My Son Who Is a 6 Year Old Likes Lying

Okay really ADHD, ODD and OCD, how many "isms" can a kid have? Honestly and none of these are going to make him a liar and a thief. Get him to someone that can help him it is possible all his "isms" are just one and he is not getting the proper care.

This is a tough one because his behavior affects how others perceive him. I would continue to talk to him and reinforce, over and over, that stealing is wrong and that he does not need to steal; "Our" family does not steal. Same thing with lies. Don't get upset or emotional; remember this too shall pass.

When he does it, don't make it such a huge deal it 'humiliates' him. If it is a child, ask him to return it to the child, or parent of child. Ask him to say "sorry". If you know the parent and feel comfortable, you could explain that he has ADHD and the 'diagnosis' is causing him difficulties.

I don't want to diminish anyone's contribution, but I am not into the whole "eye for an eye" with a child. I am strongly opposed to hitting a child to illustrate that it hurts and I don't agree with "stealing from him to illustrate it is wrong." Just my opinion.

You could call your pediatrician to see if they have some suggestions. If this has been going on for a very long time and you have been consistent with effective discipline that should work, over the course of a period of time, and is still not been resolved and may even be worse, you should consider that it make take a medical professional to recommend your next course of treatment.

Anyway, you brought up his medical diagnosis to illustrate that his behavior may be directly related to his diagnosis, so that would indicate that the intervention may require a medical doctor.

Good luck

Please talk to a child psychologist about this. Access the resources that you can, and ask for referrals from your son's teachers/doctor... anyone who helps him. Because your son is dealing with these issues, corrections meant for the typical child might not meet what your child is needing. It sounds like there are some profound security issues going on, but not knowing your child, I would hate to suggest anything that might cause further conflict.

Hi J. - I have an 11 year old son who has severe ADHD, I think ODD is underlying too. First of all traditional parenting DOES NOT WORK on these kids. They live in their own little world where the rulesof life don't apply to them. I had to fight the school system to get him the additional help that he was entitled to. You will probably have to do the same. My son has an IEP and special ed services due to his behavioral issues.

We have listsand charts and lots of repetition. Each day they start over ignoring what the rules were yesterday. I do believe in actions and consequences and I do make him responsible for his actions. However with the lying - he got me believing him recently with an on-going problem with a fellow student. I finally contacted the teacher and she questioned him and his story fell apart. I was angry at myself for not seeing though it but I grounded his butt until the end of the current school year. Every day is a challenge and then you get a good day and I praise God for it.
Good Luck
M. F

I have a typical 10 year old daughter with ODD and every day is a battle. I also have a child with Autism with ODD and ADD, but in my response below I'm more addressing the ODD aspect (so how I handle things with my typical child). My 10 year old does NOT take medication for ODD because there isn't one and it's a personality trait that will actually work in her favor as an adult. It's simply that it's very difficult to parent people with ODD. :-)

Punishment and meds alone aren't going to work with a child with Oppositional Defiance Disorder. It just makes them more defiant. The problem as these children see it is that they are equal to adults in authority and that rules don't apply to them. So when you punish rather than discipline, you have problems.

Discipline must include open discussion. It must include back and forth conversation with turn taking and maintaining your position as the parent and why it's important for house rules to be followed and school rules to be followed. It's going to take repetition and patience. If you have house rules, put them in writing on a board visible for all in the house to see.

1. Everyone is respectful.
2. Everyone does homework.
3. Everyone does chores.
4. Everyone bathes/brushes teeth & hair.
5. Everyone obeys school rules.
6. Obey mom and dad for safety.
7. Everyone tells the truth.
8. Everyone remembers that stealing is wrong.
9. Whatever other house rules you have, but try to limit it to ten. Try to keep from using negative phrasing or they'll literally be compelled to disobey it. Compelled. As in "won't have control and will feel as if they must disobey a rule that tells them 'don't do that."

Then on the rule board make sure you put at the bottom very clearly what the consequences will be for breaking the rules. If rules are broken you can take away a privilege like playing video games one day of the weekend for each incident where rules are broken. You can then also say, "It's not my fault, it's a rule. See? It's in writing."

Also on the board have goals that are being worked toward for the weekend that he can choose from. Have a separate chart where he can earn stickers or checks every time he receives praise for following through with positive behavior. He's going to need a lot of positive reinforcement. Something that worked well was talking about the rules together as a family before writing them down so that we could agree on them all, and then we did the same with the consequences. When the family agrees together, it's much more difficult later to argue that they're unfair.

And whenever possible, you're going to have to practice phrasing things in a way that doesn't sound like you're giving him orders or telling him what to do. He has to believe that he has a choice. "Samuel, I have a couple of chores that need to be done. I need the toys in the living room picked up, but I also need your shoes to be put away. Which would you like to do first?" "Sam, I was thinking that some time after you get dressed for school but before we wait for the bus that you could _____ for me."

So that would also extend to lying and stealing. If he breaks the rules, then you follow the rules of consequence, but try to maintain as much positive language as possible. What you can do now is with the diagnoses that your son has is to request a PPT with the school for an IEP. That means that when your son's behaviors are due to the disorders they'll have a plan in place per the IEP. You will have to request to have him evaluated by the school and they'll give you a questionnaire to fill out and the school psychologist and teachers will do the same. You can include a written letter with the diagnoses and recommendations from your child's doctors due to the diagnoses, especially if he receives therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral therapy.

PPT = Planning and Placement Team which you would be an active member of
IEP = individualized education plan

You need to make him return it to the owner of whatever it is. Explain it to him over and over again how stealing is wrong. Talk about what happens to people who steal (police). My daughter tried to steal from a store when she was 7!!!! I was mortified. I made her go back up to the counter and hand the misc items to the manager of the store and appologize for stealing. We actually had to go up to the counter twice as the 1st time, she did not empty her pocket completely. I was pretty hard on her, had her appologize, explained to her about police (my dad was a cop so this worried her), explained that if she did it again, I would never allow her to wear clothes with pockets and/or would cut all of the pockets out of her clothes. :-o You will feel like a broken record but I hope it helps to make him return it to who it belongs to...

Sorry you are dealing with this.

If it has been awhile since his diagnosis, please bring him back to a Child Psychologist/Behavioral Pediatrician for some guidance. He may need behavioral therapy (not just meds), and it will be a relief for YOU to have the pros on your side!

Good Luck!

:)

I don't know if this is a help to you but... Have you had him tested for
autisim? Autistic kids have a lot of trouble with impluse control. But so do ADD/ADHD kids.

It might help if you 'stole' from him. A favorite toy for example, he can look and look for it. A few days later hand it to him and tell him "I stole it, how do you like it?" Let him express his outrage--then explain to him that is how other people feel when he steals from them.

With any punishment, you have to do something that makes them suffer and then realize they don't want to do it again. Whatever interests your son is the key. Take away priviledges that he enjoys. You will hit the right one. If it doesn't hurt them they won't desire to change (I don't mean physically necessarily but I wouldn't rule out spanking). Sometimes if you have dad do the punishing it will mean a lot more to a boy of that age. Just remember kids with ODD - if they know that they can push your buttons, they will continue even with the punishment, so stay calm (then go scream in a pillow!) Good Luck.

When he has all these diagnosis there is a brain imbalance, Read Disconnected Kids then read Reconnected Kids by Dr. Robert Melillo and you can see your child for what it is and how to help him get his brain better balanced between right and left hemispheres. All those labels mean there is a BIG disconnect!!

That child probably has serious emotional issues and food and nutrition issues which are interrelated. Punishment won't work, the child likely needs some therapy to heal emotional issues and dietary/nutritional interventions also to help balance the nervous system - as a parent you would benefit from counseling as well to see what you can do and understand any systemic family issues that may contribute to these patterns. Giving the child labels isn't productive, it's no wonder he's defiant, doctors just label him as having something wrong with him rather than understanding his unique personality and its interaction with his environment.