Well, how do I start. I need some major advise. The past month has been extremely difficult for my son and my family. My son is about to be 9 months old. Last month he came down with a staph infection and was in the hospital for a week and was on some very powerful antibiotics for two weeks after he got out of the hospital. A week after the hospital he had to have a minor outpatiend daysurgery procedure. Well, he had to be held all the time at the hospital to keep him from pulling out the IV. Afterwards he wanted to be held and he would constantly cry if we weren't anywhere around him. He wouldn't sleep in his bed or go to sleep on his own like he did before he got sick. Well, a week ago today he had to go back into the hospital because he developed Intussusception, which is where the intestine slides into itself. He had to have emergency surgery and they had to take out 8 inches in his small intestine becuase that section was dead. Anyways, now all he wants is me, he won't sleep unless I am holding him, he won't go and play on his own. It will occasionaly go to my husband but majority of the time he want me. It's like we took 3 steps back from where he was from the last hospital visit. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to give him that security back but yet get him to the point he was at before all this happened. I can't get any housework done or cook or anything because he won't let me. I know that letting they cry is okay, but he has had such a traumatic experience both times that I am at a loss at what to do. Please, I need some major advise. I don't want to rush him but I don't want to make it worse either. Help. Thank you!
Get a sling and do what is necessary to help him get over it. It may be hard but just have dad take over things you would normally do until he feels better. If you feel you seriously need a break then leave him at home for a little bit and take a break. It might be beneficial to do it for 30 minutes everyday so he can start getting used to having only dad for a while.
Just remember that this will pass in time. GL
Well, I would simplify as much of my life right now to give him the time to heal this series of experiences. He is so young and at an age of anxiety anyway, without the episodes he has endured. I personally, would give him whatever he needed as in hugs, held, etc. Say, "I will hold you one more minute and then we need to do (chore that he can 'help' with)." I would let him near me as much as he needed. Running an in-home daycare is SO much work and would be difficult to do with a child that needs you so much. You may need to call in reinforcements for a while...a family member or close friend that can help out with the chore stuff for a while and give him some time. A week ago is too soon to think he could bounce back that quick and not need you. I would not expect anything more for a few months. Line up help...girl, you need it. Once he feels healthy again, he will more than likely want to play and be more independent, but if he is made to cry at this time when he truly does need some easing of major anxiety, it will delay him recovering emotionally and could last longer. Eventually, you may have to show him he can calm himself and so forth, but I would not expect that for a few months. Good luck and I pray he will develop from here to be a strong, vibrant lil' man. Poor guy. My heart goes out to you both.
God bless your sweet family for having to endure this. I cannot imagine how I would have dealt if my son had to experience such medical issues. I can't imagine how torn you feel as you want to take care of the house and other needs, yet still provide love and support to your son. I say love and kiss and hold him as much as you can. I also want to tell you that this is the age that separation anxiety heightens. So, his insecurity at this age is completely normal. My son would not let me out of his sight, and he would wake up with this awful cry that stopped as soon as he was in my arms. I will pray for your little man, and hope that God puts his hands on him and comforts him too.
Your baby is very young and has been through a lot in a short time. This has also come in a crucial time in his development-he's trying to figure out how things work and establish his "security" zone. He's probably just feeling insecure and since you're his security he's clinging to you. I know how frustrating and exhausting it can be. Just try to be patient and give him some time. He'll get better, just work on it slowly. And remember..this too shall pass. Before you know it he'll be running around and won't have time for you. Believe it or not someday you'll miss the days when you could hold him and snuggle him. God Bless.
Oh, boy!
ok...first off, your son has been through a LOT in a very short time! (not to say you and your DH haven't!)
If it's at all possible, enlist the help of friends from your church or other "support" group to come watch your son with you during the day..meaning, they will hold him and take care of him while you are doing household chores for a couple of hours a couple of times a week for a while. If you and your husband can afford it, hire a baby sitter (teens who can come over after school during the week would be great!) Since you'll be at home with them, you won't have to worry about "security" issues, and "first-time" sitters will gain valuable experience!
Don't expect *everything* to be *back to normal* for at least a couple of months. Your son is still healing, and very much needing to be held by mommy right now. Remember, right now, he's probably thinking "if I go to sleep, mommy isn't near me, and strangers are doing "hurtful" things to me!". Just be patient, and don't hesitate to reach out for some help. He will eventually learn to go back to sleep on his own, but he is scared to do that right now, so it's ok to hold him until he is asleep.
Be sure and keep lots of hand sanitizer around your house, and when people do come over for a visit, make sure they use it FIRST thing when they walk into your home, especially if your son still has some incisions that haven't closed up completely yet. And I would stay home on Halloween this year, to minimize him getting any kind of cold or other virus. You can still buy him a little costume (the little "pea pod" or "baby carrot" costumes are soooo CUTE!) and take pics of him in it.
My oldest son had MAJOR kidney surgery when he was 2 1/2, so I know what you're going through, and it is very scary. Please feel free to call me if you have any questions or just need to talk. My phone # is ###-###-####, and I'm a SAHM to a 2 1/2 year old and a 16 year old (both boys).
Remember, too, that you need as much rest as your son does.
Blessings, and warm fuzzies!
~J.~
I would start by taking him into the rooms that you are cleaning and show him that you have stuff to get done.
I would find him something that makes him feel safe. Play soft music or relaxing music as you clean.
I know hes young but get him involved put him in the laundry basket and push him around in it as you are gathering clothes.
My youngest insisted on carrying one of my tshirts around with him, he even sleeps with it.
Keep your chin up, soon (hopefully) things will get back to the way they are suppose to be. And dont be afraid to ask your ped for advise on stuff!!!
I know you want things to be back to normal, but the only way to do that is to prove to him that there will be normalcy someday. He needs you in order to overcome the trauma that has occured, and I dont think that you are going to ruin him at all. My suggestion is to get a sling or backpack carrier and keep him with you. I agree with simplifying, but lets be realistic, the rest of the family needs to eat right!! So try that, along with some guided play time, and I would bet within a month he will be just fine!! Good luck and God bless you all!! ~A.~
I can't imagine what you and your dear son have been through in the last couple of months. I would say that you may have to take it nice and slow. He may just really need you right now. He's probably still not feeling well and may be a little scared. If possible, get some help for the next couple of weeks and let him heal completely. Then, you can start getting him to do some things on his own. I am a pretty big believer in not catering to kids that are overly clingy so as not to get into that habit, but in this case, I think he's entitled to a little TLC. Give him a few weeks and make sure he's healed and then gradually start having him do things on his own. Also, try to pass him off to someone else if possible so that he isn't solely dependent on you. This may make it easier later when you try to help him get independent again.
I'm so sorry for you and your family. I will pray that your son can get healthy and stay that way so that you guys can get back to normal. Best of luck.
V.
