Need Advice on Step Daughter

When I was six a friend of mine and I were playing around and she dislocated my elbow and she was much smaller than me.

When my daughter was 4 she was pulled off a playground toy by a friend which caused her to dislocate her elbow. I was told it can happen pretty easily (it happened to my sister at about the same age as well) and the docotr would teach me how to fix it if it happened again. I don't know her mom, but I do know that playground accidents happen often, especially with 4 year olds.

I was a single mom once and let me tell you something. You are so tired that everything seems like a chore and you miss stuff. Having someone else open the pickle jar while you make a sandwich is a real life saver and having someone occupy the little one while you wash the dishes is invaluable - unless you haven't gone through the absence of raising your child with a partner, you wouldn't know her delimmas.

First of all, please contact your school and let them know - maybe there will be some school insurance and they can also discuss with kids on slide safety. Maybe she was even being bullied and they can take care of that too.

Second of all, she did take her to the doctor. Unfortunately not right away but she did and the child has been treated.

What can you do? Offer that woman as much support emotionally as possible. You don't have to be friends and you don't want to offer unsolicited advice but you can be kind and encouraging. That alone will make the next 14 years easier for the both of you.

My last advice if you don't mind, pray for her and with all your heart. The better she is the better mom she will be.

God bless, C

Accidents like this happen when kids are playing. I have not recognized an injury in my own child until long after because he has such a high pain tolerance.
It sounds like you are looking for a reason to blame someone. Calm down - I'm sure the mom is beating herself up enough over it. Examine your own need to find blame in her. That's obviously a bigger issue for some reason.

Hi H.,

I think you are justified in your concern and questioning things. Has this type of thing happened before? Is there something that's setting off your protective radar? I would have dad contact the teacher. Something like this happening at school is damgerous and needs to be addressed. Also, if it wasn't a school accident, it'll tell you what your next step should be. Please let us know what happens.

M.

I honestly don't know, since it's such a serious thing - an error in either direction is bad. I don't know when you have visitation next, but perhaps taking her to your pediatrician and asking questions that you put forth here might be helpful re. getting the answers you need.

The best course of action is to have her father call the school. Unless his parental rights have been severed they must give account to the incident. Also if it happened at school the school and the teacher could be liable, and it is unlikely they would have sent her home without being aware of this. I would just have him call the school as a concerned parent seeking to warn them of a potentially violent student (to cause that kind of injury), and see if they know anything about it. They will have to open a report on the injury and will also keep a closer eye on your step-daughter for future injuries to protect themselves. If it is the mother then the school will back you up as a witness to injury (child comes in with injury). Also sometimes kids confess things like this to the safety of a teacher more than a parent because parents tend to take sides. If it really was a child at school then the school should take action to protect other students from injury. Either way something will be done.

the joints in arms at a young age can be pulled out very easily (look up nursemaids elbow... from moms even gently pulling kids alongside them in a store or whatever). However if you are concerned have your husband (or you if you are on documents at the child's school) call the school and talk to the teacher. He/ She should know if any such incident occurred or not.

What is your relationship like with the mom? This maybe a question your husband should ask. There is nothing wrong with having him ask the mom what happened and I would call the school to try to get more information. I read the other post about taking the child to your pediatrician which isn't a bad idea, but please don't do anything without talking to the mom. If the daughter goes back to the mom and said she went to the doctor it can create a huge problem.

Hi there,
I did just read something in one of the parenting magazines I get about a MOm who was going down the slide with her child. Somehow,cant remember the specifics,the childs arm was broken!! So,it could have happened on the slide like she said.
Unless you have other incidents where you have questioned how the child got hurt I would not say anything. I would definitely keep an eye out on your step-daughter. And good for you for being concerned about her.

H....I don't think there is anything wrong with asking questions. If she didn't do anything wrong then she shouldn't get upset. We have to stand up for our kids. I think it says a lot for you as a step-mother to be that concerned about a child that isn't even yours! Can you ask the 4 year old?

Good luck!

You're NEVER wrong to question the well-being of a child! You should check with the school directly-- if anything happened there, they would know, even if it didn't seem like a big deal at the time-- shwe would at minimum have been crying when it happened! And talk to your step-daughter-- kids will tell the truth if they feel safe and know you will protect them.

Hi H.,
Just my two cents, but if this is the first incident like this, I would just stay alert to any future accidents.

I have a friend who is a GREAT mother and her son fell on his arm while playing. She didn't think anything of it. He didn't complain about pain- in fact, he went on to play. Then, a few days later, with some swelling still apparent, she took him in and his arm was broken. He had to be in a cast. She felt so bad. :( I only share this story to say, once again, she is a GREAT mother. This type of situation can happen. Just keep alert.

Again, my own two cents,
R.

My son broke his wrist when he fell off the slide at age 4. It was several hours before I took him in and I seriously did not think it was broken, just took him in as a precaution. I also have a friend whose 4 year son fell at preschool and broke his arm. They told her when she picked him up that he fell on his arm, she didn't think it was broken and didn't take him in to the dr. until the next day. I also broke my arm when I was 4 years old just by falling off a curb. So, what I'm trying to say is that it's fairly easy for a child to break a bone and the parent not to realize it right away. The dr. should make a referral to CPS if he had any concerns about what really happened.

Maybe the damage was greater due to the speed of the slide going downward. I'm sure the doctors would have questionned her about it if they suspected any foul play. Just to keep the relationship in good standing and for you not to loose the closeness you seem to have with your step-daughter, I'd wait to find out if the Dr's had any concerns. I hope that was all it was for the little girl's sake though. Best of luck!

It is very possible that she did just get hurt on the slide- some slides are really fast and a child can easily get hurt on them if someone grabed thier arm- even if it was just another child. And because she is bigger, she would have more weight/stress put on the arm that was being pulled as she was sliding down
BUT....
if her mom has ANY history of being abusive(I'm not talking about a swat on the bottom that you might/might not disagree with) you should talk to your husband about it. If you are really concerned that this is happening at home and is the mothers fault- it's better safe than sorry, but this type of accident, although not common, can happen. If you can, try and remove any feelings- postive or negitive- you have for her mother and look at this again and then ask yourself if she is telling the truth and go with your gut.
Personally, it sounds like an honest accident. I do have a child who complains about every little bump and scratch, it's hard to know when he is seriously injured unless he's bleeding. Your step daughter might be like that and that would be why she didn't take her in until later.
Good Luck!
~C.

My thought is to not overreact if this is the 1st such incident. Think of the momentum a kid can have on the slide. If your stepdaughter's story matches and she says WHO grabbed her arm etc, and it seems that the teacher would know that something happened at school. If her elbow popped out and then back in that would be very painful. I'd speak to the school. But the swelling may have increased over the weekend. And how many times does a child come down sick on a Friday and you have to make the call of whether to rush to the pediatrician on the Friday late afternoon or wait it out? For me it is consistently a Friday! -- Also I have a friend whose freshman daughter hurt her foot on the stairs right before a ski trip. She complained the whole ski trip about her foot. They told her to quit being such a drama queen. When they returned they finally took her to the doctor to prove to the daughter that there was nothing wrong. Boy did they feel bad when the xray showed a fracture! It just wasn't swollen or THAT painful....so mistakes do happen!

What happened to her? No. What her mom did or did not do about it-ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! All parents are accountable as to how they care for their kids-to themselves, to God, to other members of the family, and to the law. Think of the permanent damage that could be done if medical needs are not met in a much more timely manner than this was. (PS Size of the child makes NO difference. It's a child!)