Need Advice for Two Different Problems

Hi M.,
I would seek a second opinion. My doctor didn't really want to do it, but I was persistent and told him that two was enough for me. I was 24 and he did it. I couldn't do birth control because of terrible migraines.

M.,
First congrats on your almost new arrival. Okay i still put my two year old down for a nap and it is good for them. My daughter takes a two hour nap. I would not see you have a problem if when the baby is born that all three of you take that time to lay down together and then once they are asleep you can go and do what you need to do. You'll just have to get the new baby on the schedule where she will take a nap right at the same time your son does or put the baby down first and then your son.

Now on the second matter...i dont know if your too young because i am 22 myself. But if you go to those free clinics around where you live they should be able to provide you with protection for free...because you want to be safe...After having my daughter which she is 2 going on three in a few months...I had to decide what kind of BC to use, the doctor made me chose...the doctors can (or ask) write you a prescription for a BC but just not a name brand and honestly it may be a lot cheaper than name brand....I am using the NuvaRing now and i really like it...it really helps not having to remember to take the pill everyday..(thats how i got pregnant in the first place) and the ring goes in for 3 weeks you can barely feel it and then after three weeks take it out for a week get your period and once that is over put a new one in....very simple. I hope i helped you and SORRY for writing soooo much...i get carried away.

Hey one more thing also try going thru the state for insurance since your young, and have two already they might be able to work with you. It is also based on income as well so try it. Which ever coverage you go for I know that
Gateway Health plan pays for everything!

M.,

congradulations on your impending birth. As the mother of 2 that are 3 years aprt I can tell you that no one and nothing can adequately prepare you for the differences between having 1 child and 2. When my youngest was born, my oldest also liked for me to be with him while he fell asleep. I did it for the first 2 months after Logan was born, shortening the time i was in his room each day. This will be an adjustment for your son too, so anything that you can do to help his schedule to remain the same will make it easier for all of you. You will find what works best for all of you....best of luck.

As for the tubal....I had mine done after my second child at 26. Talk to your doctor again and tell them everything you said in your post. That is YOUR decision to make. As long as you are confident that you do not want anymore children. Also, look in the CHIP program for insurance. You may qualify for free health care for you and your children.

Perhaps you will be able to work it so all three of you lie down together for naptime?

Are you familiar with http://www.tubal.org/ ? It's much safer for the man to get snipped. And in the meantime, condoms are quite cheap (or PP will give free ones). I know a few women who lost their milk after a tubal, and it sounds like that's important to you (as well as having to deal with the he!l of going through menopause while taking care of two small children).

Will you need to pump while your newborn is new? Are you pumping for your son? Or are you building up a stash for going back to work? I honestly can't imagine squeezing that many pumping sessions in as well as caring for the two children! I hope you work it out; I think it's a good thing. :D Maybe you can pump one side while nursing on the other?

Hi,
I ahve 3 little gilrs that are very close in age about 20 months or so all 3 of them. I got my older one down for a nap while the baby was napping. It works out and the schedule will change one way or another. My kids would nap for 2 hours until about almost 3ish. and I laid down with them wile my baby was napping, it will work out so don't worry about it.

About the birth control, i was 30 whne my younest was born and I told them I had 3 and was having my tubes tued. They didn't give me a hard tiem. I would call around to see if anyone will do the tubal for you. If you want it they should do it.

I think you are too young to have it done. I also side with your Dr. I was 39yo pregnant and had a 10yo. I had a HORRIBLE time and my son was a premmie. I had to beg and beg to have my tubes tide and she finally said yes 1 day before my son was born only because of my age and complications. She explained to me different reasons they don't like to tie tubes in young healthy women. What if something horrible happened to one child. What if you remarry. What if plain and simple you change your mind. Your Dr should be able to give you tons of free packs of pills if you expalin your situation.

Hi M.!
I can't really give you advice on the napping issue, however, the tubes tied, birth control thing, I can. I've noticed where you live and I'm sure I know who your doctors are. Yeah, they typically won't consider tubals until you're at least 25 or if you already have 3 children or if it's a medical issue, (fyi - long story). But as far as not having money for BC or condems, you can go the the Monessen Health Center (Planned ParentHood) and they will give you BC and condems-free of charge if you cannot afford it. It's worth giving them a call especially if your doctors won't do the tubal for you. Hope this helps. Let me know if I can get you anymore info.
Good Luck!

I had a similar situation, my children are 26 months apart. I nursed both of them and afte my second was born the three of use took naps together. I had the bassinet in my room and I could feed my son and then put him in the bassinet and take a nap with my daughter. It was nice mommy time with my daughter and I got much need rest.

As for birth control, when I nursed my first I did not get my period, nor did I when I stopped. I guess I was lucky. With two, there was very little time for my husband, but now things have changed. I wonder if planned parenthood might help you finacially with your pills?

I have 2 that are 17 months apart and am expecting another that will be 27 months younger than my younger one in May. A new baby is a big adjustment for everyone. It takes some time to figure out new schedules and have everyone adjust to it. You'll just have to try out different things until you figure out what works best for you. There are certainly many crazy times and you feel like you're pulling your hair out, but you get through it usually you've learned something either to do or not to do next time. Young children do like consistency, but they can adjust well when needed as long as they have support around them. Anything you can keep the same, do so.

Why are you pumping ever 2-3 hours? Do you mean you will be once the baby is born? Do you prefer to give her breastmilk in a bottle? You might consider trying to just nurse the baby at least in those very early weeks/month while you are adjusting to the many disruptions. It really will save you a great deal of time if it's a possibility. Plus you can nurse while playing with or resting with you son so everyone is happy. I found myself nursing instead of pumping much more frequently with my second for this reason.

Good luck

I too had two children, within two years. I nursed my youngest daughter and pumped when I needed too. My oldest daughter was more curious about what mommy was doing and after awhile ignored me and kept on playing. Just keep your oldest in the room with you so you can watch him and make sure he is safe. I am 23 and was also considering getting my tubes tied, my doc talked me out of it but didn't refuse it. I wasn't sure if I wanted more kids so I am glad I didn't do it. Planned Parenthood can offer financial help with your birth control, but I believe they will also help ( I am gonna slaughter t his word) a vasectomey. Hope I could help!

S.

Okay, I have no idea of your financial situation however as far as medical insurance goes you are aware that while you are pregnent you quilfy for medical assitace through welfare right? And it will last for two months after you have the baby so that you can get a more perment birth control option like th IUD which will last for at least five years so that after that you can get your tubes tied. Also you can go to planned parenthood which offers birthcontrol at a lower rate.

I agree with starting to wean your son from sleeping with you ASAP... Unless of course you're promoting the family bed, and in that case you and your son will just work out what you do with the new baby when that time comes!

If you do want to stop sleeping with your son... I would try to be in there with a little less every couple of days. Or go cold turkey and see what he does. Or you could try and replace you with something else... Let him pick out a new stuffed animal or play some music or something to that extent...

Hope that gives you some ideas!! Good luck!

HI M.,
WHERE ARE YOU LOCATED? I KNOW IN MARYLAND THE LAW IS 21 WITH 2 KIDS. AND YOU HAVE TO GIVE THE DOC AT LEAST 30 DAYS NOTICE YOU WANT IT DONE BEFORE YOU GO INTO LABOR SO THEY KNOW YOU ARE SURE YOU WANT IT DONE STILL. I WAS 21 WHEN I HAD MY SECOND CHILD I HAD A C-SECTION AND GOT MY TUBES TIED. MY DOC DIDNT WANT ME TO DO IT BECAUSE I AM STILL YOUNG AND THOUGHT I WOULD WANT MORE KIDS. BUT IM SO GLAD I GOT IT DONE. I DONT WANT MORE KIDS IM VERY HAPPY WITH THE TWO I HAVE. ALSO I DIDNT HAVE MY OWN INSURANCE EITHER. I HAD STATE INSURANCE AND THEY PAID FOR EVERYTHING . AND BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT MY BIRTH CONTROL WAS ONLY 5$ FOR 3 MONTHS OF BIRTH CONTROL ANY METHOD I WANTED TO USE. I WENT THRU THE HEALTH DEPT. I HAVE ALSO BEEN TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD.. THEY GO BY YOUR INCOME. AND THEY ARE HAPPY TO GIVE YOU ALL THE CONDOMS YOU WANT .

for your first question my son used to need me to lay down with him for his nap too all i did way start laying him down on his own he did cry for the first week but then he got used to it.
And as for your second question they really won't do it for anyone under 25 unless you have 3 kids already because its perminent they feel the patient may change their mind if they have it done too young and want more kids in the future so to avoid that they say you must be 25 or if your not you must have 3 kids

Hi M. I am young mother as well and I also just had my second child on sept. 11 and my older son is 3. It is a hard adjustment I am still trying to get used to it. My older son doesnt nap but at night he likes me to lay with him to fall asleep but now I cant with the new baby but what I do is tell him to lay in his room and I will check on him. At first he would cry everytime I left the room but after a while he would lay alone and eventually fall asleep. I would just try making him lay alone and check on him a few times. I hope this helps you. About the birth control I have insurance through welfare even after you have the baby you can still recieve coverage its just covers doctor appointments and hospital visits. I think it may also cover birth control. I would check into it. I use the ring so far so good I dont have to worry about a pill everyday. But I have to pay for it on my own its hard. Well good luck let me know.

Planned Parenthood offers discounted birth control based off your income. They offer the pill, the patch, the shot, the ring and IUDs. Plus they are more than happy to give as many free condoms as often as you want. They also do vasectomies - which can often be reversed if you in the future decide you want more children. I did an internship for college there this summer and met with several women in your situation.

Definitely get another opinion on the tubal. My sister had hers done when she was 22 after her second child. They told her they didn't like doing it, but would if she insisted and she did. It's your body, your decision. She just had to go to a couple of counselling sessions with that doctor's preferred shrink so that they were "sure she was ready".

Best of luck,
K. E.

This is a response to the second question.I am 24 yr old mother of 3.I would not be a mommy of three had they let me get my tubes tied.I how ever had to go talk to my doctor and let him know that I was not mentally or emotionally able to have another child,and that I am posatively sure that I don't want any more children.I had mine tied at 21yrs old.I was told when I had my 3rd that you had to be 21yrs or have 3 children.Then I was told they didn't want to do it unless I was 25yrs old.I eventually got my way cause I was posativly sure I no longer wanted anymore children.Don't get me wrong I love my kids and wouldn't mind having more but I am emotionally and mentally done with it.My 4yr old has seizurs and my 5 yr old has ADHD and MOOD DISORDER.So I would get a few more opinions if I were you untill someone agrees to do it for you.

M.,

About the tubal, the doctor cannot say that they WILL not do it, its your choice. The thing is, however, that tubal is not often covered by insurance anyway. It is an elective procedure and therefore, often not covered unless you can show that having another baby is not good for your health. I have that proof and still had to pay a larger portion of the procedure than I would have expected.

Also, who says you have to have it. Why doesn't he go get snipped himself. It is out-patient surgery, and healing time is very quick. Why do women have to have the burden of the BC constantly? Ask him to do it.

L.

My mom had 4 girls, me being the oldest. I remember that she nursed my sisters while she lay on the bed or couch and the younger ones were either more interested in what the baby was doing or were taking a nap at the same time. Something about the "nursing" situation was peaceful and calming and I can remember sleeping too.
With the BC I have always counted my days. I have a regular 28 day period and only got pregnant with my one son when I wanted to. My mom did the same thing. When the days come that you are supposed to be ovulating you can use a diaphragm (about $50) and/or condom or you can use a diaphragm all the time. You use it with spermicidal jelly. I never found it uncomfortable at all or even felt it. You have to leave it in for 6 hours after intercourse but you can put it in way before as well. There is also a cervical cap, though I've never tried it.
Just some ideas I didn't see reading over the other responses.

I don't have any advice about the sleeping issue since I only have one child. However as to the Birth Control problem...I know that local Planned Parenthood offices offer free or low cost b.c. if your insurance will not cover it. They could possibly charge a small fee but it all based on your household income if they would charge you anything at all. It is somthing to consider if you are not able to get your tubes tied at this time. I would recommend getting a second opinion with another doctor to see if they would recommend the procedure for you first though.

as a mother of 2 i can relate but my wonderful daughter decided that after Jon was born there were no more naps! lol she was (and still is) a tough one to get to sleep. We spoiled her by always rocking to to sleep or laying with her. So you might loose that battle.

Also you dont want your 2 y.o. feeling left out because of the new baby. Starting ASAP try only laying with him for a lil bit.. not until he falls asleep. Make that time shorter and shorter until eventually you dont have to lay with him at all.

As for the tubes, i would ask for a second opp. Or maybe even think about getting an IUD. They really dont like to tie woman's tubes only because they think that in a few years youll change your mind and want more kids. docs are crazy like that!

Hi M.,

My Name is L. and I have four children 8,6,4 and 15 mos. What i used to due about naps was lay your oldest down when the baby is napping. To responsed about your second question. I have to IUD and it works great. The doctor puts it in a couple weeks after you have the baby and it is good for five years. It is good for me, but it is up to you what you want to do.

L.

HELLO:

I really can't advise you about the napping issue, but I'm going to tell you about my experience on getting fixed. I had my second child when I was 24 and the doctor didn't wanted to do it, but I insisted and he did it. And I asked him not to just tied the tubes... I wanted him to cut and burn, so that way I was going to be so sure that I wasn't going to have another baby... the doctor did it. I know the doctor will tell you many times that that is not right for a young woman, but that is your choice, and they can't go against it. Good luck!

I've always used the ENCARE inserts. No pregnancy with them for 11 years.

As for handling the 2 kids, you'll work out your own schedule, it may take a few days, but you'll get the hang of it. My daughter (almost 4) never really took naps, her sleeping schedule is still not very good. I also have an 11 yr old boy and a 16 yr old boy. Somehow , everything works out , stressful or not.