My Sister & Her Unborn Child

She's vain about her weight but refuses to eat healthy and instead eats junk food and starves herself??

Well.. Honestly, I would have to stay out if it because I'd be judgemental. Plain and simple. She's already starting motherhood selfishly.

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I'm only 5'2". Weighed 95 lbs before my first daughter. I gained 40 lbs! Then with my second I gained 20 lbs. But I got pregnant only a few months after giving birth so I still had baby weight. I ended up at the same weight both times. Even now I'm still at like 114 a year after giving birth to my second daughter. Do I like my love handles? Nope. But I don't mind having the M. look. :)

My niece who is about 5 feet tall and weighed 105 pounds, only gained about 15 pounds (Dad is only about 5'5 and mabey 150 pounds) when she was preggo and just had a 22 inch boy that weighed 9lbs 12oz!!! My niece also had a terrible diet but her baby boy is super healthy.

Prenatal vitamins work better when taken with food. I used to hate them too, but baby needs them...

It sounds like the doctor is concerned, too. However, at this point, she is creating her own problems. It sounds like this is an issue she really needs counseling on--her self-image and self-esteem. We should strive to be healthy, but gaining a reasonable amount of weight when pregnant shouldn't send our self-esteem crashing unless this was already a problem.

I don't know what to say, other than it sounds like your sister is a pretty fragile person on the inside. Is she ambivalent about having a child? Fearing motherhood? Medical intervention will help the baby, but having a mom who is at loose ends is something else entirely. My guess is that you could call her doctor and express your concern--without expecting him to comment, of course-- and then, be available with resources. If she's frightened of becoming a parent, having the number to a postpartum hotline can help.

I don't know what else to offer you, other than my suggestion that she needs counseling. And if this is eating you up, then you too should find someone who can support you. It's difficult to watch relatives be careless with their children, either in utero or after they are born. I have had to do this myself--one of my siblings was using drugs while pregnant and the baby was born early with birth defects and died a week later. I have found that working out my feelings, accepting that I had NO control over the actions of others, and figuring out how to forgive them and let them deal with the consequences of their actions-- a counselor was helpful. So, I can't help you 'understand'--because I don't understand myself, really-- but what I have suggested can really help.

This is between her and her doctor. If she brings it up with you (and is doing so in a way where she is trying to justify her behavior, not looking for advice) then tell her that you don't see eye to eye with her on this, won't discuss it, and change the subject.

FWIW, there is nothing wrong, IMO, with 16 lbs of weight gain. I gained fewer than 10 lbs with each pregnancy (and actually lost weight during the first trimester will each) and my kids all ranged in size from 7.5 - 9.2 lbs and were born between 39 and 42 weeks. That said, I am not slender to begin with. Additionally, there is NO WAY at all to tell how big a baby is while in utero. The u/s measurements and fundal height checks are estimates at best. My oldest son was estimated to be at 6.5 - 7 lbs via u/s on the day he was born and he was really 9.2. The estimates for my kids were all at least half a pound off.

Being in the 10th percentile isn't failure to thrive. Even if that estimate is right, statitsically speaking someone will always be in the 10th percentile. That doesn't mean that there is a health issue - someone 5'3 with a short husband could easily have a small child just by genetics alone. My youngest was in the 5th - 10th percentile for many years - he's just a small kid (my husband's family is petite). Additionally, at 37 weeks of pregnancy, the difference between 10th percentile and 50th percentile is 1 lb, which can easily be a bad estimate. You are really being judgmental here based on second-hand information that is a guess at best. Unless a woman is severely malnourished (as in literally starving), her body will funnel nutrients to her baby. Even in truly impovershed parts of the world, women are able carry and give birth to babies. Yes low birthweight babies are still a problem in the US, but the biggest lifestyle factor that affects that is smoking, which hopefully she doesn't do. Just hope that her baby is OK and be there for her if she does end up having any complications.

In a perfect world, every woman would gain the exact amount of weight deemed "healthy" by modern medicine, and not one pound more (cuz that's not healthy either). But how often does that happen?

Luckily for many many centuries, women have been giving birth to healthy babies whether they've gained nothing (just the weight of the baby itself and the placenta) or 100 lbs. It's an amazing machine, the female body..

I'm guessing your concern is your sister may have eating disorders, or at the very least, an unhealthy relationship with food/weight.

But you must know that unborn babies are not diagnosed with 'failure to thrive'.

Having had babies yourself, you must also know that the measurement of an unborn child, size and weight, is not an exacting science.

So with your understanding that she is not you, and this is not your baby, perhaps you can help and support her obvious eating issues in a kind way, as it is a very difficult lifelong struggle for women who have it.

:)

Babies take what they need from Mom.
Mom has no control over this.
Predictions of the baby s weight before birth are notorious for being inaccurate (they have a percentile for unborn children?).
Small parents tend to have small babies (but I know a 5' tall woman who's kids weigh in at over 7 lbs at birth).
It's nice to take vitamins (especially 1st and 2nd trimester for brain and organ development) but at this stage of the game the baby's pretty much fully developed and just gaining weight and maturing (lungs, etc) in preparation for life outside of the womb.
At least she is getting some prenatal care.
Try to let it go - it's her life and her family.
Be comforted in that you feel you do the best for your own kids and you've given them the best start you could from conception.

Is she Anorexic?
Being she is so vain about her weight?
Hope her Doc is monitoring her well.

In any case, with my 2nd pregnancy, I only gained 15 pounds. My Doc ALSO told me, that because I had gained like 25 pounds with my 1st pregnancy and per my starting weight upon my 2nd pregnancy, that he did not want me to gain, over 15 pounds.
But I didn't do anything different, except just ate healthily. I didn't starve myself and ate anything anytime. It just so happened, that I only gained 15 pounds. Which my Doc was happy about.
My son was born healthy and over 8 pounds.

In your sister's case, well you are worried.
But you really can't tell her what to do.
She does seem to have a psychological issue with her weight... even before she got pregnant.
So, THAT Is what needs to be dealt with.
She also eats junks or starves herself... so to an outsider, it seems like she has real mental issues with food and eating and is dysfunctional.
But, she and her Husband, has to deal with it.
Maybe the Husband is just as oblivious to it as she is.

Or, maybe she has bad morning sickness and can't eat?
But again, her Doctor, has to deal with it.

I think it is hard to watch someone make decisions that may very well be bad for the baby. But unfortunately there isn't really much you can do about it. The fact that the baby is small may not even have much to do with her unhealthy eating habits.

The measuring of the baby is not an exact science. When I was pregnant with my second child they told me that he was going to be really small and they also wanted to get him out early because of it (I gained more than 50 pounds, ate lots of veggies and took the vitamins so my son's failure tho thrive didn't have anything to do with my eating habits). Anyway, I had a C-section and he was normal weight, way heavier than they had predicted.

It's only a few more weeks. Just be supportive for the rest of her pregnancy.

She is under the care of her doctor and there may be other factors (my cousin had too much amniotic fluid and her DD was only 5lbs). If she brings up the weight again, simply her that it is healthy for a woman to gain 20-40lbs in pregnancy because a baby weighs an average of x and then there's the water, the placenta, etc. It's not fat. It's baby. If they are so concerned that they are talking about inducing, then they are watching the kid closely. At this point, I would actually be relieved that the doctors seem to be keeping a close eye on baby and will get it out when it is no longer better to be in the womb.

I think particularly vain or naturally thin people have a harder time with weigh gain. I never go my abs back entirely from my 8lb baby girl (I'm 5'1" on a good day and gained almost 40 lbs), but DH tells me he loves me the way I am. If her DH is also vain, then he may be making her feel badly. After the baby is born, encourage her to go for walks and be healthy and tell her (truthfully) that breastfeeding burns calories. Not to be unhealthy about it, but to be realistic. My mom didn't know that she wouldn't fit in her old jeans after I was born and was devistated. Make sure your sister knows this and has an outfit she likes to wear home.

She's on track to gain 20 bs - you do gain nearly a pound a week at the end. She's fine.

Some babies have to be the smallest, some have to be the largest. 5'3" is still pretty short, and you said her husband isn't tall - so they are not going to have big babies. I'm 5'2", my husband is 5'9" and all of my children are and always ahve been at the 3% line.

I had hyperemesis gravidarium through all three of my pregnancies. During my first two pregnancies I lost a considerable amount of weight... weight I couldn't really afford to lose. Anti-nausea medication didn't work. I survived on Slim Fast shakes (approved by my doctor because Boost made me puke), water, and when I could keep them down, prenatal vitamins. Except the prenates kept me wide awake for 24 hours and made my nausea worse most of the time.

There wasn't much I was able to eat. Mostly, it was carbs and a couple of vegetables. Sometimes hot tea.

I delivered my babies prematurely, but that runs in my family. I was the first in my family (on the maternal side) to deliver as far along as I did. All of the women in my family have hyperemesis gravidarium. The babies are all born healthy... just early. They're all born the right size for the time of gestation.

And just so you know, you don't know that the unborn baby is failing to thrive. It takes any and all nutrients that your sister takes in. It takes any and all nutrients that are stored in your sister's body to begin with. The baby will likely be born healthy unless she's a substance abuser. Your sister is harming herself more than she's harming the baby. You can encourage her to eat better, but you can't force her.

I only gained 27.5 lbs when I was pregnant with my son 16 years ago.
I didn't take prenatal vitamins after the first month because the made me sick. I did try and eat a healthy diet - but there was junk involved also.

He weighed over 7lbs at birth and was perfectly healthy. Oh, I am 5'2" and weighed about 105 when I got pregnant.

So I don't hold with the theory that women need to gain a ton of weight during pregnancy.

Ultimately, and unfortunately, the health of the baby will not be known until birth.

That is just amazing. Unless you are overweight, you have to gain weight! It use to be they limited women to 17-18lbs, and then they realized they were contributing to "failure to thrive." Now they say between 25-35 lbs for healthy women because that equates into a healthy baby!

I lost all of my weight quickly. I mean, really, after you have the baby, you are already down 15lbs. I usually end up only needing to lose 10-12 lbs. It takes no time at all when you breastfeed.

I wish I had some advice, but your SIL sounds like a piece of work. I hope her narcissism doesn't continue when the baby arrives.

Fortunately, the baby will *usually* get what the baby needs. And, weight gained does not always equate to weight of the baby. I am 5'2" and 100lbs. I gained 40lbs with my first and he was only 5lbs 13oz. I gained almost 50lbs with #2 and #3. They were both 7lbs 3oz. The weight fell off and I'm back down to 100lbs.

It sounds like your sis has quite a few unhealthy habits...if this is upsetting now, wait until the child is here...good luck!

I had a friend like this, and to be honest, the baby was skinny an ugly when first born. She did breastfeed for 3 months and the baby didn't get much bigger. Once she started feeding him formula he gained weight and is super cute now. If you've ever seen 'I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant'...you'll see that most babies in-utero can survive quite a bit. Being stupid about gaining wait does put baby at risk but doens't guarantee problems. Hopefully she will wisen up once that baby is born!

she's on track to gain a proper amount

i gained 0 pounds (my body still changed) because my body did not like pregnancy. i got sick for the first 5 months losing the 10 lbs i gained prior (after having a miscarriage i got bummed and gained a bit) then lost 5 more. so the last few months i J. gained back what i lost. i wore my jeans out of the hospital.
gosh i shouldve taken advantage of that and exercised because i am 10 lbs heavier now than when i gave birth=(

your sister's diet is not the best but her baby is probably fine. I am 5'4" and weighed 108lbs before my first daughter was born, at the time I gave birth (full term) I weighed 128lbs. My daughter was in the 3rd percentile. However, she was perfectly healthy. I did not starve myself, I just am a very small person with a high metabolism so I didn't gain weight. My doctor kept insisting I needed to gain weight with my second one, but once again, I only gained 20lbs, and my 2nd daughter was also born healthy and this time in the 20th percentile. So don't judge your sister or worry about her baby, small and unhealthy are two different things!

Has her doctor not read her the riot act? It's too late to do anything about this. Hopefully she will feed that baby fruits and vegetables once he or she starts eating.

I kind of hope that she won't be breastfeeding (probably too vain to do that too) so that the baby will get a better diet of formula. If she starves herself after giving birth, she won't have enough milk to feed the baby anyway.

So sorry.

Dawn

I can't respond to the not judging, but she might have issues taking vitamins because of methylation issues. The doctors might want to check her MTHFR genes to see. I had this and didn't know it at the time, but the only vitamins that worked for me were liquid- Floradix. It tastes like prune juice.

I gained 100+ lbs with each pregnancy and lost it all within 6 months- and that was eating extremely healthfully. My doctors/midwives chastised me and said I would have diabetes, an UNDERweight baby (malnourished because they thought I was eating junk), etc. but my body just did its own thing.

A fetus will take what it needs, if she is putting ANY food in at all. She *should* realize the extreme harm she is doing to HERSELF and her child if they have to take the baby (especially EARLY) by c-section, but you can't change her mind if she doesn't think so, unfortunately.

ETA- My first baby was 8 lbs, 9oz and estimated to be 5 lbs while I was in labor. My second was 9 lbs, 6 oz and estimated to be *possibly* 7 lbs while I was in labor. First was 8 on Apgar, second was 9 on Apgar, and both extremely healthy and NOT malnourished, obviously. Neither child is overweight and they are now 12 and 5 yrs old. :)