Need Advice on "Tantrum Behavior"

My daughter did the same thing. I just provided a safe place (rug instead of hardwood floors) for her to throw her tantrum and started ignoring her. She has now outgrown this. If she does start to have a meltdown I provide her with a safe place and she is over it before a minute passes up. Hang in there, this too will pass!

I experienced that. The only difference is I have always worked full time so my daughter stayed with her Nana during the day. My daughter NEVER did this with her Nana and Nana told me it was because I was a puch over. I at first was very offended but she was right. She had been caring for kids for 45 years so I took her advice. When my daughter was ugly with me even at one it was time for discipline. I would tell her to stop and if she didn't I would put her in the playpen or her crib and leave her in there until she stopped. If we were in public I would go about my business and just ignore her. It finally stopped. Now my daughter is almost five and still pretty sassy but she knows she can push my buttons onces or twice but after three. ITS ON!!!!

My oldest was like that: an easy-going baby until 15 minths and then he would have these massive tantrums--sometimes for seemingly no reason. Thankfully he did most of them at home instead of out in public, and even at four he still has a hard time calming himself down when he gets upset. He'll sometimes hang out in his room and rage for 15-20 minutes, but he's not an overly-agressive child or anything otherwise.

There's no point in trying to talk to your child when she's in the middle of a tantrum--trying to do anything with her really will just make it worse/last longer. I would just get down to my son's eye level and tell him that when he was finished he could come find me for a hug. Then I would walk away and get busy doing something around the house while he flailed around on the floor and screamed. Eventually he'd finish up and find me. We would sit on the couch and snuggle and I'd talk to him about how hard it can be to deal with disappointment/frustration/anger etc.

The older he got the more detailed the discussions were and included things like phrases he could use to express himself and ways to physically calm down (stomping feet, deep breaths, counting). Once he turned three we required that he go to his room to cry it out if he couldn't calm himself down. Hope that helps a little. Good luck!

Hi S. D,
Sorry you are going through this..:) My son did the same thing, but he would do it in public. We would be in the mall and if I said something he didn't like or told him that he couldn't have something he would fall out on the floor kicking and screaming. The first time I spanked him. But that didn't work. The second time... We were in the mall again, he fell out on the floor and I kept walking, I didn't look back I just kept walking. (ignoring stares from strangers) But once he realized (which only took seconds) I was not falling for it, he got up running and yelling, "Mom wait for me!" IT NEVER HAPPENED AGAIN!

Best of luck

Hi S..I'm K.. I'm a SAHM of 5 ages 27,23,20,19 and 16. My 27 year old daughter made me a Grandma 12 weeks ago today and he's already a pistol, arching his back and kicking his feet. I'm loving it! Anyway, this problem sounds very familiar to me so maybe I can help. In my experience, tantrums at any age are good for one thing-ATTENTION. Sometimes it's just a test to see how far they can go. If there have been any significant changes with your family recently she could be acting out. A move to a new house, a new family member,a new friend for Mommy or something that focuses a lot of attention on big sister could be a problem. A lot of stuff like that stresses out the little ones because they don't understand. Or maybe she just feels like being a pill right now. When I was certain my child was not ill, in pain or starving, I just ignored the tantrum completely. At times I would carry on a conversation with an older child at the same time and we'd have to shout to be heard and I would carefully step over the tantrum thrower as though they were a speed bump to go where I needed to be within my house.I taught all the older children to do the same. I made it very clear with one statement,"You may come sit with me when you are ready to be nice. Until then, I guess you'll just have lay on the floor like that." No more than 10 minutes ever passed before the show was over. I refused to aknowledge it was even taking place. No coddling. I had a grand total of about 6 tantrums spread over 5 kids. They paid attention. See if your daughter's behavior happens at the same time of day or around certain people. There may be a common denominator. Observe if she manages herself in such a way that it's possible she's not feeling well and just can't tell you what's wrong. See if she has a temperature. This is a good distraction at the beginning of a tantrum and could stop it altogether because she'll forget what she wanted to fuss about. It also lets you know if something is physically wrong. She'll have a slight fever if she's in pain, for example. I probably put you to sleep, but I hope this helps you in some way. Bless you and your lovely family.

Well my daughter just turned 1 too and she kind of does the same thing. I just think it is a fase she is going through. Usually a toy or maybe a snack will calm her down and then she will begin to play for a while. My only concern now is that while switching her to vitamin d milk it kind of makes her constipated. I was told to try putting a little bit of kayro syrup in it and it should make it a little better. I was really thinking of putting her on 2%. If anyone has any ideas please let me know.

When my daughter cried/tantrummed for "no reason", we were told it was normal. I would get your daughter checked for allergies and ear/throat infection, though.

Watch for an escalation of this behavior for no apparent reason, because there was a reason with my daughter--we just couldn't see it. It did escalate to having these "fits" that usually were 40 minutes long, but sometimes lasted hours. The professionals finally concluded it was emotional and therapy was started. But it turned out to not be emotional--it was physical/medical. But that's getting way far ahead from where you are now. It's just that you obviously are concerened that your daughter's crying fits are not normal, so I would get her checked out medically if this persists or escalates.

And of course, it may just be normal.
My perspective is just from being the mother of a child who apparently had a rare and obscure condition who seemed "normal" but wasn't.

totaally normal... my little angel (18 months) started doing this at about 15 months. its because they can not express what they want. help her try to find the words. once she starts talking more it will get better.... my 18 month old get so mad when she cant do something herself so we have teaching her to say help please and it seems to have cut down alot on the tantrum end. hope this helps!

Ignore the behavior and it will go away. SHe is only testing you.

We've had a similar experience, our daughter will be 2 on Monday but she went through this around 1 yr old. I think part of it is they are trying to communicate and can't. We did EVERYTHING we could think of and nothing seemed to help. What seemed to work was to try to console her. If that didn't help, to walk away (keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn't hurt herself) and to 'ignore' the tantrum. Then come back after 5 mins or so and by this time she would want us to pick her up and would finally calm down. It was very upsetting to both my husband and I, moreso probably to me, but she did finally grow out of it. This seemed to happen less and less the more she was able to communicate. I would say that we used sign language, they taught our child that at daycare, and that helped tremendously. It wasn't anything fancy, just basic words for eat, sleep, thirsty, please, milk, etc.

Hang in there - that saying 'this too shall pass' is true even if it doesn't seem like it now.

I would have to agree with a lot of other moms. This is "normal" and you should ignore the tantram. Also, if there is a reason, like she can't have something she wants, etc, then she's testing you. I believe that it is not too earlier for time outs. And you should always have a plan before you leave the house, AND STICK TO IT. Make sure you talk about it with your husband or other care givers so that everyone is on board with the same plan.

She is definitely testing her boundary lines of what is exceptable and what is not. Remember to do 1 minute of 'consequence' times the child's age. With my one year old, we do a firm hold and say something like "STAY AWAY The fireplace is unsafe. Stay away. Stay away from fire." I actually only do the hold for probably fifteen seconds. Enough for them to get that their is a consequence.

I also say ignoring is good depending on what it is. Some thinsg should not be ignored and need addressed however. And definitely she needs some boundary setting soon.

Blessings,
Amanda

P.S. I also say totally have a 'plan' in place before you ever go into public. That way in your mind you know what you are going to do before you get in a tricky situation. You don't want her to come out on top because you weren't ready.

Hi S.,

Both of my girls had a trophy from tantrum throwing. Our doctor recommended that we step over them (if they are in the way) and walk out of the room or ignire them until the tantrum is over. It took them about 3-6 months to get through this stage. Yes, it is a stage and yes all kids go through it. This can be diffacult if your in public because all kinds of well meaning people will try to "help you" with advise on how to make them stop. Just smile and say something like "this stage is always rough" or "thank God this stage doesn't last too long." I ususally shuts up the not so helpful people. The other ones will say something like "I so remember that stage. My little Bobby used to throw some nasty ones."
Yes, this technique does work if you're strong enough to not get sucked into their drama. I used it with my own kids, in home daycare, Girl Scouts (different drama, but the same principle) and Sunday School classes.

Good Luck and "I so remember my Kyra and Emily throwing some nasty ones!"

With my sons we tried the redirecting method, to get them interested in something else, worked sometimes but not always. The other thing we did that seemed to work well was ignoring them. As long as there was nothing in the way like a table with breakables in there path I would just let them be. Usually as soon as they realize that no one is paying attention to them they would stop. If there was something in thier path I would either move the object or move the child. If I had to move the child I would tell them that I am moving you so you don't get hurt, put them in a safe area, then tell them that you can go ahead and finish your fit now. My mother was visiting once when this happened, at first she was appalled that I would just let him throw a fit. She said you should try to comfort him or get him to stop by getting him interested in something else. I told her that he would stop in a few minutes, sure enough he stopped, came into the kitchen and asked for some juice then went on his way about playing with his brothers.Good Luck!

Every child is different in temperament and expectations/needs and the first child usually is a 'good' baby and lulls you into believing 'Hey, This parenting thing is EASY!', Then child #2 disperses ALL your preconceived notions about parenting! LOL.

At age one, kids are able to DO lots of things but aren't able to SAY a lot, express their feelings, etc. Have you checked out baby sign language? It might help to a degree.

Kids usually only 'act out' when they're hungry, thirsty (which is easy to forget when they quit nursing breast or bottle), tired, cold/hot, frustrated, sick/uncomfortable, etc so try to think over that mental list in each scenario. If none of that works, ignore the behavior as much as possible (without ignoring the CHILD). The less attention they get from you about it (I mean you trying to 'solve' the problem), the worse it can get, though. Sometimes they just need put to bed (in a crib, alone in a quiet room). Sometimes they need cuddling and soothing talk.

Read anything about parenting by Kevin Lehman. He's wonderful!