My Son Is Not Safe - Chicago,IL

Don't be naive to believe that gangs are driven by city boundaries versus suburban boundaries. They are in Oak Lawn as well as drugsthe drugs are. Oak Lawn HS has been known for having both of these problems since I was young.

That set aside, I would set up a meeting with the principal, school counselor and teachers to discuss this problem. All schools have things in place to to deal with bullying. If they're unaware as you were previously then they can set up a plan. If the plan is unsatisfactory to you pull him out. His physical and emotional safety is paramount to anything else.

Most important in all of this for you is going to be your response from here on out. You must present a calm, loving, supportive and confident demeanor. You will find a way through this. Best wishes.

Chicago isn't the only place there is for Gang Activity it is everywhere & so are bullies..
How old is he & what is being done to him is he getting physically hurt by these bully or bullies?I know emotionaly it can wear you down & cause lots of emotional issues now & later in life.Have a talk with his teacher then see how that goes if your still not comfortable or satisfied talk to the principal maybe the school guidance counselor should have a talk with your son.

What is the bully doing? that would narrow it down for instance. I he is in a lunch line and doesn't eat lunch, bully could be a luncher. If he is being robbed of his art supplies-could be an art student with him. Gym shoes-? Gym class. The principal must have all sorts of tricks up his/her sleeve. What is your son's reaction, what is happening, what fears does he have, are his grades slipping, etc. etc.
Interesting about Chicago. I never thought of Chicago as a town with only gang schools. There are a lot of great schools in Chicago.
Good luck with your son. If he is terrified you need to contact the police liason for the school counselors and perhaps social workers. There are programs in schools all the time prepared to combat this terrible occurance.

Your son has to tell.

The school cannot do anything if your son doesn't say anything. And, although Oak Lawn isn't Chicago I can assure you that there are gang members in the Oak Lawn schools, be it Richards or OLCHS.

While it is the school's responsibility to provide a safe environment for all students in attendance, they have their hands tied and cannot do anything if they have no information to go on.

Encourage your son to talk to his homeroom teacher, a counselor, or someone he trusts. If he refuses, then call the school counselor and request a meeting and ask for guidance on how to proceed.

What does your son want you to do... talk to him calmly and not like a freaked out mom and see if you can get better information from him.... and then go from there. How did you find out? Did he tell you? If he told you and you got all crazy -- you probably scared him and now he's afraid of you making a scene at the school and embarrassing him. You need to talk to him calmly and promise him you wont do anything to cause a scene, once he trusts you he will probably open up and you can call the principle and let him know what's going on. I'm sure they deal with this type of thing quite often and surely there is an action plan.

Hi,

I am sorry you and your son are going through this.

When you said your son is mad because you found out - do you just mean he is mad you found out he was being bullied???? Or you found out who the bully is????

What type of bullying is going on and how old is your son? That will make a difference as to the steps your principal can take to get to the bottom of this. If the bullying is physical and happening on school grounds - the school has direct liability and legally must do everything they can to protect your son. If the bullying is more "social" and emotional it is harder to actually define and lots of times the school doesn't want to get involved so you will have to be extra dilligent.

Also, if you think gangs are just in the city and not everywhere you aren't thinking realistically..... although bullying is not always gang related. I would venture to say the same gangs in chicago are operating in the entire chicagoland suburban area...

If your son really is not safe and is being bullied the choice to switch schools is not his. You and his dad need to advocate for him at his current school, but the bottom line is that it is your responsibility to protect him.

Good luck.

Just because the school is not in chicago, does not mean there are not gangs there. There are just as many gangs in the suburbs as there are in the city.

Talk to the principal and to the teachers if it makes you feel better. You have to do what you think is best.

If my kid was being bullied. I would pull him out in a blink of an eye. You are your kids voice until he is old enough to make these decisions for himself and whether he wants to change schools or not should not be his decision. If he is not safe, get him out of there before something worse happens. Then confront the school board, their job is to protect the children. Hope this gets figured out and am sorry for your son.

this is not going to be a "politically" popular answer. I have always let my kids know they have EVERY right to defend themselves! And they will not be in trouble at home. Some school's are sooo slow with dealing with this issue! In the meantime kids are being tormented for hours day in and day out at school. Of course he didn't want you to know, he is embarrassed. It's bad enough he has to deal with this day to day, all his friends know and now his mom knows too and she's going to make a scene. Tell you son to "punch that kid in the face" hard! Put your hand up and have him punch it with all his might so he knows how it will feel. Then when they call and say your son hit someone let them know that the adults weren't doing anything so it was left up to your son. I'm willing to bet my last $10 if he does this the bullying will end asap! Good Luck!

this is a tough situation.

I would try talking with your son in the car about it - and NOT FREAK OUT - I know us mom's want to freak when our children are not safe.

The principal should be a tad bit more proactive and ensure the safety of the children in his charge.

If your son won't talk to you - find someone he will talk to you, a priest, clergy - something. while I realize the clergy would then not be able to tell you....there HAS to be a way around it. I know you can't walk with your son in school every day and be there in class - but you can talk to the teachers and see what they have observed....if they haven't observed anything - i would be totally livid and tell your son - it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to switch schools - it's happening....your safety is more important than some bully.

Does the school have a school counselor that deals with bullying? My daughter is going through the exact same situation, and the counselor is who I am dealing with. I do know the name of the child, but nothing is being done about it. I will continue to contact the school on a daily basis until this issue is resolved. One thing you need to find out is why your son won't say who it is. Is he being threatned that he will get hurt if he tells? I'm not sure what the principal can do to find out who it is, but maybe the teacher might have an idea.

I'm so sorry that your son is being bullied. I know that can be awful for both him & you. I would not assume that there is no gang activity because the school is not in Chicago. There are gangs everywhere. I went to high school in Wisconsin 25 years ago & there were gangs there. I live in Plainfield now & there are gangs here. My daughter's middle school recently did an anonymous online survey regarding bullying. All of the students were required to take it. There were a few private computers and they had to take turns so nobody could see their answers. If something similar to that could happen maybe your son or others would not be afraid to tell. The principal & other school staff should try to be present as much as possible in typical bullying settings - hallways, cafeterias, locker rooms, etc. They may see something or the bully may stop because he/she is being watched more closely. Unfortunately I have found that even though the schools preach that they are anti-bullying, when it happens, many of the teachers do not know what to do (possibly no training?) and that makes the victims not want to tell. We reported some bullying behavior early in the school year and one of my daughter's teachers actually asked her, in front of the whole class, if anyone in the class was bothering her. Of course she said no because the bully was in the class! Good Luck to you. I know this is a horrible situation for you & your son. I hope things get better soon!