My One Year Old Will NOT Sleep!

Sleep training. You are well past the time when it should have happened, honestly.
Pick a method that you're comfortable with - they will all work as long as YOU are CONSISTENT in the approach.
If you don't do something to break the behavior, it will get worse as he gets more mobile.

What struck me was the part of your post where you say he pulls his hair, bites and hits himself. That doesn't seem like the typical actions of a baby who just can't soothe himself, or who wants mommy to lie down with him.

Can you video these actions and show them to your pediatrician? Can you ask your pediatrician for a referral for a sleep study? That might give a sleep expert some ideas - is it pain, or does it mean that sleep training is in order? A sleep study also provides the parent with ideas, suggestions, etc.

If he's not resting, and not getting restorative sleep, then he may be experiencing the effects of severe sleep deprivation. My daughter experienced this, and a sleep study was informative, and for a while, she was put on medication, since her sleep issues were found to have a medical cause.

Cutting out naps is probably not the best idea, since an overtired child won't sleep well at night, even though that sounds contradictory. Establish a good nap routine appropriate for a one year old.

I do sympathize.

i see two different issues here. one is a baby who probably needs some sort of sleep training. you pick the method that best suits your parenting philosophy, but you stick with it.
very important.
but that generally gets interpreted as CIO, which i only agree with in a limited and conditional fashion. and with a baby like this, who has genuine pain (the second issue i see), it's the worst thing you can do. both my boys had endless ear infections and tubes, so i can tell you that while the tubes help a lot of the time, they don't 100% fix things 100% of the time. you're also in prime teething time, so the poor little guy might actually be miserable.
sleep deprivation is a real concern for new moms, and it sounds as if you're pretty desperate. i know it's much harder to put into practice than to talk about, but in your situation i would a) develop a plan that suits THIS baby (not babies in the abstract) and YOUR family and stick with it and b) get a sitter at least once a week so you can have an uninterrupted stretch of sleep every now and then so you don't go stark raving bonkers.
good luck, hon.
khairete
S.

Our boyz were like this, so we let them sleep with us. For us, best decision we ever made. We all acutually slept!!!

Our oldest began sleeping on his own when he was 17 months, though he did sometimes join us in the middle of the night. Our youngest also began sleeping on his own at 17 months, but he took longer to consistently stay in his bed at night.

For some kids, it's amazing how much better they sleep if they are with you. Our boys would wake in the middle of the night (well, stir really), touch one of us or notice us in some way and then go right back to sleep.

I have never regretted letting them sleep with us.

Look up sleep training or Ferber. Do it right, and do it consistently. This is not just a cold-turkey, cry-it-out thing - don't misunderstand. You respond to the child but do not pick up or stay with him until he falls asleep. You respond after 10 minutes, then 15, then 25, etc. Talk to the pediatrician or get a book from the library. He needs to learn to self-soothe. This is an essential skill. We did it on pediatrician's advice at 6 months - it was 3 nights of hell and then it was done. My husband and I took turns. I recommend you do it this weekend when you have 3 days off (hopefully) with Labor Day weekend.

Sleep deprivation is not only a problem for you, it's a problem for him and his development! I'd say not to cut out naps - he needs at least 1 a day at this age. But napping has nothing to do with sleeping all night at 1 year of age. He cannot calm himself down and he is using you as a crutch. But that's just terrible for all of you.

This might have been aggravated by the ears, but it's not the reason now. The reason is, he's in this terrible habit of using you. Not healthy.

I know it's hard but do it and you will be so glad!

Good luck.

Sorry you and babe are going through this.

You mention that he only fall back asleep with you - that could be your problem.

When babies/toddlers wake up crying or screaming, if it's not from a health problem (ear infection, teething, acid reflux, etc.) it's usually because they have fallen asleep with a prop (bottle, soother, mom's arms, etc.).

So just thought I'd mention that - is he able to go to sleep on his own at all? You mention bottles before bed - so if he isn't able to go down on his own entirely without you or milk, that could be why when he wakes at night (all babies do), he doesn't know how to go back to sleep on his own.

I had one like that. Also had tubes etc. Sometimes babies who wake from ear infections get into a pattern of waking, and of course we soothed them when they were sick. So they become dependent on mom and dad coming in to soothe them.

I would suggest from my own experience making sure he gets enough sleep during day (whatever he needs to nap at this point) and I would not push his bedtime back. Babies need sleep and become worse at sleeping when they don't get enough. They become out of sorts (just like we do).

I had a bubble aquarium on the side of my crib that helped my firstborn over needing me to fall back asleep. He would press it himself and it would soothe him back into sleep. It was a prop, but at least he could do it himself and didn't wake us up. But try to get him to fall asleep on his own if he isn't already.

There is separation anxiety around that age - if that's the case then you have to do some sleep training - go in and just shoosh, make sure he's ok, and leave once he settles.

If you've already done that - I would set up an appointment to just have him checked out.

Good luck :)

You didn't mention teething, which could be another source of pain so do check his gums for signs.

Honestly, waking up 3 times a night at this age seems pretty normal to me but it's the screaming and thrashing, etc. that make me think there is something causing pain.

If I were you, I would try a few things:

1) check with your pedi again to rule out any other physical reasons for this.
2) if you and pedi are certain the waking up is from nothing but habit, then try a gentle sleep training method such as Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution.
3) if that doesn't work, co-sleep. Actually, that was option #1 for me and worked really well for all of my kids, but it sounds like you prefer to not go that route. I found this to be a blissful solution and enjoyed that time, but it's not for everyone.

My son (who is now 11) was like this...a poor sleeper. I tried everything and read everything. I was desperate to fix this. I am sorry to tell you I never figured it out...he just got better at sleeping as he got older. He is a very sensitive kid and when something hurts him he really feels the pain. So, I am guessing when he was a baby teething really really hurt for him. My daughter was not like this at all...teething was a breeze. Anyway, hang in there. I suffered just like you are and it sucks. But it will get better.

I agree with Suzie it sounds like he is in pain. I'd be looking at his stools and researching (there could be gi issues or allergies ). Also could he have pain in his ears?

Your sure he doesn't have reflux? A baby can have silent reflux, where they actually do have reflux, but never spit up. I know you say he doesn't have reflux, but this sleep pattern sounds so much like a reflux baby that I have to ask if you've actually had him tested, not just assumed that he doesn't have it because you haven't seen spitup.

I agree with Margie G.

In addition, can you have a friend or relative stay over for a few night to help break the pattern? Sometimes when it's not the 'normal soother' running to them it breaks the pattern. Or the very least it will let you catch up on sleep.

There are a lot of good sleep training books. I liked the one by Mark Weisbluth (sp), but maybe find one that fits your family and lifestyle.

I remember those days....ugh...felt like a zombie. The good news is it won't last.

I would still communicate your concerns to your Ped though.

He's in prime time for teething right now.
That can cause a lot of pain.
Sounds like you need more sleep than you're getting.
Try getting a baby sitter every once in awhile so you can sleep while the sitter watches the baby.
Nights won't be like this forever but it might be awhile before night time works the way you'd like it to.
In the mean time you cope by napping when baby naps (put naps back into his schedule - most babys really need them).

My best guess is that he's teething. That can be quite painful. One of mine had lots of trouble sleeping during that time.

What you're describing sounds like he's in pain for sure. Consider giving him half a dose of Tylenol and see if it has an effect. I would also suggest it might be laying down flat to sleep. He might be getting drainage built up in his Eustachian tubes during the night.

Sleeping all night isn't really what babies do. Not every one does it the same, to me sleeping all night means they go to bed around 9pm and sleep until at least 7-7:30am. Your toddler needs their nap. It's important they get that sleep to equal all the hours of sleep they need.

They will NOT sleep 12 hours per night, some might, I agree that some do but most don't until they're nearer to age 2. The nap counts as part of those hours. And the hours of the day that they sleep during the night won't all be in a row. They have the stomach size of their little fist. They can't hold a lot in it so they are naturally going to wake up for food.

If you're trying to put him down even before 8:30pm and expecting him to go without food/milk all night then I think you are going to have to accept he's going to wake up.

If you're married tell hubby you can't do it all by yourself anymore and he has to wake up with kiddo one - two nights per week so you can sleep all night.

Also, if you're home with your toddler you need to nap when he naps. That will help you make it through the nights.