Hey'ya sweet mamas, I hope this finds you healthy and well.
My Mom and Step Dad are getting a legal separation within the next few days, and my Step Dad will be moving out of their shared house August 1st. They have been married since I was 15 (11 years), and we live in the same town. We have family dinner once a week or so, and my children (two girls, one recently 4, the other about to turn 3) stay overnight at my their house fairly regularly (at least once every few weeks). Additionally, we are able to have tea (or something) with my Mom a few times a week. Point being that we see a lot of each other, and they are an integral part of my kid's life and routine.
I am looking for suggestions about how to introduce the separation to my children. I plan on keeping it simple, factual, and based on the idea that we are still a family, things will just look a little different. So far, my parents are amiable and are dedicated to making their separation as peaceful as possible. Our family has been through a lot of transition in the past year 1/2, so I think it might be challenging for the kids to move through another transition. In reality, it's probably ME who is projecting onto my kids (I think they are much more flexible than I am) ;-)
It's important to me that my children are able to remain close to their Grandpa. He is a good male influence for them to have, which is great.
Anyway, any words of wisdom that you wish to share are welcome! Thanks in advance!
Thanks Mamas, you have some good ideas and I will think about your suggestions.
Last night we went to dinner with my Step Dad, and checked out his new place. It was a very casual experience, and the kids took it at face value. We had fun. It's nice that I have a bit of time to ease into this. I'll be able to figure out how much/little to say, as we move closer to the date of the move.
I'm doing all right. I feel sad for them, and a little nervous about how this will play out, but I'm trying not to take on more than what's "mine". Change is not my favorite, but it's part of life ;-)
Thanks again for helping me out!
Wait, you're only 26?! I think you were born 50, Ephie!
If they will continue to see BOTH your mom and stepdad, I see no reason to say anything at all.
Going to his house? 'Grandpa's got a new place now, wanna go see his new house?'
'Where's Grandma?'
''She still lives at the old house!'
Kids will be happy with what you give them. It's only US that hates change and thinks it's weird.
:)
My parents, mom and stepdad, divorced after 27 years of marriage! Our kids were 4 and 7? I think I just said that grandma and papa weren't going to live together anymore.
Ironic thing is they get along better in different houses. So we are all still together for family events.
Of course my kids are now 21 and 17. The only person who questions their 'relationship' is my husband. They will go out to eat and do things socially. When my dad had surgery, my mom stayed with him. They just couldn't live together. I don't understand it. Can't explain it. But it is what it is.
I dont have any answers for you mama. I will be praying for smooth transition for you!! That is the best I can offer.
Remember all things happen for a reason....maybe it is in a bigger plan god has moving around:) If all else fails put it on god:)
You will make him a happy man..keeping him as ''Grandpa'', that is a great gift to give someone:)
I don't have an answer for you Ephie!! My parents have been married for 54 years....my in-laws were married for 45 before MIL died on Mothers Day 2006...
I hope and pray that they find their way back together and have many more happy years together....or at least they can find happiness!!
theresa said it great. and this is definitely you projecting. i was a child of an adult divorce as well - it SUUUCKS. try not to let your grief overflow onto your kids...hard, i know...but at their ages they will barely blink. hang in there. it's rough i know.
I gotta say I think something *needs* to be said. I know your kids are small but keep it in simple terms. Something along the lines of "
Grandma & Grandpa make better friends right now, so Grandpa is going to be moving to another house. You'll still see both Grandma and Grandpa, but sometimes at G-ma's house and sometimes at G-pa's house."
I know divorce of parents is especially hard for adults, but you can't just say *nothing* and act like it's the same when it's not, right?
