorce. You will get child support and I believe you can figure out how much that will be if you need to budget. I can tell you this, being a single mom can be really difficult and you have to think about the fact that your kids will be away from you for a minimum of every other weekend and one night every week. He will always be their father and you will always have to deal with him as such and work out the details of your kids lives. Your kids will have to get used to being shuffled back and forth and probably even have to deal with stepparents at some point.
Its a tough road and its not a decision to take lightly.

Sometimes it is what is best for everyone involved but other times the hard work of rekindling a marriage can be worth it. Do the work first, then decide.

From a divorced single mom who's "been there."

My recommendation is to ask God into your home and marriage. Ask Him to help you rebuild that trust and love that you've lost. If you ask, you will be amazed at how much He will pour out His love on you and your family. I pray that you find peace...

Really two different things could be going on. The first is that maybe you are in a rutt. It happens to most couples and all couples should really work hard at keeping the spark alive. Second, you could really be out of love with him. One thing is for certain is that you need to be happy for yourself and not be unhappy. Staying in a marriage that is loveless is not showing the kids anything. In the long run it could even hurt the kids. Kids pick up very easlily on things and will blame themselves. Have you thought of talking to your husband about marriage councling. I know that at one point in time that my husband and I both went to marriage councling and it helped out wonderfully. If I was in your position though, I would make sure to know if I loved him truely or not before making any rash decissions. I wish you the best of luck and hope I helped out or at least gave you something to think about.

Shar

Hi A.. I sympathize with you. It sounds like your husband is having a year round period. I say the hell with him because he will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. He knows that majority of the time you depend on him and he knows that. He feels that you need him in order to make it. If your unhappy I say change it. You will keep feeling miserable if you do not put your foot down and change the situation. Yeah you dont wont to break up your marriage for the sake of your family and the kids, but your the one who has to live this life nobody else. What good would it do if you stay in an unhappy marriage. You will become bitter and sooner or later you will start taking your frustration out on everyone including your children. I say build up your money, save it and call your divorce lawyer. You dont have to put up with this it is 2007 and women are doing things on their own. If you are really feeling this way and he feels the same way or once did then their is nothing left. If you cant trust him now how are you going to trust him later in you relationship. As far as finances get the help and support from you family and friends and there is always child support to help you provide care for the children. There are several ways, but based off all the information you provided in the letter you'd be better off on your own. Better now than later when it becomes increasingly difficult.

Forgive me if I sound like Dr. Phil, but you're letting him call all of the shots. It sounds like you need to decide what you really want out of your relationship and communicate that to him clearly. If he's ready to get on board, perhaps meeting with a good marriage therapist is the best option. If not, then perhaps it's time to look for a good attorney. You'd be amazed what you can do on your own. Your kids know when you're unhappy and you owe it to them to give them a happy mother. If one of your daughters came to you in the same situation, what would you advise her to do???

your not doing anyone any good if you stay in an unhappy place. everyone feels it including the kids. try to get in low income housing or ask for child support. you can make it and your entire family will be happier in the long run.I'm not promoting divorce. because I believe we all go thru bad times with our spouse.And thoughs trials tend to change how we feel.I understand how you feel. what is all boils done to is how important is it to you to stay.Will you and your children be happier if you do. Don't let money be the deciding factor. Best of luck!

A.... I know it has been awhile since these blogs about your marriage. Honestly I was appaulded at the first few responses that you should just be happy and get out. I am wondering if you tried counseling and if you have come to any decisions???

If he really is acting like himself again, maybe he was just going through something... stress, depression, etc. I can completely understand why you're feeling the way you do. You probably feel on edge wondering if he's going to do this to you again. I wouldn't give up just yet. I think counseling would be a good idea.