Need Advice: Husband Gaining Weight After Gastric Bypass

For many people who struggle with weight issues, they need to make sure they address both the physical and emotional roots as to why being overweight has become an issue. Given the information you've provided, especially the lethargy and sleep issues, I would be inclined to believe depression is definitely involved.

It sounds like you've done the right thing in trying to provide healthy meals and get him involved in your exercise program "for support" instead of putting him down for his weight - you've been smart to do this, even if he hasn't jumped on the bandwagon yet. Unfortunately, people will not want to change lifelong behaviors (such as poor nutrition, lack of exercise, alcohol/drug/gambling addictions) until they WANT to. I'm not sure what else you can do, but I would definitely add in counseling or support groups for when he does decide to get back with the program. Of course, your eventual trump card could be "I want you to be healthy for our children, modeling good behavior and being around for their graduation, weddings, etc.".

Hi M.,

I had Gastric Bypass surgery (RNY) 4 years ago May 9th. I have gained back some weight, but I am talking like 20 pounds. Have worked to get 5 of them off, but I have to admit that it is hard. It scared me 1/2 to death to think that I could gain the weight back. Maybe your husband is feeling the same way but as a macho guy, doesn't know how to deal with that.

How much has your husband gained back? I believe there is a formula of about how much many people generally gain back. It happens, but it is normally very little.

I would advise that he see his surgeon, or at least a GP to get his blood work drawn. I had mine done this past September and found that my B-12 was dangerously low. I have been on monthly shots now. A low B-12 can lead to increased energy, etc.

As with the sleeping issue, I would come out and tell your hubby that you are lonley in bed without him. I find that honesty is the best policy and that really has to do with you drifting apart, not his weight. Also, if you go to him and tell him that you are concerned about his overall health although he might think it has to do with his weight gain, tell him that you love him and want to be with him and are concerned that he might have a life threatening condition that would take him away from you. For your kids sake he should have it checked out!

If you have any other thoughts you want to bounce off me, especially about the surgery, please dont hesitate to email me. I am in the same boat as your hubby!

Good luck!
J.

1.put mirrors around
2. Make big carrot salads
3.before bed time walk for 30 hour(it also helps to sleep and a good conversation)
4.go out with him not for restaurants for different activities(take a bag of baby carrot with you or low fat low carb something)
5.go to a spa

M.,
I had gastric bypass about 2 1/2 years ago. I am pregnant with our furst child, due in June. I had gained about 10 pounds before getting pregnant and have only put on about 4-5 lbs since getting pregnant. I am scared to death that I will gain too much and won't be able to take it off once the baby is born. The only way to help your husband is to be there for him. I know it sounds so simple, but he is not going to want to lose the weight until he is ready. At least that is how it was for me. I would let him know that you are worried about him and that you see the changes in him, both physically and mentally. If my husband came to me, very delicately though I might add, that is probably the one thing that would make me want to work at it. It sounds as if you are coming up with solutions, which is good. (walking, eating right, cooking, etc) I would say one other thing is that if you do the shopping, try to only buy healthy foods, so that if he does eat later, he isn't eating junk.
I hope this has help and good luck.
L.

Hi M.,
Perhaps money would be a motivating factor for him to loose weight? We have a partnership with www.melaleuca.com. They just started a weight loss contest to promote their www.vfl.com [vitality for life] website. It only costs $108.00 to join vfl but when you log your meals daily, Melaleuca will give you a $1.00 for each daily entry for 90 days which equals $90.00 back into his pocket. Therefore, you're only paying $6/month. [Cheaper than most weight loss websites!] There is one stipulation and that is that you have a Melaleuca preferred customer membership. The membership is only $14. Melaleuca's weight loss and weight management products are second to none and very inexpensive when compared to the products my husband used to purchase at GNC.

M.
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Most people who undergo bypass are urged to go to continuous counseling for support. There are also support groups. It is not directly related to you, you are right! But the recent weight gain could be linked to stressors outside the house... Many people are emotional eaters and when depressed, can't muster the energy or motivation to exercise. A counselor may be a good support for you!!

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THere is a 3 minute call to listen to: ###-###-####

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Your concerns are real. Start with that so you don't dismiss them or feel guilty, even subconsciously, for being "overbearing". He could have a condition being aggravated by the bypass. A lot of people, male and female, gain weight after marriage. It is complicated. But if you're not gaining and he is, it is either an underlying health risk already manifesting, or a discipline issue that could lead to one. It doesn't mean he's uncaring or unsound mentally, or spoiled. Well, sometimes it can mean we're getting spoiled and are in total denial LOL but even that has its roots in real issues that we cannot manage easily or alone. My experience with men, my own husband included, is that you can have the most influence if he's oblivious to the changes being made, or the concern that is driving your "suggestions". For example, improve the quality of his diet every way you can slowly and quietly, before he really has time to notice the changes are for the better. Take his favorite foods and incorporate them into new menu ideas that are healthier, but hardly noticable. Like stir fry for example, make it often with brown rice and other variations, like use his favorite vegetables and meat cooked with little additives.(By the way, Melaleuca is expensive and requires a regular monthly purchase) He will resist subconsciously, we all do, just keep up the good habits without fail and with total confidence. Encourage self-help activities that will get him working on inner issues, like Men's Prayergroup or Marriage encounters. Have little brief discussions, but never let him see you stress over it. That will lead to more problems. Smile with your most reassuring smile. When a spouse is quietly unflinching, it does something very positive in the life of their mate. Get Midwest Center's Tape Series on Anxiety, he may be a "eat to relax" kind of guy. Just keep focusing on the positive, and get him into the doctor regularly. He could be developing problems from the surgery or other condition. One doctor doesn't always catch it, get a second opinion. Suggest quick trip to the mall, and oops, you have to take a trip to the other side for something you forgot. It's just tough love undercover, not deceit. Do it for him, we all need it sometimes. Remind yourself that you belong to each other and that you're not really overstepping just planning for longterm health. Ask him to drink more water, especially. And don't forget, if his bad cholesterol begins to rise, it with keep him craving bad things, as does bad sugars(Refer to the South Beach or similar plans for sugar control).

M.,
My husband has had the gastric bypass surgery about 3 years ago and he has gained alot of the weight back, about 60 pounds. Life just sometimes gets in the way and there are people who eat when stressed and those of us who don't when we're stressed. I have learned to accept my husband for who he is. Would I love for him to be thinner, yes, but it doesn't change the way I feel with him. He's a great man, and you sound like you feel the same about your husband.
Give him time, support, and love and he'll come around. As far as you worrying about his diabetes and such, it is a genuine concern, but take it one step at a time. We can all end up with those things but can't worry ourselves to actual sickness over it! Maybe buy an in home workout machine so you can work out at home together?
J.