My 6 Months Old Daughter Wants to Be Hold a Lot

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You should hold her if she wants to be held, and 5-10 minutes rocking to sleep is pretty good for a bedtime routine.

M.,

Hold her, hold her, hold her. Stop your world and hold her. It won't last forever. And this is a time when physical contact is what brings a child security, comfort, connection. Put on some beautiful music, allow yourself to ignore dishes, chores, etc. You can always get a baby pack or sling (there are some great ones - go see what Sara does at www.mysweetbabydesigns.com) and carry her around if sitting still freaks you out. But keep giving her that close contact - it's time very well spent! Eventually, a child will want to get up and explore the world beyond you - and, if you spend that time holding her now, my bet is she will be a well-adjusted, peaceful child. And if she's crying while you feed her, it may be gas. There are some great remedies for that - I'm sure your doctor can recommend.

I wish you and your baby the very best!
T. B.

yes please please hold her! as much as she wants, as much as you can. get a good sling and/or carrier (i really like the ergo carriers for this age and beyond, very well designed so that the baby's weight is well distributed for you). she needs you, that's why she's wanting to be held. soon she will be crawling and wanting to explore, but will still need to be held a lot too, she will need you as a safe harbor to sail away from and return to. her need for holding will of course gradually diminish over time, so i'd recommend enjoying the closeness now! and i think it's wonderful too that you rock her to sleep (or nursing her to sleep is great too) - all the holding and rocking and cuddling you do now will pay off many times over in the future as she grows up (i speak as mother of two, grandmother of three, all of whom are/have been held as much as they wanted). as far as her screaming during feedings - this may be her way of releasing the pent-up stress from having been left alone to cry in the crib - after she is held and nursed and feels safe, then she has the opportunity to express herself. you could try talking with her, just simply empathizing, like "i'm sorry you were all alone and crying, that must have been really scary for you, it sounds like you're really mad about that, i'm glad you're telling me about it" - whatever seems right to you to say to her, and notice her response. or it may be that she does have some digestive pain (have you introduced any new foods lately for her or for yourself? cow's milk products are especially notorious for causing digestive problems and are not good for humans anyway) - or she may have digestive pain as a result of the crying, in which case it would get better after she isn't left to cry any more. i'd also highly recommend cosleeping, since, if she feels really safe and secure with you all night long, she may have less need to be held as much in the daytime, and will be more interested in exploring the world (with you, of course, nearby and ready to hold her as she needs). i don't know where she is as far as mobility, but she may also be experiencing some frustration about not being able to move around on her own. it sounds like you have very good motherly instincts, i'd just like to encourage you to follow them!

One of the best pieces of advice I ever read was from an Australian sleep expert who pointed out that humans are a carrying species. That is, like many other mammals, we have spent most of our species' history carrying our babies, sleeping with them, and nursing on demand. We are simply wired for it. So I would pick her up. At this young, she's not manipulating you, she's asking for comforting.

The screaming could be reflux--mine had that too--but I would definitely look into it being a sensitivity to cow's milk protein. Mine had that and she cried and arched and screamed, the poor little thing. The pediatrician would shrug and say well, babies cry...but the lactation consultant said try cutting all dairy out of your diet for a couple of weeks. This did it! It's no fun but it will really modify your sweet little girl's misery. I used to cry because I could sense that mine was essentially a happy child trapped in an unhappy body. Then I got really good at avoiding dairy and soy (yes, most kids sensitive to milk are also sensitive to soy).

This sensitivity to casein (cow's milk protein) actually causes lesions in the intestine, which are very painful and take time to heal. I kept telling my pediatrician about the mucous in her stool, but all I got was another shrug. Went off dairy and soy and I had a new little girl!

It's tricky--ingredients like butter, whey, sodium caseinate are hard to avoid--but it was worth it to stop my baby from wailing in a pain I alone could prevent.

Lastly, don't be impatient to get her out of your arms. Rocking for 5-10 minutes is a blessing you'll miss later, when she doesn't even want to be in the same house with you!

Hi:

The picking up and holding I think are individual preference but one thing that worked for us was to put onone of those packs strapped to the chest so our son could feel held but I could still get work done.

As for the screaming when feeding, our son started doing this at 4 weeks old. It turned out that he had acid reflux and so whether I was nursing or tried a bottle he would take a couple of sips and then scream like it hurt. The doctor prescribed oral zantac and that took care of the problem and he went back to eating normally.

Hope this helps.

Please realize that you can't spoil a baby! I know there are times you have to have two hands to get things done, but a sling or is great for holding the baby and doing house work. People think that babies must be "trained" to be independant. What studies have shown is that babies who have strong attachment bonds with their parents develop into more independant children because they are secure in their parents' love. The problem is not with your daughter---a six month old baby should want to be held a lot!

A great resouce to check out is Dr. Sears "The Attachment Parenting Book". There are tons of wonderful slings for holding your baby. Lucky Baby was my favorite www.lucky-baby.com

Six months old and these new babies want to see everything! They are frustrated that they can't get around by themselves: we are their only way of traveling about their world and gathering in new visual stimulation. They are so busy learning. My suggestion would be to find a carrier and wear her as much as you feel comfortable. Alternate playtime and "being worn" time. Children learn a lot from watching their parents, it's one of the best things we can do to teach our babies how the world works.

As for your sleep question, being rocked for 5-10 minutes is pretty normal for a six month old. If you are wanting to try something different, rock her for a long time, until she's almost sleepy, then lay her in her crib and pat her back until she falls asleep. As the days go by, rock her a little less and pat her back a little more. Little children need a routine before rest times, and some quiet soothing before rest. This helps them relax.

Either in the crib or pack-n-play, I would not leave her to cry for a minute longer than you absolutely physically have to. I know cry it out is popular, but leaving a child to cry does the opposite of relax them; it increases their stress level and can, over time, actually affect their brain development. An excellent book in the subject is "The Science of Parenting" by Margot Sunderland and Jack Pannsepp. Easy to read with actual neuro-science data, this book explains some best practices for how we respond to our children's emotional needs.

In regard to your daughter's distress during nursing, we have had excellent luck with taking our son to a chiropracter. Chiropractic medicine helps keep the body in tiptop shape so that our own natural defenses (such as our immune and digestive systems) can do their job. A naturopath is also another option if you are looking for a more natural remedy. Naturopaths also tend to be pretty good detectives at helping mothers figure out what some of their child's mystery ailments might be. Or, of course, your pediatrician.

Hi M.,

Sounds like she's a bit gassy from your description of what she does at feeding time. You can try a couple of different things. First, just good old fashioned burping her..either over your shoulder, or I often had better luck with sitting them on my lap and supporting the tummy and their arms over my supporting arm..and burping. If that doesn't help, sometimes laying on the tummy across a lap...and rubbing the back in circular motion. Any signs she's got any sensitivity to foods you eat? If you eat anything spicy, or acidic, consider removing that from your diet. Even orange juice can be too much for some kids. (It was for mine..I had to go on a pretty bland diet for awhile, but as she ate better I was able to add more foods. If she's six months old you can start her on cereal as well, and use breast milk to mix it so she is getting some that way. However, look into your diet first. My bet there is something..could be pickles, ketchup, orange juice, or even milk sensitivity to milk that you drink! If things don't get better, I'd ask a lactation consultant and your pediatrician. If it's not just gas, it could be an allergy. It might be she is simply starting to assert her little self too. What may be minor gas is often exacerbated by a temper tantrum. (Experience with my daughter there..she's quite the little drama queen and from a young age..tummy problems when she upsets herself).

As far as when to pick her up. That's up to you. If it's a new item..it will take time to get used too. Make sure there are ways for her to hear and see that you are near by. Move the pack n play around the house. They are a little confining when one is used to being held and able to see what's going on. Make sure there is enough light..maybe natural light even. She's probably just feeling a little claustrophobic. My guess is once she realizes you haven't disappeared off the face of the earth when you put her in there she will settle down. Make sure you put her in there sometimes even when you do have time to hold her right then. She needs to know it's not just to get rid of her.

Hi, M.!

I am sorry you are going through a tough time with your baby right now. My second son is also six months old and always wants to be held. It is a pain, but if you can do it, it is probably best for your daughter to be held when she needs it. I bought a great baby carrier that I can wear my son in when I really need to get things done around the house. It is called a "Baby Trekker" and is from Canada. You can buy a good one that has been returned to the company and cleaned for half price of a regular one. Here is the website: www.babytrekker.com.

I constantly try to put my son down in the crib during the day and sometimes he sleeps for 20 or 30 minutes, but sometimes he cries and cries and cries. I completely understand what you are going through. I would love to hear advice that other people give you on this topic as well.

It sounds like your baby may be teething and/or may have gas in her tummy when she screams. With my first son, we used Baby's Bliss Gripe Water which seemed to calm his stomach down. It is made with all-natural ingredients. Here is the website: http://www.babysbliss.com/default.aspx.

Whatever happens with your baby, please remember that this time is short, and it will get better with time. Take care!

M.,
Hello. Congratulations on your little baby girl! I do not have any advice for you about your baby wanting to be held as I just held my baby when she wanted me to. They do grow and mature quickly so you wont be holding her forever. At any rate, I know that teething with my daughter was really painful for her. Seemed like she was unhappy from 6 months until 11 months when she finally got all of her teeth in. What I found that helped was using a clean damp wash cloth that I froze in the freezer for her to bite on. ( The teething rings were always too big for her to bit on ). This helped her with the pain. Also, my baby was and still is a very gassy baby. She too would stop in the middle of a feeding and arch up her back. I found that what I was eating in my diet was giving her gas that was very painful for her. Her peditrition gave me the advice that if it gave me gas.... then it could give her gas. So, I just avoided eating things that could give her gas. It really did help. Also, I changed the way I was holding her on my breast, babies can swallow alot of air while feeding. Changing how she was being held gave her a better "fit" with less air gulping. Also, I learned to take breaks while feeding her and massage her tummy and back to make sure she was burping well and was not too full of air. This is what worked for us. My baby girl is now 20 months old, running all over the house and very independant. Your little one will be there sooner than you think. Good luck.

It sounds like your daughter is experiencing separation anxiety (kicks in around 6 months and can come and go after that) and teething pain. Rather than put her in a playpen, I bet she would love to be carried in a sling. That would give her the security she needs, plus free you up to do what you need to do. There are a lot available, check them out online. Some are even great for toddlers.

There are natural, homeopathic tablets that dissolve under her tongue that you can give her for teething relief. You can find them at regular drugstores. Putting soft teething toys in the fridge and then letting her chew on them might help, too.

I would really recommend reading The Baby Book by Dr. Sears. He has some awesome ideas about how to help your baby through difficult times that increase your bond with your child and help them feel secure and happy.

5-10 minutes of rocking before sleep sounds really good. ;) I've never let my son cry it out...it went against all my instincts. He's extremely independent now. Don't be too hard on yourself, they change so fast. Pretty soon she'll be too busy to cuddle with you!

I have a 4 year old and am awaiting the arrival of twins this week. I've found that no matter what the situation, it changes about every 3 months, so hang in there. Good luck!

The screaming and arching the back during feeding can be signs of acid reflux. Though if this is a new thing she is doing, I would find it hard to believe it is acid. Both my children have it and it was right from the get go. Maybe she is having problems with gas?

As far as wanting to be held all the time, I have found that about 6 months is when both my kids went through that phase. I know it is hard to let them cry. You can try going in every 5 mins and rub her back, then make it 10 mins the next time before you go back in. It is all trial and error I have found! Good luck :)

another way to achieve the "holding" while keeping you and your husband hands-free is to invest in an Ergo Baby carrier. this is different from the Baby Bjorn in that the baby can be worn on your back. thus, leaving you free to do everything that you need to without leaving her to cry it out away from you. you can purchase it on line for $92, i think. there is also an insert for newborns that allows for extra head support. i forget how much that costs. but entirely, it was by far the best investment i have made yet, regarding baby carrying gadgets. good luck!

To help her learn to sleep on her own, let her cry, but not with out comfort. What worked for me was the 5 minute rule. I would put my boys in their crib awake, and if they cried I would wait 5 minutes, and then go comfort them without picking them up. I would rub their backs/tummys, hum or sing softly, and talk to them, but never pick them up of give them food. Once they were calm I would leave again. If they started to cry again I would wait another 5 minutes and then start all over. I would use a timer because it can be hard to wait the full 5 minutes when your baby is crying, but this method really works. It only took a couple of nights going in once, maybe twice, and then they learned that bed time was bed time, and that was the end of it. They are now 3 and almost 5, and they don't give me any trouble at bed time.

Good luck.

M.,

I gather from your post that these are her first teeth? The first time around can be super terrifying for your little one. Right now is ***NOT*** the time to start teaching her to self soothe. Look at it from her point of view: Mom and Dad have always been there when I need them. There is this terrible pain in my mouth. Where are Mom and Dad? Mommy, make it all better, this really hurts!! And other such thoughts.

My son is 5 and my daughter is 18 months (and still teething). With both of them we didn't want to have a drugged up baby all the time so we'd give the recommended doses of the Concentrated Tylenol Infant Drops as needed. They'd usually wind up with a dose around breakfast, maybe one at lunch, and one before bed, if needed. Another thing that worked well if either of mine just needed some relief **right. now.!!** was the baby oragel. A trace amount on MY fingertip numbed my whole mouth, it's gotta be a relief for them.

Her arching and fussing when nursing is also an indicator of painful teething. Be patient and try to understand her side. Another thing that might help is to rub her gums with gently pressure. The counter pressure of your finger will relieve her pain. If you don't want to medicate there is the damp washcloth, chilled. Or any teething toy chilled. Of course every child is different. My son would not touch any teething toy unless it was room temperature. My daughter uses anything as a teething toy, including my fingers.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

About being held a lot - get an infant carrier! It's a life saver. You can put her on your back and still do the laundry, the dishes, and she's happy too. It works very well and give you a workout in the process.

My nephew had acid reflux - there are a lot of homeopathic remedies for that. I would take her to the doctor to find out what's wrong. The solutions my sister got were a homeopathic rememdy called "Chamomilla", and I gave her some "Gripe Water" and then she also put some digestive enzyme solution on her nipples to help with baby's digestion.

Also, food allergies may be a trigger - usually dairy being the biggest one. It also turns out my nephew has these problems when my sister eats lots of fat, or dairy. Try eating more fruits and veggies (the less cooked the better) and less other stuff.

God bless. This is a big problem for a lot of kids.

She may have an ear infection or is teething

Hi M.,

I really didn't have time to read the other responses, so I'm sorry if this is a repeat. It seems that in general, babies around six months or so like to be held, a lot. THere are a lot of things that go on during this time of their life: teething, growing pains, discovery, not a lot of long-term memory, etc... What I usually advise parents to do is don't worry. Come to a happy medium with your child. Decide which things you simply must and will set her down and let her cry for(15 minutes is probably long enough for a 6 month old). Then, buy a good baby carrier (I suggest a Stretchy Wrap such as a Moby wrap, not a Snuggli brand or back-pack type carrier for this) and learn how to wear her while doing other tasks. www.thebabywearer.com is a great place to start for information on different carriers and how to wear your baby. It is definitely possible that your daughter is being more clingy due to teething especially being that she is breastfed. Trying something to relieve the pain if that is something you would like to do can help sometimes.
Also, I just wanted to mention that the screaming and arching her back could be a lot of things, but 2 come to mind off of the top of my head. I've noticed that when my own babies teeth, that they often get ear aches and that swallowing can effect that. The other thing that's pretty common is some sort of reflux. Babies don't have to spit up to have it! I just want to encourage you...Don't hesitate to take her in if you feel that you need to. That's what doc.s are there for. Don't ever feel bad about being concerned!

D. Rylander
A Blessed Birth Doula Services
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She may be clingy because of teething or seperation anxiety. I couldn't really put my daughter down much between 6 and 7 months without her screaming HARD!! It will pass, but she really might need to be in contact with you now for her development. It's perfectly healthy and normal and it's much easier to hold her than let her scream. With the eatting, if she's teething, her gums might really be hurting. Try giving her a cold teether before you put her to breast. That may help her gums be comfortable enough to eat and then she won't be screaming because she's hungry.

Is it possible that you're pregnant? That could also be causing both behaviors.

Hi M.-
I suggest Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for the sleep issues. My advice is be sure to follow your girl's sleep signs and honor them....put her to bed as her brain is naturally slowing down and she will learn that when she's tired, she goes to sleep.
As far as the pain while feeding....the sucking can irritate the gums and the milk can be irritating, too, I've heard. Just keep the patience up....it will pass and you'll look back and say....oh, teething. Good luck. A.

Hi M.,

We helped our baby learn how to sleep by helping sleep train (aka cry it out) I am so glad we decided to help her sleep on her own. The first nap on the first day was horrible but after that, with only a few retreats, she is able to go to sleep just by putting her in her crib. It is wonderful for all of us.

As far as the pain when nursing. You said she is teething right? Her gums probably hurt... poor thing. (Especially if she is pulling off screaming after already gotten latched on.)Try some gum numbing gel or talk to your dentist about what they recommend.

This is so sweet....and it won't last forever. So cherish this time and buy a great ERGO to save your back. Those are the BEST baby carriers. It is proven that babies should be near you and it is GREAT for brain development. So, don't worry, just do it and, like I said, it won't last forever. Also, she may be having separation anxiety and that is normal to want to be near you. It creates trust later in life.

M. B

Please do yourself a favor and have your daughters ears checked,that can be a lot of her pain as she gets warmth around the head and it can ease the pain when being held when nursing she is sucking good but then she has to swallow both can make the ears hurt we went through this fussing with my niece till we found out and really do not take a nope could not be that with out through exmaining being done and or tests ok happy future, S. L.

it sounds like your daughters tummy is upset try using Mylicon you can get it at any store its the only thing that worked for my son when he was like that

Hi, M.-- great questions- . It sounds as though she may be crying ( when she is nursing) because sucking makes her mouth hurt - - if teeth are coming in- that could hurt. You might ask your doctor if there is something you can pick up at the pharmacy to help with gum pain. As for the other crying --- At six months --- I would have something like this:

During the day- she needs to be playing with things she likes for at least half an hour -- and if I need to her to be 'down' for 20 minutes - she'd just have to be down for that long ( not longer than 20 - but that's me) -- at night time- 10 minutes to hold her before bed is not bad --- I'd be happy with that - then if she wakes up in the night -- I'd give her 20 minutes to 40 minutes to be nursed and held - and then back to bed --- ( for a minimum of 4 hours before the next feed) Those are limits I am comfortable with- the goal is for you to find what you and your husband can tolerate - and then stick to it- with flexibility for illness, pain, other upset - .

Blessings,
J.