My Parents Were Invited to a Wedding and I Wasn't

Hey R.,

I didn't read your original request, but I did read the replies, and I am guessing that you took down your request because there were some harsh responses. I am writing to tell you that sometimes we need time to work out why we feel the way we do about things, and we can't just "get over it." You will process through these feelings in time, and I am a firm believer that our intellect and our emotion are oftentimes at odds. If you had a close friendship with this girl, it isn't unusual that you should mourn its loss even if you don't want to be friends anymore. You mourn what was once a good friendship, and not being invited to the wedding probably kicked in a lot of those residual feelings. So, I just want you to know that you are human, you feel what you feel, and these negative feelings will pass in time, when you're ready, not just because someone tries to rationalize with you by telling you to get over it.

Take Care,

A.

Two things: One: Your old friend may not have your address. Two: Your mother should be willing to find out the reason for you not being invited. If not, then she shouldn't make a big deal about it. If you are really okay with not being invited, then talk to your mother about not bringing it up.
If you have bad feelings about the friend, then be glad you are not going. You have a great life and just be happy for that!

Let me get this straight...

You don't really know or care about this woman anymore. You're NOT upset that you didn't get an invitation to her wedding and you couldn't have gone even if you HAD. You have no hard feelings over a friendship that came to a natural end and are not interested in reconnecting with her in the future.

But you're upset that your parents are going to her wedding?

Sounds like you need to decide if you really care or not, R., because that's pretty inconsistent.

My parents go to a different church than I do. When I got married, they invited practically every single person from their church to the wedding (thankfully, it's a small church). People I had met maybe ONCE in my life we're at the wedding because they loved my folks and wanted to be there for them.

So it's not really surprising to me that your parents would get an invitation if they are church-friends with her parents. And it's not surprising that they're excited about it. Some people just like weddings.

So...what's the problem? If you're such a cool cucumber about everything, then why is it such a betrayal that your folks are going?

Okay, so she "hurt" you in the past. So what? According to you, you haven't had a real relationship with her since high school (which I'm guessing was over eight years ago)! Are you really holding onto hurt feelings for that long? Kids that age do stupid and hurtful things all the time, R.. I'm not trying to downplay your pain here, but you need to realize that you're both very different people than you were back then.

Look, all I'm saying is that it seems like you WANT to have a laid back attitude about this whole thing (good for you!), but clearly you don't.

So the way I see it, you only have two options:

1. Get over it.

2. Talk to your parents and make them feel guilty for not being "loyal" to you when all they want to do is support their friends and enjoy a nice evening out with a free meal and CAKE.

Not too difficult to figure out which option would be "handling it like an adult" is it?

So here's hoping you make the right call...and maybe buy a cake for yourself because that stuff is just freaking DELICIOUS!!!

Clearly you are upset that you weren't invited - and you said yourself that you couldn't even go! It's not a loyalty issue and you are blowing this out of proportion.

Repeat the below to yourself over and over until you believe it:

1. A couple has the right to invite anyone they want to their wedding.
2. Parents have the right to choose their own friends
3. If you're not friends, you don't need to be there.
4. Attending/discussing a wedding is not an indication of loyalty.
5. If somebody is "hurting" you by talking about someone else's wedding, then you can ask them to stop.
6. You're a big girl. You can make new friends. End the pity party.
7. Get some perspective. Many people are losing jobs and houses and don't have good health. Do you feel silly for being this upset yet?

I am a bit confused. You said that you guys just grew apart and you were fine with that, but then you go on to say your parents are betraying you because the friend hurt you. How did this friend hurt you, you say you haven't really spoken since highschool, so was it just highschool stuff? Maybe your parents don't even know what went on between you two. My best guess would be that because her parents and your parents attend church together, they got an invite. Parents of the bride that are paying for the wedding tend to invite some of their buddies to. As far as your mom, do you guys not get along well? Why would she want you to be hurt by this. If she is not usually a jerk, maybe you are overthinking it. If you have a good relationship with her, tell her how you feel and ask her to keep it to herself. I know it's hard to not get wrapped up in ourselves sometimes, but it sounds like this is one of those times that you need to get over it.

Hi R., You don't really say what your parents relationship is with this friend. For them to be invited they obviously see/talk to her? I can understand your frustration if your mom goes on and on about it knowing that you and this friend don't have a good relationship any longer. I'm a pretty vocal person and would just say, "mom, you know I'm not friends with her anymore and although I'm glad you are happy to be going to the wedding, I don't see the need for you to keep reminding me of it". It really may be an issue with you and your mom on why she feels the need to do this when it's obviously an issue with you. Or you can just turn it around on her and say all happy, "oh, I know, isn't it great??!!! I can't wait to hear all the details when you go and make sure to take your camera so I can see all the pictures!!!" Then maybe she will just shut up about it! Hahahaha! Regardless, some things are not worth stressing about. Another thing, when your mom starts yapping about it, either tell her you need to get another call (if you are on the phone) or if you are with her, just brush it off and change the subject. I hope you get some good advice that will work for you! Good luck!

Hey R., I had a similar situation occur. My parents were invited to the wedding of a close friend from elementary school who I had grown apart from. I wasn't invited and really couldn't care less. In the end, we decided weddings aren't really my dad's thing and my mom took me as her date. I really didn't care what my old friend thought, but I was satisfied that I got to go! Maybe this will work for you. BUT your feelings are completely justified. I am sorry you deleted your request. I thought it was completedly reasonable!

if YOU dont make a big deal of it no one else will have ammunition to make you make it a big deal. you say your parents are firends with her parents? im sure you have a lot of friends that arent your parents friends and that you attend funcitons with them and your parents dont. it seems like you have unresolved issues with the firendship and all and this wedding thing is brining it back out. if its not tat important to you then act like its not. if it is, then talk to someone about it mainly your ex friend and go on with your life. and be happy for your parents. hope they have fun. this is probbly a big event in their lives. i know my parents dont go out that often and when they do, they talk about it all the time and get so excited about it

R., I'm sorry but I'm going to be very blunt so please don't take offense. GROW UP. You sound like you're still in high school. You said you didn't want to go to the wedding, so what's the big deal? You also said you are not upset that you weren't invited and you are not interested in having a relationship with this girl. I'm not understanding your problem! Your mom is probably not trying to "stir you up" she's probably just excited to go to the wedding of the daughter of a friend. Move on, be happy for your former friend, wish your mom a good time, and be done with it. Your mom is certainly allowed to go to whomever's wedding she wants without checking with you first. Get over it.

Hmmm, wish I could send a "weed" to Brandy, Patty, Steph and Christine to say bad job. We're here to support each other, moms, not tear each other down! Yikes!

Yes, there are more important things to worry about in the overall spectrum of life, but this is a situation that has come up in your life and there are obviously some unresolved issues with your former friend that is causing you to feel this way. It is totally wrong for someone else to discount your feelings and tell you to just "get over it" and "grow up".

It sounds like you probably have never discussed your hurt with your former friend and just want your feelings validated. Maybe you could get some final closure on the friendship if you write her a letter - maybe wait until she's been married for a few months. : ) Then you can truly let it go and wish her peace and happiness. And if it bothers you to have your mom talk about it all the time, then try and tell her your feelings about it or change the subject. Whatever you decide to do, I'm sorry for your hurt and good luck!