'Family' Wedding - to Go or Not to Go?

Lots of weddings are adult-only with the exception being the flower girls & ring bearers.

I think in the spirit of family and out of respect for my dad, I would go with my brother(s).

take the high road on this and go to the wedding. you say the boys were 8 and 10 years younger than you. if they are old enough to get married then some time has passed. you need to let it go and I say good for that step mom who tried to blend a family. its not an easy thing to do.

I am VERY close w/ all my nieces and nephews AND I was also in 10 weddings prior to my own... let me tell you something kids should not go to weddings. I've seen it all....the least of which is they run around, take the cameras off the tables and take random unfocused shots, have melt downs, etc. etc.

I would go with my brother an have a fun 'adult' time.

That sounds about right.Maybe you are reading into it a lot more then what it actually is about. I know that most kids are bored at weddings, especially formal ones. Small children can also be hard to entertain. It would be different if the wedding/reception were an informal one-like on the beach. I would go with my brothers, and make your father happy. That's what I had to do. My stepbrother got married, and my father wanted me to sing at their wedding( I don't get along with my stepmother, and her 2 sons.) I did it for him, and to keep the peace.

I try not to go to weddings of people that I don't like. :)

Family is precious and heartbreaking when it's lost. Leave the kids at home and attend the wedding.

Go and have fun with your brothers.

Honestly I really don't think that weddings are a place for small children. I have formed this opinion after seeing too many ruined by little kids running around and taking over the dance floor. I would let your husband stay with your kids and look at it as a night out with your family. It might even be fun.

Go with your brothers and support you dad. Many people prefer NOT to have children and their wedding or reception. I have catered for years and seen some real disasters caused by children, who were not looked after because their parents were socializing with adult family and friends. You should not take offense, it's someone else's special day and an opportunity for you and your brother's to spend some time together.

Example: The bride and groom gave out little bottles of bubbles as one of their favors. While they were on the dance floor a little girl took her bubbles out their and spilled them all over the floor. The bride slipped and fortunately was not hurt. The child's parents did not remove her from the dance floor...so I did and got a standing ovation.

For those that say "we never" go to wedding if our kids aren't welcome....I say I bet you went at least one and it was probably you own wedding.....How soon we forget!

Blessings....

The only reason I would consider it, is because you love your father. It would probably make HIM happy.

If that is important to you then go. If you do not think it is important to your dad, do not worry about it and send regrets, saying you all have a previous engagement.

Sounds like your nieces are invited, not out of favoritism, but because of a need for flower girls; so I don't think I would take offense at that.

If you have a good relationship with your dad and you think HE would like for you to be at the wedding, then maybe you should attend for his sake. But if you have serious reasons for disliking the groom that would actually cause you to be upset by being in his presence then I don't think you should be expected to attend.

As far as the kids, I totally understand that the bride and groom have decided to have an adult wedding.

Since you really don't care for the groom, I wouldn't go. However, if you think your father or brother would be upset, then I would go with your brother.

Were you invited? To whom was the envelope addressed?

I don't think it's unusual for children not to be invited to a wedding. Don't take it personally. I've been to weddings in which little ones ran all over the place. That sort of situation has to be carefully managed, and some people just decide not to do that. I imagine other people might have the same raised eyebrows you have, since there are some children in the wedding party. It might have been more acceptable to leave children out altogether. But you don't have to make that your problem.

If it were me, I think I'd go ahead and go with my brothers. It would make Dad happy, and it would be a gracious gesture to your stepmother who hopes against hope to have "one big happy family."

It's not unusual for children not to be invited. The way you know your kids aren't invited is that the invitation says, "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" and the line below it does not state, "Miss MacKenzie Smith and Mr. Jordan Smith." Basically, if the invitation doesn't say the names of your children, then they are not invited. I think we've been to 5 weddings in the past year, and only at one were children invited. (And I had more fun at the 4 where we left the kids with a sitter! LOL)

Yes, you should go to the wedding. You can check with your step-brother to see if they will have any kind of on-site babysitter (some couples do provide for that), and if not, then either leave the kids with your husband, or with a trusted babysitter, and go enjoy yourself!

I don't see what the big deal is. The 2 children that are invited are in the wedding. They are the flower girls.

Go with your brothers and support your dad.

Well I guess my first question is how you didn't know from the invitation - was it addressed to you and your husband, or your family? If it's addressed to you and your husband only, then that's who was invited. If it was to your family, then that's pretty confusing!

But anyway...I would go if I were you and if you could get a sitter, bring your husband too. I'm not one to assume that children belong at every wedding or be offended when they're not invited. If getting a sitter is logistically impossible or too expensive, then you should go. These people ARE your family, like it or not. You'll have many years together, might as well enjoy them!

Well IF you are close to your dad, I'd do it for him.... esp if it means a lot to him.. as for your kids not getting invited. that is common that kids aren't always invited, esp if they are trying to save on money.. we had to do that for our wedding.. as much as I LOVE kids.. we couldn't afford to have so many there... it was nothing personal and those who understood came and those who didnt... see ya..
but yeah, if it means a lot to your dad, I'd go...

Many weddings do not invite children, mine will not be inviting children other than those mine or the grooms blood related neices/nephews and even then they will be dismissed after the cake cutting (about an hour into the reception all children including mine will be dismissed). Weddings are not exactly a child friendly affair and this is probably their choice. Now, with this decision I also understand that some guests may choose to not come and I can respect that decision. Would it be terribly difficult to call the groom or your step mother or father and explain to them that you will not be attending if the entire family can not attend and give a nice explanation? Honestly, I did not and would not have gone to my step sister's wedding even if I were invited, so I understand your position on not really wanting to attend.

I didn't invite young kids to my wedding, even my own sister and she was my matron of honor. I find kids at weddings to be very distracting. Either, their parents spend the time watching them and not enjoying themselves, or they don't watch the kids and they run all over the place. If you want to go, leave your kids with your husband. I don't know where they are getting married, but when I got married kids cost the same as adults at the reception. If I invited all the kids under the age of 16 in my family, it would of cost me an extra $2500.

I understand your offense, but unfortunately, it's their wedding and they can invite who they want. You could use it as a nice time to spend with your brothers -- I went to a cousin's wedding a few years back with mine and we had a blast (my husband and SIL stayed home). Ultimately, it really comes down to how you really feel about them. It may also just come down to the fact that you need to get away. =)

I think it is becoming more common to not have children at wedding's these days. The bride and groom can invite more people if kids are not included, and honestly, the kids just run around anyways. I prefer not to take my kids so I don't have to run around after them! LOL ~ If that is the ONLY reason that you don't want to go, then I wouldn't let that stop you, but if there are other reasons, and you just don't feel like it, then I would just respectfully decline and say you will not be able to make it, sorry you will miss out and send a small gift.

Do you like the person getting married? If not, why would you go?

It seems, obviously, that kids are not invited to the wedding. Except for those IN the wedding itself.

Thus, this is not a personal affront, to you.
It is their wedding. They decided, on no kids invited.
Many weddings are this way.

If you go, it is for your Dad. It is his current Wife's kid getting married.
So, then if you go, it will be out of family 'duty' and being perfunctory. But for your Dad and your obligation to 'family' and showing face. And being a representative, for YOUR family, at the wedding.

Your Husband said he will babysit the kids.
That is good.

I have been to weddings and funerals, for relatives in which I am NOT close with at all or did not personally 'like' very much. But for occasions like that, personal gripes are ignored, and you attend because that is the 'adult' thing to do... as a representative for your family. That is just me and our culture.

But YES, you/your Husband, were not 'invited' formally. You only heard about it via an online RSVP process.
So, did you or did you not, get an invitation to the wedding? Be it online or in the mail????
If you did not receive one, I would not feel obligated to go. Because you were not formally invited.

I agree with Kat D. Go to the wedding. Maybe your relationship with your step-siblings is not idea, but that doesn't mean it can never get better. Go to the wedding with your brother(s), see your dad, have fun! You never know, your step-siblings might really be touched by the gesture and be moved to reach out to you.

Please don't take the miscommunication personally. Maybe someone dropped the ball, maybe someone thought it was someone else's responsibility, maybe they had budget limitations, who knows. More than likely it has nothing to do with you or your children specifically.

Go to the wedding. Have fun and leave happy knowing that you did something positive for your family.

Kids or no kids, like the relatives or not, it's family and you should go. We are actually in a similar situation with my family. My husband's brother is getting married next month. Their dad got remarried (long after a long realization that their mother was never going to be able to recover from an awful car accident) and their stepmom has two kids. One of her kids just got remarried two weeks ago and we were all there. My brother in law (and soon to be sister in law) just found out last week that her two kids (and the one new spouse) are not coming, nor did they bother to rsvp; My father in law called to them and apologize. Now, I'm not getting the information firsthand but I do know that this devastated the soon to be sister in law and my husband and I are perplexed. When it's family, regardless of how you feel about each other or if you usually work weekends or whatever else could get in the way, you push all your less than excited feelings aside and be there for special events. It's not just for your relationship with the step siblings, it's for your parents and step parents, too.

I also say take the high road and go with your brothers. Enjoy the time with them.

I wouldn't feel obligated to go, especially the way you were invited. If you want to go so you can hang out with your brothers then go. If you don't want to go, I'd say don't. Times to valuable as well as any travel to expensive to be somewhere you don't want to be or really shouldn't have an obligation to be.

Note: I just reread this....I misunderstood. I thought you were invited by email/online at the last minute and didn't get a real invitation. I guess just the rsvp process is online.....That changes things a little. So I would actually go, sometimes we have to be adults (darn). Hopefully it will turn into a fun time with your family and the rest of the distant relatives surprise you.

I could really go either way on this, I"m more of an introvert and don't love occasions like this so If it were me I would probably just not go.

Would your dad care or was this just an obligation invite??

I'm confused about the neices, these are your biological brothers kids so they must have some relationship with the step brother??? Weird that you would have some kids in the wedding and totally NOT invite the other. maybe i'm readin that wrong.

If she is trying to make it one big happy family she sure isn't doing that by not having them invite everyone not just a selected few. That to me is kind of wierd. Personally, I wouldn't go. If you aren't close to them and the fact that they didn't invite all of your family then I wouldn't go. But that is me. Just my opinon.....

Well.......we never go to weddings if our kids aren't invited. So I would send a gift but not go OR ask if I could bring my kids.

But if you and your husband go to other weddings without your kids, then I think you should go. You don't have to stay for the whole thing. But it would be nice to show up. ALTHOUGH, in this case, if everyone else (or most people) received an actual INVITATION, then I suggest skipping it.

If it's important to your dad that you and your siblings go, then leave the kids at home, go with your brother(s).

If the only children attending the wedding are IN the wedding, then it is definitely not a slight against you.

However, if you go to the wedding and there are other children there, not just the ones in it, then you have every right to seek out your dad and let him know how you feel.

I have gotten invitations to wedding with just "Mr. and Mrs." on the inner envelope (where they're supposed to put the names of EVERYONE invited at that address - kids incl.) and R.S.V.P.'d yes. Only to show up and have the B&G ask where my kids are. I always say "Oh, were they invited? Only my and hubby's names were on the invite."

I wouldn't take offense. Kids get extremely bored at things like this. I would be totally glad to have an evening to myself and my hubby.

You're just offended because she is letting part of the bridal party attend the wedding and not any other kids.

I really dislike going to activities where it is of an adult nature and people bring their kids. It's just rude to have to yell over kids running around and screaming and playing at an activity where it's more formal. Even activities at church where parents just let them run around and play. We have even had kids get the basketballs out of the sports closet and start bouncing balls around on the cultural hall floor and that is just nerve racking when you are trying to socialize. Kids cannot sit for hours and hours quietly and not be kids. Leave the kids with a babysitter and enjoy an evening out.

As a bride who also opted for no kids I would respect their wishes and not put up a fuss about it. The two flower girls may just be there for the ceramony and the dinner and than be leaving. I opted for no children for a number of reasons, my biggest I just don't believe that an environment with adult drinking is appropriate for children.... especially if it is thier parents!! I wanted my family and friends to be able to have a fun night out and not have to worry about thier kids and I did not want to spend my wedding night supervising everyones kids, which is how it usually goes. Weddings are expensive and to add on everyones children can be a bit much too. Go to the wedding with your brothers and enjoy yourself.

It sounds like "kids or no kids" was not clear in the invitation. So ask. A quick email or a phone call: "It was unclear in the invitation whether or not you want kids at the wedding, or if its an adults-only event. Should we leave our kids at home or bring them?"

It's too bad that they weren't able to be more clear, but I'm sure there was no malicious intent. If entirely possible that they want an adults-only event AND flower girls - thus, the nieces are "invited" - not as guests, really, but as part of the "wedding package."

Just ask. So much easier than guessing.