Need Advise on 3 1/2 Y/o Son Not Eatting Dinner

I always try and fix things I know my kids will eat if it is questionable I prepare myself that I may need to fix something different and start thinking of something quick and easy. I always try and make them try everything to see if they like it. On the ocassion they dont I make them something else like pb&j or another old standby. I have never really had the issue you are having yet knock on wood but there are times when one of mine just wont eat and I always try and give them a cereal bar or granola bar before bed usually holds them until breakfast. The times they do wake hungry I do not allow them to get up until its time.

A.,

If this is a control issue, he wins in the morning because he gets everyone up and you feed him. As long as the foods that you feed him, even for snacks, are healthy foods, and if he gets the right amount per day I would relax a little about when he eats it. Sit him down for dinner, and don't fuss. Then schedule a healthy snack that he gets to choose (maybe two snacks) at the same time every night before bed time. He is just not ready to understand the cause and effect of not eating dinner and being up too early because he is hungry. He is, however, going to understand the imedeate gain of pitching a fit in the morning and getting what he wants. I think you have to think about what he IS learning from this situation. You want to set him up for as much sucess as you can get. Success breeds success! Maybe sleeping longer will help him adjust in the long run and the phase will end without any long term realization that pitching fits works...

M.

Kids go through stages of eating and not eating. I would not cut out his snack in the afternoon, but make it fruit or some other healthy food and milk. Give him just a tablespoon of each food you are eating for dinner. YOu should give him a tiny bit of the things he doesn't like and tell him he has to try it. Taste buds change quickly in children.

If he doesn't eat well, and you feel he is getting up early due to that, I would give him something healthy in the evening before bed, maybe cereal and milk, to see if it made a difference.

He is still very young and eating small meals several times a day won't be forever.

This is in response to some of the suggestions to have him help and that will help him have more interest in dinner.
My 3.5 yo son, who has never had a broad palate, LOVES to help me in the kitchen but even still has no interest in eating what he's helped prepare, not even cookies. Every kid is different and a sure-fire winner for one isn't a guaranteed fix for all...

I have the same issue with my 3 1/2 year old. He will go on strike when he doesn't want to eat. I let him choose to go to bed hungry. But he knows that if he doesn't eat, Mommy is not waking up early to do breakfast with him. He has to stay in his room and be patient until everyone else gets up. DOESN'T like that so much.
Sooo.... Since this is clearly a control thing, I opted to give him some power back and have him start cooking with me. I make him get stuff out of the fridge, throw things away, stir stuff, help put seasoning in, put whatever we are making in the skillet, etc. It takes a little longer. Yes it is a bit of a risk because the stove is hot, but with my supervision, it works just fine. He feels VERY impowered! Besides... if this "power struggle resolution" makes him fall in love with cooking and turns him into the next Bobby Flay... well then it was all worth it! Heaven knows Mama isn't gonna complain. LOL! We all make a huge deal about him making dinner, and 9 times out of 10 he eats very well. Hope it helps. Best of luck!

Assuming your son is healthy I just would not worry about it, kids eat when they are hungry.It is a power play for them to refuse the meal you work hard to make for them.Do not let him down from the table to play or watch tv while every one else is eating. Actually turn the tv off and even any music.Tell him this is a family dinner and he can eat or not but he will stay at the table until every one is finished eating.I would also insist on him trying a bite of everything you put on his plate before you are finished eating.Once he realises you are in control he should start eating.

INSTEAD of eliminating the snack, give him something like an apple about an hour before you want to eat. If you understand metabolism, you'll know that fruit is processed quickly and that's why when you eat an apple, instead of helping, it tends to make you more hungry. What your body is saying is "give me more fuel". If you shut down the metabolism, he won't be hungry.

I am a 52 year old who was diagnosed with hypothyroidism at 10 and was 120# fourth grader with a thyroid problem. BELIEVE ME.....I've studied metabolism!!

I know that when I was competing and eating 7-9 times a day......(in my 40's) I'd have to get up in the middle of the night between 1& 3 to eat a piece of string cheese or nuts or something because I had stomach cramps because my body was saying, "I'm STARVING, HERE!" I did NOT gain weight! I had altered my metabolism that much thru diet & exercise!!

You may be doing more harm than good by eliminating the snacks, etc. Remember sometimes, kids just don't feel well or are distracted by something else. If it happens here and there you SHOULDN'T be alarmed. If it's consistent, then something needs to change.

Try this & see. Let me know.

A.,
I have the exact same problem with my 3 1/2 yo daughter. She wants chips, crackers, grapes, ice cream anything except what we are actually having for dinner. I have discussed this with the doctor and his advice was to let it sit. If she gets hungry enough she will eventually eat it. That hasnt worked for us. I have made her sit at the table with us so at least she is getting a little bit to eat and she sees us eating and tends to eat a little more than if she has her plate somewhere other than the table. We also (As much as I hate compromising with a 3 year old) have her eat as much of a healthy dinner as we can by saying if you take 3 more bits then you can have --- (whatever she has been asking for) that way at least she is getting some nutrition and eating before she goes to bed. We have had this problem with her for a while. She is 3 and very tall and only weighs 26 pounds. I am not sure if it is age or what but I am willing to give in a little as long as she gets something to eat before bed. I know this might not seem okay with some people but when it is your sleep and sanity and correction or punishment doesnt work then your willing to do anything. Good luck and if you find a better way let me know!

He's trying to get out of eating whatever you've made, so I'd just keep giving it to him. A few mornings of "Here's the turkey and mashed potatoes you didn't eat at dinner" might be all it takes to cure him of it. He doesn't eat it for breakfast, he gets it for lunch. He won't starve himself to death and if you give in and let him eat what he wants, you'll be making a separate meal for him until he's old enough to do it for himself.
Try having him help make dinner. Maybe if he gets to decide what you're having or help cook he'll be more interested in eating it. You can get lots of cook books for kids, so let him pick dinner Every T/TH or something like that. Having a little power over dinner can go a long way:)

I have a 5 yr old who is a very picky eater. On more than one occasion he has not eaten dinner and has gone to bed hungry. The difference between our two is he doesn't wake up early. My suggestion would be to give him a snack before bed (try to make it healty-like fruit) and see if this helps. Another thing that might work, is offering dessert if he does eat. It might also help if he see's everyone else eating it and talking about how good it is. This works with my daughter, she will eat to get dessert. I know I don't like to feed my kids anything else if they don't eat, but I would rather give in on that then be getting up at 5am. Hope this helps and good luck.
L. (mother of a 2yr old, 5yr old and 7yr old)

I'm kind of amazed that everyone is talking about you taking back your control and not giving the child any. Or that the child has the wrong kind of control. Give him some of his control back. Let him help plan the menu and even cook the dinner. He is old enough to know what he likes. He is also old enough to help out in the kitchen. He can stir food, pour the milk or drink, add ingredients, set the table, etc. Yes, it means that fixing dinner will take a little longer, but he is more likely to eat what he helps fix. He will be so proud of himself for helping.

When I was growing up, my brother was a very picky eater. Rather than become a short order cook for him at dinner time, my mom decided to give him one "option" that he was allowed to eat if he didn't want what was being offered. The option was yogurt. He ate a lot of yogurt over the years! He is now over 6 feet tall and healthier than any of us!

I think you are worrying for nothing. When my son went through each phases included the eat only peanut butter phase - then we allow him to eat - it's what his body is going through and nothing you did wrong. Allow him to eat small meals. Applesausce and good snacks. He'll get back to "normal."

I would have him try a certain number of bites of each thing on his plate before he can get up from the dinner table. You could try taking away something he likes to do if he doesn't comply. Remind him he won't get to do it if he doesn't eat as much as you tell him to. If you are having dessert, then of course he can't have any unless he eats most of his dinner. Sometimes I sit with my 4 year old and help her after awhile if she isn't eating enough by feeding her the last several bites. She normally eats very well all by herself, but if it is a food she isn't crazy about, she seems more willing if I spoon feed her. She also eats a snack every night before bed, usually while watching a video or being read to, that is like a mini meal. So try giving him a healthy, substantial snack before bed, and maybe he won't be up so early and hungry. Good luck!

I had a roommate many years ago whose 3 yr old son was doing this sort of thing--like most American families, the breakfast meal is often one of sweeter foods. He would refuse his dinner and then eat tons of cereal and juice. She started saving his dinner and giving it to him for breakfast and then lunch ... after a couple days of really fussing about it, he started eating his dinner at dinner time! If not saving his dinner at least offer only foods that are not his favorites so as not to reward his getting up at 5 AM

Hi A.! I know everyone has a different view on whether a child must clean his plate or not, and here's what has worked with my kids (9,6,4,3)
We make sure they get a reasonable portion of EVERYTHING being served. If they don't finish their meal, we do save it and they have to eat it or they don't get a bedtime snack. If they don't finish the meal, they go to bed with no snack. It was tough the first few times with each child (funny how it is never 2 at the same time!LOL). I just tell them I will make them a big breakfast the next day and then help them up to bed....not that they don't whine/cry say they're starving, but it is something we have been very consistent with (my DH had to finish his plate, and would sit for hours at the table, so we feel this is a reasonable compromise)and we try to make it funny with the older ones....hold your nose and take a bite kind of stuff...
This is tough, because 3 yo's want to have some control over things. You may want to try smaller portions for a little while - and have a dessert like yogurt or fruit as a reward of he finishes- mine love canned fruit, and if I have a meal one doesn't like, I pull out the peaches, and they know their siblings will eat them all if they don't hurry up and finish!
Stick to your guns mama!!! It may take a few tries, but eventually he'll come around!

There have been some useful suggestions. The best one is getting him involved with shopping and/or preparation. My husband and I allow our oldest to choose what to have one night per week. We plan for that meal and buy the stuff at our weekly shopping trip. Usually it's a normal kind of meal like tacos, pasta and sauce, or hot dogs. Not the healthiest, but could be much worse! We make sure she chooses a veggie. If she picks carrots every time, that's ok because we give the kids other veggies and more variety on the other days.
You have done some good things already. Try to think "my kid is having normal behavior". If you handle it in a controlled and consistent manner, his phase will pass. What's most important is that he feels that he is an important member of the family and is involved.
Good luck!

A.,
This is one of the first "big things" that preschool age children learn they have control over. This is OK. In our house we have the clean plate club. If they clean their plate they are in the club and get an after dinner treat of their choice. Of course you can use some discretion with the definition of clean plate. This was something that worked well with my daughter, who started with the same behavior at about the same age she is now 4-1/2. Be sure to have other family members in the club. Who ever finishes dinner first announce to everyone "look, (persons name) is in the clean plate club they get to choose a treat! Then invite your son to join in by cleaning his plate so he can choose a treat. Also, giving him some input on menu will give him some of the control he is looking for as well as helping with preparation and table setting. Helping w/ the preparation can be as simple as pouring a premeasured ingredient into a pan or bowl or letting them help stir something. Best wishes and good luck!!

I haven't read the other responses, so I'm sorry if this is a duplicate!

We are at the tail-end of this exact same situation with our 3 1/2 year-old! Our daughter did the same thing at this age too. Our rule is...if you don't clean your plate you don't leave the table. Period. We only put a small portion on his plate, so we're not asking him to eat more than he's able, and I always make something that I know he likes, so it's not like we're force feeding him something he hates. So after my husband and daughter and I finish eating, we play in the family room, which is right next to the table where he sits and sees us having fun. It's taken a few weeks, but now he's finally finishing his dinner while we are still at the table (with a lot of reminders though..."Josh stop talking and eat!").

I'm not about giving in to control issues. He has control over a lot of other areas (such as what he wears each day, etc.) and I'm the parent.

I just wanted to let you know that there is an end in sight :)

Just a thought. Have you ever been so hungry you aren't hungry anymore? Then when you sit down to eat a couple of bites is all you want and around an hour later you are ready to eat? I have.

It is really best to eat 6 times a day in small quanities than it is to eat 3 large meals a day.

I would give him a piece of fruit, a cup of yougurt, a couple of graham crackers, a glass of milk (which is filling, by the way and will cause younger children not to eat their food) whatever, when he gets up early and tell him that today this is all he gets. Then at the normal breakfast time give him a small glass of juice, a small bowl of cereal, peanut butter toast, whatever is breakfast for the day in a smaller portion. Make sure he has a small morning snack of something healthy, lunch at normal time, a mid afternoon snack, dinner in smaller portions than you have been giving him, and a snack about an hour before bed. After a couple of days it should start turning things around.

You can try putting a plate with a couple of crackers in it by his bed at night and tell him if he wakes up he can eat those but it is all he gets until breakfast time and he is not to get everyone else up because breakfast will not be served until a certain time and give him a picture with a clock pointing to the time breakfast will be ready for him and the rest of the family.

Yes, I would reserve him his dinner for the next meals if he refuses to eat it for his snacks. He has to learn he will not get special meals a different times than the rest of the family.

At the age of 3, we startd telling our daughter that if she didn't eat most of her meal, there would be no snack before bed and NOTHING to eat until breakfast. This also meant she would NOT wake us up before it was time to eat breakfast (8 am in our house) otherwise there would be consequences there, too. She went to bed hungry more times than I care to admit and she only once or teice was in our bed early saying she was hungry. We took something away, like her favorite toy, or no videos for the day, somethinglike that. Keep waling him back to his bed and state firmly that its not breakfast time and he should have eaten better the night before (a natural consequence) and stick with it, as hard at it will be for everyone.

My daughter is a bit of a fussy eater, so I've take to making only one thing at meal times if she refuses then she doesn't get anything else until the next meal time. She can have her cup but that's it, no snacks. If she say she's hungry at anytime between meals I just offer her the previous meal she had refused. She's gone to bed hungry before and I plan on sticking to the "one meal" plan. She'll get the idea.

You can try this with your son, it might work better since you can talk to him (my daughter is 2). You can try toast in the mornings, it's quick and you can send him back to bed after one piece.

Good luck.

I agree with all the moms that have posted.

This is just a phase. This also might be a control issue because this is something that kids can control, especially if they are getting the food they want and when they want.

Close up any distractions (TV, radio) and make this a family dinner. Encourage him to tell his dad what he did today, build blocks, color, play a game, help with his sister by getting the diapers, whatever. Just really get him to interact with the family. Kids do not want to spend time at dinner if they can get down and go watch a TV program or play toys. His age is going to be bored greatly if he has to just sit for a period of time (it is like a time out to him), and he might just take a bite or two because he is sitting there.

Serve SMALL portions of everything. He might be overwhelmed at seeing so much food. It is a good habit to serve small and come back for seconds if they are wanted - this prevents waste and that urge you will have to say, "clean your plate". He has to try a bite of everything, but truly make it only a couple/three bites of everything.

Only if he has finished his plate does he get the dessert, pudding is an easy, fun dessert with lots of kinds. He can even help make it (spoon it into a fancy cup, top with whipped cream). He'll may be so eager to eat what he helped make, that he will eat his bites of everything and want his dessert right away. Explain that he has to wait for everyone to finish. While he is waiting, he might even have a couple more bites of various things. Make sure that you mention that you are looking forward to trying what he made.

He is also at an age that you MIGHT start letting him be able to help with dinner (little prep work like dumping what you measure out, getting things out of the 'frig, things like that). He can help set the table (if you don't trust him with the plates, let him at least put out the silverware, make sure he gets to tell dad AND positvie reinforcement is given).

Praise him for what he does eat, and don't nag about what he doesn't.

go back to his snacks in the afternoon. Little bellies fill up fast, but they also get hungry fast. Just make it good snacks and good foods, like raisins, grapes, orange sections or apple slices. If you throw in a little tiny cup of peanut butter and some crackers, he can make faces on the crackers with the fruit. Kids love that.

Before bed by about an hour and a half, give him another snack. This can be dry cereal (Applejack and Cheerios are really good), applesauce, peanut butter on toast, that kind of thing. Not a big portion, just something with milk to get him "through" the night. If he is not hungry, never force him to eat, but encourage a big cup of milk before he brushes his teeth.

I like the idea that you leave a few crackers for him. I would explain that they would be there for him, but NOT put them out until I was getting ready for bed, after he is asleep. That way he is not tempted to eat them while he is supposed to be going to sleep.

Your choice on the wrapping the dinner up to serve later. I am not a short order cook either, and do not want to make multiple meals, but I also remember/understand not liking what is made and not wanting it. If it is occasional, just make sure there is something he does like in every meal - preferably some form of fruit or vegetable.

If it is always that he doesn't like any of the stuff you make for dinner, try to get him more involved with picking out the groceries (fruit and vegetable department especially). Make it something exciting, asking if he thinks we ought to try this, holding it up. Fresh fruit and veggies are really bright, and they are exciting to look at, if you try to push that as opposed to the fancy packages of not so good food you can find.

Try to do fancy stuff with your fruits and veggies (take an egg slicer and use it on strawberries which is something he can help do, or julienne your carrots so they are cute sticks and not the big long carrot. Just different stuff like that.

How does he eat for breakfast? I am asking specifically if dinnertime is the only meal he is skimping on, and if that is so, why do you think this meal is such a hardship?

Honestly, kids go through lots of phases and you feel that you are a terrible mom for not getting the right nutrition in them, BUT if you are not giving candy and junk food, they are fine. All kids go through these spells.

I know at this age they want some control over their lives, which is understandable. It's part of them being independent which is what we want, right? So, I would avoid "rewarding" him for eating. And you are right to offer him his dinner later if he's hungry and don't feel like you have to be a short order cook. when my 3 year old doesn't eat dinner and says she isn't hungry I wait until before bedtime and offer her a bowl of cereal (something healthy, not sugary) as a bedtime snack. So her choices are to eat the dinner I prepared or a bowl of cereal. I'm not willing to cook any more than that! I have also found including her in the preparation of dinner and letting her choose some of the menu items helps alot. That way she feels a sense of ownership in the meal and is more likely to eat it when she's hungry. Good luck!

I know this is a late response but I had to laugh when I saw the post. My 3 1/2 y/o daughter went to bed tonight after only eating two oranges for dinner! She'll be up at 6am asking me for a snack. I figured I'd just be waiting until she outgrows this phase! Please let me know if you find something that works.

My initial reaction was that he just wants to eat other things, try offering snack (when you usually do) that are not things to get excited over-crackers for example. If he doesnt eat his supper, then he doesnt get anything else to eat, period. Can you leave some crackers or something nonperishable on little plate in his room so he has a snack but doesnt wake everyone? If he can communicate well then try talking to him and asking him whats going on and make a plan together and he might fight less..

Your on the right track but you have to remain firm, when you say he's not eating and you offer up his uneaten dinner but you don't want to fight he has already learned that you tire easily and he can get his way. Been there done that. Get rid of the snacks throw them in the trash. Can't afford that? be sneaky hide them in the trunk of your car and put the empty boxes in the trash and tell him they are gone. Stick to your guns . Let him cry, the food is good and healthy let him eat it. You can get thru this time with him. Also feeding him a healthy late nite snack consistent with your idea of good foods is not a bad idea. My mom always tells me kids sleep bettter on a full stomach. I usually offer any snack food he wants if its healthy. DON'T BE A SHORT ORDER COOK, YOU MADE THE FOOD YOU PUT IT ON THE TABLE YOU ALL EAT TOGETHER. NO EXTRA . AFTER A COUPLE OF FIRM DAYS HE WILL EAT. He's 3 year old child ,your the parent. You have common sense, he is ruled by his emotions. Make him go to his room if he acts out for quiet time, eventually you will be in charge again. And one last thought use guidelines to see if he is eating enough, sometimes we make plates for ourselves when feeding kids, and of course they can't finish it. I use the TBS method , 1 tbs of each food from the table from each item , until they get up to 1 tbs for each year. YOR son is 3 work up to 3TBS of meat, 3TBS potatoes, ect. This really cuts down on the waste and they are not overwhelmed by what is in front of them. If he says he doesn't like peas, feed it to him anyways. Just ignore the fact that he didn't eat it say just try one. This is normal behavior. After its been served to him 11 times or more he will try it. So only putting a small amount on his plate will cut down on alot of stress. Please don't force your child to eat , let him come around.