Very Picky 5 Year Old That Won't Eat

I think I would break the habit of letting her eat what she wants each night right now. I have three children sometimes 5 when my husbands kids come and you have to just make dinner. if she doesnt want to eat it she can wait for breakfast missing a meal or two is not going to kill her and if she is hungry she will eat dinner!

When I was young if we didn't eat what my mom made then we went hungry fo the night. Maybe try telling her this is what I have made, if you dont like it then you can wait until the next meal to eat. Maybe going without anything a few times she won't be so picky.
Worth a try.

Honestly, I have no advice. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy with the same thing. I will be watching to see if anyone else comes up with some awesome advice. We have actually been referred to a pediatric psychologist that my son will see on the 7th of April because of it. Good luck to you...

in each meal, make something you know she likes, but also serve her whatever you make for you and your son. if she is still hungry after only eating what she wants on her plate and not the rest of it, then she may learn to try other things if she knows she's going to be hungry later. don't make her something else to eat later if she doesn't finish the meal you made for her. save her left-over dinner. if she gets hungry later, tell her she can eat the rest of her dinner if she's still hungry and if she eats all that, then she may have a peanut butter sandwhich. don't make her a completely different meal at meal-time only for her. sometimes with children it may take several tries of food before they like them. offer her the food but don't make a big deal if she doesn't eat it. don't tell her it's chicken if it's not because she may learn not to trust what you say, but encourage her to try a bite of what you cook before eating anything else.

other suggestions:
*take her grocery shopping and have her pick out items for dinner.
*get her involved in making dinner. when kids help cook, they are more apt to try their own creation
*don't stress if she doesn't eat. she won't starve.
*give her choices. "do you want to eat your chicken first or your green beans first?" "would you like milk or water with your dinner?" this will give her some sense of control. food is one of the biggest issues with people in general because sometimes it's the only thing they feel like they have control over; how much they eat, what they eat, ect. don't stress if she's not eating a lot. but give her vitamins or pediasure for nutrition.
*set out healthy snacks on the table in her reach. cut up apple bites with cinnamon sprinkled on it, set out carrots and ranch, leave the stuff out on the table, she may walk by and take a handful.

hope this helps!

Your first problem is allowing her to fix her own dinner and giving her an option. Fix dinner and do not give her a choice, if she doesn't eat it, then she will go to bed hungry. Kids wont starve, at first she may be hungry and complain about it, but it won't last long-she will get the idea. Create a dinner that has variety, that way if she doesn't like the protein choice she can have a side. My 4 year old is really picky so I will do a meal plan like this Spaghetti, salad, and fresh fruit. I know she won't eat the spaghetti but she will eat tomatoes, cheese and cucumbers from the salad and no kid can turn down fruit. It doesn't seem like much (need to remember the size of their stomach is smaller than their fists) but she eats more this way than if I tried to make her eat the spaghetti and its less stressful. Hope I helped.

I haven't read what other people have said to you yet, but here we go. STOP IT!!!! you are NOT a short order cook. You cook ( i am assuming) well balanced, good meals. THAT IS WHAT SHE GETS TO EAT. When a child is hungry enough she WILL eat. You are not starving her, or your son for that matter. Maybe have them help you make a list at the beginning of the week for what their meals are going to be, and stick to it. Make ONE meal (dinner) for EVERYONE. If you cater to their every want now, you are really going to be in for it later.
My older son was the same way, dinner was HORRIBLE. fighting, cajoling, pleading. And then I just decided, that's your dinner. That's what I made for you to eat. If you do not eat it there is NOTHING else for you to eat, no dessert, no snack. It is a battle of wills, and it lasted about a month. He's a great eater now. There are still things he doesn't like (like spaghetti sauce) so when I make spaghetti I just don't put the sauce on, but we all eat the same meal. It's too much work, and frankly ridiculous to make three different meals (in your case) every time you sit down. Besides PB and J is not healthy, chicken and veggies is. Good Luck!!

J.,
I hear the desperation in your words. I am a mother of 4, a young mother at 17. My oldest,now 20 years old, is still a picky eater. I learned by my mistakes with him to have more tough love on my other 3 kids. There are some foods they absolutely hate. Only in those cases, I allow them to choose another food. Although, for the most part they have to eat what everyone is eating. I agree with others, it is good to have the kids help with the grocery list, go shopping and or help prepare foods. As they see it as adventure, eating it can just be plain fun. Making meal times enjoyable is very important for everyone. Maybe, going as far as letting them have a choice to pick any thing for a mealtime, within reason. Have fun and good luck.

I've experienced this one. I agree that you shouldn't fix a separate meal for her. I also agree that she should sit down to dinner with you. If she chooses not to eat she still won't get that pb&j sandwich.

One of the reasons that I say this is my daughter came to me as a foster child and she refused to eat almost everything I cooked. We were dealing with a lot of more serious emotional issues and I let that one slide. We usually had fast food after I picked her up after work. She became an overweight child and still battles with her weight. The pediatrician told me at the time that I was doing her a disservice because she was not getting the nutrition that she needed and that once a child puts on fat it's extremely difficult to get it off. I was overwhelmed and didn't follow thru with a better diet.

I think my daughter learned a positive lesson from my negative example. She fixes her children nutritious meals. Everyone sits at the table and everyone eats (or not) what is on the table. She doesn't treat it as a "big deal." It's just the way it is.

Her 4yo son has become a picky eater and he frequently doesn't eat the three bites of each food that she requires. He later says he's hungry. She offers him the rest of his meal which he sometimes accepts. He likes fruit. That is usully his other choice but he frequently refuses it in the evening. So....he goes to bed still saying he's hungry. This has been going on for about a month now and more and more often he either finishes his dinner at dinner time or finishes it later. He may not be ready to eat at the same time his mother and sister are. By providing him the opportunity to eat it later he has the healthy option of eating when he's hungry.

I think with my grandson is going thru a phase and I can see how it would be easier to let a child eat whatever they want. I did it. It is not easier in the long run. This issue with food is not only about food but also about teaching healthy eating habits and ways to interact with family. For me and possibly you the lesson is about learning to take care of ourselves. Fixing a separate meal uses time and energy not to mention frustration. In the long run having one meal that everyone eats (or not) creates a more cohesive family and a mother who will have more time for something fun.

One idea is to tell her that you would really like to play a game with her, watch a little TV with her, or whatever she enjoys doing but you haven't had time to do. You are probably also not in the mood when there's a hassle over food. Give her a choice of eating at least part of her meal and then spend 15-30 minutes with her as exclusively as you can. Perhaps she could stay "up" 15 minutes longer than her brother so that you can cuddle with her or read a second story.

My daughter does ask the kids what they want when she has time to do so. However she gives them choices not an open ended question. "Would you like chicken or a hamburger patty." If she has hamburger she may ask if they want a patty or noodles with hamburger and a sauce. (She has a name for it.)

She has one of the children set the table. Sometimes she has a simple desert that requires finishing the meal.

If her son refuses to eat she sends him to his room until they've finished eating. I've been there when he comes back to the table and starts eating in just a few minutes.

I believe she is successful because her attitude is a matter of fact, "this is the way it is." If you choose to not eat with us you may go to your room." (play is OK. It's not a punishment.)
" Come back when you're ready to eat."

Another idea is to have your daughter choose two (or how many you want) foods that she doesn't have to eat. But no peanut butter sandwiches until she's eaten a part of her dinner at the same time as the rest of the family. And even then she cannot make the sandwich until everyone else is thru eating.

I remember having meal time turn into a power struggle with my daughter. "You will sit at the table now." "No, I won't!" That doesn't work. Neither of us won. The situation has to be win-win for both of you. She may not feel that she can win because she can only see what she wants. Over time, and with increased maturity, she'll have learned some of what makes a win-win situation.

Be patient. It takes time to retrain everyone.

My kids were never given too many options. they learned to eat what they were given or not at all. It might be a couple weeks of whining but if you are strong and stick to your guns they will learn. My step daughters were super picky when I married my husband 5 years ago.My Mother in law is really impressed because they now eat whatever I give then without complaint. I only have them two weekends a month and a few weeks of vacation through out the year so it took longer. But I did it by being consistent and and by having their Dad back me up by letting them know it was rude and disrespectful to complain and not at least try what you are given. The youngest would not eat. She is very willful. I realized that I was putting too much on her plate so I reduced the portions and would then "make her a deal" I would tell her if she would eat at least so many number of bites of the thing she hated the most I would still let her have dessert or do whatever fun thing we had planned for the evening.She learned to get used to different flavors and will eat it all now.It worked over time but you have to stick with it.

Hi there,
I recently brought up some concerns related to your issue about my son with his doctor, and she simply said "a child never starved with a plate of food in front of them". This really spoke to me, it usually takes introducing a new food 3 times before a child will eat it, and they still might not enjoy it. The important thing to remember is that you can't let your child's pickiness rule your life, because it will eventually rule her life if she doesn't learn to try new things. Make meals that you want to make, make it the same for everyone, and eventually she'll learn that if she's hungry enough she'll have to eat what's in front of her.
Good luck!

I may differ from the norm, but I have experienced as have both my brother and sister who have had picky eaters, it just doesn't matter. My feeling is that there are so many things that we, as single moms (yes, I am one) have to look out for and be concerned of overly cautious about. Food is not one that is one to stress over. As long as your child has enough in his/her diet that is good for his body, we should be thankful. Children go through a variety of phases in their lifetime and we should not "FORCE" things upone them. You can allow your child a little "food freedom" and it isn't going to harm him/her in the long run. Love, love, love your child and the rest will fall into place (including the food!!!)

J., I agree with Linda with 10 children. When I was about your daughter's age I had the same problem. My mother was very frustrated. We went to visit and anut and uncle and the uncle said that he could fix it and that he would need 1 week and the she was not to intervene, no matter howmuch I cried. So the week started, i was only able to eat at meal times, but at first I didn't get it, so I didnt' eat very well and after the meal I would want a snack. Well, I couldn't have one because I hadn't eaten my meal, so I went without until the next meal. It only took me about 3 days to figure out that if I was hungry and wanted to eat I HAD to eat at meal times. Once I did that, I was able to start getting snacks again. I am not a short order cook, but like Linda, I do try to fix something for everyone. Eat it, or leave it. Blessing to you!

I'm going to have to say, that I tend to agree with most of the others on here---don't cater to her! However, I have a few different ideas that might help. We have four children, and of course their tastes are all different. So everyone feels respected, we all picked two of our favorite meals and wrote them down on pieces of paper. We mixed them up and pulled them out of the hat and that was our menu for the week. Some nights we may have something someone may not like, but they knew their favorite meal was coming up too. Also, a naturopathic doctor told us once to concentrate on the "colorful" diet, so not just greens, but oranges, red, purples etc...and that would ensure a balanced diet. I also had a friend whose mother growing up had the tablespoon rule. You had to eat at least one tablespoon of everything before having seconds of what you really wanted to eat. I do think it tends to be a phase with some children, but it can affect them later on in life. One of our adopted children came to us eating only vienna sausages, buttered spaghetti, chicken nuggets, and cheese tacos. (Okay, maybe there was a few other things, but that's what sticks in my mind). He instantly understood that when he came to live with us at 8 years old that we would not cater to this diet, and quickly broadened his horizons. He lost a lot of excess weight at first. Now, though 4 years later he was put much of it back on and at 12 years old would easily eat a pound of spaghetti if I would let him. Sadly, I'm worried that even though he he is very active in sports and now eats a very balanced diet will struggle with his weight for the rest of his life. Hope this has helped!

HI J.,
I am a retired psychologist with 3 "kids" of my own. Don't force your kids to eat anything. try to provide them with what they like and make it as nutritious as possible.
in my practice ,most of the people with eating disorders had parents who forced their kids to eat and seemed almost obsessed about how and what and how often their children ate as well as their children's weight. you can call a pediatrician or go on-line to find out if your kids need sweet ,chewable vitamins or nutritious foods they might like etc.
as a child i was allowed to even eat cake at breakfast or hamburgers.whatever i wanted. i have been very healthy,trim all my life and have eaten a good diet always. cake at breakfast did not preclude vegetables at night!the main thing is to give your children respect which is not the same as indulgence. i was a single mom ,too, for awhile. bravo to you!
M.

HI Jodi,
I also have the same situation with my daughter not eating very much. She has autism and has issues with anything new. We were going to occupational therapy over the summer and they actually had a food therapists there. They gave me an artical on how to introduce new foods to children. I will summarize as much as I can, but I would encourage you to call some OT offices and see if they have any articles they might be able to give to you.
First you make a meal that is only a pre-tend meal. Real food, but you are only playing house and stuff.
The next time you put one item on her plate and tell her she does not have to eat it. It just needs to sit on her plate.
Then the next day place the same food item on her plate and tell her she only has to touch the food with her hands
The next meal same food only she has to put the food on her lips, but does not have to eat it.
the next meal same food and this time she has to try the food.
This is simialar to what they suggest. I hope this helps. It is a lot of work, but it has been helpful.
Also, have you had her checked for food allergies? She might be allergic to somethings ( possibly wheat and that is why she might gravitates to it)Best of Luck

have you seen that new cook book by Mrs.Seinfield; Deceptivly Delicious...it's for the picky eater kids; hiding blended vegies in the foods they will eat.

also; juiceplus has a fruity & veggie gummie vitamin kids love. that will supply them with the needed nutrieants.

it's ok not to like meat; there are plenty of other even better sources of protien- peanut butter is a good choice, but make sure it's fresh ground, or a high grade - health food store quality. And if your really concerned about the bread intake, buy only the best; costco has a long loaf that is excellent. sorry, I forgot the brand; I bake my own, after grinding my own wheat berries, but that may be too much for you to try with little ones underfoot.
goodluck

How long has she been like this? If it's a recent event, I'd look at other things, like maybe school or day care as a reason she might have picked this up. Otherwise, if she's always been that way...let her be that way.

You will go nuts trying to get her to try new things. Of my 3 kids, I had one who would not eat most of what I made. Up until she was 22 she picked her burritos apart in case there was a stray onion piece in there. She wouldn't let anything green pass her lips.

Now, she's a vegetarian who loves broccoli.

Don't fight her. You and your son go ahead and eat what you make. Let her make herself PB&J. Either she'll come around and realize this isn't fun anymore, or she'll eat nothing but PB&J for a while. She's testing you and you're giving in. Don't do it!!

Give her a children's vitamin every day and provide her with a healthy meal at mealtime and healthy snack in between, then you will have done a good, responsible job of feeding your children. If there aren't other options, everyone will eat what you prepare or they will be hungry and they will surely eat it next time - or you can go on cooking several different meals for each individual and running yourself ragged. By the way, my family is the same way - I just figured this out for myself recently. I have a twenty-one year old son, an eleven-year-old son and a six-year-old son.

My two year old has recently became a picky eater also, so I understand what you are going thru. I spoke with my pediatrician and a nutritionist and both said the same thing. Don't cater to your child's wants and pickiness, this only encourages the behavior. You make one meal and that is it. If the child choses not to eat that is their choice. If they get hungry enough they will eat anything (even brussel sprouts I learned) you set before them. It is important not to give in, because you are encouraging this behavior. The other thing is have set meal and snack times. If the child choses not to eat dinner when served at 5 then they have to wait until the next meal time, don't break down and give them snacks unless that is part of your routine. In our house our routine is as follows: 8 am breakfast 10:30 am snack 12:30 lunch 3:00 snack 5:30 dinner 7:00 small snack
I stick to this routine and so far so good. My daughter now eats when we eat. Of course you don't want to make a whole meal of things you know your child won't eat, try to integrate something you know they like and something new in each meal, that way there is at least something they eat. Just continue to introduce new foods, eventually they will eat. I hope this helps you. Best of luck! :)

~V.

It's really just an age thing and she will grow out of it. I have two children (11yrs old and 4yrs old) both of them were the same way. When my 11yr old son was about that age the only things he would eat were cereal or spaghetti-o's. I was worried about him getting enough vitamins, me being a bad mother, etc. I talked to his doctor and she said as long as he was eating something, don't worry about it. Now my 4yr old is doing the same thing. She will only eat chicken nuggets, certain veggies, pizza, and grilled cheese sandwiches. On rare occasions I can get her to eat something else. So, yes I know what a pain it is to make two different dinners: one for her and one for the rest of the family. The good news: once my son out grew that phase he began to eat what everyone else was eating. Hope that helps!

Don't let her fix whatever she wants for herself.
Make your meals as planned, put hers to the table, she will eat when she's hungry, if she doesn't...don't give snacks if she hasn't had her meal. She will eventually eat, kids won't starve themselves. I went thru this with 2 and my neighbor had the same problem. You are letting her control you to keep the peace. Gently let her know you're the adult, she is the child. Hope this helps a little.

My son is 3 1/2. And he too has always been a picky eater. I have tried everything, even making pizza faces and getting very creative with food. Nothing worked. I believe it is a power struggle as long as she knows she will win she will keep doing it.

Here is what I did. I would give my son a meal and give him 20-30mins to eat it. Of course he would whine about it, and I said I wasn't going to talk to him until he was finished or the timer went off. When the timer went off he was done. If he didn't eat anything or hardly touched it I said he couldn't have anything else until the next meal. He would also be served the exact same thing.

I made him chic soup for dinner. He didn't eat it so he got it for breakfast and again didn't eat it. So he got it for lunch. By this time he was starving and gave it a try. He actually liked it. When he was finished he got dessert. I am happy if he just eats half a meal. This way he is finding new things that aren't so bad. This didn't work until I really stuck to it. No matter how grumpy they get do not give them a snack.

Now my son knows if he doesn't eat it he will have to eat it for the next meal. Try not to battle with them too much,but let them know you are in charged not them. It only took about 2-3 days and he got the point. Also be sure if they don't eat it after 3 times serve them something else, maybe even something they like and I always reward my son with dessert or fruit or something.

Lil' bit about me
A mom to one 3 yr old boy. Married to a wonderful guy for 4 yrs now. Loved to cook fun meals with my son.

Unless you want to be a short order cook for the rest of your child rearing days, I suggest that you tell them what's for dinner and let that be their only option. It is totally a control issue. I would definetly try to keep it kid friendly but she needs more nutrients than peanut butter. When she gets hungry she will eat. 5 is plenty old enough to put your foot down. It will be hard on your part, but you can do it! Good luck!

My son went through a phase like that as well. And even now if he sees me making something that doesn't look "right" then he'll ask for a sandwich for dinner. What we have done, is somewhat simple, and maybe harsh but it worked. We told him that I worked hard to make dinner for our family and he needed to eat what I made. If he chose not to eat it then he went hungry. We typically don't make something different for him. Now there are specific things that I know he doesn't like, and I make sure that I don't make those things. But if he is just being difficult, cranky, and picky, then eventually when he's hungry enough he will eat what I make. Hope that helps!

Plan 1 meal, cook 1 meal, serve 1 meal.
My kids have to take at least one "No Thank You bite" of everything on thier plate. We never give in on this rule. I don't care if they don't ultimatly eat what is on thier plates but they must eat (chew and swallow) a bite before refusing the rest.
My son, bless his heart, ate a bite of carrots everytime they were served and never liked them. Now he loves carrots and actually requests them.
My kids will not eat canned veggies or fruits or cooked veggies. So we adapted and serve them raw veggies while ours are often cooked, and only fresh stuff. This gets expensive in the winter so I "hide" alot of veggies in our dinners puree style. Great book for hiding stuff is Deceptivly Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. I don't feel as guilty about serving things like pizza because I make it with spinach puree under the red sauce. They get pizza and I get a veggie down them. LOL
I also try to have at least one thing on thier plate that I know they like. It makes sure they will eat alot of something if only a bite of everything else.
Try having her "help" to meal plan if she is willing. That way she gets a "say" is what is being served. Or use this as a reward for trying what you serve for a whole week. Maybe she could help you cook dinner so she is excited about eating what she helped prepare..........
Food battles are one of the hardest ones out there, you can't force them to eat! Keep trying new tactics till you find one that works for you.

Hello, my name is S... I am 29 years old and I have 3 children and I do daycare in my home.. One thing that I noticed from my own children as well as the daycare children is that if the choices are limited and they know that they eat what I make or they have to wait until the next meal, they are much better about actually eating it! If you always have other things available for them to eat, then they are going to be picky.. Nothing wrong with giving them little things during the day and allowing snacks but if it always given whenever they are hungry instead of making them eat what is cooked, then you are forever going to have problems. I use to serve whatever the parents brought for their kids and then my kids would have something else, but then I started feeling like a short order cook. I dont have time for that! And I dont know about you, but it gets pretty frusterating having each kid demanding different things all the time!!!

I go through 2 loaves of bread fixing a meal for my sister in law (who has 2), her 3 kids, my hubby (who usually has 3-4 sandwhiches) myself (who has 2) and my 3 kids.. All the kids usually have 1/2 to a full sandwhich a piece.. Sounds like you are allowing them to just eat what ever, when ever.. and that could become a problem when they get into school. Maybe start limiting the amount of freedom that they have and say that if they dont eat what is beign cooked, then they dont need to eat at this meal!! Just a suggestion, hope it helps, S.

First of all, I think you need to stop being a short order cook. Cook one meal, and leave them to eat it or not. I would require everyone to try one bite of everything that is served, and then they can choose what and how much they eat. But, they may not have any food that was not served with the meal. This means, no peanut butter sandwiches for dinner. You can be a short order cook for lunch if you please, and make three different meals, but dinner is one meal for the whole family. Otherwise, you will never teach your children to enjoy a variety of foods because they can just fall back on their favorites. If your daughter eats nothing but 3 bites of dinner, so what! Leave her be, she will not starve. No more food until the next meal though unless she wants to finish her plate from dinner.

Hi J., My name is L.. I am a mother of 10 and have certainly been around the block with this problem. My favorite saying to my children is that our kitchen is not a 'restaurant' and they don't get to order what they want to eat. Over time I find out what everyone likes then I plan meals somewhat around that. I have all food groups on the table such as salad, main course, fruit, etc. they may not like everything on the table BUT something there they will eat and they don't get to make themselves something else. I have learned that children will not go hungry, (natural instinct) and they learn that if they want to eat they eat what we eat.
Might be a challenge for you as the child gets used to this, but saves lots of headaches, money and the fight with another child(But you let her??! so why not me, sort of thing)
Good luck and hang in there

I agree with the advice of a lot of other moms so far- present her with whatever you made for dinner and she can choose to eat it or not, but no other choices. My mom used to say "I'm not a short order cook" and I find myself telling my twin 3 year olds that at times. I think if you present kids with good nutritious foods day after day that eventually they will try things and have a broader range of things they will eat. I have never allowed my kids to eat anything else for dinner besides what I am serving, and they eat a wide variety of foods now. I think it's doing kids a disservice to allow them to maintain their narrow range of "likes"- they don't have to eat what's on the table but there are no other choices; they are more than welcome to go hungry (which they almost never choose) for one meal. Good luck in retraining your daughter:)

J.,

What a pain! No one has the time to deal with that nonsense! Quit your job as personal chef and put your foot down. (Easier said than done, I know. My 6 yr old is stubborn as a mule!)) Sounds like a power struggle mostly. I am also wondering if maybe she has food allergies. Kids with food allergies tend to be pretty sensitive to foods and how they make them feel.You may want to check that out. But meanwhile.....

Our family cmae up with a great weekly menu plan. Dinner decisions would always fall to me and invariably SOMEONE would complain about it. I got sick of being the fall guy so I came up with this plan. One night at dinner we made a list as a family of all the dinner ideas we liked. That is the "master list". Then one night a week we decide as a family what the following week's menu will be. This way we have all agreed, we all have input, and we all make compromises. It also helps me shop and takes away that "Oh god, what am I going to make for dinner tonight?" delimma. My oldest is somewhat of a picky eater and I found that if he helped cook he was more likely to be open minded to the meal. He also prefers most vegetables raw and seperate as opposed to all jumbled up into casseroles and soups. He just needs to know what everything is.

I would encourage you also to shop at any farmers market around when summer comes. Fresh local veggies are so tasty and sweet that kids are MUCH more likely to eat them. Veggies raw are so much better for you anyway.

Finally, I would really cut back on sugary stuff because it makes all the healthy stuff taste bland in comparison. Also sugar screws with your appetite. I like the idea of deleberately runningout of bread and peanut butter. that will end that arguement!

In a book I read by John Rosemond (whom I highly recommend as a parenting expert with common sense) he suggested requiring the child to eat one single bite of whatever it is he/she doesn't like, then she can have however much she wants of whatever else is being served. "You can have all the mashed potatoes you want after you eat 1 green bean." Or in your case one bite of whatever meat she thinks she doesn't like. That is reasonable. My kids don't get dessert (we don't have it often) if they don't eat a reasonable amount. Definitely don't do the peanut butter sandwiches or make extra meals. That encourages her to have bad manners and be picky, not to mention that it makes all kinds of extra work for you and teaches her to be disrespectful.

I know that most people don't agree with me, but I know my child (as you know yours)! My 8 year old son is also an extreemly picky eater. Over the years I've learned what he likes, so if we're having a meal that I know he likes, I make him eat it. If we're having something that I know he doesn't like (or something new, because I know he won't try it), I will make him chicken nuggets or PB&J or something. We made the decision LONG ago that as long as he is eating a nutritious, well balanced diet (that is key!), the nutritional value in making him eat one bite of peas, for instance, is just not worth the battle! (And again, when I say "battle", people have no idea until they've experienced it! It's very traumatic for him and he will actually throw up.) So, all that being said, though, we only cater to him at home and the foods he does eat are healthy. He knows that if we are at someone else's house for dinner, he needs to eat what is served to him or he goes hungry. Just because he's a picky eater, he doesn't get to be rude or hurt other people's feelings. (P.S. My 6 year old will eat ANYTHING! That is nice!) I don't know if this was helpful, but I at least hope that it was encouraging. Just make sure your daughter is getting a nutrtious well balanced diet (and a multi vitamin) and do what is going to work best for you and your family.

I will ditto Laura U.! This is truly not a good thing that you're dealing with. I too, wanted my kids to have full tummies especially before bed, but you have to come to your own realization that ENOUGH is ENOUGH! It's going to be hard once you put your foot down, and when you do be ready to stick to your guns or she'll gain the control back. I have a 7,5,4 year old and they still sometimes go to bed hungry and what I say to them is that it's because of their choices why they are hungry and that they'll be good and ready for a good breakfast in the morning. Hang in there Mom, eating battles can be tough, but YOU ARE NOT A SLAVE!

I know this is not a politically correct answer, but you are the boss. I have 3 children (one is currently 15 months old) who would not eat healthy food. When I put him in the high chair, he would refuse everything but jam and crackers.
To fix this I would put him in the chair, and when he refused the good food, I would tell him, "this is food. You are not getting anything else." He would fidget and fuss. I personally do not let the whining of a baby control me, that is why I'm the parent. But when he continued to refuse I would take him out of the chair without feeding him and say "come back when you can eat good food." I have never seen a kid that will starve to death with food in front of it. I have done this with not only my children, but other moms have come to me so I can show them how to do this as well. let me know if you have anymore questions.
S.

This is what worked for my family. We make one meal for dinner. If the kids throw a fit or complain, they are given a choice of going to bed or eating the dinner infront of them. If they decide to give dinner a try we have a rule my son came up with when he was 3. You have to take as many bites as you are old. He is now 7 so he has to take seven bites of dinner. I have a friend who has a 3 bite rule for new foods. 1 to test, 1 to taste, and 1 to decide. I use that rule in the school lunch room, when the kids don't want to eat the hot lunch. The other thing we have done is let the kids choose what will be for dinner one night a week. It has to be a balanced meal,and sometimes they even help make it. One night a week of Hamburgers or Mac and Cheese is worth 6 nights of healthy dinners.
Hope some of these Ideas help you.

I am sorry you too have a picky eater. My pediatrician has always told me that they will eat when they get hungry enough. This has proven true. My 5 year old only eats dinner roughly 10% of the time. And that is pizza and spaghetti nights! He is incredibly picky and sometimes wakes up starving, literally shaking cuz his little body is void of nutrition. I don't like that part, but it has only happened twice. I remind him when he won't take but one 'learning bite' about how he felt that one morning. It usually is enough to help him eat a little more, even though he rarely actually likes what is in front of him. LUnch is his biggest meal anyway and I always make sure it is a good and balanced one.

J.,
My youngest son went through this stage many times. He will be 5 tomorrow. Our pediatrician said that if all he wants to eat is hot dogs, then let him have it. The greatest thing is that he is at least eating. They eventually get over that stage and move onto something else. You're lucky that she will eat PB&J. My boys couldn't have peanutbutter until they were three because of peanut allergies in our family, so they don't like PB&J. If you are concerned about the bread, you might try some whole grain breads that have nuts and seeds in them. If she doesn't like that type of bread then buy it at Costco. Most of the breads there come in two loaf packages. We always put one in the freezer until the first loaf is gone.
My oldest is 7yrs, and he is also a picky eater. He only likes white rice, crackers and fruit. I always tell him that he has to have some type of vegetable and protein for dinner. Every night I fix three meals. (My hubby works swing so he's not home.)One for each of us. I don't like doing it, but at least my boys are eating what I make and I'm not throwing away food.
Don't worry, she is normal. My youngest went through a hot dog stage where he only wanted that for every meal. Then he went through only wanting hot chocolate for breakfast. Finally, he is getting on track and I am grateful.
The great thing is that these stages pass and your child will still be healthy.
Be well.
A.

Hello J., I have a son who is almost 12 and has the same problems with food as what you described. My son has sensory integration. This causes alot of problems with texture. He is going to Pediatric Therapudics on Orient Dr. in Gresham. My number is ###-###-####. Call anytime if you need to chat. My name is S.

she eats what you all eat ..eventually she will eat it after a few crys here and there that im hungry!

BUT!!! The key is to figure out a condiment she likes. Some like ketchup with chicken some like BBQ sauce or even Ranch dressing.
She doesnt like anything because she nows she can eat that sandwich.
Good Luck

I have a picky eater too! It is so difficult. I use the Love and Logic book advice of offering two different meals, and ask which one he would like. At mealtime, I make sure that there are several easy side dish choices, like fruit, and peas. That way she gets to choose, and you aren't making several meals. Of course the choices need to be both things that you want to make.

Secondly, it is important to realize that biologically, children have more taste receptors on their tongue than adults do. Some children just biologically can't eat some foods because they are too strong for them.

Don't force her to eat anything - like actually forcing it in her mouth. The long term effects could be really bad.

J.,

I have a 12 year old son who has ALWAYS been a very picky eater. Having 'been there-done that' I would offer these things to think about:

1) Make 1 meal, serve 1 meal. Sooner or later, your child WILL eat what you've made. A kid will only go so long without eating... they may not LIKE it initially, but they will GROW to, just as they 'grow like weeds' out of their shoes and clothes, your child will outgrow this.

2) Face facts: You are probably going to feel guilty about this, so give her a multi-vitamin in the meantime. It'll make you feel better and she will be better off.

3) Consider (but don't freak out worrying) that there might be a physical reason for the picky eating. With our oldest son it boiled down to two things: the worst times it flared up, he was dealing with molars coming in. At five years he had baby molars coming in, and at 9 he had other teeth coming in again. This caused him considerable discomfort, and he went for weeks eating mostly peanut butter sandwiches, tuna fish, soft foods, and so on at both times. The other reason is that his doctors are pretty convinced from a variety of tests and simply by observing him through time, that he is a highly functioning autistic child. He attends normal classes, does normal physical activities, is in scouts, and anyone meeting him would probably never guess so, but he has certain traits and behaviors that lean very strongly toward this conclusion; one of which is he has a sensitivity to food textures and tastes of certain things. Through time, patience, and following the first two ideas, he has learned to overcome the texture issue.

Above all, remember that your kids are in the business of testing limits... and this sometimes includes food issues too. Most likely, it is a 5 year old asserting new found independence, and needing the ground rules drawn again.

I prepare our meals and that's what gets served. Period. (I don't serve an entirely new meal. I always make certain that most foods are familiar - but regularly introduce a new foods that nobody HAS to eat. For example, the other night I made chicken and noodles - a firm family favorite, and the veggies were carrots, zuchini and broccoli. Each child loved the carrots, one also loved the broccoli and one loved the zuchini.)

I darn sure don't put myself into the role of a short order cook. I'm also not a fan of the whole "you will eat this or you will eat nothing." I serve dinner and regular snacks - but if dinner doesn't get eaten, snack time doesn't change and the snack quantity doesn't increase. (Basically, they don't get to eat a big and early snack if they blow of dinner but I'm not going to punish OR reward my children over whether or not they eat a meal.)

You and your daughter are in a power struggle. (Hmm. You're in a battle with a five year old. Want to predict how things will be in ten years when she hits the actual rebellious stage?) In your situation, I think you need to step into the parent role. I would keep bread and peanut butter out of the house for a few days. If there's no bread, she can't have a sandwich. And you don't have to argue about whether or not she can help herself to whatever she wants.

Serve the meals. Don't fight. Don't argue. Don't plead. Don't bribe. Just serve the meals and the (healthy) snacks at the same time each day and don't deviate from the schedule. Make certain you serve at least one thing you know she likes to eat with each meal. If she doesn't eat anything but that one item - don't worry about it. Offer her an apple, carrots, etc. for a snack a couple of hours after the meal. NO junk. She'll gradually figure out that you're not going to budge or argue about it and will probably start broadening her palate.

But don't fight. Just be the calm and immovable force that prepares and serves the meals.