Need Advice on 12 Year Old Daughter

Sounds like she was very close to her grandmother; I'm sorry to hear that she's lost her. I think it would be a very good idea to seek out a family counselor who can help her deal w/ the loss -- and also help her deal w/ the bullying at school. Have you spoken to her school administrators about the bullying? I see you have a previous post from January of this year regarding the very same thing. Good luck to you.

Yes, she is holding off on grieving and she is being bullied and has no really good friends. This is a very tough age to navigate, especially when you feel all alone.

Professional counseling would be good for her, but her school counselor and principal should also be made aware of the bullying.

I would also see about getting her involved with some good extracurricular activities she can regularly attend where she can make new friends and feel good about herself. Church youth group, YMCA programs, volunteer opportunities, sport/craft classes...

time for help...she's 12 & you are her only champion. Peace to you...

I think she needs someone to talk to. Not sure a therapist would be the one but apparently Grandma was a huge outlet for her. Is there any other family member, maybe someone close to her age, a cousin etc. that she's close to that you think she'd confide in??

Also, my boy's school has a website where you can report bullying. That definitely needs to be pursued as well. See if you can find out from her "best freind" what might be going on. Maybe she's just overly emotional or maybe it is real bullying that's taking place.

It is normal to grieve a grandparent but it has been TWO YEARS. I think counseling is in order.
You say she is also getting bullied. Have you contacted the principal, teachers?
I grew up thinking the only people that went to counseling were crazy people. Now it is much more common and can be so helpful. I have a twenty year old that goes occasionally-he has a tendency to internalize many things and has many fears, although he is basically a normal kid. It makes him feel better to talk to someone neutral.
My kids' friends frequently mention their counselors. Some go regularly, others just go occasionally-as needed. Talk to your pediatrician. They can recommend a good pediatric counselor.
I agree with other posters that she is about to get into those rough teen years. Best to sort this out now.
Good luck,

I would look for a counselor. She seems to have multiple issues, and is reaching out for help. You don't want to wait until she's a teenager to start addressing these things. If it turns out this is "normal life" then just a few visits could give your daughter (and you) some tools for navigating this life. And you've proven that you are there for her, that there are people who can help.

Awww! I'm not sure about the counseling regarding loss of grandma. Maybe. It is one of life's lessons that naturally hurts. Most important to address is the bullying I think. That age is so sensitive and it's really traumatic to be bullied. I would make sure the bullies are being handled by whatever means possible because even if she gets counseling for her loss, the bullying will still hurt her. So sorry for her sadness! I hope there is something you can do to make sure the bullying stops. I don't know the story so I don't know what to suggest exactly as far as how to approach parents, school etc.When I was that age, I never would have CONSENTED to help for bullying, but once I got a horrible note from a spoiled little brat that really hurt my feelings and had me in tears. I was shocked to learn later that my parents had approached her parents and that's why she stopped being mean. It meant a lot to me.

Your daughter must be in middle school, which is the absolute pits for all kids socially! I am 65 years old, and I still remember how awful 8th grade was. I heartily recommend counseling. See if you can get a recommendation from her pediatrician or someone who has personally used a psychologist or other counselor/therapist. My daughter started therapy at age 7 because her father and I divorced when she was 2, her father's mother died when she was 4, and my father died when she was 6. A friend recommended a psychologist who worked with children, and it really helped my daughter!

Sounds like life to me.
Talk to her a bit more, try to remember how you felt at age 12.
This is just a phase.
We arent totally happy every day, but we do make the choice to be happy or sad each day. Remind her it's a choice.
On my sad days when I was about her age, I remember my mom telling me how grateful I should be that I had arms and legs that worked and that I could see and read. It usually worked. Petty stuff is immaterial to the reall important stuff like your health and a roof over your head and a family to share it all with.
Take your daughter for a drive through a really poor part of your town, so she can see what she has to be thankful for. This is a good time of the season for such lessons.

Can you take to the cemetary to visit her grandma's grave? Take some flowers and let her sit down and talk to grandma. Maybe if she can start to get it all out she will be ready to talk to you or someone else.
I do think she needs to speak to a grief counselor or someone who specializes in grief and other life issues. A call to her school counselor might help you to locate a good counselor. Assure her that her talks with a counselor are strictly confidential. No one will know what they talk about.

I lost my grandma (Mom's Mom) when I was 15 in 1969 and I still miss her. She was a very special lady.

Counseling is a bit much. It just sounds like she really misses her grandma and needs someone to be there for her. That person is you. Talk to her. As far as those girls that is bullying her, you need to go up to the school and put a stop to that. I once had problems with bullying when my daughter was in middle school and I talked to the principal. That didnt work so I took matters into my own hands. I talked to the kid and the parent. Noone is gonna stick up for your kid except for you.

Everyone mourns differently, some people it may take months some people years. I personally don't think 2 years is that long. I've lost grandparents that I was very close to and some days I still feel like crying. To me it sounds like normal 12 year old stuff. At this age (and through the teen years) every thing is dramatic and the end of the world. However if there is true bullying going on you need to report it to the school. They should be able to look into it without letting on that you were the one that reported it. If they hear that it was you she will be up fro even more bullying but bullying should not be tolerated and make sure she can stand up for herself even if her friends are too scared to!

With that said if you feel like she needs private counseling then check if your health insurance has mental health benefits and choose a provider that is experienced with adolescents.

i dont think two year is that long...my pop pop lived with M. and was more like a dad to M. in the 1st 8 years of my life then my dad..if she was close to her, she def should talk to someone. My daughter is still upset about my dog that i had growing up dying 2 years ago when she was 3...some kids are sweet and sensitive and need help to get over things

Ask her if she feels like there is a dark cloud over her that just won't go away. It might be an easier way for her to realize that sometimes it takes talking to a professional to make the "cloud" go away. Reassure her that there is nothing wrong with her and that it's only because she experienced something really sad. Tell her that you can find a "stranger" for her to talk to because it would probably be easier if she doesn't think she would be comfortable with anyone at school.

Have your daughter make an album or scrapbook about her grandma. Sometimes we just need a way to mourn if we don't know how. Help her find pictures she can go through. She can add poems, draw pictures, make collages, add recipes, etc. Have her think of other things to add that remind her of her grandma.

Getting her involved in activities at school, in the community, at church, etc. is also a good idea from a poster. Ask her what she thinks her grandma would have liked to see her do. Remind her how proud her grandma would be if she did ____ or ____.