My Husband Had an Affair

Hi A.,
I don't have any great words of wisdom either. I just wanted to reach out & let you know how sorry I am & to let you know you are not alone. Don't beat yourself up over this - this was definitely HIS stupid mistake & extremely poor choice. You can't make him do anything if his heart isn't in it, so my advice is the same as what the other ladies said...see a therapist, stay strong for your children and don't forget to be good to yourself. You WILL get through this & these awful feelings will fade away eventually. You can always find sunshine in the faces of your beautiful children.
Good luck & God bless!

I know it's not easy to hear and even more unlikely you can believe it-but you will get through this and it will get better. I'm speaking from experience and at the time I wanted to hit everyone who told me that - it is true.

For now though-take things day by day, start meeting with a therapist and probably get your kids involved too. If he doesn't want to reconcile then hard as it is focus on you and your kids and not on trying to get him to stay or change his mind. You did NOTHING wrong and although you will, try not to blame yourself.

It hurts and it sucks and I'm so sorry.

I agree with what everyone else has posted and too am very sorry for what you and your kids are going through. I have not been through this, but think that, maybe, in an effort to save your marriage, you might consider giving him space to let him grieve the loss of the other woman. It looks like he may have had some strong feelings for her as well(really hard to hear, I know and I am sorry to say it). Maybe once the shock and pain of her loss subsides he may be ready to look and what he hasn't lost yet and be open to counseling. If he is the love of your life, then you must be the love of his as well. If you are willing to forgive him, maybe you can give him time and space to mourn. I am sure right now he is not thinking clearly and may just need time to realize what he has right in front of him.

I wish you and your family the best.

A. - Unfortunately, I have absolutely no words of wisdom or advice to give you. I only want you to know that I will be thinking about you and your family and hoping for the best for you.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

A.,

I am so sorry this happened to you and your family. My heart goes out to you! I am certainly no expert on this so all I can do is give you my advice.

In an effort to save your marriage, you could ask him seek marriage counseling with you but from what you've said I'm guessing he won't want to.

If it's possible, maybe having the kids spend a couple two or three days with the grandparents wouldn't be a bad idea. That would give you a chance to sort things out, have a little time to yourself and to let out the emotions you're having not to mention talk with your husband without having to be careful about kids listening downstairs.

It sounds like his poor decisions have already affected your children greatly (not to mention you). I know you still love him A. but just because he has destroyed your marriage doesn't mean he has to destroy you and the kids' lives too. I know you have to be devastated and you have every right to be! This is one of those points in your life where you have to be as strong as you can for your children. They are counting on you.

Don't be afraid or ashamed to seek counseling to help you work through things. Even if he doesn't come with you. This exact situation happened to my friend. She is doing quite well now and is very happy. She loved her (then) husband too even after learning that he had cheated. Like she would say, I deserve to be with someone who loves me as much as I love them. I only say that to give you hope. I know in the moment it seems like your world is crashing down but you have to step back from the situation and think about how much live there is left to live.

This may sound silly, but don't underestimate the value of a nice long walk! Exercise can be very therapeutic sometimes!

I wish you the best!!!!!!!

H.