Need Advice on Reuniting with 14 Month Old After 6 Months Separation

I would just be prepared for some separation issues -maybe some sleep problems, acting out, etc. Does the military have any books or issue any information for dealing with this? They should if they don't. I would also google your problem and look in the library and bookstores for info and suggestions for reuniting with a very young child. I'm sure there are sites -possibly some run by military folks like yourself -addressing this because so many parents have had to leave their kids for Iraq. You could also call DFACS (I know this doesn't sound like something you're dying to do, but) and explain your situation and ask them if they have any guidance materials for parents reuniting with their children because they have cases all the time where children are being returned to parents after foster care or living with someone else. I hope you never have to leave your daughter again! I'm certain this has been horribly heart-wrenching for you.

I would have the Godparents constantly be showing your daughter photos of you while saying Mommy. Have it be an everyday thing. Have faith...she will know her Mommy! And thank you for your service to our country!

First of all I really want to say THANK YOU for doing what you did to help us here. I am crying reading your letter knowing what you have sacrificed over here.
Just love her and show her constantly. She will remember you, and your smells and touch. Babies are good like that. Just hold her close to you and comfort her. She will learn you again as her mommy. Talk with her, soothe her. Let her know how much you have loved her and miss her. I would write a letter and let her know where you are right now, physically and emotionally. She will be able to read it and understand when she is older.
my prayers are with you and your child. I know how hard it is just to be a single parent of a young one, but I will never know what it feels like to have to have done what you had to do.
love to you and your baby,
L.

S.,
Thanks for reaching out with your question. I was Active Duty Navy for 10 years and deployed several times - I wasn't married nor did I have kids at the time but I've watched many military families go through this process. Now that I am a mom I'll be frank that kids change a lot from 7 month old babies to 14 month old toddlers. Several other mothers have offered great suggestions for connecting with your daughter while you're on deployment. Technology and the internet are such a great advantage to families of deployed service members - my buddies used lots of long distance calling cards during my deployments!

The other key to having a smooth transition home is your preparation as well. I am sure your unit will offer 'return to home' briefs - even Navy ships underway offer them - I highly recommend you attend. You will have to adjust from military life 24/7 to life at home so be sure to go easy on yourself at first.

A friend of mine recently returned from an IA assignment in the Middle East - her son is 2 years old and she reported he definitely remembered her when she returned and there was no doubt that she was his mother (she's a Commander/O5 and even she had the same concerns).

Best wishes to you on a successful deployment. Being a full-time working mom is hard enough when you come home every night - it's infinitely harder when duty takes you away for a while. My observation is that strong families get stronger through the military deployment cycle - be strong for your daughter and everything will be fine.

Hi S.,

Wow! What a tough position for you. Thank you so much for your service to our country and for making such an incredible sacrifice.

Make sure that the Godparents are showing your picture to your daughter every day and telling her that you are her mommy. If you can send her videos through email, that would really great. If you made a children's book with paper and markers and read it to her on the video and showing drawn pictures of you and her coming together and hugging (stick drawings are fine!). Be sure to talk with her on the phone "mommy loves you!" The more she hears your voice and sees your picture, the better.

When you give her a bottle, I highly recommend that you hold her and cradle her just as if she were an infant. Look into her eyes as you hold the bottle while she drinks. Even though she will be a toddler, feeding her with a lot of physical contact, smiling, and your eye contact, will develop the bond again.

You may not feel comfortable with this, but I would recommend that you co-sleep with her for awhile. Babies and toddlers need physical contact with their caregivers and sleeping together will help establish trust and connection. If you want more support when you get back, be sure to contact me. I'm a parent coach and I am available by phone.

All the best!