My Child Is "THAT" Child.

Where relevant, just tell people something like, "I'm sorry, my son's autistic," or however you are comfortable phrasing it.

Other than that, try not to worry about what others think. You're doing the best you can do.

exercise.. my son is not adhd.. but he has a ton of energy.. ..when he is driving me crazy at home.. I take him for a bike ride or we walk around the block.. he is signed up for football and soccer.. give him a way to use his energy... so he will have less fidgety energy at schhol.

As you can probably guess from my answer on your last post, yes, I DID have "that" child. For a number of years, in fact. So, again, I get it.

Getting his IEP in place helped for sure. It laid out, quite specifically, what he needed during school. It also helped that he was in a "communication" program at his elementary school. He was mainstreamed, but within his class, there were 6 boys who had communication issues, whether it be lack of speech, lack of being able to read situations, whatever pertained to communicating appropriately. He qualified for this program, luckily. This meant his teachers were trained in special education and they already had a good understanding of what a kid like him needed. He was given fidget toys, ample breaks, longer time for tests, more reminders to "stay on task", all laid out in his IEP. So getting that IEP in place is a good first step, and an important one going forward for you and your son.

You might consider trying a weighted vest. Sometimes kids who have sensory issues feel out of sorts physically...sort of not connected to the ground. It's hard to explain. Makes them extra "bouncy". Wearing the weighted vest can bring them down and help calm them. It's worth looking into.

Meds. Meds helped. Having a kid on the spectrum or with ADHD, you learn pretty quickly to get over the whole "I'd NEVER put my kid on meds" attitude. If a child needs help with medication, then NOT giving it to the child is a real mistake and disservice. My son started on Adderall (which was a disaster FOR HIM, but works great for other kids). He's also tried Strattera (also a disaster for him). He's now on Intuniv and has been for the last 10 years. It works for him. The thing about meds is that it's trial and error. You have to work with your doctor to find what works specifically for your child. There is no textbook you can follow. We go to a psychiatrist for medication management, not his regular pediatrician. I'd suggest finding a psychiatrist or specialist to help you with your son's issues, if you haven't already.

The very first time I took my son to see the psychiatrist was when he was 6. I was going through a really tough time, similar to what YOU'RE going through right now. I was feeling really down and didn't know what to do to help my son, just feeling really discouraged about everything. The psychiatrist was asking my son a bunch of questions...he asked "So, what makes you happy?" My son motioned over to me with his thumb and said "Well, I know THIS ONE loves me, so...". I about lost it! He knows I love him...and that makes him happy. As a mom, it was a real WIN moment and 10 years later, I STILL remember the feeling of pure joy I had when I heard him say those words.

And as far as other parents, YES, you BET I talked to them. I DIDN'T tell every stranger on the street all of our issues, no, that would have been excessive and I don't really care what strangers think of us. But other parents? Yes, I did. Back to school night..."Oh you're Billy's parents? We're M's parents. M told me Billy kicked the ball so hard in gym today! M was so impressed and wishes he could do that too. He's got some issues that make it hard for him to connect with the ball. Yeah, he's got some sensory stuff going on in addition to being on the Spectrum....etc, etc, etc." and now Billy's parents know M has issues. Repeat with other parents. We found that other parents were sensitive and caring about our son. That often translated into their child being kind. My son was never bullied, and he often had another kid sort of take him under his wing. I found that being open in a casual way with other parents was the best. We hid nothing from anyone and in return, we've found that people are mostly pretty awesome. There's NOTHING to be ashamed of, NOTHING you need to hide from other parents. People are MOSTLY good and kind. You might come across some unkind people (we never really did), feel free to ignore them, THEY'RE the exception, NOT the rule. And *certainly* don't feel judged by them.

Don't panic about his future. For right now, don't even THINK about his future. Concentrate on getting through today. Get his IEP, get him on meds if that might help. Get him into Speech and/or Occupational Therapy, if that might help. Get your support system in place (friends, family, psychiatrists, therapists, and people YOU can talk to). That's enough to keep you busy for a while. Get through THAT first. The future will happen whether you panic or not. Choose not to panic.

And as always, PM me whenever you need to.

My best friend has that child. He spent most of last week in the principle office. He has a toy he squeezes.

I'd homeschool. Kids at 6 should be running wild for most of the day. They just cannot do that at school. For many kids who just need to run, the schools make them *that* child.

I have a high sensory, high will powered 6 year old. She'd fail in school. I'm sure they'd give her a long list of labels. Homeschooling her? She runs wild, and not only does she look normal, she behaves "normal."

The other day they made kites and spent two hours trying to get them to fly -no wind. She runs and runs, and when she is tired, she reads and draws. She is the sweetest, most high maintenance being I know, but she is thriving. I use to struggle with her, but she's mellowed since I've accepted her needs. We have a rhythm that includes tons of physical activity, homeschool swim twice a week, judo twice a week, etc. We go on long hikes almost everyday. She's be a trouble maker in school. At home? She is doing great, reading at a 4th grade level, learning her multiplication table -all without any input from me. I let her do what she wants- within my frame of general behavioral rules. Right now she is trying to teach her 19 month old sister the alphabet and her younger brother to read. It's amazing to watch. She doesn't fidget, she just goes and runs around the yard when she feels energetic. When she's bored, she asks to go somewhere, the zoo, arboretum, the park.

It works.

I know this isn't the answer you wanted, but I do think the schools create problems where there is none. Their purpose is to normalize, this can only create problems on the edges.

http://funandfunction.com/ has great tools - fidgets, weighted items, snug shirts, all kids of things.

My son's school provided a wobbly seat cushion that helped a LOT in terms of being able to sit. I would ask yours to look into getting him one.

I started a website, Autistikids.com, to help other parents of kids on the spectrum, as it's loaded with a lot of links to parents, counselors, and autistic adults who blog about their feelings/experiences, etc. Knowing that there are people out there, adults, that have been through it, and can tell us what's possibly going on for our kids is HUGE.

It could also be helpful for your son's teacher. My son's IEP team has told me they found the info useful.

Here's a link to the resources page - there might be something here that can help you. http://www.autistikids.com/resources.html

Feel free to PM me any time, or you can email me at ____@____.com

I know a lot of people are against medication, but if your son is being that disruptive and not having school success, it's probably time to at least try the medication route.

I've gotta ask...is educating at home an option you can/are willing to consider? It's my firm personal belief that young children don't thrive by sitting in a classroom for 5-8 hours a day; particularly children that have ADHD symptoms. Some people just aren't wired that way & that's OK. The ability to tailor your child's education to their style of learning and what will help them is one of the best benefits to home education. Typical classrooms aren't set up to handle kinesthetic learners and many children who exhibit ADHD symptoms are kinesthetic learners. I'd suggest looking into it as an option.
Hope you find what works best for your family!

Fresh air every day---open windows daily, if possible. Spend time outside.
Detox the home. Use white vinegar and water for cleaning.
Detox the clothes and bedding. Use organic laundry detergent.
I sleep on an organic mattress...

I like Seventh Generation and Young Living products.

Detox the body. Eat lots of organic fruits and veggies and pure water.
Stay away from genetically engineered foods.

An occupational therapist for sensory issues id HUGE. Hire an OT that has the extra training in sensory.

What about a para-professional or aide for him in school-under the IEP?

Gum helped my child...I had it on her plan. The school did not like this...but the gum helped my child focus. Gum calms stress....and the jaw gives so much input.....

I paid my neuropsychologist to attend the PPT because "you" are your child's advocate and you might need assistance from your private specialist/s.

Book: "Out of Sync Child"

I called the principal many times before the class lists were made. I hand-picked the teacher every year. I would ask for a teacher who was cross endorsed in special ed.

I am a dance teacher. I actually like having these type students. It is a test for me to see if my choreography can channel their energy.

See if there is a teacher (usually fine arts, PE, etc.) who is gifted to work with students like your son. His classroom teacher can send him to that teacher for 'non-punishing' time outs.

When those students are sent to me, I use them to run office errands. Help me co-teach movement, etc.

It is never seen as punishment.

After about 15 minutes, they go back much more calm because they have let off energy.

Well for starters I hate the term neurotypical. I mean you get that makes me, my son, heck my family, neuroatypical? Say that ten times fast! Seriously, do normal folk ever consider how stupid their "compassion" is to us odd balls?

I am very much ADHD, that means I speak my son's language and I have learned how to speak human, for the most part. Okay I take meds, who knew there was a pill that allows you to speak human!! I win.

I never had problems with school parents. I was all about, hi, common greeting interactions, and then, have you seen any behaviors I should know about? Well not exactly that, every time, after all I am not boring. It was just I was always concerned about helping him interact with the other kids. The biggest thing that seems to bug people is this attitude that makes them think you don't care, you aren't doing anything.

People do not like that mom, the one that is all my child has this disorder, suck it up. People do not have to suck it up so you take that attitude they just avoid you and they tell their kids to avoid yours. A lot of people tell me people shouldn't do that, that it is mean. Well so is not caring about other people's kids. Sorry but if you don't care about other people's kids they won't care about you. Human nature and all of that.

All my kids could take pills by the time they were five. Apparently the way those liquid meds taste is a great motivator to learn how to swallow. After all a pill tastes like the beverage. It doesn't taste like a chemical spill that smells like cherry.

I can't remember all the meds my son was on by third grade but by fourth he was pretty much able to control himself. He is now 15 and is off of everything but his vyvance.

You need an IEP for services but you can't expect them to do everything. What helped in the classroom was a moving target. What worked one week can usually change the next.

Find a good psychiatrist, one that listens to you and that you will listen to.

And looking at Gamma's answer, I have no idea why she would say he won't qualify for an IEP. Your son's diagnoses sounds no different than mine and he has had an IEP since preschool.

A lot of my son's IEP was built around giving him access to what he needs by identifying what he needed and asking for it or it was built in. By teaching him to identify his needs he is pretty successful now. If the teachers were constantly going with what does he need and he had no part in the dance I am pretty sure he wouldn't be as independent as he is now.

My question for you - does he have an IEP?
People I know with kids that sound similar to yours have had IEPs that specify an aide in the classroom to help them keep on track during the day.

I would see about getting him in an IEP (individual education program) at school- they are much more conscientious about it now than they were when I was a kid... So you don't have to worry too much about him being teased for being in "special ed." My daughter is in one for speech, and she absolutely LOVES her speech days.

I like the squeeze ball. It worked WONDERS for a kid in my class when I was in grade school. The teacher bought it out of pocket for one kid who definitely wasn't a bad kid... He was just fidgety and disruptive. The squeeze ball gave him something tangible to fidget with, and directed his energy in a more classroom-appropriate manner. :)

As for the other moms... Don't worry about handling them. Be involved with your son's education, and if they are too busy judging to notice the effort you are putting in, their opinions wouldn't really mean much to me at all. ;)

Do you feel like you could/would homeschool him? I ask because my youngest DD is ADHD-Combined, and sitting in a classroom 6 hours per day was a complete disaster for her. We started homeschooling in 4th grade because in 3rd grade, she came home every day crying. The misery she was experiencing was just not worth it to me, and was starting to affect our whole family. We tried traditional schooling for several years, but at the end of the day, going toward Waldorf homeschooling was the best thing I ever could have done for her. The difference in her outlook on life, and yes, even her ability to sit still for longer periods of time and focus a little better, has been incredible. Waldorf tends to focus on spending time outdoors, and learning through hands-on projects. It's good for all children, but especially those with ADHD.

Aside from that, as others have already said, medication does help. Absolutely. My daughter has a hard time taking medication (she says the Adderall makes her feet feet cold, which is odd) - we have struck a deal that if she's able to complete her work, and do so without melting down, then she doesn't have to take meds. I'd love to find meds that don't have the side effects she doesn't like, though.

Does he have an IEP?
My girlfriend's son sounds a lot like yours. With his IEP he was able to take breaks every hour and run for 10 minutes in the gym. It gave him a way to get his "ya-ya's" out.
He has had a very hard time in school. The teachers and school have not followed his IEP, it has been very hard on my girlfriend.
You ARE your child's biggest advocate.
There is nothing wrong with medication if that is what his pediatrician reccomends.
I feel like we need a bit more info from you before we can give you too much advice.
Does he have an IEP?
Does he have an "official" diagnosis?
If he has those two things then you can go from there. If you just assume that he is on the spectrum without and actual diagnosis from a doctor you will not get any extra help from the school or the district.
L.

I also agree to get him an IEP. He may need an aide for the class. At the very least, getting his teacher clued in may help since he is unlikely to react the same to her tools as neuro-typical children. What therapies have you tried and is the school helping him in any way? If not, that is what the IEP is for.

How you handle it...I suppose it varies on what they need to know or what you want them to know. There was a girl in my DD's class last year who wasn't picking up on social cues. She and DD had a conflict. The teachers couldn't tell me what her diagnosis was, but they could tell me that they would work with the counselor to help both girls get along better and the counselor worked with the other child on behaviors in the class. You may want to start with the counselor. I didn't care what was different about the child, only that my child had a problem with her and I didn't want to be getting phone calls about lunchroom behavior. I have no ill will toward the child in general and was happy the teachers worked it out. The girls are still friends.

I would worry most about your son and not so much about the other parents.

Hello-

I'm assuming by your son's age that he's in kindergarten. I went back through your other posts to make sure you were in the IEP process. Once you have the meeting, things will improve.

If you can, try to visit the classroom before the meeting. Ideally, if you can observe when your son doesn't realize you're there. Hopefully you will be able to recognize the triggers that cause him to become disruptive. This type of information will be helpful in the IEP meeting. Also being able to talk about what works or doesn't work at home will help. Does he have something that soothes him? What are his triggers at home? Be honest and open to their ideas. Remember everyone at that meeting wants to help your son succeed.

The school will be able to provide a variety of apparatuses ranging from a disc he sits on that allows minimal rocking to a weighted lap mat that has a variety of quiet things attached that he can rub or squeeze. It may be decided he needs an Aide to come in during certain parts of the day when he has the most trouble or maybe he'll best benefit from leaving the classroom and doing some of his work in the Learning Center. Expect a lot of trial and error while everyone tries to figure out how to best help him.

During this time, communication and consistency are paramount. Spectrum kiddos thrive on routine. It's calming to them to know what to expect next. Team with the school staff and see if you can implement some of the same expectations and consequences at home. You mention the behavior/ task chart at school. Maybe having a similar reward chart at home? Also, implementing the same rewards and consequences at home- he earned computer time at school by behaving during reading time? Give him extra computer time at home too.

As for worrying about what other people think, don't. Most people out there know someone who has a child on the spectrum. If they don't, introduce them to you son and use it as a chance to educate them. Let them know that you are partnering with the school to figure out the way to best help him.

In the meantime, join a support group. Consider changing his diet (with his Pediatrician's guidance) to see if dairy free or wheat free might make a difference.

You mention taking pills. At his age, begin by teaching him to swallow something tiny (with water and not chewing) that won't taste nasty if he doesn't get it right. I taught my kids using single peas or pieces of corn. You could also use a grain of cooked rice or pasta or tiny pieces of banana. Something small and smooth.

I wish you all the best. Your son is blessed to have you as his mom.

You've already received good advice about exercise. But I'm guessing your son needs more then just exercise and fresh air.

Request and FBA which should lead to a BIP. An FBA is a functional behavior assessment. A BIP is a behavior intervention plan. A school specialist observes him in the classroom and determines the function of the behavior (attention seeking, task avoidance etc). He/She recommends behavior interventions that also minimize the outcome the student is seeking from the behavior. Then he/she trains all staff (even the PE / ART / MUSIC and any aides or special ed teachers) on how to implement the plan.

Has he at an OT assessment? Does he have sensory needs? Does he get sensory breaks in his classroom? This needs to be looked at as well. It may be driven by his sensory needs or sensory overload.

If you haven't already read this book, it's great. http://www.amazon.com/Wrightslaw-Emotions-Advocacy-Educat...

Please clarify. You say he is "on the autism spectrum" -- so you have a definite diagnosis of autism? And you say he "struggles with symptoms of ADHD" but that sounds as if you, yourself, are seeing symptoms but he does not have a formal diagnosis. You also ask if others can recommend medications and how those meds are administered - which indicates that he has never been prescribed anything for ADHD yet.

I assume he was in kindergarten last year -- how did he, and you, get through that, or was torture for him to make it through each day? Again, was he under any treatment then, and if not, why not? Or did these symptoms worsen between K and now?

By the way, there is an organization called CHADD that is for both adults with ADHD and parents of kids with ADHD. Maybe they have support groups online or even in person in your area. I'd check them out and get advice from parents who have been through exactly what you're going through. Advocacy and information groups are great for that.

Since he won't qualify for an IEP you need to discuss setting up a 504 plan for him.

He needs meds. Please go make an appointment with a psychiatrist that prescribes meds for children. He needs something to calm him down so he can focus and concentrate. It's like night and day.

Ritalin is wonderful if it works for you.

Last year we got a 504 plan in place for my son. It has made all the difference: ***finally*** the staff at school believe that our child has a legitimate medical problem and they have stopped trying to blame our parenting! I avoid other parents as much as possible. My husband has started dropping off/picking up for the most part because people are willing to cut dads a heck of a lot more slack than moms. Not sayin' that's the right answer, but that's what I do. Medication has helped a lot. We give it with a spoon of jam or whipped cream. If home schooling appeals to you, great, but if you need a life outside your family to be happy, please don't let people guilt trip you into doing it. You deserve to be happy too.

Is he in special ed?
Maybe he'd get the classroom support he needs in a special ed program.

My child would have been "that" child if she had been in public school. We homeschooled and I had a difficult time. She was diagnosed with ADHD and if they had been diagnosing sensory issues then, that would have been included. We detoxed our home to get all the dangerous chemicals out (so my Dad with Alzheimer's wouldn't drink the Windex...) and her symptoms went away. She was on grade level reading within eight weeks and her behavior changed for the better...and drastically. Not all kids are sensitive, but all kids are affected by neurological toxins that they are exposed to. Windex, Pledge, simple shampoos and soaps...laundry detergents that you wrap your children in, can affect everything. She is now 19 and delightful. we have had a detoxed home for 10 years now and never get sick...

Hope this helps. Question? PM me if you want more details.

God bless,
M.

Your son sounds like a carbon copy of my son...I find it is continuous work to keep relationships at school positive and I do feel like such a big part of things is not letting yourself get overwhelmed, so that you can help others stay on a constructive path, because it is very easy to get frustrated. My son just had an evaluation by a child neurophychologist and I recommend that if you haven't done it- sometimes having something tangible to show the school can make it easier to advocate for him. A couple of practical tips: My son started wearing a couple of the "rainbow loom" bracelets which he made himself. He can pull and stretch, hook them on and off in class if he needs something to do with his hands and that does not make any noise and is not disruptive. He does have a squeeze ball, but the challenge is when he is very overstimulated it goes flying across the room. So sometimes that works, sometimes not. Also what we started doing were positive rewards for good behavior, even if it only part of the day. This is because I got very worried that he was starting to feel bad about his own abilities and I really didn't want his self confidence to suffer this early in his academic career. So, if he has a good morning he'll get a little certificate to take to his K teacher (Whom he still loves) for a sticker and a hug. That way if he gets in to trouble later in the day (afternoon is always harder) he can say "I had a tough afternooon, but I had a good morning". Kind of keeps a positive focus. Lastly, I know it's hard but try not to worry about what people think. Some people are always going to make comparisons. I always think, if someone is open minded I'll talk about some of the things we are working on with them, but if people want to be judgmental, their loss. I hope some of this helps!