Need Advice on Feelings...

As others have said, you are an employee of this family and not part of the family itself. They have no obligation to attend your children's parties or to have you attend theirs. If they have, or invited you, in the past; then consider it something above and beyond what usually happens.

Make sure to keep your relationship professional. The family should be paying for your gas on any work related errands, or at least reimbursing you. You should also have some sort of written contract.

Start with changing your thinking about this particular situation. Obviously, this family thinks of you as an employee and nothing more, so you need to accept that. They may be fond of you and the children may even love you, but you are an employee. They may be guarding their feelings and that of their kids because you really aren't family. You could leave at anytime and have no ties to them in the future.

If you are not ok with being 'just and employee', then you may want to start to look for another position. I would caution you though, being able to have your kids there is not going to be an easy perk to find elsewhere. I wouldn't make any moves that would jeapordize your current position until you have been officially offered another.

I agree with others, think of this as a business relationship. You should be getting gas money and salary that is comparable to other nanny's in your area. Being a nanny is hard work! It is nice that you're able to bring your kids along, is this family possibly making up for no gas money by paying for your kids to eat? If you do decide to leave I would definitely wait until you have something else lined up, you need to put you and your kids needs first!!

Business is business. You are the employee (no matter where you work, you are the employee). The relationship is one sided -- You are close to the children because you are with them all day. You have a very special relationship with the kids... It is how it should be with a Nanny.
That said, you need to be professional when dealing with the parents or the family will walk all over you. Your care of the children won't change, but your relationship with the parents needs to evolve. Insist on gas money or a car to drive. Gas is too expensive for you to be using your gas to cart their kids around.
When review time comes around, ask for a raise. You might start looking for a new position and see what the going rates are for Nannies. You need to have your ducks in a row and have all your facts set in your head when you ask for a raise. You need a list of all the things you do in a day as well as all the things they expect you to do. Your time is valuable, but you also need to consider that they let you bring your children to work -- expect to be paid a little less because of that.
Good luck!
LBC

The people that hired you KNOW it's a business transaction and are keeping it as such. You need to do the same. Part of being a good nanny means you will have an emotional tie to the children you work for... the hiring parents do not have that obligation towards you. It's doubtful you would find a family that would want to reciprocate those feelings back towards you, otherwise they would just be considered your "friends" and that would change the entire dynamic.

This is a job that has benefits for you by bringing your children. That's it. Actions speak louder than words and it does sound one sided. However, work is not meant to be 'family-like'. If you leave there, is little to no guarantee you will find what you are looking for. The grass is rarely greener.... But, I would start asking for gas money and reimbursement for any other expenses you accrue.

I must have missed something. Seems like this family does treat you well in that they let you bring your kids with you. Most jobs I know of don't let you bring your kids to work. I know none of mine did.

I have several questions and your post doesn't really get too involved in detail. Do you get annual reviews? If so, that is the time to mention a raise. If they are not paying for your gas or expenses that you incur during the time you are with their children then you should be reimbursed. It is hard to answer because you mention "not being paid top dollar". Maybe they feel you aren't worth top dollar. Maybe you don't have the experience/education that would justify top dollar.

Also, how much value to you do you feel is on the fact that your kids come to work with you? There is a value on that as well. Personally, if I had a nanny, I would want their focus on my kids. That is what I am paying them for.