Need Advice on My Marriage - Odessa,TX

Hello, Ok why don't you talk to him, just be straigth with him and tell him how you feel, and he is wrong, every couple need sex, affection, etc, sex is very important in everybodies life, just the same as comunication, trust etc. I think is weird that a 32 year old guy do not want sex, he either have someone on the side and he is not been truthfull with you or he has a problem with ....... and maybe needs help but he is embarresed to tell you or talk about it.
Just tell him how you feel and before you go somewhere else looking for what you are not having at home you are willing to try one more time.

I dont know if you will be able to get the same feelings back.once you lose trust you have a problem.Iam twenty-two years old and a mother of two with one on the way.Ive been married for five years.Ive been through the no sex thing before.Weve worked through that but I dont think I would have if I didnt have all the trust in the world.Communication is always the key though.Good luck.

When my husband and I were having problems we turned to some books from Dr. Harley. He has a website www.marriagebuilders.com. His books saved our relationship and family. It has been almost two years since we read his books. The books helped us see that our priorities were different and how we needed to change if we wanted a marriage that worked. Hope you get the help you need and you get the outcome that makes you happy. Good Luck!!

I think you need to have more communication with your husband...I beleive that telling him and him telling you how and what you feel is very important. i do understand about the trust issues and very well...but you have to come to a point in your life when you say enough is enough...you have to learn how to start trusting him again...even if its too much you can do it...I know I did...as for the sex part...try wowing him yourself...try going back to when you both were just getting to know eachother...what he did what you did...you know...let him know and make him know that its not just sex that you want and need...its the fact that it makes you feel loved, warm, etc. etc....don't get me wrong both of you have to work at it not just you...so just try as much and and far as you can to make this work....Good luck and God Bless

well so sorry for your luck i'm in the same boat almost to the tee we've been together today just 10 months we are not married yet but we live together. we started out wonderful, first i must say he was locked 16 years for somthing he honestly didn't do he just didn't run and tell when he found out and the justice system in eastland county SUCKS. he started out one person, the one i fell for so hard and then now he's another alot for the same reasons he's never cheated and i don't think he will' i really don't. he doesn't want to have sex near what i want to but for the first time in my life i want it all the time and i have a man that does not but like he says he went 16 years without it and it's not a pressing issue. alot is hes afraid if he puts his whole heart in this i'm gonna leave him he's afraid of getting hurt and i don't think hes 100% sure the rug wont get jerked out from under him and he'll go back cause he's been three times twice cause eastland co. screwed him.all i can say for you and me is we need to keep in touch and figure out what we can do to spice up their sex drive. i've even thought about putting something in his food or drink that would make him want it!! my e-mail is ____@____.com if you want it ! well gotta go get ready sorry i can;t finish this now but i wanted you to know i cared, take care till later! LOL

hi i am 24 with 4 kids and iv been married going on 8 yrs dont feel bad my husband has donr the same thing hes always gave me what i wanted and the kids we were always taken care of you dont menchion if you have kids with him my life has been extremly bad but you know what iv mad it threw i wanted a divorece to when i showed him the papers his mouth droped and i let him know the reasons but now we are still togeatther and are doing better man can only handle one thing at a time us women can handle a 100 things at a time so have you maybe sat down and talk to him tell him what you fell and say what you want to happen in life for the next 10 years if yall are still married i dont want you to think just cause im 24 but belive me iv bee n threw a lot and the one thing that concers me alot is when my husband wasnt wanting sex with me he was cheating and sure enough he was i dont want to get that in your head but i do have a lot to tell when it comes down to advise but it is kinda hard to explain on the computer but like i said really the best thing to do is sit down have a nice dinner and talk. talking is the most inportent thing in a marriage so let me know if im right or wrong thank you your friend V.

Marriage is so nerve wracking. Please don't think that I am pushing religion on you, because I'm not. However, I will tell you what has worked for me, over and over again. I started reading the Convesations with God books. They really helped me to deal with myself and my own emotions so that I could deal with others better. Then, I started taking time to pray and visualize what I would rather have happen in my life. I would even visualize my husband holding me, and turning away from behaviors that upset me. I would visualize myself turning away from behaviors that weren't helping us to get better, such as getting upset over petty issues. In a matter of HOURS, not days, things started turning around dramatically in how we dealt with each other. I have never told him about my prayers, because that is my personal conversation with God, but God answered quickly, and truly exceeded my expectations. I encouaged my mother to do the same thing, after she had endured years of problems with my dad. Again, in a matter of HOURS, he started becoming more attentive to her needs, and now, he is fully caring for her like he should have been all along. Another thing that I keep reminding myself when I start to think about or bring up past issues, is that it doesn't matter what we have done before, it only matters what we are going to do in the future. Also, remember that when men lose interest in sex, it can be a medical issue. Maybe it's time for a physical.

A.,

I am so sorry to here about your marriage. I have gone through the exact same thing regarding sex and falling out of love. I too have been to the point of leaving. Before I did, I decided to give him one last chance and depending on what he said was the deciding factor. I told him that I had something serious that I wanted to talk to him about but wanted to wait until the kids were in bed so I was not interupted. That gave him a bit of time to think about what I needed to say. Once we started to talk I told him that I am not happy in our marriage and I need help coping. I told him that I wanted both of us to go to marriage counseling. When he asked for my reasoning, I put it all in the "I need" format trying not to accuse him. (I need physical touch and need to hear positive things) He knew that I was really serious because I only ask for marriage counseling when I am at my witts end. He appologized, said that he would try harder to meet my needs and he actually stuck to it. (read the book The Five Love Languages - it explains exactly how to love your spouse in the way THEY (YOU) need to be loved. It makes it easier for you and the other person to understand what you need in a love relationship- easy reading) granted, it was only a month ago and now he is gone for 4 months working, but when he calls and we e mail, things are better. I am wondering how it will all work out when he gets home. I have not let my guard down yet. One reason I think it is so important to stay together is because I have also a child from a previous relationship and we have 2 together. I do not want another nasty divorse to deal with for the rest of my life and I want the kids to know that no matter how hard relationships get, you need to try your best to work them out.

Now, when it comes to the stealing money and using it for drugs, that is where he needs help. If he is still using or selling tell him that needs to stop - no acceptions. Offer to help him find help and that you will support him. Drugs and alcohol change personalities and you want the old hubby that you married not the druged hubby.

I don't know if any of this will help, but it has helped me. Even though my husband is not home, I am still seeking help for myself. I have started see a psyciatrist to help me deal with all these issues. If you want your marriage to work, take the steps to help yourself first then help him.

if you need the companionship, tell him. if he doesn't understand then he isn't right for you. Also, how sure are you that he isn't getting his loving somewhere else? In my experience, men who don't want sex from you are getting it from someone else. talk to him, get your feelings out there, and if he doesn't understand, you have already had way too many problems for 2 years. You may also want to talk to the ex's and see why they split, if it is possible. you may find similar patterns

Hi. I am 25 years old and have been married for 2 years, but have been with my husband for 5. I think all marriages have get like this at some point. For us it was just us being so busy that our relationship was put on the back burner. What I have found to work is to do nice things for my husband like I used to when we were dating. At first I really didn't FEEL like doing them, but choose to. But them he started to act like he did towards me when we first started dating. This worked better than me talking to him over and over about what I needed and it going in one ear and out the other. I takes work, but I feel marriage and love is about choicing to love someone and at times take work, but it is definatly worth it

Well A. that isn't such a big problem. It happens in lots of marriages. Marriage isn't just about sex. Find other things to do together. If you like sex ask him to go to a sex store for something to please you, i'm sure he'll like that. I'm sure he feels bad for things that happend in the past, so you should show him if and when you do trust him again. Maybe you should renew your vows, or just have a small ceremony and declare your love with eachother again. Go take walks and eat dinner outside! Just have fun, don't worry about things!

GOOD LUCK!

"I have thought about asking for a divorce because I do love my husband but I'm not i love with him."

Did you ever love him? I'm just asking because it seems like 2 years is an awful short period of time to be married and be this unhappy. Does he love you? You two may want to try counseling (either paid or thru your clergyperson) to figure out what each of you would like out of a marriage. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help, and I hope your situation gets better soon. (Frankly, IMHO, I would rather be divorced and happy than married and unhappy- but the decision is up to the both of you.)

Hi,

I feel for you. I've never been in the situation that you are in, but my best advice is for both of you to go to a marriage counselor. Your husband deserves to know how you're feeling and a counselor supplies a neutral ground where you both can talk about things that are bothering you. If he doesn't want to go to a counselor, you should go on your own. My husband and I were in a different situation, and we did seek counseling - it was the best thing I ever did! We went for about 3 months and then the counselor told us that we didn't have to continue going any longer since we had worked through everything. If counseling doesn't work and you're unhappy, maybe the best road to take (for your health and happiness) is getting a divorce. If it counseling works, all the best to you! Good luck!

Well it seems you are in need of some advice and I am going to try. First off a marriage doesn't need sex to work. I am 23 and my husband is 28 and we have sex maybe once a month. Second of all when you are dating the relationship is totally different than when you get married. It is my theory that marriage is what breaks people apart, there is just something about all the responsibility that follows in marriage. Thirdly you might want to consider couples counceling before you do something drastic and get a divorce. I feel there maybe something deeper to his reason for not being intimate with you. But I hate to be miss negativity but he could also be unfaitful and thats why he is the way he is. I have seen this with some of my friends before. When he lost his job it probably made him feel veryinsecure as a man, especially if you were working. I know my family is very old fashioned to where the man is the man and it is his sole responsibilty to provide for the family and if he can't then he is no man at all. Now as far as the drug binge goes... well he could have acted out in a different manner and there is noexcuse for what he did. I think you should seriously sit down and to think to yourself is this relationship worth it. You also need to consider your children, is this man safe to be around them? Is he going to do this drug binge again next time something bad happens? And more importantly is he still using drugs? If this man is around you children than you might want to consider a home drug test monthly to ensure your childrens safety. Yes I understand that he treats you good but still you can find someone better, someone who will actually be intimate. I hope I have been somewhat of a help.

well that is very wierd for a husband not to want sex!!! my husband wants it all the time. im the one that doesnt. all though i can live without it i cant live without the hugs and kisses and when that happens it usually leads to sex.i get in the mood just by kissing my husband when its been a while.if you say that theres no hugs or romance then thats probably what yall need.if he doesnt even want to do that then theres something strsnge going on? and probably thats why you feel your not in love with him anymore. he probably isnt either. i think both of yall should sit down and talk things through, cause if you both keep on being together and theres no love eventually one of yall will look for love elsewhere.thats just gonna cause more problems and heartache to the familly.

Is it possible that he is suffering from an erectile disfunction problem? that's not an easy subject to broach but if it can be gently talked about you guys might be able to find a solution (if that is the problem). Or he might have a low labido. Either way, i would suggest councelling. Breaking up a marriage is never easy, as you both already know. Good luck to you.

A., have you ever questioned him why his other two marriages ended? i'm 25 was with my husband and father of my two girls for 3 and 1/2 years when everything started going down, i felt he didnt care no more, he starting talkin to some other girl well i know live on my own have been since about a month ago and i feel so lonely, we just had our child support appt, he still comes around and it hurts me so much cause i just wish he would be with us, but i don't think that would ever work i cant trust one word he tells me cause he has lied to me so much, i'm about to start going to counsoling this saturday to hopefully get over this stage, financially thank god i'm doing great it's just all these mixed emotions about him, look sit down and talk to him if he really loves you like he says he'll listen to every word you have to say and try to work things out with you not like mine that perferred some skank instead of his family......excuse my language but it just upsets me that men are such jerks....i wish i could give you a better advice but i'm in the same situation sort of right now so hey just try to talk things out with him