My son is almost 4 years old. He goes to a daycare. He has a best friend at school who he adores. He LOVES him. Then this kid's best friend came to join the class a week ago. Now they two refuse to play with my son and just run away when my son wants to play with them. My son is very unhappy. I feel the sadness in him. It hurt me even more. I'm so worried. I don't know what to do make them like my son again. we do playdate out of school all the time. But it's always three families together. Apparently it didn't help. I can't call and ask the other parents to let their sons to play with my son. Thanks so much for your help.
I agree, talk to the teacher. I own a small in home daycare and I have one little boy the same age. His best friend just recently moved and had to change daycares so its not the same situation but the boy is still feeling all alone and sad. I am looking to fill the opening w a child around his same age just to help this lil guy have a buddy !
Talk to your son's teacher and ask them to intervene if needed. At this age, they need some guidance on how to treat one another, and can't be left to figure it all out themselves. I would feel awful as well, and would reach out to whoever may be able to help. When my girls experienced this at preschool (and they were on both ends, at different times), the teacher would gently remind them it was hurtful not to include others and would sometimes even separate kids if they were too exlusive/mean with others. Hope this helps!
I know it's hurting you so much just for the mere fact that he's hurting. I would take this opportunity to teach a life lesson. This is something that happens, regardless of age or setting. And it is a great opportunity to teach him a lesson about life and friends.
I have gone through this with my son and told him I know it's hurting his feelings. I know he really liked his friend and that it's not very nice that they won't play with him. But we can't force people to play with us. Sometimes, they just don't want to and we can find new friends to play with. No, he didn't like the idea, at first. But I told him there are other kids that need friends, too, and maybe he and they could play together and become friends. That way, he'd have more friends to play with. Then, maybe the other kids would want to play later. He did find others to play with finally. :) And he was fine with the other kids not wanting to play.
I don't know if it's just him, but maybe just let him know that we can have lots of friends, and that he can maybe learn some new games and have fun with new friends. He can even teach them some games that he knows. Kids like to teach/learn new things; so, this might help his desire grow.
But keep the long-term perspective in mind. No matter who we are or how old we are, we ALL have to deal with this at some time: a new school, new day care, new town, new neighborhood, new job, etc. So, just take advantage of the opportunity to show him how to meet new people and that it's okay and fun to make new friends.
Best wishes, and I hope you're both feeling better soon!
I too would take the time to talk to your son's teachers and see what they can do. I might even try to take a morning and hang out at the school and watch him in action. I do not know if you can afford it, but maybe try a class at the Little Gym or some other social activity outside of his preschool that can help him with his self-esteem. My guess is that he is comfortable with that one person and is just 'scared'to branch out. Creature of habit maybe. I think once he sees that it is ok to be around other people things will get better. I know though that putting 3 together is a difficult number....one ALWAYS seems to get left out! At that young age...2 is enough! Best of Luck!
This is one thing as a parent that is the hardest.Rejection is the hardest part to watch with kids. Realize this is not about you and those parents or littleboys are not being anything but little boys to target hurting to anyone.
Do not do ANYTHING "to make them like my son". Just as adults some personalities get along better than others especially in a group setting. Your son is wonderfully created and a special boy.It is the hard part of growing up.They are in the phase of learning to share and get along and they often times will work through it or not.
My advice is foster this friendship but other friendships too. We have to learn to share our toys and our friends.
Take a deep breath, it will all be ok. You are tuned into your sons feelings and that is the most important part.
See if you can arrange some one on one play dates outside of school with each of the other boys. Also encourage relationships with other children his age both in and out of the class by scheduling some one on one time with them. Kids this age play better in groups of two and haven't yet figured out you can like an old friend and have a new one as well.
I agree - talk to your son's teacher. She can encourage play among all of the students. My mom has taught 4 year olds for over 20 years and she always encourages children to play together, especially when certain kids are being left out.
This type of behavior is common at this age. I had a few boys who were like this in my class a couple years back. All 3 boys were friends, but there was one, in particular, who seemed to be the head honcho. This boy did nothing to act like the king, but the other two boys were constantly wanting his attention and trying to get him to not play with the other boy. If the "king" chose something he wanted to do that aligned with one of the boys, the other one felt left out and rejected. It drove me NUTS! I agree to talk with the teacher. I don't know how many children are in your son's class. It may be next to impossible for her to see what's happening all the time. My class wasn't a daycare (childcare at church for a few hours) so there was only about 9 kids and it was very easy for me to see what was going on with the kids at all times and intervene when necessary.
