My Son Is Scared to Be Alone in Our Home

I dont know that there IS an answer. My son is the same way. We dont have 2 levels so that is not an issue. I know that he is scared of the dark. He wont go to the bathroom at the end of the hallway if the lights are off. I think its just a phase he is going through. It is frustrating yet I just deal with it. Good Luck

Did something happen 3-4 months ago when it started? Something that scared him? Changes in his life? It can take some investigation to figure it out. My son tends to get anxiety issues when there are changes in his life--sometimes even ones that seem fairly simple to me. I often have to think hard and talk to him quite a bit before I settle on a possible trigger. I would comfort him and not dismiss his concerns. It should pass (although it might take awhile). If not, you could have him evaluated for an anxiety disorder. You might also want to check out some of the many books available on "emotional intelligence." I can't remember the authors and titles at this time, but there are many good ones out there. They all say that it is very important to acknowledge the child's feelings. This may also be something he may be prone to in the future. My son had several anxieties at ages 4-5. Although he is now 11 and outgrew all of them he is still prone to anxiety episodes, especially when there are changes or stress in his life. (The good news is that he doesn't remember many of them, even the ones that were very traumatic at the time; it kind of gives me a chuckle.) Good luck.

Hi J.,

My son is 6 and has had the same issue the same couple of months. He would cry and scream for me if I left the living room to go to the bathroom down the hall without him noticing. I found out just after it started that his Kindegarten class had a Stranger Danger talk in school and that kind of set off the anxiety when he noticed I had left a room or went downstairs without him knowing. He had also been asking a lot of questions about "bad guys" and if there were any in our town and things like that. I started keeping the doors locked when we were home, even during the day and showed him them. Then I had to make a point to tell him I was leaving a room and where I was going and if I was coming back to the same one he was in. He would still follow me from the toy room downstairs if I was going upstairs, but that has slowly been getting better. Now the only time I need to tell him if I'm leaving is if I'm going outside. To get the mail for example. I know its frustrating right now but I hope this helps. Good luck.

I think kids go thru a stage of irrational fear. It will pass. Maybe you can play some games where you can hear each other but not see each other. Or a little hide and go seek in small spaces. Tell him if he can hear you, you can hear him and everything is okay. Get some walkie talkies and play with them - you have to be a little bit away from each other for them to work. On a day to day basis, if you are moving from room to room, be sure to tell him so he doesn't think you are sneaking away from him. But don't let him control your moves - if he wants to be where you are, he's going to have to move around with you. If he's afraid of monsters, make up some monster spray he can keep by him. If it's something else, see if you can give him some control over the fear. Is he afraid you are going to leave him? Afraid of bugs, spiders, animals? Does he have friends you could invite over to play for a little while where he might get used to being away from you but having fun a the same time?

Enjoy the time he wants to be with you - someday he'll only want to be in the room you aren't in!

I would wonder if he heard a "scary movie or commercial " or it could be adjusting to something else new unless he has an older sibling who scared him.I noticed when we moved to our new home there was a similar adjustment period just hang tight.

Hi!

My son is also 4 and a half and we are going through this, too. I think that things people have already mentioned (a child seeing or hearing about some kind of scary event) can trigger some of this.

But I think also some of it is children's cognitive development. They have a better understanding that bad things can happen. My daughter also went through a phase like this. (She is now 7--she occasionally still has periods of anxiety, but I can usually figure out what's going on and talk with her about it.)

But it is impossible to protect our children from every single thing. (The bath water still goes down the drain. The idea of going down the drain is in his head. But I can keep reassuring him that he will never go down the drain until that anxiety passes.) People do die. There are accidents. We do have to keep teaching our children about safety.

I'm trying to be reassuring, avoiding exciting movies near bedtime, and I will go with him to the bathroom (since it's on the 2nd floor). But I am trying not to "coddle" the fears too much. (Sometimes it can be trying...)

Here is a site that has some helpful advice: http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/fears.html .

I'm waiting to see whether this fear abates over the next 2 months or so. Depending on how long it goes on or how serious it becomes, I would consider counseling. But I'm still in a wait-and-see-and-be-patient stage.

Good luck!

I had this problem with my daughter and I realized it was what she was seeing on tv (commercials and things). I don't know how your tv habits are but maybe that is it. Or you could do something similar to what they did on big daddy and give him sunglasses and tell him that they are safety glasses and if he wears them nothing bad will happen to him.

Hi J., I can empathize with you all to well. I had three boys very close together and I could go no where except maybe the shower for peace and quiet. They are all mid elementary ages. One of my best resources for information was "What to expect in the first year." They also have books for all the age ranges. I do know that what you are experiencing is quiet normal(age appropriate development) and that it too shall pass. Reasurring him is very important. That mommy always returns even though there is a door between you and him. I do know the What to expect books were very helpful and would recommend that every mom have one.