My daughter (4) and I went on a much needed Mommy daughter trip for 3 days. My husband was out of town on business so my mom offered to keep my son (20months) for the 3 days. I called several times and talked to him. I thought all was fine. When I brought him home, he has been completely different! Crying alot, very crabby, doesn't want to snuggle and hug/kiss like he usually does (he is extremely affectionate). He just fusses all day. Could it be that I have permanately caused some sort of emotional damage by leaving? Why is he acting like this? I am so sad!
He has cut all teeth very early accept his 2 year molars....could that be it.....he is drooling and chewing again. (this makes my heart ache less!) He was a little stinker when he teethed.....but he cant cut them this early, right?
If there is emotional stress.....what can I do besides spend extra time?
Thanks for the encouraging answers and the advice......We have been loving on him and snuggling with him like crazy. We woke up this am and he seems to be almost back to his normal self. Less crabby and wanted to sit with me while I watched the news.... So I'd say you guys are right! Thanks!
That is a typical reaction to you being gone for a few days. They miss you but do ok while you are gone but when you get back, they actually punish you for being gone. Its just their way of getting even in a way. It goes away and gets back to normal in a couple days. Its just the way they handle the transition of who was in charge. Just be extra cuddly when he wants you in the next few days.
Since he's drooling and chewing, it could be teething. Yes, he could be getting them by his age. And even before they start to erupt, they cause a lot of discomfort.
I don't think you've caused any permanent emotional damage, but his behavior could definitely also be a reaction to the time apart. He missed you, his feelings are hurt. Luckily, that age has a short memory and forgiving heart, so he'll get over it soon if that's the issue.
Best thing is to keep him on his regular, familiar routine, give extra attention. And even if he doesn't want affection, just grab him, tickle him and give him a quick kiss, because he still needs it whether or not he's willing to admit it!
His reaction is a good sign that he's very much attached to you. Otherwise, it wouldn't bother him, right? And he knows it's safe to express negative emotion to you.
I'm sure it's just a temporary mood swing from the transition. He'll be back to normal in no time. Don't over coddle, just go back to business as usual. You havent damaged him, so don't think like that ;)
You will not have caused permanent emotional damage. He certainly may be feeling out of sorts as his whole nuclear family scattered away from him. It will just take a little time to get back into his normal routine. Give him plenty of love and attention (I'm sure you are).
He is out of sorts. Not sure you will be staying or leaving lol. He will come around. Moms and dads need breaks sometimes. he will be fine by tomorrow. unless maybe he is coming down with a cold or something.
When my eldest was about the same age I had to go on a business trip for three days. My mom came and helped my husband take care of him. He was napping when I got home. When he woke up he saw me and started crying hysterically for about 3 hours....then he relaxed a bit, but he was definitely out of sorts. This age really is the height of separation anxiety I would guess your little one will settle down soon. (The teething is probably making his reaction all the more extreme.) Extra time, quiet, fun activities and good naps should help a lot. Good luck!
Hi L.,
I think that is mostly a thing of adjustment. Give her hugs and kisses, spend much more time with her.
I also wanted to comment on something. I learned that kids' mind and perspective is actually very different from us, adults. You went away, and even when you kept close contact with her the time you were away, she didn't see that because little ones think and feel totally different, their world is different and their perspective is different. So, she felt sad and alone, and that is normal. She pictures on her mind "Mommy and me in my home" That's her life, that is what she knows and feel comfortable with . I don't want you to worry, it is just part of life and we, moms, have to go away momentarily sometimes and leave the kids with a relative.
This happened to me in a very difficult situation during a holiday, where I had to travel overseas by myself and leave my husband and kids for 1 week (my mom's illness and funeral) All happened suddenly. then when I returned home, my 5 year-old kid was like you described yours, even when my husband took great care of him and he tried to do the same things I do at bedtime, during the day, meals...etc....
I also heard something similar from a very good friend of ours, so...take it easy and spend time with her and repeat to her how much you adore her and there are times when you have to go but you will always come back.
Just another idea that may help you better....
maybe you could look through a photo book of the family all together? see if he can remember what was happening that day or event. ask him questions. is dad back?? if not you could call him and have him on speaker phone for a bit so he can interact to? not sure if this would make him better or worse lol sorry :~/ a perfect and great memory could be all it takes to snap him out of it. if its the teeth...pain relief meds wait 20 min if hes acting better, a lil like normal then there's your answer
My husband and I went to Ireland when my daughter was 19 months old. My Mom came to stay with her and she didn't handle it great either. My Mom said that she didn't eat very much while we were gone, but she wasn't upset during the day. We talked to her every day on the phone too. When we came home, she wouldn't come to me. I got the cold shoulder. She warmed up in a day or two though, so just hang in there.....he'll come around. This is the only way they know how to express that he didn't like that you left. It isn't permanent, I assure you. Just love on him as much as he'll let you. Get down on the floor and play with him and he'll warm up soon....promise!
aww poor thing. he probably is feeling a lot of emotions at being left by both parents and a sibling for 3 days! just give him lots and LOTS of love and attention even if he seemingly doesn't want it.
Aw. I remember coming back from an overnight stay when my dd was the same age. I was desperate to see her (after just 1 night) and rushed in to my moms where she had been staying, Well she just looked at me and turned away and when I put my arms out to her she refused to come to me. :-( I was soooo sad, it was like she was saying "huh, don't think you can go away without me again" In a couple of days she was back to her old self. lol I think they just want you to suffer a bit even though they have probably had the best time with granny. :-)
He is upset that you left. He had a great time while you were away, but he's still mad! Give him a few days...
LBC
Did you talk to your mom? How does she act with him? Maybe he is mad at you for leaving and you may have to encourage and wait for him to come around. Maybe your mom couldn't handle the affection and wasn't as cuddly as you are with him. It's hard to know without knowing how your mom gets along with your son. Are they around each other alone, babysitting, alot? If not, that may have scared him. A few hours is one thing, but a few days is another and he may have been scared. I would try to talk to him in simple words to see if he'll tell you (how well does he talk?). It could also be that he has had a rough nights if he is cutting teeth. I don't think 20 months is too young to cut molars, I believe my daughter cut them around 18-20 months if not before so I don't think it's too early. My daughter was crabby a little around then because her teeth were waking her up at night. I would talk to your mom and see how everything went and maybe it'll give some explanation to his behavior (like rough nights of little sleep or something).
Since he can't tell you his feelings he cries. Probably angry you left and is adjusting back to his routine. I've seen this with my kids. Right now my youngest is attached to Daddy and Grandma! Go figure. He'll be fine. And teething can add to the crabiness!
No, you have not caused permanent emotional damage. :)
