Need Advice About Going on a Trip and Leaving 3Yr Old with My Mom

Oh man! Will you really be able to relax with all of this going on? Can you feign illness? Pretend to fall downstairs? Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I wouldn't worry too much about the TV for a few days, although it's obviously not not ideal. It sounds like it's already a hot-button issue, and even if you back out now, you'll make your mom angry, and possibly your husband, too.
On the other hand, they're pressuring you to go against your gut instincts, which is upsetting for you, too. If you go and everything is fine, you may be stressed the whole time, but your family will forver say "I told you so!" and if something happens, you'll forver be telling your husband "I told you so!" I don't see an easy way out.

I also was worried the first time I left my son overnight with my in-laws. He was almost 3, and I had slept beside him every night of his life. We were in the same town, though, so the in-laws picked him up in Friday afternoon and brought him back Saturday morning. Then did the same thing Saturday night. It worked out fine and I ended up looking like a worry-wart. I hope it works out as well for you, one way or the other.

In a word, no you can't leave her. You don't feel its the right and safe thing to do, that's obvious. Why are you feeling pressured by others? And what's with your husband? Is he this little girls Dad? Does he not worry about this child? Your job as a mother is to protect your daughter, thats it!! Everyone else can take a hike!
Besides you wouldn't relax anyway. Its just not the safe thing for you to do.

My husband and I don't have any real babysitters either and you know what? that's okay, I love my daughter and if she's not welcome somewhere, I am not going!

It sounds to me like you and your husband could go on the trip but that your very first priority is to find a safe place for Shelby. From what I read, I don't think either mom is a good choice. If I were you, I'd ask a friend who has a child your child's age -- and pay them.

I have to chuckle at how different the posts are so far!! Good luck making up your mind on this one :)

My vote is: either choose a friend or two who you REALLY trust to keep her (one could keep her for a couple nights, while the other keeps her for one night only). These ladies with small children-esp. if you know them really well, are much better equipped to handle a little one if they're doing it themselves right now too. They're houses are probably proofed, they have toys, etc. I would be very leary about leaving your daughter with your mom simply for her medical condition; but her lack of patience, refusal to accept help, and the former leg break would make it impossible for me to choose to leave my child that young with her for more that a couple of hours.

I wouldn't go with a paid service either; I'd want my child with someone I know and trust, and someone she knows and trusts.

If you can get a friend or two to help, great!! If not, then plan a special date for you and your husband when he gets back. Time for the two of you IS important, but a trip away without suitable care for 3 days makes that trip off-limits in my opinion. Good luck, and do let us know how it goes!

I'm a mother of four, grandmother of ten. Maybe your mom will allow your child to watch too much television, but so what? Like you said, it's only three days. She will not be permanently harmed by three days of too much TV. I would be more concerned about how your daughter got a broken leg the last time you left her with your mom. It does not sound to me as though either your mom or your MIL are able to watch your child completely alone. If it were me, I would hire a teenager to come and babysit those three days with your mom there at all times. And I would do that whether she wants help or not, just based on past experience with her, your daughter, and the broken leg incident. But by all means, if you secure your mom some help she is willing to accept (and I understand why she would not want the other grandmother there), such as a teenager sitter who could be her helper, then you should go on this trip with your husband. Young mothers need a little mini-vacation here and there throughout the year. It will help you, and it will also show your daughter that it's okay to take care of yourself which is an important lesson for her to learn by your example. If, however, you cannot go on this trip without having someone you trust to watch your child, wait for a future trip when she is a little older.

There's no way I'd leave her with your mom or MIL, sorry.

Well, I can relate to the fear of leaving your child. To echo what others have said, if you are experiencing this level of anxiety, then you need to come up with a plan that will help you.
You could take someone (you trust) with you, like a babysitter who will watch your child while you are out with your honey. In return, make sure this person gets ample free time.

My husband and I just took a friend with us to watch the kids. This worked and the other person got a free trip.

Just a suggestion. All the best with this.

I left my boys (7 & 2) for a couple of days for the first time not too long ago to go see my husband in another state. I was not nervous about who was watching then, more that I would miss them. In the end, I had a great time and so did they. I think you will have to decide if you feel comfortable with the care they will recieve. If you are worried about the competency of the caregiver, you won't be able to relax. I suggest leaving them with someone you know will provide a safe and comfortable environment for everyone. Your friends might not think your child is as big a handful as you do, and if they offer they probably mean it. I hope you won't be too hard on yourself no matter what you decide to do- nothing beats that mommy instinct!

Just one more comment to add to the pot! Yes, you mom did raise you, so I'm sure your daughter would make it out okay. But if you wouldn't feel good about it, you might not be able to enjoy your trip otherwise. BUT YOU NEED TO GO ON THE TRIP! Your marriage needs to come first. I just went to Asia for two weeks leaving my 3 kids with my mom. I had never left the youngest and was worried about that. Couple tips. Get those neighbors/friends who offered help to take Shelby during the day (just a long play date really) and then have her at home with your mom in the evenings so she can sleep in her own bed. Not too much time with your mom (less energy for her and less to be patient with) but the comfort of being home. Three days really isn't that long. Besides, you'd be willing to do it for your friends right? We also got Skype. It's free on-line video chatting (you just need a camera) and it worked great! The kids loved to see us, and it made us being gone much easier on them knowing we didn't just disappear (who knows what a 18 month old thinks we she wakes up and your gone!). Anyway, between having her sleeping at home, playing with people she loves to hang out with during the day, and talking over the computer... it will be great. I wouldn't worry about a thing! If you want to talk about suggestions or anything let me know.... like I said, we just got back so it's all fresh on my mind!
Oh, and give your mom another chance. My best friend watched my youngest only to have her fall down the stairs and chip her tooth really bad. But it didn't happen again, so I don't think the broken bone will be a repeated problem! If it is, then you may want to find another sitter. ;)

Maybe the two of them together isn't a bad idea. Don't you think your mom would be understanding of the fact that you're worried about her stability/health? They can keep an eye on each other and your mom can make sure your m-i-l doesn't get out of control. If your friends check in on them now and then, even better. It might not be your mom's ideal way to spend a few days, but maybe being honest and telling her your fears and how important this trip is will help her...

Hi R., I have recently gone through the same thing. Me and My husband recently went on a cruise and had to leave our two year old with family for almost two weeks. We arranged that our son would spend one week at my IN-Laws house and one week at my Dad and his wife's house. That way no one was held down to much by a two year old. I think it would be a great idea that your MIL comes over and helps your mom out. Neither one of them is used to having a 3 year old around and we can all agree that it can be difficult even if they are on thier best behavior. Maybe arrange or phase it to your mom that your MIL is just coming over a few hours a day to "help out" so if they need something from the store or your mom could use some help watching your daughter while she cooks dinner or something. You know... your momther is the main care taker... but your MIL is the "helper."
OH and P.S I love flying... and I think even if you are afraid it is well worth the alone time with hubby and the nice weekend it seems that you would have!
www.momtomombiz.com

If it were me and I was having doubts, I wouldn't do it at all. You guys deserve a break, but you don't want to put your precious little one in a place she doesn't need to be. BUT.....

You could get a few of your friends to come and take her for a few hours each day to give your mom a break. Just set up which day each friend will come and get her and how long and then give your mom the schedule.

I definitely wouldn't have mil taking care of her. Just giving you my opinion on this.

Hi R.,

My 10th anniversary was a nightmare. My husband asked my in-laws to watch our 2 little ones (9 and 6 at the time)so we could take a weekend get-away to Charleston. We dropped them off, kissed them good bye and besides the fact that I was worried, my in-laws called us the next morning, told us they were too much to handle and to come get them. We were freakishly SNOWED IN (Charleston, SC in January, arrrrggghhhh!) I then called my sister 100 miles away to go pick them up and guess what, by the time she got there she was snowed in with them!!! Not a pleasant thing! She lost two days of work and had to spend it with my in-laws... and she said the girls were absolutely delightful.

I didn't ask my sister to start with because she was always the one that offered and I didn't want to impose. She would have much rather had them at home or even taken them to work with her than spend a weekend with my mother and father-in law...Find someone that you trust. Like the ladies said, if they don't want to do it they will tell you. Then go and have a good time.

God bless!

M.

If it were me, I wouldn't. To refer back to what you said about leaving her with friends and it's different leaving her for 3 days instead of a couple hours. Well same goes for the mothers. They would be good for a few hours but could they hold up for 3days. If your friends are offering, I would leave her with them. Atleast you know she will be safe from the drinking and the possible diabetes health issues. Hope it works out for you, I know exactly what you mean by needing a getaway.

R.,

I don't generally respond to these posts unless the topic strikes me as urgent. Yours did. Go back and read your post. Do you really need help to determine if you should leave Shelby with your mom???
She broke her leg the one and only time you left her overnight with your mom? Your mother has uncontrolled diabetes, she gets frustrated easily with your daughter and she is refusing any assistance in caring for her for three days?
I understand the need to get away for your husband for a few days. That is SO important. However, I would NOT leave your child with your mother for 3 days while being far away.
Call your friends. If they are willing to help out let them.
Children behave differently for other people. Maybe some one on one time with your daughter will be a wonderful bonding experience for your friends and your child.

Good luck.

I understand your concern, but....yes, you should just go with your husband. Your Mother has raised her children adn Im sure she will be fine. Kids can break bones ect..... doesnt mean she wasnt watching your child properly. Im sure she feels horrible about it
You have to let go a little. It sounds like your husband really wants you to go and that would be special time for you guys as a couple. Its crucial for marriages to have atleast a little alone time.
Goodluck. I know its hard. I rarely leave my own but I will leave my son with my Dad for the weekend occasionally. Still havent left my 1 year old overnight yet. Im working up the courage for that.

Hi R.,

I am a firm believer in going with your "gut instinct." It sounds like you aren't very comfortable leaving Shelby right now, and frankly, it doesn't sound like your caregivers are very safe.

Go with your instincts girl, Mommy knows best!

Best wishes, A.

From a mom of 4 to you. Get yourself packed and go on you mini-vaca and do not worry about your daughter(haha thats a joke right OK you are aloud to worry a little bit), but enjoy yourself.If you feel more comfortable ask your neighbors to check in to see if your mom needs some help, make sure to not say that you asked them.

I don't have any advice.. but I am so jealous!!!! My home town is Renton, Washington; it’s a suburb of Seattle. You would probably be visiting Boeing field (which is close to where my mom works) but there is also a Boeing plant in Renton, though it’s getting smaller, now I hear they have a bunch of shopping where some of Boeing used to be. The Boeing Museum is also really cool. Seattle is big, so Boeing’s not in the part with the Space needle and Pike Place, but take the time to go to down town Seattle. If you find yourself in Renton then visit Coulon Park which is on Lake Washington. Coulon is my favorite place; it’s a few blocks from my parents house and I used to take walks there all the time. Have a lot of fun, and have lunch at Ivars for me!

From the way it sounds she may be best with an overnight sitter you can pay,like someone who has a at home day care business.I don't have any babysitters either but I am starting a job working with an at home daycare called piggytoes in evans and something like that might be good for you.If I lived close I would totally watch her for you as long as you needed but I live in augusta ga.I say look into some local at home daycares in ur area.Or find a reliable sitter through friends or ads that might stay at your home that you could pay.I watch 2 children once while the parents went on a week trip to the mountains and it's much easier in the home.

Hi R.,

You seem to have answered your own question, as the cons (5 to 6) completely out-weigh the pros (2 to 3). Additonally, you should follow your instincts, which are telling you not to leave Shelby. You apparently cannot trust these various potential care-takers for valid and serious reasons. I would not leave my child with them either.

Which decision would you have a harder time dealing with: (1) letting down your husband -or- (2) letting down Shelby? Your husband is an adult and can handle himself. Your child has entrusted her life with you, her mother.

Yes, it's only 3-days but will you really relax and have pampered fun worrying about Shelby the entire time?

I would decline the offer of the trip and stay with Shelby. Life is too short; her childhood is too short; and you have to live with yourself.

Best of luck,
D.

Hi R., im a 24hour provider, where do you live, i will be glad to care of her, to take the stress off of everyone. Go on with your husband he need the time with as well as the two of you together,hope you both enjoy it, i know you will im also ex-military wife,go on you need it she will be fine.

I always say it is best to go with your gut feeling. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your child with the people you will be having to leave her with, DON'T DO IT!! There are ways to take time for yourself without being on an airplane so far away. I would never dream of leaving my child with someone who might give her a drink for a second, let alone 3 days. And I would not leave her with someone I thought might become ill and not able to take care of her. If you left her knowing all of this and something happened, you would be as much to blame as they were. After reading some of the other posts, I cannot believe someone actually said YOUR MARRIAGE SHOULD COME FIRST. I agree with the person who said your husband is a big boy and should be able to handle it---but your child has entrusted her life to you. The safety and well being of your child should come first AND your husband should feel the same way and want the safety and well being of your daughter to come before a get-a-way.

Hi R., If you need some help with your daughter Shelby, we can watch her while you go out of town, mom of 3 in Roswell, just email me at: ____@____.com. Kristin.

I totally understand where you are coming from! You and your husband deserve to get away- if you feel more comfortable with the both mothers staying, than tell your mom that your husband only asked his mom so she would not be offended- you both thought it would be a good idea for both grandmothers to have a weekend with Shelby. I would also still ask the neighbors to check in if that would make you feel better! I think that is best way to handle that, I don't know if I helped, but Good Luck!
Let us know what you decide to do!

Hey Raych, I completely understand where you are coming from!!
1) Was the broken leg a fluke thing or honestly your mom's fault? Fluke things just happen sometimes.
2)I don't like flying either but for some much needed alone time with my Honey...well worth it!
3)This is why it would be good for both grandmothers to be there, just in case one isn't able to care for Shelby for a little while.
4)In my opinion, if she watched too much TV for the weekend, will it really matter later? You might have some struggles with her at home with her wanting more TV later, but, if it helps relive some stress from grandma and she enjoys it, then I would just let her. Maybe lay out some of your approved DVDs for Shelby to choose from so that you have some control over what she is watching.
5)Another good reason to have both grandmothers. Just communicate to both of them that Shelby will stay home with your mom if your mil wants to go out.

I think that having a couple of play dates planned for her is a great idea. It would give her something new to do to help pass the time as well as the grandmothers a break. Above all else you have to follow your gut. Maybe share with your husband your concerns and see what he says. If he says that you are over reacting, then take a step back and evaluate. If you are just a nervous mom (and rightfully so)then go on the trip. If your gut says you can't leave her because of her safety then don't go on the trip. I hope this helped. Think outside of the box and see if your concerns are legitimate or just nervous mom concerns.

Hi, I would suggest letting your mom take care of Shelby, but have the friends either check in on her, or possibly take Shelby a little while during the 3 days to give your mom a break. As far as tv watching goes--if that's the worst that grandma lets Shelby do, so what? Give grandma a break, she raised you didn't she? Go ahead and enjoy your trip!

I COMPLETELY understand. I am very protective over my little girl, I have a hard time leaving her at all unless one of the grandparents come to my house...which I know is completely baby proof. Hmmm, but I also find alot of value in time alone with the hubby and this trip sounds fun so what would I do....Ask a friend if you would feel more comfortable or leave names and numbers for your mom to call if she is not feeling well. I guess to it all depends on just how likely it would be for your mom to be feeling bad. I know you need to make a decision you feel totally comfortable and have peace about because you will not enjoy your trip if you don't. I know this may not help but you do have to be careful and it is totally fine for you to think this through to make sure your daughter gets the best care. I like the idea of the two grandparents too if you don't think they will have tension and awkwardness.

You won't have fun if you're worried about it. Ask a friend you trust and don't worry about putting them out. They will say no if they don't want to. If they are your friends they will know that you need this trip and gladly help you. Everyone else seems inadequate. Sorry.