On Saturday, I woke up, took one look at my husband and I suddenly realized: I have married a really unattractive man. How did this happen? How did I not see it before? Looks are really important to me (that's just how I was raised - sorry) and I just can't be married to a man that I am not attracted to physically. He is a wonderful husband and a great father. How should I go about telling him how I feel? There is really no polite way to go about it. The really unfortunate thing about this whole situation is that 3 years ago, my husband was diagnosed with a disease called Lupus and he has a lot of medical issues. I make more money than him so I pretty much pay for all of that but I would still be willing to pay for like half after we split up...i don't know. Am I wrong here? I feel as if i'm wrong, but at the same time, I can't look at him. He was abused as a child and has had a rough life. Cheating on him the last two times made me feel horrible but I have needs he just can't fulfill. What should I do?
see a good therapist immediately and before you make any decisions. If you have a significant history of cheating and after 3 yrs, just now you're saying you're not attracted to him, may mean that there are deeper issues here for you to deal with, not just your husband's looks.
I just noticed you are in Aurora - I am a therapist in Denver. if you want some referrals, you can write to me directly.
I agree with the other person that it sounds to me that you have found other men attractive and that is why you have decided that your husband is unattractive. While I have seen other men more attractive then my husband it doesn't matter to me because I love him and my husband is attractive to me because I love him. That is how it is for most people I think that stay married. I would look into therapy first before you do anything else and would stop cheating on him until you tell him. Something is definitely going on in your life if you didn't see this a long time ago. I would also agree with the other person that life is not about you and try to think about when you are laying on your death bed what would matter to you when you look back at life. They say that most people in the end only care about relationships more then anything else.
Have you ever heard anyone say beauty is what is on the inside? Sounds like you are an even uglier person than your husband. What a horrible, terrible thing to say. You married this man for better or worse, you have clearly cheated on him at least 2 times. What an ugly, ugly person. You sound extremely selfish by saying I make more money than him and I felt horrible for cheating, but I have needs. How ugly and selfish you are. I hope you leave this man, b/c he deserves more. Maybe you better stop thinking life is all about you and your needs. It is not all about what somebody looks like on the outside. You might be nice looking on the outside, but inside you are very ugly. I don't even know you, but just reading this awful post is proof. I have been married for almost 12 years and have 2 kids. I don't look like I did 12 years ago, with my saggy boobs, stretch marks, and muffin top, but it is all worth it for the two babies I have. My husband does not have as much hair as he used to. That is what happens when you get older and have kids. You can't survive on beautiful looks for the rest of your life b/c beauty on the outside fades. You need some serious help to deal with some deeper issues.
You're yanking our chains, right?
Good grief girl. If you are so superficial, how in the world did you not notice?!?! I find this hard to believe. It sounds to me like you just have run into other men you find more attractive and decided to give that more weight then the fact that your husband has been there for you, helped you raise your children and, oh yeah, you made vows to him.
I think your husband will be better off if you just get out now. You don't need to tell him he is ugly, that's cruel. Just leave the relationship, pay for what you need to and spare him.
Good luck!
