I am grateful that my mom bought my daughter her jr. bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding in November, but I'm not happy she didn't even ask me about it or tell me she was doing it. I was not there because the appointment was for my other sister (getting married in May) to have her first dress fitting. I'm very thankful that my mom spent the money, but very upset that I missed the experience.
Both of my sisters got lovely dresses from a boutique in Maryland, not a big box store, but a personalized and amazing dress shop. The designer makes dresses for the stars on occassions and is a fabulous lady. It's not like they went to Target and got a dress, they went to a nice place where my daughter would have been fitted and tried on several different dresses in a "Say Yes to the Dress" experience shop.
I feel bad being annoyed because she spent a decent amount of money on the dress, but I'm really upset she didn't even say anything to me about it at all and excluded me from the experience completely.
I won't say anything to her (most likely), but would you be annoyed?
ETA: Let me add why I was not there. My husband works 2 hours away and does not get home from work until 6 on a regular basis. The appointment was 90 minutes away at 3pm. I have to work also, and got off ealry today around 2, but shouldn't have been off until after 4. I also have two little boys who are not allowed in the shop. It is females only allowed and with some expenses we have right now I did not have the extra money to pay the sitter to stay an extra few hours today. So I was not NOT there for my sister, she knew neither of her sister's could go to this first fitting.
Thanks, mamas. I know it will do no good to say anything to her, but I'm definitely upset. Thanks for letting me vent on here!!
Jo - it's more the fact that it's the experience I was left out of. I went for both of my sisters getting their wedding dresses and I can't believe my mom thought I wouldn't want to be there for this. The dress fitting and the Jr. Bridesmaid are two different weddings. My sister who tried on her dress today is getting married in May...this dress is for the wedding in November. I definitely see your point and you are beyond level headed, I'm heading your advice to not let this be my hill...just kinda hurt by it. :)
She should have checked with you first. There are some experiences that should be between parents and their children. I think its selfish when grandparents try to horn in and make it about them. Some other good examples of this would be first haircut, ear piercing, ect. My opinion is this was something she should have asked you about first and you have every right to be put out, no matter what she spent.
Your feelings are totally valid. You missed out on what could have been a wonderful experience. So, yeah, I would have been annoyed, too.
But think of it this way: your daughter has now made a wonderful memory with her grandmother and aunt. How often does she do stuff with JUST them, without you there? If you're anything like me, not too often. You'll have plenty of other opportunities (in middle school and high school) to go "dress shopping" with your daughter (parties, prom, etc).
So let your very valid feelings run their course, then let it go and be happy for the grandma/granddaughter bonding experience that took place.
Well I understand your point of view. But it is done and nothing can be done about...so just let it go. Be glad that your daughter had a fun time, got a beautiful dress. There will be other dress buying occasions in the future (prom, homecomming, wedding, etc)
I wouldn't because it isn't my wedding, ya know. You shouldn't have any say in what your sister picks out so you didn't need to be there.
When I had my dog and pony wedding I picked out the dresses, everyone in the party just came when they could and get fitted.
Everyone likes to see their daughter get dressed up but this shouldn't be your hill.
Hey I get the experience part of it. Just doesn't strike me as worth being that upset over. Really if I had a sister I would be upset with being left out of the process period, not so much this one dress. Then again I have no sisters so I am basing this on my daughter's relationship.
Absolutely. I am still whining about the fact that I wasn't invited to my daughter in laws shower in another state. At least give me the opportunity to say no. Even her mother wasn't invited. grrrrrrr so yes I am hurt with you.
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It's ok to be hurt M.! but there will be other experiences.
Relax, Relate, Release and leave it all here to vent...
It depends how it happened, as to if I'd be annoyed or not. Did your daughter just go along for the ride, and they found a pretty dress and grandma ended up saying yes, since they were already there and so was the dress? Or did your mom secretly make an appt and exclude you, and go behind your back to do it? The latter is the only one that I would make a fuss about. You will have plenty of opportunities in your life to have firsts with your daughter. Let Grandma have one too. Lots of kids don't have a nice relationship with their grandparents because some grandparents simply don't care. So I'd leave this one alone if it was not intended to hurt you.
To answer your question simply - no, I wouldn't be upset, I would be thoroughly relieved! I HATE shopping. Any kind of shopping, and with all the other things going on in your life, I imagine your mom thought she was doing you a favor.
Honestly? I think I'd be relieved. I despise shopping & have hardly any time to do things like that. It's okay for other people to have "special" moments with your kids besides you. You still have plenty of opportunities to do something like this with your daughter.
I think your mom was trying to do a nice thing, not realizing how you might feel. I get being upset, but I don't think it's worth holding onto anymore.
It sounds like your daughter went along for the ride to see your sister get fitted for her bridal gown and your sister probably figured, "Well hey! My jr bridesmaid is here today! Let's get her in a dress and get it over with." It's your sister's wedding, and she had a right to move forward even if you weren't there. It was nice of your sister and mother to include her.
If you were working, they didn't exclude you. You simply weren't there.
From the little bits of information you're dropping, it doesn't sound as if anyone did anything sneaky or underhanded. I suggest making an effort to let this go or it will build up into unjustified resentment that your daughter, mother, and sister will pick up on and it'll spoil your sister's special time.
I would be. I would be sad that I missed a fun experience.
But there is nothing that you can do about it now. I would just tell you mom you appreciate her buying the dress and tell her they must have had a great time.
Now that this has happened though, just be aware in the future if something like this were ever to potentially happen again, to be proactive. You can't change the fact that this happened, but if your daughter is ever in another wedding, for example, I would definitely have a talk with your mom and let her know that this time, you really want to be there.
Hi, Mom:
Let me understand this situation:
Your mom bought your daugter, her grand daughter, a jr. bridesmaid;s dress for your a) sister's wedding in November.
You were not there because your mom and your daughter went with your b)sister for her wedding dress fitting because she is getting married in May 2013.
You feel upset because she didn't say anything to you about it and you felt excluded from the experience.
From what I read: You didn't go because your mom and daughter were going with sister (b) for her fitting so you didn't think about maybe your daughter would be able to buy a dress for the November wedding while sister (b) got fiitted.
It sounds like you are blaming your mom when you failed to go with them. After all, sister (b) didn't have your company to share her experience.
You failed to be supportive of your sister and this is your consequence
for failing to support your sister. If you had of supported your sister, then you would have been part of the decision making process for your daughter's jr. bridesmaid dress.
Good luck.
D.
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