5 Yr Old Afraid to Go to Bathroom by Herself

my 6 year old daughter still has some fears of the bathroom, we have a little yellow chair that she puts right behind the door so she has privacy but yet the door is not closed. Lately, I have noticed the door is getting closer to being closed. This way, she is in control of how much the door is open and I can still get things done. She had no problems at school because when they go all of them are in the bathroom talking with each other and that comforts her.

Gosh this is probably not the answer you want but you can't assume this is a fear based in just non specific anxiety. She may have had a "bad" experience in your bathroom at home or somewhere else in the house where she was alone. This may not be the case of course and I hope it isn't. However I would make sure she is safe and watch her like a hawk. I would gently question her about it from time to time and see if she has anything she needs to tell you. I would make sure she doesn't have anxiety around other family memebers or babysitters etc. Sorry but...been there.

My almost 6 year old boy still has this problem and so does my 5 year old niece and many friends with kids my son's age. Just remeber they are still babies at these ages and especially big (or even small for that matter) homes are very overwhelming for them. I've talked my son through it enough to where he trusts I'm not going to leave the floor he's on and I'll always be there when he calls to check. He also won't go upstairs or downstairs alone- I've let him talk all this out until we're both blue in the face but I think it's just something that needs to be handled with TLC and patience until it passes. Just wanted you to know though your daughter isn't alone and that there's plenty of others who go through this!

This is very age appropriate although can be frustrating as a parent. I have an almost 8 year old who still won't go upstairs sometimes during the day by himself. Children are very creative and their little minds can get carried away at times but it's our job to help them feel safe. I speak from experience as a mom and a therapist and assure you she will be fine at school and someday our kids won't need us and we'll miss the days when they did!

I used to be the same way when I was a kid. AT MY OWN HOUSE! I still don't like my mom's house. fyi... 3 people died there. I may sound crazy but when I was afraid, I didn't even know any of this. PLEASE, please, please, don't make that baby be scared. I tried so hard to be brave but I couldn't overcome it. My sister had to sleep with her arm around me, walk me to my moms room at night, sit in the bathroom while a took a bath, I NEVER wanted to go downstairs, WOW... all these feelings are rushing back.... She won't be little long. Just stand by the door. Fear is an awful thing! Don't worry, she'll be fine at school.

hi KD,

My 5 yr old goes through times of being afraid of the bathroom and certain parts of our house too. One thing that helped us if I put a teddy bear in the bathrooms that she can see when she walks in, and that makes her feel better somehow.

She did tell me she is afraid of the 'flushing' - more the noise of it than anything. I have tried and tried to explain to her that she cannot fit down the toilet when it flushes, but she still is kinda scared. Anyhow, I go with her whenever I can and then eventually she comes out of it.

As far as other parts of the house - it is usually related to lighting - if it seems dark, she won't go there without someone else. Then suddenly she will be brave for awhile and then revert back - don't know, just know you're not alone.

best of luck,

W.

My oldest son has the same issues and he is seven. Not so much the bathroom but upstairs and downstairs. He usually ask one of his little sisters to go with him. My five year old daughter has no problem. My mom tells me the oldest child usually has more fears then the rest. We just keep encouraging him that it is ok and it is safe. I believe they will grow out of it.

Like a previous poster, I agree that the oldest child seems to get the most fears. My oldest son was afraid to go in the basement alone for a long time. He always had his little brother accompany him. He was also the one afraid to jump in the water, while my youngest son would just run and jump in. Again, oldest had to have the nightlight for the longer time, while younger brother did not need it. It sounds like your daughter is going through a typical phase. She may even be done with it by the time kindergarten starts. In the meantime, do not make any sort of fuss about it because that will reinforce it in her. For a time, just quietly stand at the door and then move on to something else as quickly as possible. She may just outgrow it or forget about it that way. If she does have problems at school, you will have to address the issue more directly then.

NOt to sound irreverent here, but have you simply let her explain herself? Just have a conversation. Don't reassure her or tell her anything. Just sum up what she says and what she is feeling enough so that she fully understands that YOU understand what she is saying.

Once she knows that someone has totally heard her, and hasn't told her what to do blah blah blah, she'll figure out what to do herself.

AT the very least try this method out. What have you got to lose. For more instructions, get Faber and Mazlish's book," how to talk to kids so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk"

R. katz...and I'm a psychologist, and have a little experience with problems like this

My 5-year-old daughter, who is now 7, went through the exact same thing. She was afraid to go to the bathroom at our house and at her grandparents' house. She was also afraid to go up and down the stairs by herself.

The advice I can give you is that the fear is real for them. As annoying as it was, we would walk her into the bathroom and stand by the closed door, we would walk her up the stairs and eventually we could stand at the bottom of the stairs.

She just turned 7 and it was just another phase she went through. She goes to the bathroom by herself and flies up and down the stairs without thinking twice.

Reassure your daughter, understand her fear is real, use patience (since that's what we all need a lot of with children) and you both will get through it. She will do fine in kindergarten.

I would first ask her what it is that scares her. Then if she has a favorite stuffed animal or toy...have her bring it in the bathroom to keep her company. This way she feels you has something from her comfort zone.

J. T