Need Advise from Moms in Raytown / Lees Summit Area About 3 Year Old Son.
Updated on
March 05, 2013
T.H.
asks from
Kansas City, MO
5
answers
I have a 3 year old son who is pretty active and smart. So far he is the only child and with him being the way he is to have a second child is under a question. We live in Raytown, MO and we don't have kids for him to play with close by. Friends live too far and their kids not in his age group.
So I find out there is a Gym really close to us with childcare and we started going there. My son even started preschool last year in the same building and everything was working fine up until I started getting reports from teachers and preschool director about my son behavior. First they told me that they can't find out what things are interest him, because he don't have same interests as other kids in his class. At that time he was interested in marble runs, vacuum cleaners, car washes... But later after he turned 3 teachers started telling me that my son behaving badly (throwing toys at other kids, hitting kids, pushing them....) he didn't do it all the time, but as I understood often enough that he was put to director's office pretty often because of his behavior. We talked to teachers and director of the preschool and tried to find solution, but we came to the point were they would just call me and ask to pick him up. I forget to mention its only 2 days a week christian preschool from 9.30 am to 1.30 pm.
In our attempts to fix problems we have been suggested that maybe my son got ADHD or ADD (he was impulsive, but what 2 1/2 or 3 y/o kid is not impulsive?) We went to see his pediatrician and he got me scared with same stuff, even mentioned pills. They can't diagnose ADHD untill kid is 5 or 6 and my son was only 2 1/2 at that time. I was against the idea and just left it alone, but we still continued to work on his discipline more, he had some good days at the school but most of them wasn't good 4 hours days. We went to see another pediatrician and even child therapist after he turned 3 and they seem haven't been concerned about ADHD or ADD ideas at all, they all told me that my son is normal active 3 year old who going thru the phase of hitting and pushing kids (again he does't do it all the time he play with kids uncontrollably, he can play nice, but some things trigger his behavior).
Huh... it look like I already wrote quite a story here, but i'ts not easy to put my situation in several words...
Finally, after 2 calls from preschool to pick my son up because of his behavior we decided to pull him out of school. Guess I gave up...it didn't made sense to pay for preschool when they call me to pick him up. It came to the point where first thing he did wrong in class they would call me, so we decided to stop it. I was really upset , angry at myself and disappointed. I felt like a failed as a mother and parent. And I also felt bad because people tried to find that something was wrong with my son and sent me there and there and nobody really helped me...While director of the preschool never suggested to pull my son out of school, but I was wordlessly pressured to do same thing. My son was too much for them and as I understood they are not ready or not equipped dealing with kids like my son. I cannot believe that for over 20 + years there was no kids with same "problems"?! I'm sure there was and I guess they just did same thing...
I have read posts here with similar stories and replies from other moms and educators....but I'm trying someone to tell me what to do? I sent email to child therapist that seen my son after we pulled him out of school for her advise on what we need to do after and I never got reply from her....
We pulled him out in the end of January...sure I listened to other mom's and friends suggestions and tried to find another place for him to go and interact with kids - so far.. I have had no luck. I went to early child development centers on our area, but we either don't qualify for "low income" or there are no places for him in public preschools. I checked with Raytown School Department. I never got reply from "Parents as Teachers" program, even after I was enrolled...Sure if we were making enough money I would just put him to Montessori or someplace else where there is no structured system...
So what I am to do? Again my son is the only child, he needs social interaction with other kids, he loves to play with other kids I would not label him being aggressive toward other kids...
I am naturalized citizen and I didn't grow up in the United States. So there still some things I don't understand how things done in America. I would appreciate advises and suggestions from other moms. Thank you
First I want to thank every mom who responded. We have no problems playing and interact with kids at playgrounds or other public places where kids play when weather is good. But with latest snowfalls there was no going to park... only indoor play places. He have no problems with kids in open play areas where he can run around and have fun. I think more enclosed space created problems. I personally think it's too early for 3 even 4 year old kids to sit in classes and do structured activities even for a short time. They need run around and have fun, they will have enough time for sitting when they are older. My only concern was that he don't get enough interaction with other kids, that's why we decided to enroll him to preschool.
Yes, I agree that there are a lot of places I can take him to do activities and I guess I need keep him away from any kind of school for now, but I need a place where someone can watch him while he is playing with kids and help me to understand what to do.
I only mentioned ADHD/ADD because it's been suggested that my son might have it.. but it was only based on his impulsiveness and on our last pediatrician visit doctor even didn't mentioned it at all.
Again being new parent in the United states im still learning how things are done here, which is little bit different then in Europe, where kids just go to kindergarten from babies to up 5-6 y/o and then go to school. Growing up myself I don't remember that me or my brother (who was very active and having problems with discipline and behavior) had problems at kindergarten.. they just been dealt with.
I will try to visit Parents as teachers office and see what they can do for us.
More Answers
K.C.
answers from
New London
on
I do not live in this area. I am a parent educator though.
I would keep trying to get in touch w/ the Parents as Teachers program.
See if they can guide you. Check if they have rec to local playgroups at a center or public school.
Also, check into the local libraries. Usually local libraries have 45 minute story/craft times. If he is 3...Some of the kids can attend while their parent waits in another room.
Do you have a local recreation department? Or a music class for preschoolers? Or go to a playground where their are other young children(weather permitting). One of my best friends is a lady I met when our kids were 8 months old. Our kids do not talk to one another now. But, we are still good friends !
If you have insurance, see if you can take him to an occupational therapist. Tell the therapist that he has had ongoing issues w/ interacting in preschool. Let her know if their is anything else going on...
Keep trying the Parents as Teachers Program. It is a wonderful program !
Maybe they can offer some advice.
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J.W.
answers from
St. Louis
on
None of my kids went to preschool until they were four. Before then we went to parks, places where kids gather and more importantly places where I can supervise my own kids. Kids do not need to go to a preschool to get social interaction.
I will tell you that all four of my kids have ADHD and yes, you can diagnose them at three, heck I could have told you at one. None of them every had a single issue in preschool except my son who also has autism spectrum.
He was in preschool at three because of the autism spectrum. Parents as teachers only goes to three years old, then if you have a special needs kid first steps takes over, then your public school preschool. None of that is means tested I assure you my ex husband doesn't not fit the definition of poor, quite the opposite.
I don't like internet diagnosis but your son sounds like he has issues. I would suggest you look into first steps, they can help you on the path to finding help. I am not sure what the resources are in KC and my daughter is still working so I can't ask her. She teaches in the KC area. My son sees a psychiatrist, actually one the leading doctors on spectrum issues but he is through Washington University here in St Louis.
My son is almost 14 and I have every confidence he will lead a normal life. He would not be where he is had it not been for getting him in the system, getting him the correct therapy and the correct diagnosis.
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T.H.
answers from
Kansas City
on
As far as Parents as Teachers, the home visits stop when your child turns 3 but you can still qualify for other things. Look up your districts Parents as Teachers on line and see where the offices are. They should have a play area and have staff on duty to help you answer some questions and even do some evaluations if they find it necessary. You will have to take him there but it is worth it!
You need to contact your child's therapist again. If people aren't calling you back, you need to be more proactive.
I think maybe you just need to get out more. Since you took your child out of school maybe you can use that money to enroll him in a Mommy and me program of some kind. You can do swimming lessons, gymnastics, soccer, etc. Many of those activities have mommy and me activities that will allow you to monitor his behavior but still keep him active and interactive with his peers.
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C.B.
answers from
San Francisco
on
First of all, your son sounds very normal. Check this site and see how many moms are writing in about their children's behavior at the same age as your son. You can see that tons of kids his age are hitting, pushing and otherwise being aggressive. It's not unusual; it's not your fault; it just is what it is.
At age 3, and having no siblings, your son may not realize that he's actually hurting someone else. They really have no concept of it.
I would attempt to teach him empathy. When he hits or pushes, take him aside. Sit him down and ask him how he would feel if he were being hit or pushed. Talk about how bad it makes the other person feel and how we don't want to make people feel bad.
I think that the "christian" preschool did not show a christian attitude of forgiveness, acceptance and tolerance.
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A.M.
answers from
Kansas City
on
Are you in Raytown School district or LED schools? Have you gone to kaleidoscope?
-Deanna Rose
Children's museum
- YMCA
Personally it sounds like it was more of a mom's day out childcare and preschool. Look into the Herndon center I think they have childcare. It's for the high schoolers who want to teach early eduction
