Hello
My almost 3 year old wants what everyone else has. We purchased a new trycycle for him and we all went to bike ride and of course he wants my daughters bike and threw a tantrum. This goes on with everything including food items. Not sure what to do here hoping it is a phase any advice? thanks
yes,it is a phase. he will get over it. Make a big deal over the new things he gets. If he got upset about the bike say I wish I had a tricycle but I am too big. As for food,let him try and see if he likes it. He is at the age where everything he thinks should revolve around him. Celebrate his age and say you will not always be three. Make it fun for him so he will not dwell on the negative.
It is a phase.
It is his age.
It will pass.
Kids this age do not yet have, fully developed "impulse-control" yet either.
Teach him to use his words. And teach him the words to use.
Does he talk well yet?
Kids this age, need to be told the exact words to use... ie: "may I use your bike, and have a turn?"
"May I, take a turn?"
"Can I try your food?"
Role-play with him, and help him learn phrases and how to 'ask' for things.
Keep in mind his age.
This is their construct, emotionally.
Emotions are not even fully developed yet, at this age.
The Toddler's Creed, composed by T. Berry Brazelton:
* If I want it, it's mine.
* If I give it to you and change my mind later, it's mine.
* If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
* If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
* If it's mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
* If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
* If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
Three-year-olds are inconsistent about sharing at best. Sometimes they manage; more often they don't. It's largely a matter of development of certain parts of the brain. Telling them they're selfish is not a good idea, because they tend to believe those assessments and 'live down' to that expectation.
Just keep coaching him on sharing. Empathize with his frustration and you may be able to head off many tantrums. Here's how Dr. Harvey Karp, author of Happiest Toddler on the Block, speaks to younglings when they are starting to melt down over things they want. I've found this approach to be surprisingly effective:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJ1428uYs2g&NR=1&a.... .
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Yes, it's a phase. Yes, he'll grow out of it....unless you try and appease him by getting him stuff to try and make it "fair". Appeasement does not work, it just makes the problem worse. Deal with tantrums with whatever disciplinary tactic that you have found works best for your child and family.
Do make sure you acknowledge and praise generosity as well.
A strategy I have found useful to avoid tantrums is to catch invisible items floating by and hand it to the child. Generally speaking, what the child wants isn't the item. It's the experience of "getting" something.
Example:
"Oh, you want that bike? Well, she's using that bike. But you know what? There are lots and lots of invisible bikes floating around in the air! Do you want a blue bike or a green bike? Do you want the one with dinosaurs on it or the one with spaceships? Okay, I see one just like that. Let's see if I can catch it. (leap up dramatically and clap your hands around thin air). I caught it! Here you go!"
It's a long, long, long phase. Just keep telling him how selfish he's being and that he must share. When he snatches things make sure you give him consequences and that every single time the consequences get a little tougher. You'll go through spells where it's not too bad. But it doesn't hardly ever go away.
I used to tell my son, "you need to get happy in the same britches you got mad in". :) Don't laugh, it worked! Good luck!
Do not give in to his demands and this will pass quickly.
Be firm.
Be consistent.
LBC
Discipline all tantrums firmly and calmly. Don't even acknowledge the "thing he's demanding" just immediately make it about his behavior. Once he's not throwing fits, you can explain to him that he can't have everyone else's stuff. He's a bit frustrated at not getting the stuff, but at 3, he's more enamored by throwing fits and lets the stuff be an excuse to do so. Don't allow it. Do not give in, and do not ignore.
Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson is a great book for his age. I have 3 non tantrummers ages 5, 3, and 2. The 2 year old was born raging, but even she has gotten control of herself with tons of consistency on our parts. She's now sweet and happy. Even if she gets frustrated and grabby, she contains the fits at a warning.
