Need Advice on Contacting Teacher

You should get the school counseler and the principal of the school involved. The teacher has many other students in class and ths others are there for you to consult with.

Talk to the priniple about the teacher,show him/her the test resaults and ask the priniple to talk to the teacher.Also show the teacher the test resaults and tell her no they are not ausitic and here is proof.Ask the priniple is they would give you a letter for therapy.It looks good for them to help their students..good luck..
S. B

Boy, this really has me hot!! It sounds like that teacher is blackmailing you into getting a label put on your son before she will help you. You don't need her note! There are usually several private companies that do speech therapy. Call them and ask them whether or not they need a referral. They may not. Be prepared though - they are usually pretty expensive. I've had to have a "coming to Jesus" with some people within the school system regarding my son. You are the advocate for your boys -don't let anyone bully you! Educate yourself, get a parent's rights booklet from the county office, or the school where your boys will be going. Contact the State and the Exceptional Children's Advocacy Coalition in your area. Do not let them place an autism label on your children if you've had them evaluated, and MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS have told you that they are not. Your boys will then be placed in a autism classroom where there may be some other students who have a moderate to severe case of autism. They won't get the same level of academics that they otherwise would, and they won't get the same priviledges as the other students in other classrooms. I have been through this, so I from whence I speak! I too have an exceptional child - whom I suspected had some form of autism due to a repetitive speech pattern. He does display "some" autistic characteristics, but not enough to be medically labeled "autistic"; however the school system did their own evaluation and determined that he was "autistic for educational purposes". This led to a horrible placement that produced violent and aggressive outbursts. After four months of seeing things go downhill, I finally TOLD the IEP team that this placement was not appropriate for my son, that I wanted him reassigned, and NOW! I also had our Pediatric Developmental Specialist write a note stating that he would be more accurately diagnosed as developmentally delayed, and should be placed with more like peers. It took about a week or so, but he was more appropriately placed in a K-2 Developmentally Delayed classroom. My son is a triplet, also born prematurely, and is developmentally delayed. The best thing you can do is contact the Exceptional Children's Director for your County's school system. Many schools do their own evaluation on each child to determine if they are ready for Kindergarten. You may want to seriously consider holding them back a year before starting Kindergarten (check with the state Board of Education to see what the "legal" age is when a child "must" be enrolled in school. Although many children "can" start when they are five, I think the State's legal age states seven. If you do decide to proceed with enrollment, the EC department can help you develop an Individualized Educational Plan (IEP) for your child. Also, ask your pediatrician to refer you to a Pediatric Developmental Specialist. They will help you determine the best route for your boys. As for that teacher: you've asked nicely many times and it hasn't worked, so put on your heels, and black outfit, go into that school, stand straight and speak calmly, but with authority (in the hallway, or out of sight of the students). Tell her that as a courtesy, you are putting her on notice that if she sends home one more piece of literature regarding autism, or tries to force her opinion on you again, then you will consider it to be harrassment, and will "file a formal complaint" to the principal and/or the county board of education. If she gets the least bit sassy with you, go straight into the principal's office. The big thing with the State is that you follow the chain of command, so it's the principal, the county office, and then the State. Also, you may want to keep a journal of the literature that's been sent, the conversations that you have had, and communicate everyday with your children. If you suspect that they are being treated differently because of your conversation with the teacher, you will need to address that too. If you don't stand up for your children, they could end up being "warehoused" in a place where they will just fall further behind, and if you show the teachers that you have educated yourself, and know your rights, they will be less likely to railroad you!

Who needs her.You do what is best for your kids.I am a mother of an autistic son [8].Tell her to stop pushing that on you.Try Moore Speach Thearapy they can help you with your son's.I am a stay at home mom with an 8 year old and a 3 year old.

Hi,
I would tell her one more time very firmly that you do not want any further information on autism. I am not sure what credentials she has that makes her competent to override professional assessments- and I would ask her as much in a very polite manner. If she refuses, go to the director of the school. If this doesn't help, you may want to consider pulling them out of this preschool and seeking another. I think you have been patient enough.

Unfortunately, from my 21 years of experience in being a mom and a healthcare provider I have found that some teachers (seeing as how they are all so-called child development experts) will attempt to diagnose conditions for which they are not at all qualified or even trained to do. They will sometimes attempt to diagnose everything from Autism to ADD, etc. Fortunately, not all teachers are like this, but for the ones who are.. shame on them. A degree in education is just that.. a degree whereby the main content of coursework is focused on how to teach children.. not to 'diagnose' anything. Attempts to do this are way out of their area of expertise and is in my opinion extremely unprofessional behaviour.

I agree that you should probably contact the superintendent or school board regarding this teachers 'diagnosis' and possible labeling of your children. If that doesn't seem to alleviate the problem I would also consider whether they might need to be placed in a different classroom with a new teacher.. but this late in the year, that might not be a practical solution.

Good luck to you and follow your own instincts on this one and don't allow this teacher to label your child.

have you boys been checked for speech apraxia? My son was diagnosed with this about two months ago. He is improving since we started speech therapy twice a week. I originally thought he was just delayed in his speech but that was not the case. Once he was diagnosed we were able to get more therapy.

R S I feel for you .I have a 4yr old girl and she has a speech problem.The first thing we got her tested for was her hearing.All her test came back fine.She just has a speech problem.She has been going to speech classes in the Davidson County School system since she was 3.She was going 3 days a week and now she goes once a week.The program has wroked great.She starts kindergarten in the fall.My biggest worrie was for her to be LABELED. Onces a child gets that label its in their chart for life.Stand up to the teachers and dont let them tell you about your kids.Cut them off when their trying to tell you what they think is up with your kids.Stand your ground.Teachers do mean well but sometimes they take things to far.Good luck to your family.R. G

Good Morning! I am constantly amazed at how people are so quick to label and yet cannot give solid reasons for why they believe a child may have or struggle with a particular condition. I also think it is quite sad that those who are supposed to be working WITH us as we teach and train up our children often are the ones who take up our energy in conflict. But, that's the nature of people - to speak often and rarely listen..... I am sorry for the dilemma you are experiencing with your sons' teacher. I have worked with children for 17 years and have 3 children of my own, 1 teen, 1 pre-teen and 1 elementary age. You may have already done some of the suggestions I will propose, but I will list a few and hope they are helpful.
1) Try to make contact with the teacher for things other than discussing their progress or her thoughts on their lack of progress... when your only contact is over difficult issues it hinders clear communication and true reception of what you are trying to communicate. Some teachers develop a deeper care and connection for their student beyond just academics through personal connection with the "family". They transition from a "student" to a "child". It seems foreign to even express, but it's a reality I've encountered. It also gives the teachers a sense of accountability if they understand that you love your child, you are involved AND you care for the teacher and are excited to work together with them over the next year.
2) When she sends more information on the subject, set up a conference and tell her how much you appreciate her concern for them. Since they have been tested several times and you take into consideration the valid point of their unique situation (preemie twins) you would like for her to give you specific details on why she continues to believe they are autistic. At this point you will need to listen to find the root of her insistence. (Has she dealt with it and is it a fear or a lack of knowing how to deal with autism? Is this her way of not having to spend extra time because she has a full class? Are her hands legally “tied” to offer help?) Then, thank her again for her concern and observation (if any given) and reassure her that you are a very involved parent and have taken all the necessary measures to verify this and since nothing has given you any tangible evidence that they have autism, including medical exams, you would prefer to know if she is willing to work with you on assisting them where they are and then go from there. Then, if she sends more info, put it in an envelope and return it to her with a note that says, "thank you - I believe I have collected enough information on the matter should I ever need it."
3) The boys are 4 years old! In an age where we want our toddlers reciting the Gettysburg Address and our children becoming sports superstars, please do not feel obligated or take on the pressure of forcing our children to become “little adults”. I am particularly saddened when I hear toddlers and pre-k’s saying their favorite color is “lelow” and their being corrected – “It’s Yellow”. Give them their “lelow” – they’ll lose that too soon, and believe me, they’ll want to sound big soon enough. My daughter went from “lelow” at 2, 3, and 4 to “as a matter of fact” and “actually” and 5 & 6! And only one of my sons was a “wordy” little guy. This may be your sons 2nd year of preschool – but that just means they started at 3; it doesn’t mean that because they started early they should be 4 going on 6 for their 2 yr head start.  Enjoy where they are at and keep their schedule balanced with twice more play time than their “serious” time and twice as much loving as discipline. Don’t forgo discipline, or learning – but it’s supposed to be a part of their development.
4) Get a jump start next year with the new teacher. Be open; friendly.... connect with her as a teacher. I don’t know how full your schedule is (mine is crazy – I have a full-time job, a part-time job, I am very involved with my 3 kid’s classes – not as much as I’d like to be, though, I volunteer a lot at my church, and I’ve been married for almost 20 years) but even if it is at drop off or pick up or once a week, make contact with their teacher. Send notes on how their morning went (to help her learn to love them). Don’t make excuses for things, but do share with her their personalities and quirks, dislikes and strengths. Help her to get to know them and this will actually help her to see them with her heart not just her head.
5) Finally, follow your heart. Your “mom gut” will let you know if something is up. In the meantime – you rule. They are your children. Love ‘em, enjoy ‘em, treasure the time with them (I know, you hear it all the time – but it is so true! And we don’t really understand the concept until we find ourselves on the other side telling others who are just like we were, thinking that’s just what ‘older’ people say).

Stay encourged.
Sincerely,
KP

Turn the tables on her.Gather as much information you can on twins and their unique behaviour so that you can educate her.She has no qualifications to deem your children as being Autistic and is obviously confusing that extra special bond that twins have with something that she must have read somewhere.
I do not have twins,but I can tell you that there was 15mths between my sons,and the younger of the two did nt speak until he was 3years old.It was simply because his brother did all of the talking for him.They were so close that he made him self understood in his own little special way.He is 25 now,did very well in his school years and went on to have a very good career.
I have also known twins and mothers with twins,and I can tell you that speech issue's are not unusual.Many twins have their own secret language,body codes,but that does not make them Autistic.
Stand up for your children and do not be intimidated by this teacher.Thats the problem with this country,teachers label a child and for the rest of their school life they are put on medications to ensure they can recieve an education.Nip it in the bud now,even if it means going over her head or by pulling them out of that school.
Best of luck.

Go with your gut and do the research within the area on your own!!!! I am a teacher and I know we can make mistakes. Don't get your children labeled as autistic if they are not.

RS: I am a speech pathologist and know that professionals (speech pathologists included!) can sometimes overstep their boundaries in trying to help a child. First, I wanted to let you know that you really shouldn't need a letter from the teacher for your doctor to refer you for extra speech therapy. In fact, you can seek out extra speech therapy on your own and make your own referral to a nearby hospital, private practice, etc. As far as the teacher goes, I would gently, but firmly, let her know that you have had extensive testing and have been told that your boys are not autistic. If necessary, share the reports that you have stating that fact. It doesn't sound like you're in "denial" (which a lot of professionals accuse parents of when the parent doesn't agree with the professional)and that you've been very thorough in getting your boys the help they need! I tell all the parents that I work with the they (the parent) are the experts on their child, not me, not the teacher, and not the doctors. Go with your gut and continue to be firm in your position. As far as next year goes, even if this teacher told the next teacher what she thought regarding the autism, you can give the new teacher those reports to show that you have indeed had them tested and they are not labeled autistic. I am so sorry that you're going through this! If you need any other advice, I'm happy to help!

ok, first off it sounds as though you have been nice in addressing this issue. As mean as it may sound, sometimes you just have to get rude with people who niceness dont work with. I would just tell her, " I appreciate your concern that my boys may be autistic, and with your advice I have them retested... however all tests come back negative, therefore i'm asking you that we take a different approach to this. I do not feel that my sons are autistic and I would greatly apppreciate it if you would not label them as so." I know this is easier to write than to say, but i would handle the situation as such. And make it clear that you will not label your children.

PS, I just wanted to say that my brother and a lot of children have speech issues. It's not uncommon. My brother was in speech therapy until he was in the 3th or 4th grade.

Good Luck,
J.

Teachers cannot diagnose your children only a doctor can do that. So if your boys are in need of more speech therapy get it for them. Just look up local speech therapist in your area. I hope this helps.

Go to the principle and state to him your concerns and see if he can shut her up. If you are positive that they aren't autistic and you have proof from a dr and you just aren't in denial, then get a signed statement or test from your dr and the result or whatever they have and next time she says something politely hand her the paper and tell her that you would appreciate her not labeling your boys that you have had then tested by a dr and you don't think that her degree has an md on the end of it so she is not qualified to diagnose but you do have proof from someone that does have an md behind their name and here it is. Then ask her politely again if she will write you a note about the speech. If she won't, I would go to the principle and ask him if he can get you a note and tell him why you need the note.
Stand up and be firm but polite. My mother always told me that you can say anything that you want as long as it is nice, nice tone, and you smile.

You have already told the teacher that your children have been evaluated, that they are not Autistic, and that you do not want to discuss it any further or receive any additional info. I would make sure that you put the request to no longer receive those materials in writing - give a copy to the teacher and a copy to the Director/Manager of the pre-school. I would also try to schedule at least a phone conference with the Director and teacher and explain your concerns that the teacher's label is going to follow the children next year into Kindergarten. Explain that you aren't in denial - the kids have been tested more than once and they are not Autistic. Explain to the Director that you had a conversation with the teacher regarding outside therapy and she had agreed it would be a good idea but did not want to write a note to the doctor unless she could write that they were autistic. I would ask the director for a note explaining concern over the children's progress and maybe include a recommendation for further therapy and evaluation. The worst thing that can happen is the director will say "no".
I hope that whatever you choose to do, you remain your children's advocate so that they don't spend their school years fighting a label that doesn't really apply to them.

I know how you feel!!! My son has been receiving speech therapy since he was 3 and we constantly run acrss people who ask if he is Autistic or "Have you considered having him tested??" Luckily, the school has never pushed that issue but I did have one SLP who adamant he has ADHD. At that time, my Ped said no way would she even CONSIDER meds until he was 7. She wasnt against meds but she was against them for my son and our situation.
I would put it in writing that you no longer wish to receive any information regarding autism, that you apppreciate her concern and perhaps she forgot the numerous times you told her, but, they have been tested and autisim is not their issue. I would also say that you now regret coming to her and asking her for that note. I would also let her know that unfortunately you will now have to direct any and all information she tries to pass along to the Principal. State that you regret it has come to this but her actions prompted your decision. You should also CC the Principal the letter you wrote the teacher along with a brief note of how you sincerely hope this matter is dealt with quietly and appropiately and that you hope the teacher is cautioned against sharing this situation with any other staff members because you expect your boys to have a clean start next year and want to avoid this situation in the future.

My advice is to keep it civil and kind. Your kids will be attending that school and so if you can come off with the "look, i wont tolerate this" attitude while still keeping calm and cool, it's only going to help you and the boys in the long run. And I know why you asked for her to write note....it helps tremendously when you are searching for alternate/supplemental services. For some reason they do not take a mothers word on these things. You need a note from every teacher, therapist and playgroup manager before they will take you seriously. BIG BIG HUGS..........and good luck with it all :)

I would bring in any testing that you have had done and show her and the principal and counselors of the school what the results were. Don't just go through this teacher. It sounds like she doesn't have enough experience with diagnosing children. Getting help outside of the school system is a great idea. I would thing you could get a note from your doctor. Nothing is wrong with checking into autism. It will only benefit your children. Don't rely on one teachers opinion.

I would take it up with her supervisor, like a principal or someone. Not that I think running and telling is always the solution but if she is going in the wrong direction, that is what the administrators are there for. Having worked in the education field I think this would be the best course of action. That way you and she will not have conflict, and the blatant disregard for what your saying will be documented should the problem persist this year or next. Hope that helps.

JS

No real advice on getting the teacher to lay off. One of my closest frineds her e has the same issues with her daughter who has some sensory problems but is not autistic. Anyway, our firends daughter does speech therapy at the CP kids center as well as at school. I am not sure how to go about getting the help. But she does speech and occupational therapy there and it along with preschool has worked wonders.

Forget talking to her, talk to the director or principal of the school. She is acting unprofessionally. Tell the principal that the professionals have consistently diagnosised your children as developmentally delayed not autistic and request the letter from the principal.

With all due respect to your children's teacher, she IS a teacher, not an M.D. I realize that she's in a good position to evaluate children generally since she sees so many and is probably on the lookout for problems, and it doesn't sound as though you've just dismissed her concerns out-of-hand, but if your pediatrician does not make a diagnosis of autism, well, your pediatrician's been trained with 4 years of medical school, another 4-5 years of a residency program, and then possibly another year or so of a specialty - years of training that your sons' teacher doesn't have. Since your sons' teacher clearly isn't taking the hint to lay off, perhaps have a chat with the school's supervisor, let them now your concerns about her, and take it from there. Much luck to you!

Hi there. I can relate to your problem. I have a 10 year old and a 6 year old girl. They both have speech delays. They both have received speech therapy outside of the school system. I made an appointment with their doctor and voiced my concerns. He agreed and got the ball rolling. My 6 year old has selective mutism. She only talks to a select few. So many times her old therapist would say shes autistic. I didnt believe so. It was until she started kindergarten that the new speech therapist discovered what it was. That has been a great help. I think you should just be stern with the therapist. And then see about going directly to your doctor. I hope it works out for you. I know how frustrating it can be.

I totally understand the difficulties in dealing with teachers who have one mind set. My daughter did not talk much and they also wanted her to be labeled with ADHA and at other times autism. She is now in a private school in the 1st grade and reading at a 3+ grade level. Her vocabulary is extensive and well beyond what she should have.
You need to make the boys talk. You could possibly benefit from some of the techniques that are used for autistic children, even though your boys are not. You do not need the teacher to write a note to their pediatrician. If you have a face to face with her/him, they will understand your concerns and recommend a speach therapist that could help.
Also contact your school district. If your boys are in public school and they need help, the school district will usually guide you or provide the help for them. They may need to be evaluated by the school professional but there is help available to you and them.
DO NOT TAKE NO FOR THE ANSWER.
Best of luck and even you and your husband can do much to help them. Just get them talking and play word games with them.

First of all you know your children better than anyone. You sound like me, that your childs education and well being are priority, #1! I would set up a meeting with her and if you have documentation showing that they were tested and they are not autistic, bring it with you. Tell her I appreciate your kindness and concern. You have done an exceptional job with my twins, however I have to respectfully disagree with you about them being autistic. Your concern is so important to me and the extra time you spend with them is valued, but again here are the results. Ask her what occurences allow you to conclude their autism? Then go from there. Is she trained to conclude such a decision? Take what she has to say and forward it to your doctors, but also let her know firmly that you are doubtful that they are and that you are looking to a positive new year with them moving on and are excited for them to start fresh with no further concerns from teachers and that way she knows to keep it professional and not pass on such information when she has no basis for her assumption. If that does not work I would set up a meeting with the director/principal and voice your concerns. Again their advice is always welcomed, appreciated and I would make sure to have them on your side always with praise for their efforts (the staff) but remember the only voice our children have is ours and we need to fight for them, strongly! You sound like a great mom good luck to you and again keep doing what you are doing, your children are blessed and will continue to progress because of all that you do as a mom!! Be well be blessed!

I feel she need to see your Sons Doctor. Or have the paper showing that they are not what she thinks they are.

I am a speech-language pathologist so I would like to give you advice from a speech standpoint first. You said that you would like to get your boys some additional speech therapy outside of the school system, which sounds like a great idea since they have a moderate speech delay. You should not need your boys' teacher to write a note to their doctor voicing her opinion. If you feel your boys need extra help, that should be all the doctor needs. You should be able to make an appt. with your doctor and let him or her know that you would like to get a speech referral. I used to work at a hospital with an outpatient speech rehab clinic and all we needed was the doctor's referral. When parents called us, we just told them to make an appt. and most doctors were happy to make the referral.
As far as the teacher goes, I don't know what else you can do. It sounds like you've tried to be nice. Maybe you just need to be firm with her and say that your children have been re-evaluated and the tests continue to come back saying they are not autistic. That's the end of it and you no longer want to speak with her on the issue. Also, this teacher has no business passing on any type of information to other teachers especially if the information is untrue. Is she professionally able to label a child autisic or is this just her opinion? Good luck with this situation. I hope I was able to help.

Without seeing your kids in action, this is a hard question to answer. I can tell you 3 things that might help:
1. As a former preschool teacher myself, I know that parents are often in denial about issues with their own kids. No parent wants to hear that their kids has problems- is that you? If so, you need to get over it because now is the best time to get them help.
2. "Autistic" doesn't mean drooling and unresponsive. There is a whole range of severity known as Austism Spectrum Disorder. Your children may be mildly autistic and still functioning at a fairly high level but need help in certain areas.
3. If you have honestly been open to the idea that your children may have issues other than speech and have had them legitimately tested by professionals in the field to rule autism out, then you need to go over the teacher's head to the director of the school and show him/her the results of these tests and ask that your children not be labeled behind your back.
Good luck.

I'm a mom of 2 kids with IEPs - one is a kindergartener and the other is in second grade.

First, do you have any evaluations in the near future for your transitional meeting? You should have a trnasitional IEP meeting. If not, put in a written note to the teacher or Principal, a request for a comprehensive evaluation of your children.

I live in Wake County, and they actually have an Autism Team which you can specifically request to help with the Pysch. eval. Asking for this team to perform the evaluation does not mean anything. They are specially trained in diagnosing and assisting with autism diagnoses. Which means, they should have the expertise to say they may not see indicators of autism. If you have such a resource in your school system, I recommend you tap into it ASAP.

One reason the preschool teacher probably won't write a note is...if there is a speech need beyond what the school is providing- and it becomes documented by a note from her...technically the school system should step up their level of service to meet the documented need.

Personally speaking, my youngest needed speech therapy, but we couldn't get it on the IEP. This amazed me because they didn't seem to be able to understand her speechin the pre-k classroom setting, but they said her classmates seemed to understand her. (Great- a group of developmentally delayed kids become the measuring stick of success and achievement) We eventually moved my youngest to private preschool and got additional help. The inclusive setting of the private preschool, as opposed to the public pre-k setting, was all-around a better choice for her. My child's speech isn't perfect now, but her social skills improved.

As far as getting a diagnosis for either of your twins- you need to find out what kinds of service are available to them in the future. There is a point where the school system cannot work with a diagnosis of developmental delay. They don't come right out and tell you this plainly. If there are still issues with a student once they enter school, he needs a diagnosis for the staff to know how to work with your child.

You should know that you and your children have rights - and one of them is privacy. There should be no information sharing without your participation. If a teacher thinks they should have a certain diagnosis, then she must document it. If you hear the "autism" comment again, be bold and ask her what training she has authorizing her to say this. On what criteria did she base her decision? What battery of tests has she performed to reach this conclusion?

Go for the facts. Require her to document it for you. If the children have something more than developmental delay, both of you should be asking for additional related services. Your goal should be helping achieve student success and equipping your kids with what they need to be successful in life. It should be the goal of the school, too. If not, it might be time to find another teacher/school.

I hope this helps you a little. I wish you the best in your plight to advocate for your children.

Hi, RS,
I have a little different perspective than most of the other responses you have received. I am a teacher...and a mother of a child on the autistic spectrum.

You don't say how much experience your children's teacher has in the classroom, or what her educational background is but it may be that she is in a better position to see your children's social interaction than either your pediatrician or the "experts" you have seen.

I hope you have been reading the material she is sending home on autism just to educate yourself so that you can present your issues when the time comes to meet with the placement team. It will be important that you understand the terminology that may be used so that you can either support or refute whatever evidence is presented.

Autism is a spectrum disorder...which means that is can fluctuate from day to day and that the severity of it can vary hugely from individual to individual.

Most people who think of autism think of the severly disabled end of the spectrum...the people who are completely disassociated, very rigid in their schedules and have strange mannerisms like hand flapping. However; the label of autism covers a much larger population. Many of the inventors, composers, doctors,and artists that we have historically thought of as not only successful, but brilliant people have, in fact, been on the autistic spectrum. Albert Einstein, Wolfgang Mozart, Bill Gates, Henry Ford, Alfred Hitchcock, Isaac Newton, Alexander Graham Bell, Darryl Hannah, Bob Dylan, Woody Allen, Keanu Reeves and Al Gore are all proported to be on the autistic spectrum.

The way your children learn (as you described it in your update is), in itself, a trait of autism. Autistic people often just seem to "have" skills that they did not need to build from ground up. Language delays and above average reading ability are also traits of some autistics.

People who function at the Asperger's end of the autistic spectrum are often very social. They want to have friends...but their social language may seen a bit "off". They may find things funny that other folks don't see the humor in...or they may miss the humor in subtle "plays on words". They may not fully understand when it is appropriate to speak or may use voices that are too loud, too soft or have a "different" sound because of their cadence or intonation. These folks are the folks you and I went to high school with and called the "geeks" or the "nerds" because they were just socially different enough to make us think it was related completely to their intelligence.

My high schoolers now admire the "geeks" ...but, instead call them the "techies"---those of us who know their official status know they are truly "Aspies" (people with Asperger's syndrome).

My point is, it is possible that your children's teacher is seeing your children with experienced, objective eyes. While, I agree, she is being pretty heavy handed in trying to get the information to you, she may really have the twin's best interests at heart and not realize that her actions are actually pushing you away from the very information she is trying to share with you.

Forget the teacher and her involvement and read, read, read. Read about Asperger's, Sensory Processing Disorder, Central Processing Disorder and Visual Perception differences. Try very hard to be objective as you read. List the things that you recognize in your children on one sheet of paper and list the things that don't "fit" on another.

While I don't think a teacher can diagnose autism, she is in many ways in a better position to do so than a pediatrician. Many, many pediatricians do not have enough information about the traits of autistic BEHAVIOR to be truly knowledgeable and most do not spend more than 10-15 mintues with a child. There is NO way a diagnosis can be made within those time constraints.

A true diagnosis of autism should come from a team of professionals...including an Occupational Therapist, a Neurologist, a Language Therapist (with a background in Autism) and Psychologist. You should be asked to fill out numerous behavioral surveys. The classroom teacher should also have been asked to fill out surveys and ALL of the information should be compiled and considered in the diagnosis. A true dianosis should include at least a two day observation of your children in a variety of settings by members of the diagnositic team.

You don't say what "tests" were done...but if they are not as thorough as those described above, then you do not truly have a definitive non-diagnosis of autism.

Regardless of whether or not you choose to pursue the label of autism for your children, you need to become as knowledgeable about their learning styles as possible. If you do not address their language differences and social needs, it can have a definite impact on the rest of their lives.

My daughter is a very successful middle school student. She is on the all A honor roll, she has many, many friends, she enjoys a team sport that requires her to compete against her own time, but does not require her to be involved in quick, processing eye-hand coordination to be successful. She is truly a beautiful kid, who loves to laugh, has a beautiful singing voice, a quick smile and...Asperger's.

She sees a vision therapist, an occupational therapist and a language therapist.

The down side to all of this is that most school speech and language therapists are not equiped to meet the language needs of autistic children. I highly encourage you to seek a knowledgeable therapist outside of the school services. I recommend Susan Owens. Her address and phone number are as follows:

437 Lewis Hargett Cir
Lexington, KY 40503
###-###-####‎

Susan is wonderful with children and highly knowledgeable in language delay. (Most school therapists are trained in articulation remmediation and not in working with language delayed children).

I understand your hesitancy to "tack" a label on your children. It was a decision I agonized over too. My child is on an IEP. Technically, she is a special ed. student. Ironically, we have more difficulty with her teachers NOT wanting to believe she needs accomodations than we do with them thinking she is "special ed" and "can't be smart".

We opted to share the information of her Aspergers so that we could build a "safety net" for her. We felt it was necessary to inform the school personnel of her needs because we knew that as she progressed she would need people in her life that could be supportive of her when her dad and I were not available to her during the school day. We also opted to get the appropriate testing done to determine her neurological differences so that we would be better informed as to what she needed in the way of support and the types of therapy she needed to strenthen areas of weakness that might have a long term impact on her self esteem and success in life as an adult.

Once we had the testing done we debated sharing the autistic label with the school system because we did not want her stigmatized...but opted to do so for the reasons stated above. And, in doing so, she was eligiable for school supported services AND our insurance provided more coverage for the various therapies she needed as a result of the official autistic diagnosis.

Yes, it is frightening and knowing when to share the information that she is autistic with friends, family, and school personnel has been dicey as well, but denying that a problem existed would have had a much, much more negative impact on her life because we would not have been knowledgeable enough of her needs nor capable of their remmediation if we had not accepted that she was neurologically different.

I deal with parents in denial everyday as a teacher. They waste entirely too much precious time dealing with their own emotional issues instead of accepting their child as they are and finding ways to support their child's needs. I opted to error on the side of safety and get my child evaluated and get remedial services started instead of choosing to "wait and see".

Yes, it hurt to realize that my 'perfect' child had a "label" ---until I realized that my child had not changed at all. She was still exactly the same person she was before we had a label. The only difference was, I was better equiped and had more knowledge of what she needed to become stronger. Once I looked at things from THAT perspective, I realized I had actually been given a gift when I was given her "label" and that the gift could only BENEFIT my daughter.

Good luck to you,

You shouldn't need a note from the teacher to.....your Ped. should be willing to listen to your concerns and understand you are doing what is best for your children. If the Ped. is not willing to refer you to a Speech Therapist maybe you should find one that is. I have a gread Ped. she is willing to help me no matter what and knows that I only have what is best for them at heart.

In my opinion teachers everywhere do this way too often....of course I have experienced ADD and ADHD more than autism but the concept is the same. If the teacher will not listen, and she seems like she is not going to, then I would go straight to the school board. Like you said this will probably follow them if it does not get stopped and you have all the paperwork to show that she is wrong! Don't let the teacher put a label on them that will haunt them or you throughout their schooling...go ahead to the top and put a stop to it now!

I suggest you either contact the Better Business Bureau or the Board of Education in your area.You might want also to talk to the Principle of that school.Go over her head.You've tried talking to her with no results and I feel she's being a little guffey.Your boys' welfare is at stake here.She's not a professional and shouldn't be acting as such.She's out of line here.Good luck to you and your boys. Love,S. L.

I don't know where you live, but if she is a licensed teacher, she is not supposed to tell you she thinks your child has anything. When my daughter was in 4th grade, her teacher rode her constantly and kept telling me and my daughter she thought she had ADD. I had her tested by professionals, they said no. Her teacher seemed almost mad that the doctors said she didn't have it. When I spoke to my sons teacher about how my daughters teacher was acting she about had a stroke. She said she should not be telling you that. She can tell you your daughter is not paying attention, but she can not tell you she thinks she has...., or have you ever had her tested for..... Honestly, if you have told the teacher in no uncertain terms that your sons are NOT autistic, then talk to her boss. You don't deserve the added strain.

I am a former public school teacher and no teacher has the qualifications to say whether your children are autistic. A doctor should be the only one to evaluate whether they have autism or not. She can say her concerns and suggest testing but should not have given a hunch diagnosis. Feel confident in what your doctor said and nicely say again that you know they don't have autism because they have been tested or maybe talk to the director of the preschool. Best wishes.

Honey, it seems the teacher has made up her mind and truly believes she is right. It also sounds like you've met your limit with this woman. Do you have paperwork from the doctors who have tested your kids for autism? Take the results AND your husband with you to speak with her privately. Remember to start out by thanking her very much for her concern for their well-being and that you wish all educators were as thoughtful as she is. Then show her the findings of real doctors and remind her that she is not a licensed authority on the matter...or something to that effect. Be firm when you ask her respectfully to back off. Pardon me for being so abrupt, but this sort of thing really irritates me! However, it is refreshing to hear that your teacher really shows an interest in your children. Oh, it wouldn't hurt to give copies of that paperwork to the school for their records. Good luck and remember: YOU are the biggest advocate for your children.

You should be able to receive speech therapy services outside of the school system with or without the classroom teacher's recommendations. A pediatrician can write a prescription for therapy and it shouldn't have anything to do with what your children are receiving in the school system. My daughter currently receives OT through the school system AND we pay out of pocket for private therapy, but the pediatrician wrote the prescription for private with no problem, without school system recommendations, but based on my own personal request. You have rights to receive services through your local school system WITHOUT a diagnosis and to pursue private therapy as well. I would suggest that you educate yourself well on IDEA Part B services so that you can demand and expect to get the best services for your twins.

would send her to this yahoo group - http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/NaturalLateTalkers/

Also, the book The Late Talking Child and the book The Einstein Syndrome: Bright Children Who Talk Late by Thomas Sowell are great places to start...

The above is what me friend recommends you take a look at to help bring clarity to the situation.
Best of Luck

Hi, I have a friend w/ a late talking son who has gone round and round for years w/ the autism thing. She knew all along he was not. There is a big difference in treatment for late talkers vs autism. She has had to deal with teachers and so forth about her son. I have contacted her and if you'd like I'm sure she would be happy to share what she has found. Her son has recently been evaled by the leaders in the field of late talkers. They have begun making the recommended changes and it has done wonders. Let me know if you are interested in her experience.
Val

I have a son who has a speech dealy and I contacted First Steps. They help with any delay. They will come and asses yur boys and depermine if there is a delay and where it is (speech, social, physical). They are also trained in autisim. I don't think that it is your preschool teachers place to label your children autistic. What is her expereience with Autisim? I think I would be looking for a new preschool, one that was willing to help my child not label them. At this age your children need praise not labeling. It really upsets me that there are people out there working with children and they think they are experts. Boys are more delayed than girls and if they are twins that adds to it. Go with your gut. There are organizations out there to help.

C. stay at home mom of 4!

First all the teacher should not be making the diagnosis for your child. She should give observational information that you provide to a psychologist in making the correct, if any, diagnosis. Most psychologist are willing to communicate, usually in written summary, to the teacher. Also, the teacher is wrong if she is saying that children have to be labeled autistic to obtain private speech therapy. Many children have speech articulation issues without being autistic. The diagnosis of autism is a medical diagnosis and is in the broad category of Pervasive Developmental Disorders which are listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual -Fourth Edition published by the American Psychiatric Association. All medical diagnosis can only be made by qualified professionals. I think a good way to relate to the teacher is to express appreciation for her concern and that you will continue to pursue professional evaluations that may need to include observations from her. At the same time, you might consider contacting a private speech therapist and ask what type of referral you need to bring your child to her. Sometimes, the answer depends on the insurance company. Some require a referral from a pediatrician. Rarely do they require a referral from a teacher. If you can begin your child with a speech therapist you can complete the evaluation with a psychologist to discuss any other issues that may need attention. Autism is not diagnosed just on speech articulation issues. Ususally, there are numerous social and behavioral issues that become noticeable to a parent. If you feel that you have already had an adequate evaluation, then you might ask the psychologist to forward a copy to the teacher. Keep in mind, there are many different kind of "evaluations" and your child deserves one that thoroughly answers any concerns that you or the teacher may have. This teacher sounds like she is concerned and can be worked with. Good luck.

L. l

My son has a speech delay. He was tested through JCPS school system and gets speech weekly for free. you tax dollars pays for this. Also the well check for anything else needed or not needed. They might even qualify for more. I can tell you more and how teo get started. My son will start kindergarden in August. yOu must start now, before itis too last to get the twins tested. S. ###-###-####

hello rs. i don't have children with special needs but i do have children that are in school. 1 in pre-k, 1 in kindergarden, and 1 in 5th. it seems to me that your boys teacher is over stepping her bounds. if you have discussed your boys with their dr. and had several tests done for them and the doctors, the ones who have a degree, have said they don't have autism then she is deffinately over stepping her bounds. however, some children may have add or adhd and have difficulty in school. have they been tested for those? the bottom line is this... you are the mother. it's your job to see that your children are treated fairly. some times it means that as mothers we have to get a little tough with others to see that our children are treated fairly. be honest and don't back down. tell the teacher your children have been tested and the test was negative. if she has a problem teaching your children maybe you should change teachers. the negativity from the teacher could be hurting your boys mentally.

send the teacher some of the reports stating that they are not autistic. maybe that will help get it through her thick head!

Dear R. S., Listen to your instincts..they are telling you exactly what you need to do. Be strong and forceful and if need be....go to her supervisor.
Remember children/siblings especially twins have their own language(s). I know a set of twin boys, that have a sister 5/6 years older...they are all grown with their own families. Every once in a while they will(even now) slip back into this language, I have witnessed this....they won't even relize they are doing it until someone says"Hey, what language are you guys speaking?" Ha! This could be one reason Why they are not coming along ...they have each other to talk to (they understand what the other is saying, even if we can't). Don't give up!!!! Take them to the library and get books in audio. Have them to listen while riding in the car and at rest time...especially books that have songs on them. Singing is one of the best ways to learn any language.
Also, MAKE SURE that this teachers' opinion is Not allowed to follow your boys. Speak to the principle, using words like {not a medical doctor and not credited in this field}..your wording will need to be professional..otherwise it will look like you just have it out for her. Blessings to you,and your boys,LaDonna

This is more to do with your boys than a non-caring teacher. Do some research. Check out Dr Meg Blackburn Losey, her site; www.spiritlite.com, she has a theroy about autism & such.

Good morning R S!

I work in the Exceptional Childrens department in my county schools. The best advice that you can get is to talk with the EC department at your children's school. If the children aren't in public pre school then you can talk with the school they will be attending and find out who is their EC contact. If you have spoken to the speech therapist and taken test (which you can have evaluations done through the school if they are in public pre school so that you are being burden with $$$)

One thing I have learned in my years of working with EC is not to take the advice of teachers because this is where our children start getting labelled and it most cases pull the child away from wanting to learn. They aren't being challenged and then they get bored and the story goes on...

Observe your twins behavior by playing word games, word association, and continue with the speech therapist in kindergarten. My daughter had speech for three years when she started school and she is now in high school in the Pre College IB program. I don't let anyone dictate the destiny of my children or myself. Pray and let go and let God!!!

I am unmarried with two boys 18 & 5, two girls 15 & 13.

Do you NEED a note from their teacher to the doctor about her thoughts on speech therapy? Is your doctor also not listening to you?? If your doctor won't take your word that you think your kids need it and their teacher thinks so too, and you are required to get a teacher note for insurance purposes or something, then I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and the preschool director together.

In that meeting you can let the teacher know that you appreciate her input based on her years of experience, and that you too have shared her concern about autism and have addressed it through testing that has come up negative. You could also even say that re-checking for autism in the future may be necessary (perhaps that will shut her up on the subject for the time being), but for now what seems to be the most pressing issue is that your children need additional speech therapy. You know that she cares about your kids and you both want to help them in any way you can, so you would like (need??) her to write a brief note to the doctor that she believes speech therapy would benefit the children. Any teacher (and I'm a former teacher myself) who is subtly called out/called on like that in front of a supervisor has little choice but to comply with your request or else she'll seem petty and reluctant to help students with a reasonable parent requesst.

When your kids get into school and have IEPs, I think you'll find that some teachers are more readily willing to go along and others are more reluctant. Some people do take advantage of IEP modifications (at least at the high school level where I taught), so it's understandable. Just be prepared for that though and always point out the fact that you all want to do what's best for the kids and you acknowledge that sometimes there's a fine line between using some modifications and pushing your kids to grow, mature, and put more responsibility for their education in their hands as they grow (again, something that's more important once they get on to high school).

Good luck with the preschool teacher and with being the best advocate for your kids that you can be! :)

Is she a certified special education teacher? Does she have some type of license to be able to diagnose? If not, then I would discuss this with the supervisor. The word "autism" is getting thrown around too easily today! Once labeled, it sticks!
Have you tried looking into a speech therapist on your own? I'm sure any ENT Dr. could make recommendations.
Good Luck!