My Son Will Not Eat!

My little guy used to do something like this and we found that taking chewable acidophilis with every meal really helped him to eat better and reduced some of his other odd tendencies. Keep on researching and asking lots of questions...you'll find the right answer. Many a new doc could put a new spin on the situation for you?

Oh, you might not want to make food an issue...eating habits can get out of hand so easily...and it can so easily become an emotional issue on top of the medical issues...avoid that if at all possible.

You are going to have to give in to him every time for every thing - as this lesson will play out into every other area of his and your life. OR - you are going to have dig down deep, dig in those heels, and get more stubborn than he his. If you want it to change - then follow his doctor's advice. It's good advice. But, you will always have to be more stubborn than your child or he will know that he can hold out longer than you in anything you are trying to teach him. He won't starve.
But, he'll get hungry enough to eat. Then, he'll know you mean business and when you ask him to eat only 3 bites of something - he will.

I agree w/ the doc. Your son will eat when he is hungry. You're letting your son control the situation. You are the parent, if you don't stop this behavior now it will get worse as he gets older. Your not a failure because you can't figure out what to do; your failing to do the hard thing which is take control of the situation and behavior. My personal expereience is you must feed him what you feed everyone else (I would cater to the texture thing a little bit) and if he is hungry he will eat. I would also recommend the gummi bear multi vitamin.

First- RELAX!!!! Food should not have that much power!

Second- take your son to a specialist. It sounds as if he may have some undiagnosed gastro issue.

As for his weight, ignore how much he weighs. My 8yo is only 50#. He has always been slim, a discriminating eater (as in if he is not hungry, he is not going to eat, no matter what) and we went through a time when he was 3 that he never ate dinner. Ever. He ate a large breakfast and a large lunch and a small snack about 4 pm and he just wasn't hungry at dinner. Now, he is a bottomless pit. He is my smallest, stature wise, and eats the most. So long as he is growing, he is getting what he needs. If you are really concerned about nutrients, try substituting his milk for pediasure.

God Luck!

hopefully the doctor has ruled out some sort of absorption issue, or gut issue that may be present.

it sounds like you must be getting some food in your son because as you say he is the life of the party, so he must have energy, and you have to eat food to get energy.

does he like sip feeds, like boost, or pediasure?, if he drinks milk you may be able to get him to drink these - some people live of them.

maybe stop making any issue out of food, just give him a plate with some of what he likes on it, and a little "regular food", let him eat what he wants, then clear away the plate, no nagging, or worrying or freting, then give him a pediasure for a dessert.
it may be that he is picking up on your stress.
a child will not starve themselves, unless there is something about eating that is painful or uncomfortable for him

I have not read the other responses yet so if I duplicate someone else's, I apologize.

My son is also a picky eater, although not as picky as yours. We've explained to him about protein and that he must EAT (not drink) at least something with protein each dinner. Hot Dogs are only allowed once a week.

But what clued me in on writing you was that your son would prefer to drink milk all day long. My son too did this (although at a younger age) and wouldn't eat as a result. Turned out the whole milk I was giving him was filling him up due to the fat content. My pediatrician advised cutting back to 2% and his appetite returned. You can also limit how much milk he drinks (say five glasses a day) and swap in some water so hopefully stimulate an appetite. At least he's getting nutrients from the milk.

My son is still a picky eater and prefers most everything plain. We've encouraged him to help up cook, which helps somewhat. I make him try everything at least once each time we've had it. I'm happy to say he's slowly (very slowly) increasing the types of food he will eat.

Hang in there and know that currently there is an Aerospace Engineer working with a company with NASA in Houston who would only eat Kraft Mac and Cheese (the blue box kind) when he was little. That thought alone keeps me going.

Has your pediatrician looked at the possibility of reflux. My 6 year old never had reflux as a baby, but when she was 5 she started coughing a lot, especially at night in bed. She would cough until she threw up. When she first starting having this problem of course they looked at asthma, but then ruled that out. She also wouldn't eat certain things. She was avoiding the things that made her feel worse without really expressing to us why she wouldn't eat them. The Dr. put her on Prevacid morning and night. This has made a huge difference! I'm not sure if this is your son's problem, but it's worth looking into. Good luck!

You look like you've gotten some great advice already. My only question is does he have any sensory issues? Does he refuse the food because of it's texture? If so, ask the OT about Sensory Processing Disorder. Most likely he doesn't, but it is another avenue that you can check out. If he has SPD, he may have other symptoms such as being very sensitive to clothing tags, noises, bright lights, smells, etc...

I think you're going to have to get a little tougher and not give in. Your pediatrician is right that he won't starve himself. He may go to bed hungry a few times (and honestly, that is the point...he won't learn the consequences of his actions otherwise), but he'll eat in the morning and he will be fine....trust me. We have had to do this with our daughter only a couple of times and now she knows that if she wants to eat, she has to eat what we give her. I'm not a short order cook. If I make something that I know she truly doesn't like or is too spicy for her, then I will give her something else, but for the most part, she eats what we eat. Your son is a little older now and is used to getting his way, so this will probably take a little more time for you, but you're going to have to stick to your guns and not give in if you want the situation to change. I wouldn't make a battle out of it. Be very matter of fact (this is easier said than done), but just tell him that this is all he is going to be offered and that he doesn't have to eat it if he doesn't want to, but that he won't be getting anything else to eat (in other words, I wouldn't take the "sit here until you eat it" approach). I promise you, you won't have to do this very long before he will get the point. Good luck. Being a parent is tough because you can't go with your heart and give them everything they want. Just know that you're doing the best thing for them in the long run.

The cough MIGHT be reflux... my son was the same way. Not eating, not wanting to try new things, THE COUGH!!!! I thought it was a nervous tick, turns out he has reflux really bad, and everything he WAS eating, made it worse. I took him to get tested (Alcat 400) and now he knows that he has reflux, we talked about it, and is willing to try new things because he knows it won't make his throat hurt... I hope this helps some.
Good luck!

Two things may be going on here. First, it sounds like he has a sensitive gag reflex or some other gastro issue. Go to a pediatric gastroenterologist to get him checked out. Once that's done, and any outstanding issues there are addressed, quit giving in to the power play he's pulling on you. He's perfectly happy not eating anything, because he knows you are going to cave and give him what he wants. I know this from personal experience - I did it to my parents for quite a long time and got away with it because I was naturally quite slender. They finally called me on it and I was required to eat what everyone else ate or not eat at all. No fighting with me, no fussing, no cajoling, they simply formed a united, straightforward approach. I will confess I managed to go three days on nothing but milk before I broke down (I was pretty strong willed). To this day, I'm very glad they did it. Not only because it was their proper role as parents, but because once I started having to eat food, I started liking it.

Sounds like my son, we had so many battles, he is still picky but eats a lot of what he likes-pasta, chicken, pizza, breads, pancakes but now he is 11 and 5'7 and 130 pounds. I joke with him that one day when he gets married and his wife is an awful cook that he will regret not eating my food! Hang in there!

The cough-vomit thing sounds like a hyper-sensitive gag reflex. In addition, it sounds like perhaps he may have tactile issues. My advice is to see another SLP but one who has experience with oral-motor and feeding issues. If all else fails, contact Sara Rosenfeld-Johnson. I think she's still in AZ but you should be able to find her on the Internet. This sounds right up her alley. I believe she does phone consults. I remember her giving a presentation and addressing some of these very concerns... Good luck! Just looked her up.. Office number is ###-###-#### according to her website...

You have just described MY 4 yo son... When we first noticed the problem when he was put on baby foods, then table foods his pediatrician sent us to a nutritionist. But prior to that, she assured me that as long as my son does not lose weight aand looks healthy and not emaciated that I should not worry about his actual weight. (he bounces between 29 and 32 lbs at the moment)

The nuitritionist told me to let him eat whatever he wants and as much of it as he wants. That I should be sure to put a "no thank you helping" of new foods on his plate at every meal and eventually he WILL try it...but that for now anything is better than nothing.

To round out his peanut butter sandwhiches, or his chicken nuggets and fries only, where he lacks other foods, I offer him applesauce, fruit cups, dried fruit and fruit juices to get his fruit servings in for the day. Milk with his cereal as well as in help get his dairy in and I have begun purchasing V8 Fusion drinks to get veggie servings into his system (V8 Fusion juice provides 1 full serving of fruit AND veggies in each cup they drink). To help with healthy fats, I put a large pat of butter on toast, pancakes, waffles, etc whatever I can (per his pediatrician).

My son is on the small side of the charts but he is healthy and because I was able to get this particular advice very early, he is slowly starting to try things for me.

There are nights it is a fight to get him to eat his "no thank you" portion. but many times, once he eats it he is very surprised at how much he actually likes the item. and as long as he at least tries the new item, he can have whatever he wants for dinner that night.

It may be a slow way to get him to eat what we all eat, but it saves A LOT of fighting over meals and he doesn't go to bed hungry...

Good luck... ;-)

You are so not alone.. About every few weeks a mom posts a very similar request. I think the other moms have given you good thoughts on the gagging and coughing.. Also being bothered by textures is also very common.

April 2nd.... Jan 5 2009 had kinda the same question..

I think as mothers we worry way too much about meals. Your child will not starve. Do not make meal time a battle. It is not worth it. Also you need to let him go without a meal if it will help him get back on track. Remember, you are the parent. You have the harder job and you need to be strong to help him. It is easy for him to start bad habits, but really hard to break them.

But,you cannot have your child only eat vienna sausages and mashed potatoes. What you can do is fix meals that are kid friendly, this means, not highly spiced, not large portions and include all types of textures. Keep the meals simple. If you make pasta with a sauce. Place very small portions on the plate and all separate. Let your child decide what parts he will eat. He may eat the sauce but not the pasta. If you are having a salad, put a few small leaves of lettuce, 1 cherry tomato and 1 carrot stick and a small amount of dressing. Let him eat what he likes and if he wants more give her more of that item. If he refuses to eat anything, have him sit quietly at the table till all of you are finished eating. Or you can do what we used to do.

Picky eaters need to be taught to be "Brave Tasters". Encourage the young one to eat 3 bites of food and not spit it out. Also no ugly faces or ugly comments. For each successful brave taste he can be given a sticker. When he reaches an agreed amount, he can be allowed to suggest a meal for the family for another night or as suggested by another mom a fun activity.

Do not make special foods for him. In our family, if you do not want what is for dinner (or any meal), you are allowed to make yourself a bowl of cereal (non sugar)and nobody makes a big deal or makes a comment.

Hang in there mom, he will grow out of this. Many kids are very aware of texture.. vienna sausages and mashed potatoes are very similar.

well I did not see that you mention vitamins do you give him those he might think it is candy and also when ever any of my kids messed over food I one day said ok you don't eat it it will be your lunch/dinner or you can try not feeding him in the morning and wait till lunch he should he hungry by then my kids eat all the time so I don't kno what this feels like but my girl could eat junk if I let her all day so put your foot down no snacks only real food and add vitamins in your childrens life. I know of a really great meal shake you can try too http://www.shaklee.net/healthydesire/product/20321

that is the link check it out and vitamins are also there too

Best of luck

I do understand your worry.My neice, now 12 will only eat very few real foods. Mostly spagetti os and peanut butter sandwiches. She acts like you are trying to get her to eat poisen just to taste a new food-and will only eat when she wants it.
But when my girl was little the dr suggested (because of her not gaining) that i feed her five or six little meals a day. Since she would only eat a few bites at a time.I like you would feed her what she wanted for the most part just to get her to eat.(she has out grown it and is grown now and needs a diet)
Only a suggestion but you could give him formula based milk so hes getting what he needs-if he will drink that. Or instant breakfast. Is he on any meds- meds will suppress there appetite. I wish yous both well. Let us know how you make out.

Dear S.E.

You need to read Dr. Dobson's book, "The Strong-Willed Child". My oldest, 30 now was strong-willed. He hated going to sleep and would cry and vomit on demand to get up. The bood helped me a lot. He is running the household by getting your attention trying to make him eat. He may also be jealous of the baby and trying to compete for your attention by being picky. You need to withhold snacks and things he likes until he eats real food. He will not starve by missing a couple of meals. If he realizes that you aren't going to give in, he will eventually eat what is served. If he doesn't, put him to bed without dinner. Believe me, he will learn to like it. The only kids I have seen with this type of behavior have Mothers who give in. When you take your roll as the BOSS, he will eventually learn to eat what everyone else eats. It may help to offer a reward of something he likes if he eats his food. Don't expect him to clean his plate. Just require him to taste each thing. Don't make a big deal about it. When you are eating your food, show enjoyment, talk about how good it is. My kids didn't want to try things like Artichoke and I cooked one for me and enjoyed it in front ot them. Next time, I had to share it. They just begged for some.

I hope this is helpful.

About me: I'm 56 years old and have 4 children of my own and 5 step children and 1 grandchild.

My son is going through what your son is except he has some other motor factors so the doctors are blaming it on that. However, he has began speaking alot and he will drink and eat sometimes just not enough to keep his weight up. He weighs 25 pounds and just turned 3. They put a feeding tube into his stomach a couple of months ago to try to put weight on him but he is still is randomly throwing up, as if his body just can't handle the food. I have been back to his gastrologist over and over wanting answers but he does not know why he is throwing up and won't eat.The only answer the doc has is to continue to feed him through the tube at night and try to get him to eat as much as possible. I understand your frustration. If you get any advise from anyone, could you please let me know?
Thank You.

He is a bit young, but you could call the store and ask for a variance: At Dream Dinners they have Mommy/me sessions were the child helps the mom make the meals. The children are eating things they would not have before because they are making the dinner. You could also try some simple recipes at home to see if this works. If it does, check out Dream Dinners and sign up for a mommy/me session, just talk with the owner first.

Me too. My son is 2 1/2. My ped. says the same thing. I have started doing it and it is working. The other night he dicided he HATED mac and cheese. Screaming I don't like it!!! My husband and I told him to stop screaming. I said that's your food and mommy made it for you and that's all I'm making. Supper was over, I picked up his plate and we ran an errand. Came home sat him at the table and he devoured the mac and cheesse. It was two hours later, he was starving. I have spoiled mine with only foods he likes and I'm having to break my bad habits (so hard to do). I'm taking him to HEB and giving him samples of fodds in the deli too and saying we're trying new things. He's doing alot better he likes goiing around to the differnt stops in the store. Go especially when he's a little hungry. It will make you fell soooo good. Hope this helps. My husband spanks sometimes if he is too unruley at the table, but not often. Stick to your guns, you know whats best not our little angels.

H.