My Son Closer to One Set of Grandparents

It is completely normal. I was closer to my dads parents, my boys are closer to their dads parents. I think it really comes down to how involved they are.

please quit letting your hormones destroy the good in your life! :)

Quit being jealous & insecure....& that's what this is! Again, :)

Let all be happy, allow them the freedom to be the individuals they are. Not many mamas have ILs so wonderful. It sounds like it's a natural "thing" for them....& it's not their fault that your own parents lack these skills.

As you mentioned in your post, it's not the timing. It's not the frequency of the visits. It's all about the ease & effort put into the relationship. My own MIL was wonderful with all of her gkids. They all felt the love....all 20+ of them! As each new baby came along, my MIL's heart was like the Grinch's...it just kept expanding. What a precious gift to receive!

By contrast, my Mom is known as Gma Grouchy. She applauds this & the kids all know it's part of her nature. They also applaud this part of her...which is really weird if you think about it! Both of my sons...& my sister's kids all travel with her. They've all spent many, many wkends with her. They are there for Mother's Day & help with our annual work day. You can have closeness ...regardless of the personalities involved....& we are proof positive of this.

Embrace your family as they are! Don't place limits on them....& allow your children to blossom within the garden of your family! ....Peace to You.

I am a new grandmother and I know that I will have a very close and special relationship with my granddaughter regardless of what kind of relationship she has with her other grandma or with her parents. This relationship development is between me and my grandchild and nobody else. I plan to make sure she knows that I love her unconditionally and will always be there for her. It is not a competition and heartily wish her to have as many deep and wonderfully loving relationships she can get in her life. My granddaughter does not have a job to do when it comes to being in relationship with me. She doesn't have to act happy to see me or prefer me to anyone else. Because I love her I want her to have the best relationship she can have with all of the adults in her life.

My young children (6 & 5) have already lost one of their grandmothers. My granddaughter's two grandfathers are already gone and she's only 18 months old. Life is very short sometimes and each and every relationship is special in it's own right. When a grandparent is lost you miss that person and remember all the fun times with him or her. You do not compare or think, why did I have to lose the "good" one or whatever.

I think your time would be better spent trying to help your parents connect with your son on a deeper level. Take the pressure off. Know that your son does love them and you can help him appreciate them more by pointing out special things they can share together. When Grandpa X was your age he lived {here} and he liked to {fish}. Would you like Grandpa to show you how to {fish}? Your son will have a good relationship with your folks. It won't look like his relationship with the other grandparents because it shouldn't. It is unique and both relationships are important to him and should be fostered.
Congratulations on your new addition and best wishes.

I was always closer to my maternal grandma than my paternal grandparents. Mostly because one lived in town and the other did not. That didn't mean I wasn't over the moon for the time I spent with my dads parents.

My kids were closer to my parents growing up but at teens and adults it evened out. Some people aren't little kid kinda grandparents. Don't make your child suffer for it.

So yeah it happened but I didn't react as you did. You should be happy your child has so many wonderful family members.

I would let things be the way they are and allow him to bond to whoever he wants to bond to. If your in-laws coming over is a problem - completely separate of your son's attachment to the - then I definitely understand limiting that a little bit.

My children are more attached to my mom than my in-laws. But it used to be the other way around. They used to be much more attached to my in-laws, but now it's flipped.

I totally understand feeling a bit upset that your child is more attached to the in-laws than your parents. But unless there is something actually wrong or bad happening, I would let nature take it's course and let him attach how he does. I wouldn't tell your parents that he is more attached to your in-laws or anything.

Anyway, good luck!

Sort of. My hubby has two sets of parents and I have my mom. The ones who are the nicest and go out of their way to have a relationship with my kids are the ones they are closest to. But in your case, this will change as your kids get older. Maybe your parents can't relate to 2 year olds as well as your in laws but your kids won't be little forever. Maybe as they get older, your parents will do better than your in laws. But in the grand scheme of things, your children will have a great relationship with both sets of parents. You don't need to worry. They both love your son and will love your other baby too. Your son (and new baby) are truly blessed to have both of them love your kids so much. It will work out. Don't worry!! =)

I'm sorry but that is just crazy. You said, " I think my parents just aren't that good with my son and doesn't give him all the attention that my MIL gives my son."

And you would LIMIT the time your MIL spends with your son because your child likes her better? If you do that, you will hurt yourself (you are lucky to get the assistance), your marriage, and your son. Your son loves your MIL, why would you limit his involvement with her?

Your jealousy is irrational. You have to let it go, and let your son love whomever he wants, as much as he wants.

Well, I think you need to separate the 2 issues - your son preferring your in-laws over your own parents, and the fact that your husband needs to see his parents every weekend-moment.

You say yourself that your MIL is great with your son and that your parents are not-so-much. You also say your parents don't seem to care, so why are you getting so bent outta shape about it?! Let it go and be happy your son has 2 grandmas that love him so much. And who knows, maybe he'll grow closer to your parents as he gets a little older - but you really can't force this.

Maybe approach the issue of NOT seeing your in-laws every day by planning some all-day outings for just the 3 of you - NO grandparents at all. Stop making this about your son seeing your inlaws less, and make it about your family of 3 spending quality time together. Maybe if your husband doesn't feel like you're *trying* to keep them away, he'll be more receptive.

Relax! First- relationships grow and change over time. Just because your in laws are closer/better to a 2 year old doesn't mean they will be to an 8 year old. Second- some people just click with other people. Your oldests personality seems to have clicked with your in-laws. The new baby might click with your parents Third-- do you REALLY want to limit how much love your son recieves?

I think most of us here probably preferred one set of grandparents over the other for a time while we were small. As I got older tho I loved them and enjoyed them all the same. It will all even out eventually. Sounds like your husbands parents are really awesome with your son, don't worry about it, the relationship with your parents will change as he gets more mature, and that's probably the way they prefer it as well.

You cannot force or limit family. They are who they are.

If your parents ONLY live 30 minutes away, they could come over as much as the other set of grandparents. It is their choice that they do not.
YOU could also go over to their home more often.

And yes, some people are better with young children than others. This cannot be forced.

Yes, your son is just used to one set of grandparents, but the more he is around the other set, it will get better.

When I was growing up, we went to one grandparents home on Sat. and then usually the next day to the other grandmothers home.

One of my grandmothers had a LOT of personality.. Her home was lively with lots of laughing and kids running in and out of the house. Lots of amazing food..

My other grandparents house always had the TV on and we needed to be quiet so her husband could hear the TV.. She was not a great cook, so we rarely ate with them. She was also a bit of a meek person (still is) so she was not as lovey dovey as the other.

But I still loved them the same.

I spent the night with each. I liked visiting each, they were just different people. The more your son is around them the more he will get used to them.

In our daughters life? My MIL is crafty and creative, she has beautiful gardens. My mom loves to play games, read, just visit. My dad likes to go to the movies and take the kids shopping.. It is nice to have an assortment.

My husbands grandparents liked hosting family gatherings, my grandmother does not really have people over at her home, but likes to visit and observe..

My son used to be so much closer to my mom than to my in-laws (Both sets of grandparents live in another state). He would run to my mom and gush all over her and kiss her and be so very excited to see her. He hardly have his other grandparents a hello. It was embarrassing. It was because he spent more time with my mom and she was also really good at taking him to do fun things. She would buy little inexpensive toys for him etc. Basically, she spoiled him a lot. My husband's parents both work and their visits tend to be short. They don't focus on spoiling their grandkids but just on all being together as a family. When our son was 5 and a half they invited him to come spend a week at their house with his 2 other cousins and we very nervously let him go! It went WONDERFULLY and ever since then he is so bonded with his other grandparents. We did it again this last summer - having both our kids stay with them for 5 days without us. Anyway - my take on it is perhaps your child needs more bonding time with them.

My kids are closer with my parents. They live across the country from us but spend the summers where we live. They are very active and love to do things with my kids. Take them camping, swimming, kite flying, do projects around the house. My kids love spending time with them.

My in laws live in the same city as we do. They are very nice, but more reserved. My Father-in-law is also very old. My kids love them, but they have a different relationship with them then they have with my parents.

Naturally my kids are closer to the grandparents that spend more time being active and having fun with them.

Yep, but in my case its the opposite. My mom is awesome with our kids and lives much closer. She has always been a kid person and everyone under the age of 6 instantly adores her.

It is hard for my husband because his parents not only live farther away but really aren't that interested in the kids. Besides saying hi and holding the baby for 10 seconds, they basically ignore the kids. As much as this hurts my husband, I appreciate that he does not take his hurt out on our daughters and my mom. He is glad to have one grandparent who is so involved.

As long as you are trying to provide the time with your parents, it's up to them to make the extra effort with your son. Some people just aren't kid people. I sincerely hope that my in-laws will be more interested in the kids when they are older, but this is who they are and I don't begrudge the fact that they are not kid people.

That being said, I can understand that you are hurt and angry and those feelings are valid, but the situation falls into the category of "it sucks when other people don't act the way we hope they would(especially when it comes to family and kids!).

This post begs the question - WHY does it bother you? Do you think your parents are somehow judging you negatively because your son isn't as comfortable with them as he is with his other grandparents? Honestly, I ENVY you parents and in-laws whom you see often! My kids basically grew up without grandparents cos my in-laws live in another city, my mother lived overseas for most of their childhood and I've had no contact at all with my father for the past 15 years! I hope, one day, that my son's wife won't feel like you do because I adore kids and plan to be a very "hands-on" gran! Asking for time to be alone, though, is another story. You ABSOLUTELY need to have time alone with your babies and hubby and shouldn't feel forced to spend every weekend with your in-laws. If your Mom & Dad want to spend more time with you, hubby & kids, you need to explain to hubby that he needs to agree to a compromise regarding visits. Try to relax and enjoy the last month of your pregnancy. Trust that everything is as it should be. Good luck!

Please try to be grateful that your children have one set of grandparents that they can be close to and consider "the fun grandparents." I'll spare you how things are in my family and how things were growing up for me. I don't want to bore you with a teal dear.

But essentially, you feel how you feel, but I would NOT come between your IL's relationship with your children because it's a GOOD and BENEFICIAL relationship. Your kids need that, especially if your parents are hands-off. You can't change your parents. Why allow yourself to be sad and anxious over something you can't change about someone else?

Now if you want more family time at home with your kids and husband, go for it. Just don't diminish the time you and your kids spend with your IL's just because you wish your kids were closer to your parents. That's not your IL's fault, nor your fault, nor your kids. It just is how it is. It would be a real shame if your children had set of absentee grandparents and a set of grandparents who wished they could be more present but weren't allowed to be out of a false sense of "fairness" and misplaced jealousy.

Don't try to force the relationships to be what you want them to be. Your husband is right - you can't make your son like your parents more or your in laws less. I think you do need to spend time at home together at least 1-2 weekends a month so you have some down time. But don't do it out of jealousy. Relationships change over time. If your parents aren't cuddly and that's what your son responds to NOW, let it be. When he gets older, he will have different needs and his grandparent relationships will change.

Your in laws sound like wonderful grandparents. Maybe your own parents aren't so comfortable in this role? There's nothing wrong with that, but perhaps you just need to accept that this is how it is. Thirty minutes away is NOTHING, I'm sorry but your parents could be more involved and hands on if they wanted to.
I know it's hard, my own mom is not a good grandma at all, but I'm SO glad my kids have my wonderful MIL to make up for it :)
However, I don't think you need to see them EVERY Friday, Saturday and Sunday, you guys should have a day on the weekend for just yourselves.

It's not at all uncommon for kids to be closer to some extended family members than others. In fact, in the real world, there is probably no such thing as perfectly equal relationships. So it sounds like you're doing an awful lot of mental arithmetic, and it's getting in the way of appreciating how valuable your in-laws bond with your son is.

As he gets older, his needs and preferences will change. He'll be able to be much more relaxed with your parents, and if you give them all the opportunity, they'll have a chance to form a deeper connection. And they may be much more comfortable with him, too. Plenty of older folks have forgotten a great deal about how to interact with young children.

Try to spare yourself from worrying too much about this. If you carry negative feelings about what is and isn't happening, they can unintentionally interfere with something that is truly beautiful.

I'm very close to my grandson, who's now going on 6. His parents (my daughter and son-in-law) have never indicated any sense of competition between me and his other grandma, who is also close. I would be puzzled if I felt my son-in-law holding me away or resenting me. Thankfully, that's not an issue. I know he goes out of his way to let me know how much he appreciates me. And the real beneficiary of all this love is my grandson.

I understand how you feel. But on the other hand, I see that you are the mom of a little boy, so I would think part of you would be glad that in your little family you are bucking the trend of the maternal grandparents always being the closer grandparents. KWIM?
If you let your son enjoy a close relationship with hubby's parents...he will see that as a good thing and be more inclined to make sure YOU and hubby are close to HIS kids after he gets married! Instead of just glomming onto the wife's family. So, when you share your son with hubby's parents, try to think of it as something you are actually doing for YOURSELF! :)
But, as the others said - do make sure you get enough time for your own little family. If we were spending every weekend with my husband's parents - or heck, MY parents! - I'd be annoyed too!

Its the opposite with Us. My mom lives about a mile in a half from us. My in-laws lives about 30-45 minutes from us. My mom comes around once or twice a week or sometimes about every other week.(They have there own stuff to do,plus have my 11 year old half brother to deal with and give us our privacy) My inlaws come up once a week to visit. They use to bring snacks when they visit. My mom would sometimes pick up little knick knacks toys for them. Out of three of my kids some acts different towards each other. My oldest attachs more towards my mom. My middle and youngest towards both grandparents. It also depends on the day and what mood they are in. Its probably a faize(?) your son is going threw and how each grandparents personality and mood they act towards your son. My oldest is the type she doesn't like to be messed with and when she says stop, she means it. My inlaws with joke or mess with her and she gets ticked off and doesnt want to talk to them and will go off and do her own thing. My mom knows how to work around her and knows how to approach her kindly,and plus they have similar personalities(kinda like I do). She's will talk to my inlaws now and talk her head off about stuff. Kids will go threw weird and crazy stages in there lives. I notice that with mine 3. Sometimes I do the same thing, I will get jealous b/c one of my kids will say they like my mother in law more than my mom. It doesn't mean they don't love your mom/parents. Just give him some time,talk about your parents and the good stuff that they do.(Like fishing,dancing,painting,etc)
Sorry its kinda hard to explain.lol.....Best wishes!!! :)

Count your blessings for having wonderful ILs. You said yourself "I think my parents just aren't that good with my son and doesn't give him all the attention that my MIL gives my son". Kids feel the LOVE. You cannot fake that. Your MIL probably was like that with your husband when he was little and he loves his mom back even when he is a grown up. It is a wonderful footsteps to follow for your son! - embrace that.
Instead of limiting the time with ILs, get your folks to be active grandparents, if they are interested, of course.

You mentioned that if your son was attached to your parents, this would be no problem. That right there shows that this is your issue and not your son's, not your husband's, and not your in law's. If you want to spend more time together as a family, great! Do it. Don't limit your son's time with your in laws just because you are jealous. That's not fair to anyone.

When my son goes to visit my parents, he is much closer to my mom than my dad. It makes my dad jealous a little, but it's not like I'm going to keep my son away from my mom and make him spend time with my dad to try and even out how my son feels.

Do your parents make the effort to visit you or are you always going to them? Do they actively ask to spend time with your son? If the answer is no, forcing more time with them isn't going to make your son closer to them.

Be grateful they are both in your life. 30 minutes or 5 minutes away is the
same to me. Your parents could spend just as much time as your MIL.
Your MIL may just feel more comfortable with little ones. Your parents
maybe just do not like little kids, but will do better when older. Any way,
count your blessings. You have family that loves you and your family.
Let the jealousy go. It serves no purpose.

i feel like maybe you admit and see that your parents just aren't the cuddly lovey type grandparents that your inlaws are? that is perhaps the crux of the problem. it is natural for you to be a bit jealous, you love your parents and you love your son and you want them to have a close bond like you see he has with your inlaws. but i wouldn't start fights over it. it's unfortunate that you've already had fights about this with your husband, because i DO agree that it sounds like the three of you need some family time, away from your inlaws. it's great that they are close, and it's unfortunate that your parents aren't closer, BUT...it seems perhaps your own little family dynamic might be being ignored.

but if you admit that your inlaws are great, you really have to let it go a bit. if your parents don't realize or aren't bothered by the situation, you have to leave it alone. for your family's sake, and your son's. don't make him feel guilty that one set of grandparents are more "fun" than the other, it's not his fault.

just hang in there, and continue to take your son to your parents house. stay with him and be natural and comfortable. maybe do something fun with them like go to the zoo or a park. when he gets older he will learn to respect them and not act hysterical and crazy every time you try to leave. help him. teach him. be patient. good luck!

Ohhh! I feel your pain! My inlaws live an hour away. My parents are 6 hours away in another state. My inlaws feel that they cant miss a moment and they are over allmost every weekend as well as at least one day a week, where as my parents only come down every 6 weeks or so -they arent able to come more often due to their work schedules and health reasons . My twins are 14months old, but they defiantly dont seem to recognize my parents but do my inlaws. and I hate that. Too me grandparents are best in small doses and seeing them should be occasional and not daily.When I was a kid seeing the grandparents was a special occasion, not oh its tuesday/fri/sat/sun grandmas here....again