Need Advice - Just a Sad Day

Girlfriend, you are not alone.

lost 3 babies. One at 22 weeks, my girl Alexis.... And I didn't know. There are days when I just want to crawl into a dark hole and sit there and cry...there are times when I shake my fist at God and say ""WWWWWWWWHHHHHHYYY????" as my tears flow down my face...then there are days when I have a warm, comforting feeling that she is up there with her grand parents and great grandparents - having a ball on a swing with them..

How do I get by on the days when I want to crawl in a dark hole? I look around at my children that God blessed me with. I look around and thank God that have them....write a gratitude log or journal. Don't let the darkness pull you down. Focus on the good and positive....write it all out.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

you know what? You don't need a reason to feel grief.

there's no timeline, there's no expiration date.

sometimes it will just hit you like a sledgehammer. For myself, I have to recognize the emotions. I have to embrace them in a positive way.... whether it be prayer, a lit candle, &/or a boohoo fest. I have to release the emotion to be able to move on productively.

I, too, have lost a child. I had a miscarriage when my older son was 2. I also delivered a beautiful baby girl when our son was 6. She was born with multiple heart/lung defects, & we lost her during her 2nd day of heart surgery. Her 20th BD is coming up later this year....& still it hits hard. Not always, but often enough to knock me out.

& with losing my Dad on the anniversary of my daughter's death.... wham! Enduring a double loss on the same day is beyond belief. Dad's death was unexpected, & even tho' it's been 3.5 years....dang, it still hurts. Still knocks me out. & that's okay. I embrace my grief, remember good thoughts, & move forward.

I wish you Peace. You have an Angel in Heaven. :)

Mom's have deeper losses than anyone else I think . I don't think it's abnormal to have a random day when it hits you more than others. There are so many things that can affect our moods - amount of sleep, diet, exercise, hormones, etc. Give yourself a break and allow a time for tears. Meditate on some scripture (Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.") Ask for God's peace and comfort - I truly believe He cares about the details of our lives.

Then get up and get moving. Go for a wlak - get the endorphines pumping through your system. Breathe deeply and think of each blessing in your life.

I'm praying for you now.

Oh honey. I just want to give you hugs. I'm so sorry for your loss. Give yourself the day today. Things will keep til tomorrow. You are incredibly strong. Hugs. We're all here for you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you really handle your grief well most of the time. Grief knows no time limit, I hope you are patient and good to yourself. Sometimes you HAVE to lay your head down for a bit and gather your strength to keep moving. That's OK. Take it one minute at a time. Wishing you peace and comfort.

I hurt for you. I believe he is doing well in Heaven. Have you ever read, Heaven is for Real? I think it would be comforting to you right now.

I am so sorry, as others have said this is still fresh and you just passed an anniversary, really hard. January was four years since my beautiful sister died. My mother told me that just recently she has started to feel kind of 'normal' the ache is going down. The loss of a beautiful child is just so hard. I read your profile and I think the fact you talk about you son a lot is so healthy. Go ahead and cry or not, whatever, sending you a huge hug.

Oh, Honey, I am so sorry! Give yourself a break!! Some days are going to be hard and you are allowed to cry. I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug. I have walked in those shoes and it is hard. There are going to be days that are just hard. Cry! It will help!

I am so sorry for your loss; I've not lost a baby so I'm not going to say I know what you're going thru. I have, however, recently lost both parents whom I loved dearly and was very close to - so, like you, some days are good, some aren't. I'll be fine and then something can trigger a feeling inside me and the tears come streaming down my face.

You need to just allow yourself time to grieve - everyone is different; there is no set time where the pain will be less - don't let anyone tell you anything different. If you feel like crying, then do it!!! I remember my mother-in-law calling me two weeks after my Daddy passed; she asked if I had recovered? Seriously?? Recovered? Don't think so!!!!

You sound like you're doing "ok" to me - if you were "down" every day, then I'd say to get some professional help - and there is nothing to be ashamed of if that's the case.

Can you go outside and take a walk? Or go for a drive? It's ok to get some alone time and just cry it out!!! I have learned it really does feel good to just let it out!!!

Sending prayers your way! God bless!!

(((hugs))))) sending prayers your way Mama

I have a friend who lost his 9 year old son around 3 years ago now. Having bad days is normal. They come and go. Give yourself time to grieve. No matter how long that takes for you. No one is the same. *hugs*

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know what to say other than you deserve to have a down day if you are feeling bad.

However, it seems you don't want to be in that place. Try to pull the blinds back and let some sun shine in your house, drink a glass of orange or apple juice and get some vit C in the system. Hopefully it is a nice day and you can go take a walk and get some fresh air. While you are out, blow a dandelion or carve a little heart in the dirt and let him know you are thinking of him.

Time will help. It may not feel like it right now, but it will. It is still early and you will have these days.

You just passed the anniversary of your loss, and with spring, you may be thinking about everything you hoped for and don't have. It's normal. I would find something that recharges you - be it time with a friend, a walk, a book, a movie - and do that. Or do something charitable in his memory. Some days are just going to be harder than others and it's okay to have a worse one now and then.

I think that sometimes something we see or hear triggers an emotional response in us that we don't expect in regards to the death of a precious loved one, even YEARS afterwards, mom. My uncle died while I was in college, and years later when I went to his son's wedding, they played his favorite song on the organ. I sat there at that joyous occasion and cried as if I were at his funeral, and I could not help it. I'm sure it was confusing to people there, and I'm glad the bride and groom didn't see it.

This was my uncle. So can you imagine how much more magnified it can be for your own child? It's okay to go through it. Allow it, acknowledge it for what it is, and then go on with life.

If you have more days like this, seek out a support group. There are many of them - the hospital social worker would be happy to tell you what they are.

Dawn

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there's no set time limit on grief, is there?
i suspect you'll have occasional bad days for a long time, maybe always.
don't judge yourself for it. accept that some days will be bad, and give yourself a break.
i'm so sorry.
khairete
S.

I feel your pain. I used to have a lot of those days myself. I lost my son 12 years ago when he was 17 days old. Sending you strength and hugs today!
For what it is worth....I so admire your strength. You have been through something unimaginable to all that have not been down that road and you are coping. Be kind to yourself. At a little over a year, your grief is still so fresh.

Oh honey let yourself have the day to grieve. Tomorrow will be better. So so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

I'm sorry for your loss. It hasn't been that long when you think in terms of a lifetime so you should feel however you feel.

I always find that hugging a child helps in most situations. It shows me that life goes on even when it's a path I never thought I'd have to walk.

I'm so sorry. You should cry. Hard. It helps release the pain just a little. Do not feel badly for grieving. It's natural and you're a compassionate mom. Find something to pamper yourself with, and let yourself mourn. It's ok. Sending you comforting hugs and prayers. Tomorrow is another day.

Don’t worry, everything going to be ok...Its good your allowing yourself to feel this. So that you can move on (But never forget) just means that the pain gets a little easier to deal with, and won’t sting as much. The important part is that you keep moving forward. But never the less; it’s ok to cry and to feel sad and to hurt. But then you have to get back up dust yourself off and keep going. God be with you and my may your Guardian Angel walk with you during this time...

"Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous that your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
~Kahlil Gibran from 'The Prophet'

This helps me when I'm feeling in despair. It gives me perspective on the worth of my feelings. I hope that your sadness is short-lived and that you feel better tomorrow.

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child, even one who hasn't had a chance to take a breath, is one of the worst losses possible. I lost my son June 12, 2010, just 3 days before his 23rd birthday. I can tell you that, with me, I had more of those sad days when the numbness started wearing off. I still seem to see the sad days coming more often as we get closer to the death and birthdays. For me, the best way to get through this is to cry if I feel I need to, to find something to distract me or a friend to talk with. I also keep myself from thinking of tomorrow, just working to get through today. Most days I do very well but a song, a picture, a word can bring up tears. I know watching The Croods this weekend with my granddaughter had me in tears during one part of the movie. I do control that as best as I can, but sometimes we need those tears. Don't let anyone tell you when or how to grieve or when you should be done with it. Each person does it differently. Bless you.